Let Me Hold You
I walked out of my cell to find Beth standin' there.
"Rick, can we talk?"
"Not now, Beth. I've got...things to do."
"Beth, I told you, not now." I walked away.
As much as I wanted to talk to her, I couldn't. I know I've been pushin' her away and avoiding her as much as possible but it was better that way.
"Rick!" She had followed me, "Rick, please talk to me."
"Beth, I can't."
"Can't or won't? Why? Because you have things to do?"
I started to walk past her but she stepped in front of me.
"You can't keep avoiding me!"
"Alright," I looked at her, "what'd you wanna talk about?"
"Well, first of all, you ran out the other night before I could say thank you. So, thanks. And second, Why are you avoiding me? What did I do?"
"Can we talk about this later?"
"No! We need to talk, now!"
Tyreese walked in, "I'm sorry to interrupt but we need you outside."
I didn't look at Beth or say anything to her as I walked past her and followed Tyreese outside.
That was four days after our run.
Today, a week later, was the first time I had managed to completely avoid her. Though I wasn't sure if it was my doing or because she hasn't left her cell.
But either way, I wasn't gonna let it bother me.
I sat on the bed with my back against the wall, cryin'. Seems that's all I do lately. Well, that and stay in my cell.
"Bethie? Are you comin' out today?" Carol asked.
She came into the cell and sat down beside me.
"Sweetie, is there somethin' wrong or somethin' you wanna talk about?"
I leaned my head back on the wall, "yeah, there's somethin' I wanna talk about but...but I don't know."
"Beth, what is it?"
"I miss him."
A tear fell and I shook my head 'no'. "Rick," I whispered.
"Rick? You miss Rick?"
She sighed, "I thought...I thought you didn't feel anything for him. What happened to you wantin' to be alone?"
I shrugged, "I miss him bein' in here, talkin' to me. Now...now he just avoids me."
"Is that all it is? Just you missin' him?"
I wasn't gonna tell her that wasn't all I missed. I missed his touch, his kiss, everything.
I meant what I said about not feelin' anything for Zach. When I told her it wasn't what I expected, she asked what I had expected. I told her I didn't know but now I do. I had expected to feel the way I did with Rick. Sure, it was just a few kisses but now they meant more to me than I thought they did.
"Bethie, come outside with me. It'll do you good to get some sun and fresh air."
I nodded and walked outside with her. The sun and light breeze felt good.
I sat at a table with her and Sasha and looked around the prison yard. I saw the members of our group and some from Woodbury.
"Hey Carol, where's Judith?"
"Over there," she motioned with her head, "she's with Sarah."
I looked to where she had motioned and there was Judith. She was in some woman's lap kickin' and screamin'.
"Who's Sarah?" I asked.
"She's a friend of Karen's from Woodbury. Apparently she was a teacher before the outbreak."
I looked back at Judith and the woman.
"Why didn't y'all ask me to keep Judith?"
"Rick didn't want us to bother you."
She kept tryin' to calm Judith but was havin' no luck so I walked closer but I stopped when Carl sat down next to her. He looked at me and smiled.
"She'll stop cryin' for my mom." I heard him tell her.
"Your Mom? Your dad told me your mother was dead."
Carl stood, "Well, he lied!" He shouted at her.
I moved closer, "Carl, you need to apologize for yellin' at her."
"No, it's quite alright," she said.
Carl glared at her and then turned to me, "Mom, why don't you take Judy inside?"
The woman let out a slight gasp and stood, handing Judith to me.
"You're...you're Lori?" She stammered, "Rick told me you..I thought he said you were dead. I must've misunderstood. I'm so sorry."
I shook my head, "No ma'am, you didn't. I'm not Lori. My name's Beth, I'm Hershel's daughter."
"Oh," her face wrinkled in confusion, "why did...why did Carl call you mom then?"
"No reason. I just usually take care of Judith."
"Oh, okay. You're the babysitter." She held out her hand, "I'm Sarah. It's nice to finally meet you."
I shook her hand, "uh...you too."
"You really can get her to settle down," she rubbed Judith's cheek, "She's such a sweet baby."
"Yeah, she is."
"I bet you can't wait to hold your little one."
"Is your boyfriend or husband excited about it too?"
I tilted my head, "uh...he..."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed he was still...around," she said.
I lowered my eyes. Rick hadn't told her. Hmm, guess I shouldn't be surprised.
I looked back at her with tears in my eyes and handed Judith back to her, "I..uh...I have to go."
I ran back inside but before I could reach the cell block Carol and Maggie both stopped me.
"Bethie, what's wrong?" Maggie asked.
I wiped my eyes, "Nothin'. Why?"
Carol put a hand on my shoulder, "We saw you runnin' in here. Did somethin' happen? Are you feelin' alright?"
"Yeah...yeah, I am."
They both stood there staring at me.
"Bethie?" Maggie's eyes were searching my face, "Do you wanna talk?"
I quickly shook my head 'yes'.
"Okay," she put her arm around my shoulder and looked at Carol, "can you see if someone can cover my shift for a little bit? I'll be out as soon as I'm finished with Beth."
She gave a slight nod, "Alright."
I was down in the garden with Hershel when we spotted Maggie running towards us.
"Rick, I need your help with somethin'." She said when she got to us.
"Somethin' happen?" I asked.
"Sorta. I just need you to come with me."
"Alright." I said before followin' her.
She lead me around to the back of the prison, when she stopped. She suddenly turned around and was inches from my face with her gun pressed against the front of my jeans.
"I have three questions for you, Rick." She said sternly.
I swallowed hard, "Alright then. What are they?"
"First question, why are you avoiding Beth?"
