LOST- CHAPTER 1
The grounders were ready to attack upon Clarke's orders when the voice of their commander stopped them.
"Stand down! Retreat."
Lexa watched the confusion on Clarke's face; a questioning look followed it. A question for her.
"I did what I had to for my people, Clarke." Lexa answered.
Immediately the questioning look was replaced by a look of understanding, but that lasted only for a very brief moment. If Lexa weren't so good at observing Clarke, she might have missed it. But the understanding look was soon, very soon, replaced by the look of betrayal. Clarke's eyes were still wide in disbelief. It killed Lexa to see how much faith that girl had in her, and knew how it would be all lost after these few moments, when Clarke would fully understand the matter.
"You made a deal."She said gritting her teeth, finally coming to the inevitable conclusion as she watched the grounder prisoners coming out of the door.
Anger was now taking over her; her eyes hardening, losing all the warmth they had held for Lexa. Lexa watched Clarke closely as she was doing what Lexa had done many times - in fact had spent nearly her entire life doing - putting on a mask. Clarke put on a mask of indifference to show that what Lexa did only affected her politically, but Lexa was the one who had invented the mask game and therefore knew everything about it. Beside, this was her Clarke. No, she no longer had the right to call her that. It was clear that she could never be hers now. But that did not change the fact that Clarke was the only one, after Costia, whom Lexa's heart, mind, body and soul craved. Maybe it could even have been more than what she had with Costia, if they had given the relationship a chance; Clarke challenged her like no other. She made a part of Lexa come out not even Lexa knew existed. Clarke completed her in ways no one ever had. And yet she could never have her. She was a leader of thousands and could not place her priority before those who depended on her and thus, willing herself to stay strong, she looked into Clarke's blue, cold eyes and whispered,
"May we meet again."
As Lexa marched with her army, back to their camp, she noticed Indra walking alone, without the shadow that usually followed her. "Her brother is more important to her than anyone else," echoed in Lexa's mind. Of course Clarke knew all of her friends well. They all put their feelings before anything else. She knew Clarke thought the same of Lexa, despite knowing her ways, that Lexa would have done the same thing- put her heart before her head. She wanted to and knew that if she had stayed and fought alongside the sky people, they would have won but then, she would have lost her people in the process. She cared about each and every life when it came down to her people. However, she was not scared to sacrifice some, if needed, to save many. But in this case, there was no need for lives to be sacrificed when the safety of her people could be so easily guaranteed.
The ones who didn't know Lexa well and only knew her as their commander thought that it had been an easy decision for her; but it wasn't. It had cost her her heart. It was bleeding, but she was the one who had destroyed its remedy, finished off the healer who could have healed it.
That night, a grand celebration was held at the camp. Lexa, being the commander, was supposed to be present, enjoy it and rejoice. But she watched the celebration with a heavy heart. She hated feeling this way, feeling weak. Angry, she made her way back to her tent and took out her sword. She practiced on a dummy made of wood till it was turned into shreds. She swung her sword till exhaustion overtook her and she entered the realm of unconsciousness.
The next morning, she busied herself immensely not to get distracted with a certain blonde's face in her mind, not to think about when she abandoned her. Rebuilding Ton DC required a lot of physical effort, hence it was the perfect solution. She had been in Ton DC for four days when Indra sent her a message requesting her presence back at the camp. She knew Indra knew better than to call her for anything unless it was important,so she made her way back to the camp. She was, as usual, greeted by her warriors chanting, "Heda! Heda!" She held her head high as she moved towards her tent outside which Indra was standing.
"Heda." She greeted. Lexa nodded and made her way to her throne.
"Speak up, Indra. I do not have all day." Strangely enough, Indra looked a little nervous. A little. Lexa knew her too well for it to go unnoticed by her.
"Yes Heda; last night, one of our informers informed us that the mountain has been taken down by the sky people."
"The sky people? How?" Lexa asked unbelievably.
"Their commander is wise, Heda. She found the rest of her people, organized them and then went inside through the mines. "
"That does not explain how they won." Lexa remarked.
"These are the only details our informer could bring. But you can ask them when they come tonight."
"They come tonight? Why?" Lexa asked, surprised.
"That is not known to me, Heda. But, if they are not welcome here then all you have to do is say so." Indra reassured her commander.
"No. Allow them to come. I want to hear what they have to say." Lexa said decisively.
"Yes, Heda. But do you think it's wise after what happened? They can be a threat to you." Indra said, concerned.
"Do not question me, Indra. Remember your stand." Lexa hissed.
"Forgive me, Heda." Indra quickly apologized. Indra herself was a lethal warrior but she knew the commander and did not want to be on her wrong side.
"And remember, I am very capable of defending myself against those people. They are no threat to me." Lexa continued in a low tone.
"You may leave now." Lexa dismissed Indra who bowed and left.
Once she was left alone, the wheels of her mind started turning. How had Clarke managed to defeat the mountain men on her own? It was impossible. Yet she knew Clarke's potential and how different were her ways from any other leader Lexa had met. She was proud of the leader Clarke was shaping into and smiled a little.
After a few hours, one of Lexa's guards informed Lexa about the sky people's arrival. She sat on her throne and ordered,
"Bring them in."
She put on her mask of the strong, ruthless and fearless leader that she was known for. She heard three pairs of feet moving towards her tent. She was an excellent hunter and could hardly ever be wrong.
