Nothingness
With failure and sorrow coursing through his veins, he couldn’t really care about the pain at first. He screamed threats of his great power seeking revenge on the creature who tortured him. He cried for it to stop once his threats grew numb even to his own ears. Something that truly distraught him, with pride being his closest friend and ally, that wall crumbled too with time. He had no one now. Only him.
He could not tell you when he came there. He was to be left in a realm with no light, body lifeless, and his soul going to Hel. He knew darkness would never let him go so easily, not even in death. He was a part of it after all, a slave, old magic filling his veins keeping him in this world. With those hands of oil grabbing him, violating him, he arrives in nothing. He is brought in the expansive dark he has come to call his home. But someone is here. Someone who blesses him with feeling, proves he is alive even when he swears that life is nothing but an illusion from lies given to him, making him think he had a life before this.
"Scream for me, I want to hear your agony." An echo of a scream reaches far in the shadows. But he asks, not for the first time, ‘could others hear?’ Time passed with the last battle for his captor to achieve a great feat not many could accomplish finally ended. Not just anyone could hold the god that lays on his table and destroy his mind. He almost cherishes the god, since he was truly a creature like nothing he has ever seen before. The caresses were perverted and a whip able to break the most emotionally stable beings… but then the being that lay on the alter could never claim such a thing even before the torture, before light fully left him.
“You spit in my eye allusive blessing. Never cared for me did you?” The man curses at the light he once knew now gone. Just a figment of his imagination. He finds himself alone on occasion, a torture within itself. His mind was never kind. With his pride stripped from him at the beginning how could one withstand the voices? Voices that scream in his head of the wrongs he has done, or whisper maliciously, truths of himself he never wished to believe since he was young. “Who am I?” Loki comes to mind but he could not place a meaning to it. Until his captor came again. How many times has he come back after leaving the man in nothing? He lost count so long ago he could not even remember the number he lost count at. Does it matter? Do I matter? His captor says he doesn’t so it must be true. He hasn’t lied to him. Never has he told him something wouldn’t hurt less than it actually would. He has always brought his beaten body back to life when he draws his last breath. Loki trusts him. He is his world, his everything.
"You are alone. You have nothing, you don’t even have your name now do you?" Loki opens his mouth to utter his name but stills his tongue, something telling him not to. A voice he hasn’t heard in a long time. One that kept him company once but all he remembers is the ever expanding nothingness and his master. “Just as I thought, nothing.” Loki whimpers a little at the cut his master makes with the blade from his throat down his body to his navel a stream of blood flowing brightly. Loki marvels at the color that breaks up the black of his world. The torturer shushes him in comfort. "It will all be ok. You will never be alone here." A promise that he gladly accepts, no longer knowing of anything else. He then feels nails being placed over his body. He isn't left waiting long, till they are pounded into his body, blood pooling on his legs and arms. He lets out a howl of pain and hands grab his mouth keeping it open. Then, boiling liquid is poured into his mouth and down his throat scolding his throat making his future screams hurt more than ever before. Loki’s mind drifts to old memories of the beginning and finds comfort in the truth of his master’s words from so long ago. Promises of how things would hurt more and more each time spent with him. Never has he lied. Loki loves him for that. A churning in his stomach makes him wonder though. Why does this revelation tear him in two? A tear that later grew to make him feel a presence.
"Who are you?" Loki croaks, looking up from where he lay. He has never ventured off the slab he was originally placed, body going frail with the time he spent unmoving.
"Sssslave." It whispers sounding like it is trying the voice for the first time. Slave was true. He would lay here for master. There was nothing but master. "W-weak..." It gasped in his mind. Loki searches his inner labyrinth. Thoughts he once had creep by but all he wants to know is where this new presence came from. What was it? Deeper, and deeper he goes until he realizes this is not his. Something made this part of his subconscious for this was new, different, and maddening. He feels himself losing a grip on thought and consciousness till he just floats in a warm hold of invisible arms. He almost lulls to a sleep he hasn't had in ages but he feels his physical form move against his own thoughts. Loki goes to leave the warm embrace but is then held by the invisible force and simply watches the scene unfold. his body shakes violently from strain as it lifts itself. Bare feet come into contact with a cold floor and when he fully slides himself off, he crumbles into a heap on the floor. Hissing in the voice Loki heard in his head, his body pulls itself together in a shaking mess, but moving in a limping walk. He did not know there was a door, but when hands landed on a surface in front of his face a dim light hits his eyes so painfully the new voice screeches. Loki wanted to go back to his table and wait till his master comes to him but his body drags along with strength he forgot he had even in his deathly state. "Goooo..." it moans pitifully. Go where? There is nothing but master right? A sound pierces Loki's ears and he falls to the ground looking over his shoulder just now realizing how far he got. Something was moving this new presence as if it knew where to go. An animal knowing where water was. Loki feels himself continue on until he reaches glass that shows him outside his world. He was terrified. The expanse of space proved just how lost his mind was. He searches the stars and distant planets trying to grasp a memory, even if it was just a scent or taste of what was before. A scent it was, coupled with a sound that filled his body with power. A loud boom echoed in his mind and he feels cool drops on his skin. Rain. Thunder. He needs to go. His body nods along with his thoughts signaling agreement with the presence. He places a hand on the glass and his lips move soundlessly. He tries to hear the voice in his head but only a hum of what is said reached him. What was he doing? The hum stopped and the glass cracks where his hand once rested. Rupturing until it became a mosaic of splinters and chips and finally giving way to shards that fall to the ground before him. Loki is sucked into space just in time for his master to turn the corner and see him go. The anger was frightening and Loki wandered if he would be welcomed back.
"Not strong enough." the voice still was weak but Loki heard the hatred. "I will not be a part of you. Pain is not your desire." Pain? No his master loved him and he wanted to love him too. "Disgusting, Pain and suffering is absent such thoughts." Loki's body plummets further and further through the realms so fast he sees nothing but blurs of color. A blue sphere comes into view when Loki feels himself be pulled then pushed away from his very being. His mind stretches to try and contain him but soon he is being pushed out of his mind. Then his body tries to stretch to catch him from the split but that too detaches till two entities fall into the atmosphere of the blue planet. It was small but familiar. Loki loses himself finally after such a long excursion but from where? He has forgotten. He then feels immense heat as he feels himself falling harder and an end comes to view. Buildings fill his sight and he closes his eyes for impact but a green light shines brightly through his eyelids going out only when he feels his body be placed on a cold wet surface. He has enough strength to open one eye and sees himself look down at him. He blinks and as the figure limps away he wonders who it was? And where did he himself come from? Those questions flitter through his mind as he gives way to a blackness that he has become so intimate with but for some reason he feels a fear to it.
