Lost- Clexa

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Lexa knew what she wanted. She wanted Clarke. She craved Clarke but Clarke was also right, she was scared. She knew very well her feelings for the blonde and she was scared of what had happened to her last lover, that Clarke could suffer a similar fate. But here she was, standing, bare of most of her secrets, in front of Clarke and here the other girl was accepting her. And so Lexa made her decision.

She took a step forward, decreasing the distance between their bodies. She couldn't help but smirk as she saw Clarke's eyes drift to her lips before her blue eyes met her green ones again. Blue stormy eyes met her forest green, nearly taking her breath away.

"How?" Lexa asked.

"How...what?" Clarke managed to say.

"How are you able to read me so well, Clarke?" Lexa answered, asking her own question as she raised her hand, brushing her thumb softly against Clarke's cheeks, caressing it. Clarke couldn't help but close her eyes and absorb the sensation, drown in the feeling of Lexa's fingers against her skin. Lexa observed the blonde with fascination and admiration.

"You didn't answer me, Clarke." Lexa reminded her in a husky voice.

"I..I..wha- oh! Yeah, yeah. Your eyes." Clarke sputtered, so lost in the overwhelming warmth of Lexa's closeness that her brain couldn't formulate a full coherent sentence.

"Hmm?" Lexa hummed, confused.

"Your eyes give you away." Clarke tried again and clarified with a proper answer.

"Hmm...Is that so? Tell me what I am thinking right now." Lexa whispered in Clarke's ears and then moved her head back. Clarke felt a shiver down her spine.

"I...I...You...are..." Clarke mumbled lamely, failing to form proper sentences again. Lexa's eyes looked playful, mischievous but that was not what had made Clarke lose her words. It was the dilated pupils, taking over the green of the Commander's irises, that had turned her speechless.

Lexa licked her lips and slipped her hand over Clarke's stomach, lightly tracing the muscles there. Clarke's breath hitched and she moved her body closer to Lexa's. Lexa gently moved her hand towards Clarke's waist, sending sparks wherever she made contact. Her touch was so powerful despite the clothes separating them from the actual feeling of skin on skin. Lexa then moved her head sideways, towards Clarke's left ear and nipped it, making Clarke groan. Then she whispered,

"I am thinking of devouring you Clarke. I am thinking of you. Only you."

Clarke trembled at the power of those words coming from Lexa's mouth. She couldn't take the torture anymore so she roughly grabbed Lexa's collar and pulled her lips to hers. But Lexa didn't respond to the kiss as heatedly as Clarke had hoped. Instead she kissed her gently, oh so gently. Just like the first time she had kissed her. Clarke had seen Lexa lose control only once. Lexa had only kissed her madly, wildly only once. And Clarke wanted it again. She wanted the composed Commander to lose control, to be free with her.

"Not tonight, Clarke." Lexa said as if reading her mind.

Clarke growled in protest and forcefully slipped her tongue in Lexa's mouth, making Lexa give up her restraint and kiss her back furiously. Their tongues met and battled for dominance, neither willing to give the other the upper hand. Frustrated, Clarke bit Lexa's lower lip, distracting her enough to gain the control she wanted. Then she pushed Lexa towards her bed and, without further due, jumped up and straddled her. Clarke moved her upper body sideways and titled her head to get a better access to Lexa's mouth. Lexa's hips bucked up to meet Clarke's and a growl resonated in her throat. Clarke's lips then followed a trail down Lexa's neck and she sucked on her skin there. Lexa threw her head back, lost in the sensation. Clarke's hands made their way to Lexa's jacket and unbuttoned the first two buttons, exposing the little cleavage the tunic she was wearing allowed. She pulled at the hem of the tunic to increase the amount of bare skin accessible to her touch. Her lips then tumbled down to the exposed flesh and she kissed it eagerly. Lexa's hands weren't idle either. One hand moved up and down Clarke's spine and the other grabbed her ass, squeezing it. Suddenly, Clarke was lifted from Lexa's lap and flipped on her back to find the dark, lustful eyes of the Commander above her. She moved her head up to meet Lexa's lips but Lexa moved her head back a bit to avoid the contact, both breathing heavily. Clarke frowned and tried to move her hands but Lexa had pinned them down on either side of her body. Clarke growled and Lexa smirked.