In entered, Bellamy, Raven and Clarke. Lexa exhaled a breath she didn't realize she was holding as the last person mentioned entered.
Bellamy had placed himself in front of Clarke in a defensive position. The boy was really protective of Clarke. He would be a fine bodyguard, Lexa observed.
"So, what is it that you want Clarke of the sky people?" She heard the years of the trained leader voice of hers speak.
Clarke and Lexa hadn't had any eye contact since Clarke and her people had entered due to Bellamy's position. Lexa watched Clarke put a hand on Bellamy's shoulder as if reassuring him that she was safe. Did she really think that I would hurt her? Other than feeling hurt Lexa felt angry at the tender manner Clarke had used with the boy. But those were all her internal feelings. Externally, nothing showed on her face.
The instant Lexa's eyes found Clarke's she knew she was not forgiven. The same coldness was visible in them, like the last time she had looked at them. If it were possible, they had hardened even more.
Clarke cleared her throat, which brought Lexa's attention back to the present.
"I want to have peace with our neighbors, with you. We can't work together as we did before but I need to know that you are not a threat to us."
"And what do you have in exchange for that?" Lexa said curtly.
"In return, we will not attack you." Clarke simply said.
"What? Did you just threaten me?" Commander burst out angrily.
"We are not the weak ones that you can dispose off for your benefit. Not anymore. We have Mount Weather's technology with us now, our brains and your training. We are the strong side now, Commander. And you should be thankful to us for making peace with you." Clarke answered fearlessly.
Lexa observed Clarke for a while before saying. "Well spoken, Clarke of the sky people. But need I remind you that I have the power of all the 12 clans? My warriors can..."
"Okay, okay Commander. Let's agree that both our sides are strong, which is more the reason for us to form this peace treaty." Clarke said irritated.
"An alliance?" Lexa questioned.
"Never!" Clarke spoke angrily, without thinking. Hatred evident in her eyes. Lexa smirked at this. She wasn't as good at hiding her emotions as she thought.
Lexa's smirk made Clarke realize her slip and she quickly amended it by saying,
"I think our people not going to war with one another is enough. Nothing more, nothing less."
"I accept your proposition, Clarke of the sky people. You have nothing to fear from us unless you do anything to offend us."
"Not like this. I need you to announce it in front of all your men."
Lexa knew why she put this condition. "All right. We have a festival tonight and all the heads of the clans will attend it. You can come and I will announce it."
"Right. We will leave now." Clarke said and, without waiting for any response from the commander, turned around to leave. Lexa thought over what Clarke had just said. Clarke was a sweet and kind girl, and would have said thank you not 'right' like she just had. Everything was off about her.
"Clarke, wait." Lexa interrupted Clarke's movement.
"Yes?" Clarke said, turning around.
"Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?" The commander asked.
"I don't think so." Bellamy spoke, not ready to leave Clarke's side.
Lexa remained quiet as she watched Clarke contemplating something. Finally she said, "It's fine, Bel. Go with Raven and wait outside." She put a hand on Bellamy's shoulder, again, making Lexa growl inwardly.
When Bellamy and Raven left, Clarke moved towards the table placed in the center of the tent and started playing with a quill on said table. She wasn't going to be the one to speak first. Finally, after a moment of heavy silence, she heard Lexa clear her throat.
"You are angry, Clarke." The commander said in a tired voice.
"No. I am not."
"Yes, you are."
"It doesn't matter what I feel, Commander. I am a leader, I can't feel anything." Clarke spoke hotly.
"It had to be done." Lexa said softly.
"No it didn't. Not if you had honored our alliance and treated my people like yours." Clarke accused, her eyes sending daggers to the commander's.
"Our deal was to get our respective people out Clarke, I was in no way responsible for your people and neither were you for mine." Lexa said moving towards the table.
"Well, good for you. Congratulations! Your brilliant back stabbing plan worked perfectly well for you." Moisture glittered in Clarke's eyes.
No one had ever dared to speak to Lexa the way Clarke did at the moment. Lexa was sure Indra would have had Clarke's head by now, even if she had tried to stop her. However, Lexa could not find it in herself to be offended by Clarke.
"Anything else that you wanted to ask, Commander?" 'Commander' was a term of respect that people used for Lexa, yet it sounded like an insult from Clarke's lips. She was used to Clarke addressing her by her name, not her title, and it didn't feel right.
"How did you defeat the mountain men?" Lexa asked, genuine curiosity in her voice.
"I should thank you for that."
"Me?" Lexa questioned.
"I used Cage's weakness against him." Clarke said. Lexa waited for Clarke to elaborate. When she didn't, Lexa was forced to ask,
"His weakness being?"
"Love. Love for his father. He gave it all up for his father and you know why?"
Lexa remained silent.
"Because I had promised him that I will free his father in exchange for him."
"And did you?"
"No. I shot them both. They both bled to death in front of me. And I felt nothing. No guilt. No shame for breaking their trust. Nothing." Clarke said, her face expressionless.
Then she turned around to leave. While walking to the door her last words were, "It made me understand how you felt when you broke the alliance, Commander. Destroyed the faith I had in you. You felt nothing."
Indra entered the Commander's tent as soon as the sky people left but the Commander ordered her to leave and not to be disturbed unless necessary. Once alone she broke down to tears. The ruthless and fearless Commander, who had not shed tears since Costia's death, was finally leaking them. She had lost any chance of finding love. She had lost Clarke forever. There was no remedy for her bleeding heart anymore.