"The light of my life's been stolen
I've walked in every shade of black
And I never thought I would get me back"
Carson Drew's eyes were still red and puffy. Absentmindedly, he stared into the void of his dimly lit kitchen. He sat at the table in a chair that faced both the garage and the kitchen-front door. It was weird…it was almost as if…as if he still expected her to come walking in one of the doors…as if nothing had happened…nothing at all.
Her brilliant smile would light up the room, chase away shadows and fears. She would laugh lightly at the sight of him…such a mess. Her laugh had always tinkled like a delicate bell, cheering even the gloomiest of souls. She would perch in his lap and hold him tight. Her empathetic nature would pity him. She would cradle him in her soft arms, not saying a word, knowing all the while that no words could take away the sting. She would kiss the top of his head, kiss his cheek, kiss his lips…
No, he thought suddenly. I have to learn to let her go. I have to…I have no other choice now. She's gone.
He still couldn't bring that realization to his mind fully. His body wouldn't let him analyze and interpret the information. He couldn't process it. He refused to process it…but he had to. He had no other option. But he didn't want to! He never wanted to get used to such an awful idea! He could never see himself accustomed to living without her…without her. He thought the words over and over…without her.
Carson heard a whimper escape his own cracked and dry lips. His mouth had run dry and his cheeks felt the sting of unstoppable tears once more. He didn't want to stop the tears. How heartless it would be for him to try. He would rather have himself shamed before anyone and everyone for loosing his composure as opposed to not mourning her. Mourning her…It wasn't right. This world was so cruel to take such an angel from him, to take such an angel at all. The words sounded so foreign to him…mourn her, live without her…how unthinkable.
Carson continued to battle within himself. He cried softly into his hands as he finally let it sink in…She wasn't coming home…ever again. She was gone.