"What?" She asked, irritated.

"I told you, not tonight." Lexa answered simply.

"Why? Don't you want it? Because your body seemed to speak differently." Clarke argued.

"Clarke of the Sky People, I want you. I do. You don't know how entwined you are with someone until you walk away from them. I did and thus I know how entwined my heart is to yours." Lexa said kissing softly her forehead and then her nose and then slowly descending down to Clarke's mouth, brushing her lips with a feathery kiss.

"But we need to rest now. Other clan leaders will be coming tomorrow and we need to be present over there with a clear mind."

"This surely will clear our minds, Lexa." Clarke rasped and smirked when she saw Lexa's eyes drift to her lips. Clarke's heart rate increased as Lexa's face came close to hers but instead of meeting her awaiting lips, Lexa's met her left cheek, imparting a sweet kiss. Then Lexa got up and scooted a little away from Clarke.

"Clarke, the lives of our people hang in the balance. I cannot let myself indulge in pleasure before we have the threat removed. I don't want to make love to you while some part of my mind is not attentive to the moment."

"Is this the way Heda rejects another leader?" Clarke asked angrily and jumped off Lexa's bed but before she could move any further, Lexa grabbed her wrist and halted her. She stood up as well and moved quickly towards Clarke, wiping away the tears that had started to fall on Clarke's cheeks.

"Clarke, please don't think that. I want you. I crave you. I...I...care about you but you know I am right. I don't want to just have sex with you; you deserve more than that. We need all our concentration on the matter in hand. We need sleep to have fresh minds and fresh bodies. Right now, we need to be the leaders our people need, Clarke."

Clarke sniffled as she finally heard what Lexa was saying, "I just made a fool of myself, didn't I? I don't know what I was thinking. I am sorry."

"Don't be Clarke. You were right to withdraw from the kiss in my tent last time. War is no place for such things, at least when you want to have a deeper relation to someone than a mere physical one." Lexa mumbled the last part shyly and her tone was what made Clarke's firm belief that Lexa was speaking the truth.

"Well, if there's nothing else left. I will wish you goodnight, though it's nearly morning."

"The Clan leaders will arrive in the afternoon. We have some time to rest up, Clarke."

"Right. Goodnight then." Clarke said tying up the laces of her shoes and moving towards the door of the Commander's room.

"Clarke?" Lexa said in an undertone, dipping her head before looking up as Clarke turned around.

"Yes?" Clarke asked surprised at Lexa's tone, narrowing her eyes at the vulnerability she sensed in Lexa's demeanor; she looked shy, unsure of herself.

"You can stay here if you want." She whispered.

"Tell me what you want?" Clarke asked boldly. She wanted to hear Lexa say it. It was clear that the Commander didn't usually say things like that from the uncertainty, the hesitance and the nervousness in her voice.

Lexa looked into the blue eyes, pleading her to understand but Clarke made no move to ease this for her. Finally Lexa said,

"Will you please stay the night here, with me?" Lexa asked, with a little more confidence in the face of Clarke's stubbornness to have her word out her question.

"There. It wasn't so hard, was it?" Clarke smirked and, taking off her shoes, laid down on one side of Lexa's bed, watching her from there. Lexa first blew out all the candles in the room except the ones on the bedsides. She then took off her jacket slowly and placed it on the chair that had Clarke's jacket. After that, she took off weapons from the multiple pockets of her pants. Finally she laid on the other side of the bed, face to face with Clarke. However, she was looking over her shoulder, not meeting her eyes.

It was strange for Clarke to see Lexa looking so nervous but she would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying it. Clarke knew the reason behind it; Lexa hasn't had any relationship since Costia (at least none more than physical, Clarke was sure) thus she understood her nervousness with her. However, Clarke was curious about one thing.

