Runnin' Through My Head
After everything had gone to hell, we finally found somewhere safe, somewhere we could try to figure things out but now Hershel was telling me he wanted us to leave. He claimed he didn't trust Shane and was afraid of what he was capable of but to be honest, I don't think he trusted any of us. I didn't blame him though, he had a family to protect.
After talking with him, I just stood there on the porch looking out at my group, I noticed Shane was nowhere in sight. Then I spotted Lori, she was looking for someone, "Shane," I thought, " that bastard had been my best friend and I trusted him." My mind wondered, "How long had it been going on? Were they fucking each other before all this happened and had I just missed the signs? Is he the reason Lori picked fights with me, in front of Carl?" I had to stop my mind before my imagination got the better of me. I hurried off the porch after Lori, by this time she was with Shane and they were holding hands. "Lori, Shane," I called out as I could feel my anger growing. They let go of each other and Lori ran off. "Hey," I called out after her but she didn't stop. My fist clenched as I turned to Shane, "We need to have a talk," I said.
"Alright, he replied, "What's up?"
"Are you still fucking my wife?"
"Good, stay the hell away from her. Now that I'm here, you have no reason to be around her...or Carl," I said, walking off before he could respond.
My mind began wondering again, "What the hell was going on? Why were they meeting like that?"
As I approached the house, I saw Hershel's youngest daughter watching me through her window, though I didn't know her well, she still reminded me of Lori when we first met. She was beautiful, shy, sweet and innocent -that was the Lori I loved, not the one who cheated on me with my best friend, of all the people, "Why him?" I asked myself.
"I'm pregnant!" I thought to myself, "What the hell am I gonna do? How do I tell Rick? Telling Shane didn't help, he said he wanted to be there for me and the baby. How do I tell Rick, that even though there's a chance the baby is his, I believe it's Shane's?" I can't deal with this now, I stood up, shook off my thoughts and headed into the house to help with supper.
"Bethie! Please come down and help us in the kitchen," Maggie called for her sister as I entered the kitchen. "How's she doin'," I asked.
"Not good," Maggie replied wearily, "she's been staring out her window all day."
I could see the worry on her face, "She's just shocked but she'll snap out of it when she's ready. All she needs is time and to be left alone," I told her.
"Time! You think she needs time?! That's one thing we don't have a whole lot of and I'm not gonna let my little sister sit in her room and be alone. She needs me, she needs her family," Maggie said angrily.
"Okay," I shook my head, not wanting to give cause for them to make us leave.
At supper I noticed Rick glancing back and forth between Beth and I. He had a look of both concern and confusion on his face. "What was he thinking and what did Beth have to do with it? After all, they had barely spoken two words to each other since we arrived here." I caught myself, "Great, now I'm becoming suspicious of Rick even though I know he would never cross that line. He loved me and I could see it broke his heart to find out about Shane and I and I know he would never hurt me the way I've hurt him."