The Man Who Regrets β–Ή Doctor Who [1] βœ“

𝟘𝟘𝟟 β–Ή π•π•šπ• π•π•–π•₯ π•šπ•€ 𝕒 β„•π•šπ•”π•– π•Šπ•™π•’π••π•–

LET’S JUST SAY THAT the past few weeks have been difficult on the Doctor. Even though he refuses to let on that he is mourning Rose, Violet knows the man better than he thinks. So, she makes him a cup of tea every evening and leaves him to do what he wants as she wanders around the TARDIS, memorising the layout and feeling strangely nostalgic even though she’s never been in one before. In time, she re-finds the bedrooms situated near the main console room, and, this time, one of the doors is locked; the door to Rose’s room.

Violet pauses in front of the room she knows to be the Doctor’s and knocks, not knowing if the man in question is inside. Getting no response, she turns the knob and gently pushes the door open, blue eyes zeroing in on the slumped form of the Doctor seated on the bed. Walking over to the older man, Violet sits behind him, her back against his and her head against the back of his neck. She feels him shift against her, but he doesn’t push her away.

β€œTalk to me, Doctor,” Violet murmurs pleadingly, her voice pained. Closing her eyes, she quells her desire to shake the older Time Lord. β€œPlease open up to me - don’t shut me out.”

β€œWhat do you want me to say, Violet?” he all but growls at the younger girl, but instantly regrets the harshness. β€œI’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

β€œIt’s fine, but it’s a sure sign that you’re not fine. I know how you feel, but you can’t keep it all bottled up inside, or you’ll explode and take whoever surrounds you along with you - that’d be me, mister.”

β€œYou don’t even seem affected by what happened.”

β€œCompartmentalisation. It’s something I’ve had to do for a long time - centuries even - and it’s a hard habit to break; if it can even be broken in the first place. While it’s true that I do break down occasionally, I tend not to do so unless in extreme circumstances - like when Rose got trapped in that other world.”

β€œI get it. What about now? What do you feel now?”

Violet hesitates in answering this soul-baring question, moving from where she’s seated behind the Doctor, she shuffles up the bed towards the pillows, making him look over at her with dark eyes. Her tongue darts out to wet her dry lips, and she attempts to speak, but no words or sounds leave her mouth, her brow furrowing in distress and hesitation. A hand lands on hers, and Violet looks up to see the encouraging eyes of the other member of her species.

β€œRight now, I feel so unbelievably scared, and I don’t think that’s ever going away. I feel alone, and I miss Jack and Rose so much - and everyone else I ever met and became friends with over the centuries. I just want to feel happy and loved and safe, but all I feel is empty from the losses. I want to be loved by the ones I love; like the way I love them. I’m so scared of being abandoned by them, Doctor.”

The Time Lord carefully pulls her into a hug, head tucked under his chin and his hands on her back. β€œIt’s alright to be scared, Violet, and it’s alright to want to be loved in return.”

Violet shakes her head and pulls away from the man. β€œYou are loved in return, though. Rose loves you back, Doctor.”

β€œI know, but she’s in another world. Also, she’s not the one I’m talking about.”

The half Gallifreyan’s eyes widen and she jumps off the bed, backing away from her elder as he stands and follows her. β€œStop. You’re not thinking clearly; you’re still in mourning, and acting on the turbulent emotions within you. Don’t do this. You’ll regret it.”

Before more desperate pleas can leave her lips, his descend on hers, silencing her quickly and quietly. A warmth spreads through her and Violet feels her body acting on its own accord, arms wrapping around his neck and her body moulding to his, his arms around her waist. The kiss is sweet, but with a hint of danger and desperation, and coated with mourning and loss.

Violet can taste everything, and it makes her stomach turn because she knows that half of it is hers riding alongside his.

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