She moved closer to Lexa and asked, "Lexa, how many lovers have you had?"

Clarke watched amusedly as blood rushed to the Commander's face in the dim light.

"Why...why do you ask?" She croaked.

"Just curious." Clarke said shrugging and folded her legs a bit, her knees now touching Lexa's.

Lexa closed her eyes and whispered in a painful voice.

"Too many to remember."

This was not the answer Clarke had expected. Now it was her turn to feel awkward. Maybe that's why Lexa rejected me; I am not good enough. The wheels of her sinister thoughts however came to a halt when Lexa continued in a voice barely controlled,

"I...I could not bear the nightmares after her. I needed some distraction to drive them away. I used to exhaust myself and then go to bed. I couldn't sleep otherwise."

"There are other ways to exhaust yourself." Clarke spoke sharply. She felt jealous just thinking of the women who had pleasured the Commander, made her forget everything and fucked her. Nevertheless, she immediately reprimanded herself as she heard her own harsh tone.

"Lexa, I didn't mean in-"

"Anya wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let me exhaust myself with training but she couldn't object to my nightly activities. That is something the Trikru never interfere with." Lexa laughed bitterly.

Silence followed Lexa's confession. Lexa listened to Clarke's rhythmic breathings; somehow it calmed her.

"Lexa...all those women?" Clarke asked hesitantly.

"I would never force myself on anyone." Lexa snapped instantly.

Clarke shook her head, feeling ashamed of having even thought about it. She then gingerly took Lexa's head in her hands and, moving away the strands of hair that had fallen on her face, kissed her cheek softly.

"I know. I am sorry. It's just that you were going through such a hard time, I thought maybe you had lost yourself." Clarke said honestly, her eyes pleading Lexa to understand and forgive her error.

Lexa looked Clarke in the eye, reading the plea there and after a moment said,

"I understand."

"Thank you." Clarke breathed a sigh of relief.

"Goodnight, Clarke." Lexa said before Clarke could start some new discussion. She would love to spend the remaining of the night talking to Clarke but she knew they both needed the rest for tomorrow.

Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa's abruptness but whispered, "Goodnight, Lexa" back before drifting to the land of sleep.

Lexa's eyes opened and she frowned, noting the darkness that surrounded her. She knew she had slept late and judging by the lightness of her body, she was sure she was well rested. Then why the darkness? Shouldn't it be midday? She mused. She felt something tickle her cheeks; there was something covering her face. Quickly, she moved it away with her right hand. Now light hit her eyes harshly and she squinted reflexively, trying to adjust to the brightness and gain her vision back. She tried to move her other hand but found herself unable to do so. She turned her head to her left to find the cause of it, now that her vision had adjusted to the bright light. She almost forgot to breathe looking at the sight. Clarke was fast asleep next to her, in her bed. She had abandoned her pillow sometime during the night it seemed, and moved to use Lexa's arm instead. The blonde locks were what was obstructing her vision, she deduced. She gently removed Clarke's hair from her face, as they were blocking Lexa's view of the girl's face. Lexa sucked in a breath. Clarke was breathtaking. In her slumber, she seemed free of all the worries and burdens that her shoulders carried.

Lexa tried to turn away towards the window so she could guess the time of the day but again, the movement was not possible. Lexa groaned as she realized she was held down by Clarke's arms placed around her waist. Her eyes looked down and she found out the time at least. According to Clarke's watch it was 12:00 pm. Lexa had been taught how to read time like the Mountain Men during her initial phase of training and hence had no problem in calculating that she had nearly 2 hours left before her generals came.

Just when Lexa thought of silently untangling herself from the blonde, Clarke's body pressed further into Lexa's, her head resting at the crook of Lexa's neck. Lexa smiled and touched Clarke's soft curls, letting a long ringlet wound itself around her finger. She watched her sleep for several minutes, her perfectly shaped lips pouting daintily. If it were up to her, she'd never move from this position but she knew both of them needed to get up to brief the Sky People and start off the day. She knew of the strong image her Clan leaders held of Clarke and she was going to make sure it remained that way.

