I couldn't sleep. The cell block was almost silent except for the sounds of Beth throwing up. I listened to see if anyone went to check on her but I didn't hear anything, so I got up.
When I reached her cell, she was sitting on the floor with a small trash can in front of her. I got pissed off because no one was with her. Hershel and Maggie should've been there, she needed them. But I wasn't surprised, it's been this way for the past three weeks, since they found out about her. Everyone has been avoiding Beth because she refuses to tell them who the father is. The only time anyone interacts with her is to check on her bandages and Judith.
I couldn't just leave her there alone, it's my fault she's in this situation, so I went in and sat in front of her, leaning against the bed. When she was finished, I grabbed her arm and pulled her onto my lap sideways. "Shh...Shh...everything's gonna be alright, Bethie," I whispered as she began to cry. I started rubbing her arm with one hand to comfort her and I softly massaged her temple with my other hand. She started to settle down and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Go to sleep, Beth, you need it. Okay? I'm not goin' anywhere."
She nodded in agreement. It wasn't long until we both fell asleep.
I was awoken by the sound of crutches shuffling into her cell.
"What's goin' on here?", Hershel asked.
I looked at Beth then at him. "You tell me. She's in here sick and you and Maggie won't even try to help her. That's what I'm doin'."
"Bethie made her bed and she was willing to lie in it. Now, she has to learn how to deal with the consequences on her own. Until she tells us the truth, tell us who the father is, we won't help her. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
When he left, I looked back down at Beth and shook my head, I know they need to know everything but she trusted me and I'm not breakin' it. I'll have to discuss it with her when she wakes up, I thought to myself. I leaned my head back and fell asleep.
I don't know how long we slept but I couldn't wake the poor girl up and Lord knows I needed the sleep too.
I was once again woken up, this time by someone kickin' my boot.
"I brought y'all some lunch," Carol said.
"Thank you. You can put it on the table."
She sat down and reached to pull Beth's hair out of her face, "I fixed her some oatmeal. Maybe she'll be able to keep it down. Rick, I heard what Hershel said to you this morning. I know that's not the reason he and Maggie won't come around her."
"Seems to me like they think that's a good enough reason."
She shook her head, "That's not the reason, Rick. They're mad at themselves, they both wanted to protect her and keep her from finding out how hard things really are now. Maggie's afraid to acknowledge Beth being pregnant because of Lori. She's afraid she'll lose her sister the same way. And Hershel, Hershel's afraid of that too but he also feels like he failed her somehow. He thinks he kept her too close and that drove her away. But that's not true, is it? She's just a kid who made a mistake."
I nodded my head.
"Well, I'm gonna go check on everyone else. Glenn and Maggie left early to get some formula, they should be back later. Um..when she wakes up, let me know. I wanna talk to her about some things."
"Oh, by the way, Andrea's pissed. You were supposed to be on watch with her this morning but you didn't show. She thinks you're shirking your duties."
"She'll get over it."
When I woke up, I immediately felt sick but I was too weak to move.
"Carol brought some oatmeal. You need to try eating some," Rick said. I must've looked shocked because he chuckled lightly and handed it to me.
"I...is it time for me to take Judith?"
"No, she's with Carol right now. When you finish eating though, Carol wants to talk to you."
"Okay. Is somethin' wrong?"
"No, she just wants to talk to you about some things. My guess is she wants to pass on some motherly advice. But I wanna talk to you first. I...um...I talked to your dad earlier, he and Maggie are havin' a hard time with this. They wanna know who the father is and why it happened. Are you ready to tell them what Shane did to you or do you not want to tell them at all?"
"I...I don't...I'm not ready to tell them and I'm not sure I ever want to. It...it feels wrong talkin' about it. I just...I don't wanna believe he did that to me."
"I understand. But you need to tell them somethin', otherwise, I don't think they'll be able to accept it."
"I know. I just don't know what to say to them."
He looked at me and rubbed his eyes, "What I'm about to say is just an alternative to telling them about Shane. I've been thinkin'...they already blame me for this, hell, I blame myself too. I just think that maybe, if you want to, you could..."
"Dad!", Carl came running in. "We need your help. Come on. Hurry!"
"We'll finish this later, okay?"
I nodded and finished eating. God, I am so confused. I'm actually beginning to think maybe this baby isn't such a bad thing. At first I had regretted my decision to keep it after seeing daddy and Maggie's reactions but now I actually want it. Regardless of what they think.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang. I jumped up and hurried to the common room.
"Carol, what's goin' on?"
"I'm not sure, sweetie. Here, take Judith to your cell and stay there."
I took Judith and started back to my cell when Carl came in followed by Rick and Daryl who were carrying a woman.
"Beth, go to your cell. Now," Carol said sternly.
I went back to my cell but I could still hear them. I tried to listen but Judith's cries were too loud so I tried to calm her down instead.
"Hey Carl. What's goin' on out there?"
"That lady brought baby formula."
"So? Wait, how'd she know there was a baby here?"
"Maggie and Glenn went on a run. She said some guy was tryin' to kill her but she escaped. He took Maggie and Glenn back to some guy called 'The Governor'."
