Maybe, Maybe Not
Today I was sittin' on a bench outside the prison watchin' everyone and enjoying how peaceful things were.
My mind kept wonderin' back to two weeks ago when Zach and I had our first conversation about our relationship. It's a little funny to say relationship 'cause at the time we'd only known each other a week.
I had been sittin' at a table in the courtyard reading one of the baby books Carol had gotten for me when I saw Zach approaching me.
"Good mornin', Miss Beth," he said.
I smiled, "Good mornin' to you, too. And I've told you already, just call me Beth. There's no need for the 'Miss' part."
He laughed, "Mind if I join you, Miss Beth?"
"No, not at all but..."
"I know, don't call you 'Miss' but I'm just bein' polite. I wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes."
"What'd you mean?"
"You're pregnant. I don't want to get in anyone's way."
"Zach, we've been spendin' everyday together for the past week. I can assure you, you are not steppin' on anyone's toes."
"Okay, 'cause it sure seems like I am. Everyone's watchin' me like a hawk. Hell, your sister made it pretty clear you were with someone, she just didn't say who."
"I'm not with anyone. Why do you keep askin' me?" I tried to hold back my anger.
"I'm just curious. So, did you lose the baby's father somehow?"
I let out a small laugh, "I'm not with the baby's father and that's it, I didn't lose him."
"So is it someone here? In your group, I mean."
"That's really none of your business, Zach. Besides, it doesn't really matter who it is. Now are we done playin' 20 Questions?"
"Yes ma'am," he smiled.
"Good, let's go for that walk you promised me we'd go on."
We got up and started walkin' around the prison yard. We couldn't go far but it was nice to be out of earshot of everyone else. But still, they watched our every move.
"Why are you so interested in who he father is?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.
He shrugged and smiled, "I like you and like you said, we've spent everyday together since we met. I was just wonderin' if you'd like to be more than friends."
I wasn't really sure how I felt about him yet but I gave him a smile and said, "I'd like that."
He grabbed my hand and held it for the rest of our walk.
Now today I was thinkin' I made a mistake and jumped into it a little too soon. I really do like him but I'm not sure it's the same way he likes me. I kept replaying other conversations in my mind, ones I had had with a few others that had me wondering if Zach was who I wanted to be with.
One conversation in particular that had me wonderin' was one I had with Andrea the night she took me to Woodbury. What she had told me was a little disturbing and it scared me even though I wasn't sure if it was true or not. It probably wasn't but I was too afraid to ask so I tried not to think about it but weeks later that was all I could think about.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I literally jumped when I felt someone's hand on my stomach. I expected to see Rick so I was surprised when it turned out to be Zach.
I was workin' with Carl tryin' to fix a place for a garden. We had been workin' in complete silence for a while until I saw him throw down his shovel.
"I don't like him," Carl said suddenly.
"You don't like who?" I asked and even though I didn't get a response, I knew exactly who he was referring to.
I looked up to see Carl standing there with his hand on his gun staring up at the prison. I followed his gaze and saw Beth. She was sittin' on a bench with Zach and he had his hand on her stomach.
He seemed like a good kid but I didn't like seein' him with her.
"D'ya know she ain't told him the baby's yours?" Carl asked, never takin' his eyes off them.
"He asked her who the dad was but she didn't tell him. She told him it didn't matter who it was."
It felt like a knife had gone through my heart but I didn't let it show, "And how do you know that? You spyin' on Beth now?"
"No, I'm not spyin', I'm lookin' out for her and my brother or sister."
"Well, you don't need to. Beth can make her own choices. Just 'cause the baby's mine doesn't mean she is. She can do what she wants."
He scoffed and kicked at the dirt, "Still, I don't like him."
I put my hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry. If he hurts her, we'll all get a turn before feedin' him to the walkers."
A smile crept up on his face and mine too.
Hershel let out a small chuckle as he came closer to us, "I think I'll be the first one in line if anything happens but you'll both get your turn."
Zach and I had been sittin' there a while talkin' but I couldn't stay focused on what he was sayin' and it was beginning to bother me that he kept touchin' my stomach.
"Beth, did you hear me?"
"What?" I really hadn't been payin' attention to him.
"I asked you about the baby. If you had names picked out."
"Not yet. Why?"
"Do you need help with..."
I stood up, "No Zach, I don't need help with anythin'. I already have people helpin' me and they're more than enough."
"Beth," he stood up too, "I'm just askin' if you need help with names. That's it. I'm not tryin' to take over anything. I'm sorry."
"Thank you but I don't need your help. I'm gonna go check on Judith," I turned around and headed into the prison, Zach followed me.
"Who's clothes are these?" He asked after we had gotten to my cell. There was a couple of Rick's shirts folded up on my bed.
I just shrugged, "They're Rick's."
He looked at me confused but didn't ask anymore questions about it instead he started questioning me about other things.
"So how far along are you exactly?"
"I'm not really sure."
"Okay, then," he paused for a few minutes before continuing, "I noticed you seemed a little uncomfortable when I touched your stomach earlier. Why did you flinch?"
"I just don't like people touchin' me. I don't even like Maggie or daddy touchin' my stomach," I said. To be honest though, there's only three people I don't mind doin' that; Rick, Carl and Carol but I wasn't about to tell Zach that.
"What about your cuts and bruises? You haven't told me how you got 'em."
"I haven't told you because it's really none of your business."
"It's startin' to look good," Carol said handing me a bottle of water and observing where our garden would be.
"Yeah, hopefully it'll look better once we get some things growin'," I said, "Did you get a list together of what we need to get on our run tomorrow?"
"Yeah. We're pretty much set on most everything but I have a small list ready for y'all."
I nodded, "Okay."
"Who are you takin' with you?"
"Maggie and Glenn. And I think Maggie was tryin' to get Zach to come with us."
She raised her eyebrow, "That should be interesting."
"Yeah. No kiddin'." I laughed and looked up at the prison, "You know where Beth is?"
"I think she's with Judith."
"I'm gonna go check on 'em," I told her.
She smiled and gave a quick nod.
I was close to Beth's cell when I heard her laugh, I thought she was playin' with Judith until I got closer. I could hear someone else's voice.
I was about to enter her cell when I stopped. She was sittin' on her bed with Zach. They were kissin' and his hands were all over her. I clenched my fists.
In that moment, I wanted nothin' more than to pull him away from her and beat the shit out of him but I couldn't. I froze where I was standin'. I stood there for a minute before slowly backin' away and walkin' out of the cell block.