I stared past her but didn't answer, then I heard her release the safety.
"Don't lie to me, Rick. Answer truthfully and I won't put a bullet in your dick."
"She...she asked me to move back into my cell, said she didn't need me anymore. And she doesn't, she has Zach."
Maggie scoffed and rolled her eyes.
"Beth met Sarah today. The first time she's been outside in over a week and she runs back in cryin'. I didn't have the heart to tell her you've been spendin' everyday with Sarah since Tyreese and Karen introduced y'all. So my next question is, are you and Sarah together or anythin' like that?"
"No, Maggie. I'm not with her in any way."
There was a quizzical expression on her face.
"Maggie, I'm not interested in bein' with Sarah or anyone else, just Beth," I chuckled a little, "besides, Sarah ain't interested in me...or in any of the other men here."
She continued to stare at me until her eyes lit up in realization, "Oh! She's...?"
"Well, you need to explain that to Beth."
Her face went back to the stern look she had before as she pressed her gun harder against me.
"My last question, do you love Beth?"
I lowered my eyes. How could I tell Maggie I love Beth when I haven't even told her?
Without a word, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the necklace and held it up for her to see. She took it from me and studied it.
"Where'd you get it?" She asked.
"On our last run. I'm not sure if she'll like it but I thought...I thought she might."
Maggie moved her gun, clicked the safety back on and put it back in the holster.
She smiled and hugged me. "She'll love it...and she loves you. She hasn't told me but I know she does."
She let go of me and handed the necklace back to me, "You really need to talk to her, Rick. I know daddy is against y'all bein' together but I'm not...not anymore. So, I'm gonna tell you what I told her. If y'all decide to be together, I'll have y'all's back."
I looked at the necklace, "where is she?"
"Her cell. Carl and I will keep the others out of the cell block while y'all talk."
We made our way back to the front of the prison where everyone was staring at us questioningly.
"I'm sorry to worry everyone but I thought there might have been a breach in the perimeter. It's fine though so y'all can continue on with whatever y'all were doin'." Maggie reassured everyone while I went inside.
"How stupid do you have to be to end up in this situation?" I asked myself while I sat on the floor cryin', again.
Before I had a chance to answer my own question I heard someone callin' my name. It didn't immediately register with me until they got closer.
I stood and pulled back the curtain on the cell.
"Beth, what're you doin' in my cell?" Rick asked.
"I was waitin' for you. I wanted to t..." I stopped when I saw who was behind him, "Never mind. I'll leave you alone."
He grabbed both of my arms as I tried to move past him.
"You're not goin' anywhere," he said, "we need to talk. But first, Sarah wants to talk to you. Okay?"
"Yeah," I nodded.
Rick left me and Sarah alone in his cell.
"Beth, I'm sorry about what I said before. I honestly didn't know who you were." She touched my shoulder, "You have nothin' to worry about. I'm not interested in Rick."
I crossed my arms and stared at her.
"I'm not interested in any of the men here. Beth, I like women."
I let out a huge sigh of relief and fought back the tears that rushed to my eyes as I realized I had been jealous of someone else havin' Rick's attention.
"Rick just told me about you and him...and the baby. I didn't mean to...to upset you. I'm sorry." She paused, "I'm gonna go so y'all can talk."
I was frozen in place when Rick came back in. He reached up to my cheek and gently wiped away a few tears that had escaped before pulling me to him.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and silently cried into his chest.
"I broke up with Zach," I mumbled against his shirt.
I looked up at him, "The last time y'all were on a run. I was gonna tell you then but you left before I could."
"Close your eyes, Bethie."
He grinned, "I got you somethin'."
I smiled and closed my eyes.
"Open your eyes."
He was holding the most beautiful necklace I've ever seen.
"It's beautiful," I gasped. "Where'd you get it?"
"I got it on that run."
I took it in my hand and ran my fingers over the pendent. "I love it."
I put it in his hand and turned around. Once he had clasped it, I sat down on the bed.
I knelt in front of her and lifted her chin, "What do you want, Beth? Do you want to be together?"
She closed her eyes, "I'm not sure."
I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she spoke, "Rick, I have people tellin' me to do one thing and others tellin' me to do somethin' else. No one's asked me or given me a chance to figure out what I want."
"Well, I'm askin' you now. What do you want? You don't have to decide right now but I need to know, Beth."
"What do you want, Rick?"
I sighed and kissed her. I didn't want to scare her but I had to tell her what I wanted.
"I want you, Beth."
She smiled, "You do?"
"Yeah, more than anything."
"What about daddy? I know he had a talk with you, he had it with me too."
I leaned my forehead against hers, "If this is what you want, it'll all be worked out somehow."
She too a deep breath and put her hands on either side of my face, "This...this is what I want."
I smiled and kissed her, "Until we're ready to tell them, we have to be careful."
-Later That Night-
I couldn't stop smilin' as I bounced Judith in my arms. Things went better than I could've hoped for.
After talkin' with Rick earlier, I felt like everything was as perfect as it could be. I knew daddy, Carol and everyone else would have a hard time with it but I also knew and Carl were on our side.
I'm not sure if I love Rick but I do know I want to be with him.
When Judith was finally asleep, I placed her in her crib and layed down on my bed.
She was asleep in her cell when I finished watch.
I hated to wake her up but I wanted to see her before I went to my cell.
I layed down next to her on top of the covers and she started to stir.
"Get under the covers, please."
So I did and wrapped my arms around her.
"I've missed you, Rick."
"I've missed you, too, baby."
She laid there lookin' at me as if she wanted to say somethin' else.
"Close your eyes, baby and just let me hold you."