Tears rolled down my face and I held Judith tight. "Maggie and Glenn are gone?"
"He took them to some town called Woodbury. She's tellin' dad and everyone about it now. Ya wanna come down there with me and listen?"
I followed him and we sat at a table off to the side while we listened. I was too worried to pay much attention to everything that was said but I heard enough.
"If this guy is as bad as you say, maybe it's not worth the risk to get our people back."
"Are you crazy? You can't just leave them! Maggie is my sister! They both belong here, with us. They're family. You can't leave them!", I yelled. Everyone was silent.
"Beth, if Michonne is right and we go after them. There's a chance none of us will make it back," Rick said.
"Fine. If you won't go get them, then I will."
"Beth!" I heard all of them hollerin' after me as I raced to my cell. I put Judith down and grabbed my knife and gun. If they won't go get them, then to hell with 'em. I'm not gonna leave my sister there. Especially if everything that Michonne woman said was true.
"Beth," Rick grabbed me. "You're not goin' out there," he said roughly.
"Watch me!" I pushed past him and made my way out of the cell block and out of the prison, towards the gate.
"Beth, damn it! You're pregnant! Do you have any idea what could happen to you out there.", he was following me closely.
When I didn't answer or stop, he grabbed my arm tightly and turned me around. "Damn it. Listen to me! You are not goin' anywhere. Get your ass back inside."
"No! I'm not leaving her. I don't care what y'all say and I know what could happen to me but I don't care. No one else cares either. Now let go of me."
"That's not true, Beth." He loosened his grip on my arm but didn't let go.
I shook my head. "I'm goin' and you can't stop me."
"I'll go," Daryl said as he approached us, "I'll take Michonne. We'll bring Maggie and Glenn back."
"It's not safe." Rick told him.
They stared at each other for a minute.
"Fine. We'll go but we can't just go bustin' in. We need to have a plan." Rick looked back at me. "Now will you please come inside and settle down?"
"You promise you'll bring them back?"
He nodded, "I promise, Beth. Come back inside and we'll all discuss how to get them back."
When we got back inside, we all gathered in the common room and listened as plans were made. I suddenly felt sick and ran back to my cell.
"Michonne, do you think you can get us in there without too much damage?"
"I can try but it won't be easy. They're heavily guarded and The Governor is crazy."
"That'll have to be good enough, I guess. Daryl, Andrea, y'all are comin' with me and Michonne. Hershel and Carol, y'all stay here with the kids. If anything happens and we don't return, get what you can into one of the trucks and leave. Don't try to stay here."
"When do we leave?", Andrea asked.
"It'll be better if we go at night. We may risk running into more walkers but it'll give us the upper hand because they won't be expecting it," Michonne told her.
"I agree. We'll leave around noon tomorrow. After we make sure everything around here is secure. But for now, anyone got anything the wanna add?"
"No," they all said, almost in unison.
"Okay. Everyone get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us. Carl, come with me. I wanna talk to you."
We walked outside to the guard tower to take first watch.
"When we're gone, Carol and Hershel are in charge but I want you to stick with your sister and Beth. Make sure they're safe. If by chance anything happens to Carol and Hershel, you get the girls out of here. You understand?"
"Yeah. You want me to babysit them," he said sarcastically.
"Not babysit, protect. You protect them. No matter what, protect them."
He nodded, "Okay. I'll protect them."
"Go get some sleep, you'll need it."
I wandered around the guard tower aimlessly. Looking out at the walkers only served as a reminder that I wouldn't be able to protect my family forever. Hershel is an old man, if the walkers don't get him, age will. Daryl, Andrea and Carol could take care of themselves and so could Maggie and Glenn. But Carl and Judith are still so young, they shouldn't have to know this life and yet this may be what takes them from me. And then Beth and the baby, so many things could go wrong there. Maggie was right, she could end up like Lori or worse, a walker could get her before she has the baby. I shouldn't be thinkin' about all this stuff, they're all my family and I couldn't live without them.
"Beth? What the hell are you doin' out here?"
She shrugged, "I couldn't sleep."
"Still throwin' up?"
"When we get back, we'll make a run and get you somethin'."
"Okay. Rick, I'm sorry for how I acted today. It's just...Maggie is my sister and..." she started cryin'.
"Hey, don't cry. I should be the one apologizing. But you can't ever go out on your own. Come here," I pulled her into a hug, "I promise everything will be fine. Don't worry about anything."
"I can't help it. So many things are goin' wrong."
I rubbed her back, "I know, baby, I know. We're all worried about things. You need to go back to bed. It's not good for you or the baby, you need sleep."
"I can't sleep. I've tried," she looked up and was still cryin'.
"Come on." I grabbed a blanket, walked out onto the walkway and sat down pulling her into my lap like the night before. She rested her head on my shoulder and I covered her with the blanket.
"Hmm...," Carol cleared her throat, "your shift is up. Why's Beth out here?"
"She couldn't sleep, said she felt sick. Are you doin' your shift alone?"
"Yes, everyone needs their rest for tomorrow." She looked at Beth, "do you need help carrying her in?"
"No, I got it. If you need anything, come get me."
She nodded and gave a worried smile.