"Clarke." Lexa said softly, trying in vain to wake her up.

"Clarke?" She tried again.

"Clarke, wake up!" This time she shook her as well.

"Mmmph. Sleeping." Clarke said in a mumble and moved her head from Lexa's neck to her chest, burying it there and going back to sleep.

Lexa's breath quickened as she looked down to the blonde now sleeping so close to her rapidly beating heart. She was just so beautiful. Lexa stroked Clarke's hair lightly and dropped a kiss in her hair.

"Clarke, we need to get up." She said in her ear though every fiber of her body was protesting against the notion of leaving this bed.

"Ugh, Lex. What time is it?"

"It's 12 in the afternoon." Lexa couldn't help the smile from forming on her lips as she heard her nickname from Clarke's voice; her morning, sleepy voice.

"That's late according to Grounders, I know." Clarke rasped, though still not making any move to leave her current position.

Lexa chuckled. She was sure Clarke was sleep talking. She quickly came to the conclusion that it was of no avail to try and wake up Clarke in this manner. So she carefully, very carefully, untangled herself from the blonde despite the occasional groans of protest from Clarke.

Lexa left her room but returned after a few minutes with a flask of water in her hand. Smiling widely, she poured the water on Clarke's head.

"Fuck! What the hell Lexa?" Clarke cried as she got up within seconds.

Lexa smirked playfully, "I told you we needed to get up."

"You didn't need to drop a whole bucket of water for that!" Clarke shrieked, putting her now drenched hair behind her ears.

"Forgive me, but this case deemed it necessary for me. And it was not a whole bucket." Lexa said in her firm Commander tone but Clarke wasn't buying it. She was reading the mischievousness in her eyes.

"You are so going to pay for that, Commander." Clarke said, walking towards Lexa.

"Is that so, Sky Heda?" Lexa whispered, her eyes drifting down to Clarke's lips as the blonde woman entered her personal space. The wet shirt that was sticking to Clarke's silhouette wasn't helping Lexa's case either. Lexa's eyes travelled down.

Clarke leaned in towards Lexa's face but just when their lips were about to connect, she diverted hers to Lexa's ear and husked,

"You need to show me around Polis today."

With that she was gone from the room.

Later, the Commander met Clarke at the dining table for lunch, with Clarke's friends already seated and chatting excitedly. Without further delay, they all started to fill up their bellies, relishing at the delicious food offered in Polis.

"How was your training, Clarke?" Octavia asked her friend.


"Your training. Vera told us that you left for an early morning training with the Commander."

"Oh. Yeah. It was fine." Clarke said, quickly recovering from the surprise. Her eyes found Vera's and the grounder smiled at her. The gesture was not reciprocated by the Sky Princess. She still had to interrogate Lexa about the woman.

Octavia frowned and bringing Clarke's attention back to her said,

"You aren't complaining today."

"Maybe she has started to like it, Octavia." Lexa snapped.

Octavia immediately shut up, and Clarke glared at Lexa. It was not her place to interrupt like that; Octavia was chatting with her like a friend. Lexa looked right back at Clarke but, after a little while, nodded, informing Clarke silently that she won't interfere anymore.

"I took a hot shower afterwards, O. That's probably why I am feeling better. It wasn't fun, I assure you."

"So what's today's agenda, Captain?" Raven asked from across the table.

Lexa, who had no idea she was the one being addressed to, paid her no attention and continued her discussion with Vera.

"Umm... Commander, I was asking you."

"No, you said Captain not Commander Raven." Making it clear that she heard Raven all right.

Raven rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "My bad. Commander, what's the agenda for today?"

Clarke barely suppressed her laughter at the interaction. Raven would be Raven, no matter who she was talking to.

"All my Clan leaders will be here within 2 hours and they will be briefed about our current situation. So tell me Raven, Wick, have you figured out what you need to do in order to stop the massive destruction that is to happen if the bomb is launched?"

"Thank you for going into the glory details, Commander. I really needed it." Raven said sarcastically but the Commander remained stoic, waiting for the real answer.

