It's almost been two weeks since daddy's leg was amputated and he's doin' much better now. Lori, Carl and myself helped daddy with his crutches, now he can finally walk around a little. We decided to go for a walk in the prison courtyard, it was a beautiful day. We could see the others clearing walkers on the opposite side of the fence.
Everything seemed to be perfect and we were all safe. But the perfectness and safety was shattered by a group of walkers heading towards us. I ran to a cage where daddy had gone and locked myself in there with him. I saw Maggie, Lori and Carl run into cell block C. I could hear the others screaming out to us but I couldn't make out what they were saying.
We couldn't really see where we were going but we had to find somewhere away from all the walkers. I could feel contarctions starting and I knew from how close they were that it wouldn't be long 'til the baby came.
Carl and Maggie found a room and helped me lie down on the floor.
"You're losing too much blood," Maggie said, "you'll have to have a C-section."
"Maggie, all you had to do is cut along my scar and pull he baby out."
"I can't," she cried.
"Yes you can. You have to or the baby won't make it. Whatever happens to me, you need to be the one to kill me. It can't be Rick or Carl."
"Lori, I can't," she cried again.
"Carl, come here," I said, pulling him into a hug, "I love you, baby. No matter what happens, don't ever change, you're a good boy. You're the best thing I've ever done. I love you. Take care of your little brother or sister for me, okay. Maggie, please tell Rick I love him and I'm sorry."
The one last thing I had to say, I whispered to Carl as I pulled him in for another hug and kissed his cheek.
It seemed like forever when Rick, Daryl, Glenn, Carol and Andrea finally reached me and daddy. We told them which way the others had gone. Before they could even head in that direction, we heard a baby cry.
When Maggie and Carl appeared without Lori, we all knew the worst had happened. Rick quickly ran over to them and started cryin'. My heart broke seein' him fall to the ground. I couldn't keep myself from cryin'. I knew Carl had just lost his mother and Rick had lost his wife but she had become like a best friend, a big sister and a mother to me.
Andrea ran over and helped him up off the ground but he was still cryin'. He looked around at all of us and we all took steps back. He had a crazy, deranged look in his eyes. Maggie tried to stop him but he picked up his axe and disappeared back into the prison.
We all discussed what to do for a few minutes. It was soon agreed upon that Maggie and Daryl would go on a run to see if they could find some formula, diapers and other things the baby would need.
Before they left, Daryl pulled me aside, "Beth, I need you to keep an eye on Carl. The boy just lost his mama. Make sure he's okay and he doesn't try to go after Rick. We can't lose anyone else."
"Okay," I told him.
As they were leaving I walked over to Carl and hugged him. After a couple of minutes he wrapped his arms around me and started cryin'. I didn't really know what to say and I wasn't sure if I could say anything. So I just kissed the top of his head and we started walking back into the prison.
A few hours had passed since Maggie and Daryl had left and Rick still hadn't come back. Glenn was the first one to go and try to talk to him but when he came back, all he did was shake his head, so Daddy went and tried to talk to him but he said it was better to leave Rick alone and that he needed time to work things out for himself.
We all sat there quietly for a while wonderin' what would happen next. Daddy went to his cell and started prayin'. Glenn and Andrea started clearing out the courtyard and Carol tended to the baby. Carl and I went back outside and just sat there in silence but he kept watchin' me.
"Is it true?", he finally asked me.
I was confused, "Is what true?"
"Before she...you know, mom told me to look out for you because you're pregnant. Is it true?"
"Carl, I...I..um...yeah, it's true. Don't say anything to anyone else but...," he interrupted me before I could finish.
"I wont say anything," he said, "but if mom knew, then does everyone else know?"
"No, they don't know, well not everyone knows and I wanna keep it that way," I said.
"Who else knows?"
"Well, Daryl, your dad and now you."
"Daryl and my dad know?!"
He was silent for a while, then said, "Is it one of 'em?"
"Is it one of 'em, what?"
"The dad. Is Daryl or my dad the dad?", he looked at me with a worried but kind of pissed off look on his face.
"No Carl, ain't neither one of 'em the dad. They've just been helpin' me out is all."
"Good, 'cause that'd be weird. But if they ain't, then who is?"
"I don't think you need to know right now. So just drop it. Okay?"
"Is it that guy Jimmy? I know it can't be Glenn, he's with Maggie."
"It ain't Jimmy. Drop it, please Carl."
He quit talkin' and just stared at me again. I could tell he was goin' over names, tryin' to figure out who the dad was.
"Is it Shane? It's Shane's, isn't it?"
I fought back the urge to puke and the lump in my throat, "No, it's not him."
We stayed outside until it started gettin' dark. When Maggie and Daryl returned, we helped them with the baby stuff and we fixed her a bottle. Daryl picked up the baby, took the bottle from me and started feeding her. We all smiled.
"She got a name yet," he asked Carl.
"No. I was thinkin' maybe Sophia, Amy, Jacque, Patricia or Lori," he shrugged, "I don't know."
"How 'bout Little Ass-Kicker?", Daryl suggested and the baby started cooing. "Ya like that huh," he asked her. We all started laughing. It had been months, if not longer, since any of us had done that.
Later that night Maggie and Glenn went to the guard tower to keep watch; Carol kept watch just outside the prison door and daddy went to his cell to sleep. Carl and Daryl brought the baby to my cell and they both sat down without saying a word.
"At least my sister's gonna have someone to play with," Carl said. Daryls eyes snapped towards him.
"What'd you mean, boy," Daryl asked quietly.
"It's alright. He knows," I told him, "but you both need to keep your voices down and keep it to yourself." They both looked at me.
"What're you gonna do," Daryl asked.
"I don't know."
"What're you gonna do with what," Carl asked, looking at both of us confused.
"I...I don't want the baby."
"So. You can't do nothin' bout it now anyway."
"She can if she wants to," Daryl told him before leaving my cell.
Once again, we sat in silence until the baby started cryin'.
"Hand her here," I told Carl, "I'll hold her while you fix a bottle."
I sat there rockin' her and quietly singing a lullaby. I was so lost in her that I didn't notice Carl come back until he sat down.
"Here," he said, handing me the bottle, " please don't do anything."
"Don't do anything. I know y'all were talkin' 'bout you gettin' rid of your baby. Don't do it."
"Carl, it's my choice, not yours."
"I think you should keep it. If you do, my sister will have someone her age to play with. Will you think about keepin' it?"
I looked at him and saw tears forming in he corners of his eyes, "I'll think about it."
Just when we got the baby settled down and asleep, Carol came in and took her to her cell for the night.