Good Lord, Lori
I couldn't help but feel awkward around everyone, especially around him. After what he did to me, I couldn't even stand to hear his name and anytime I was around him I would get physically sick. I felt like it was my fault. "Did I say or do somethin' to make him do that?", I thought. I wish I could crawl into a hole and die...or at least stay there forever.
At dinner he sat across from me, even though his eyes occasionally left his plate, they never landed on me. But I still felt like he was watching me. One thing was certain though, he was in my head and he was here to stay. The only time I get a slight sense of peace is when I'm asleep and dreaming about life before there were walkers...and him.
I was drivin' myself crazy thinkin' 'bout Lori and Shane. I needed to talk to her, find out why she was with him but I was afraid of what her answer would be. I know she thought I was dead and she needed comfort but she didn't have to do what she did. I know our marriage wasn't perfect, we'd been havin' trouble but that was no reason for her to fuck him. I think that was what I was havin' trouble with the most.
"Lori, I saw you with Shane.", the words stumbled out but she needed to know that I knew. "Why him? What was I doin' wrong that made you go to him?"
"That's all you're concerned with, why him?! Did you ever once think that maybe he wasn't our problem, you were?", Lori stated rather than asked. "Our marriage was in trouble long before Shane. All because you stopped communicating with me. You pushed me away, Rick."
"Well maybe I stopped communicating because you were never interested in the stuff I was goin' through. You never wanted to do things with me anymore," I told her.
"What you were goin' through?! What about the shit I was goin' through? I needed you more than anything but you weren't there. Shane was! You didn't seem to care about me."
"I do care about you. I love you, Lori. More than anything, more than you know. I'm sorry if I never made it a point to tell you but I do and that'll never change. I'm willin' to take responsibility for my part but I'm not the only one to blame here. Look, I believe our marriage is still worth fightin' for but if you don't, if you want out, then please tell me now. Otherwise, I expect you to end it with Shane, for good this time."
"I don't want out. I still love you, Rick. I swear it really is over this time. I'll make sure he knows it. I want to be with you, not Shane. I want us to be a family again. You, me, Carl and this baby, we're a family."