In Which

The Daleks and Cybermen Argue

In Which…

The Daleks and Cybermen Argue


Two Cybermen and a Dalek stood in the center of the hallway at Torchwood, not moving, neither stepping forward to poke the other with his…her…its arm and or eyestalk. Which would have been amusing if Russell T. Davies had written it into the script of the actual episode…but, alas, he didn't.

"IDENTIFY-YOURSELVES," the Dalek commanded, his…her…its eye-stalk moving up and down to survey the large metallic semi-humanoid thing in front of…it. It was a possible threat to the Daleks and, therefore, must be identified.

"YOU WILL IDENTIFY FIRST," protested…well, not 'protested', merely 'stated', the Cyberman on the left. What was this strange thing. It was not human, nor was it Cyberman. It was an unknown entity and must be cataloged for later upgrades.

"IDENTIFY!" repeated the Dalek, still not moving closer.

"…ILLOGICAL, YOU WILL MODIFY."

"DALEKS-DO-NOT-TAKE-ORDERS!"

"YOU HAVE IDENTIFIED AS DALEKS."

"OUTLINE-RESEMBLES-THE-INFERIOR-SPECIES-KNOWN-AS-'CYBERMEN'," the Dalek responded, his tone a tinge sardonic, probably miffed that the Cybermen had identified them first.

"OUR SPECIES ARE SIMILAR, THOUGH YOUR DESIGN LACKS ELEGANCE."

"DALEKS-HAVE-NO-CONCEPT-OF-ELEGaNCE." The Dalek was beginning to get irritated. So what if his design wasn't as… 'elegant'? It was durable and had several bombs built into it…

"THAT IS OBVIOUS. BUT CONSIDER…OUR TECHNOLOGIES ARE COMPATIBLE. CYBERMEN PLUS DALEKS. TOGETHER WE COULD UPGRADE THE UNIVERSE."

"YOU-PROPOSE-AN-ALLIANCE?" Now the Dalek was curious. Why in the name of the emperor would he want to team up with them? It did not…compute…to use their slang.

"THAT IS CORRECT."

"REQUEST-DENIED." After those two simple words, the Cybermen moved into attack position, their fists raised as if they really wanted to fist-bump the Dalek, but probably realized that it was impossible due to the fact that the Dalek didn't have hands.

"HOSTILE ENEMIES WILL BE DELETED," said the leader Cyberman. Fine, they all thought. If the Daleks didn't want to join their club, they'd be deleted just like the humans would…the ones that were not upgraded. They shot and the rays bounced off of the Dalek's armor, flying back and nearly hitting them, but hitting a wall instead. That was irritating.

"EXTERMINATE!" the Dalek yelled, shooting at the Cybermen and killing them.

Which pissed off all the other Cybermen. Couldn't they have just played nicely with each other, maybe actually accomplished taking over the world for once? No, of course not.

"DALEKS BE WARNED. YOU HAVE JUST DECLARED WAR UPON THE CYBERMEN," announced the actual lead Cyberman over the com system.

"THIS-IS-NOT-WAR. THIS-IS-PEST-CONTROL," the Dalek snarked in return, resisting the urge to shoot the communication system.

"YOU WOULD DESTROY THE CYBERMEN WITH FOUR DALEKS?" That intrigued the Cyber-leader. And they all knew it was impossible…after all, Cybermen were superior. They could upgrade.

"WE-WOULD-DESTROY-THE-CYBERMEN-WITH-ONE-DALEK." The Dalek taunted, "YOU-ARE-SUPERIOR-IN-ONLY-TWO-RESPECTS."

"WHICH ARE THOSE?"

"YOU-ARE-UNDENIABLY-ADDEPT-AT-PREPARING-PANCAKES-AND-YOU-ARE-BETTER-AT-DYING! RAISE-COMMUNICATION-BARRIER!"

And nobody could argue… the Cybermen were ten times better at pancake preparation then the Daleks ever would be. Not even the Daleks could argue with it.

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