"You have an answer for me or not?"

Clarke observed the Commander, trying to find the girl who had poured water on her face to wake her up, the girl who had confessed her feelings for her, the girl who had broken down in front of her, the girl who had kissed her like no one had. She failed; Lexa wore her mask well. In that moment, she looked nothing but intimidating and authoritative.

"Well, we are going to build an EMP." Wick answered quickly.

"What is that and how is it going to help?" Vera joined in.

"EMP is the full form of Electromagnetic Pulse Generator and it has the power to knock out all the electronic devices in range." Clarke answered before Raven and Wick had a chance.

Raven turned to Clarke, looking impressed.

"What? I didn't always sleep during my physics class even though I did find it super boring." Clarke defended herself and Octavia chuckled.

"How will you build it?" Lexa asked, bringing the group back to the matter in hand.

"That's the burning question, isn't it?" Raven said, smirking.

"I don't think you realize how serious the matter is Raven of the Sky People. If you can't fix this, all of our people will die. Yours and mine both, and us probably included. The whole human race will vanish into nothing. So I suggest you take this seriously otherwise I think you coming here is nothing but a disappointment." Lexa said the harsh words monotonously.

"What? I am not taking it seriously? Who would know what is going to happen if the bomb explodes better than me, Commander? I am just as serious as you are over this. The difference is, I know that spending every moment like it is the last will do us no good. And for your information, I did figure out a way to save our people. Or think I have, at least." Raven said heatedly.

"Raven, you are speaking out of place. I cannot allow you to-"

"It's fine, Vera. Everyone has their own way of coping." Lexa said calmly and nodded at Raven's direction. This calmed Raven a bit. Lexa had been a successful Commander not just because of her ruthlessness but also because she understood the nature of her warriors. She knew everyone had their moments of weakness.

"Commander, one of the things we - I - took from Mount Weather was a Camera." Wick said, taking over and changing the 'we' to 'I' when Raven glared at him.

"A camera?"

"It's a device used to capture -"

"I know what a camera is. Continue please." Lexa said impatiently.

"Well, we need to use it to make the EMP generator. In addition, we require a copper wire and some magnets. Any idea where we can find these things in the city?"

"You don't need to go in the city to find this. We have a room here with all the scarp items from the past." Vera said.

"How did I not know of this?" Raven exclaimed.

"You never asked." Vera smirked.

"How long will this device take to build?" Lexa asked, getting up from her chair.

"If we find all the materials required then no more than an hour or so." Raven replied.

"Very well. We will journey to the City of Lights tomorrow morning." Lexa said, standing now.

"Oki doki." Raven replied, and Lexa, this time, failed not to roll her eyes.

"Clarke, come." Lexa said walking towards the door without turning back to look at Clarke as she addressed her. She knew the blonde would follow her.

Clarke matched Lexa's pace as they marched out of the palace. (Clarke didn't know what else to call it).

"Where are we going?"

"You wanted to see Polis, no?"

"But...don't we need to prepare for your generals?"

"There isn't anything to prepare, Clarke. It's a regular occurrence. They report to me whenever I arrive in Polis."

"I wasn't talking about that. I meant...what am I going to do?"

"What you do best." Lexa said, turning to the left. Clarke followed.

"Which is?"

"Be the leader of Sky People."


"Relax and enjoy the city while you can, Clarke." Lexa said, turning her head sideways to look at Clarke. She observed that she had a frown on her face.

"You think too much. You should sometimes trust your instincts." Lexa suggested, halting in front of a fence.

In front of them was a huge field of wheat.

"You wanted to know how we make bread without electronic ovens. I thought of showing you from the initial process." Lexa explained her reason to bring her here.

"Are those farmers? I thought you just had warriors." Clarke said shocked, and realized how stupid it sounded as she heard what she had just said.

Lexa chuckled and, shaking her head amusedly, said, "I told you Polis would change the way you think of us. We are more than wars and battles."

"I believe you." Clarke said breathless, as she crossed the fence and walked in the wheat field. Her arms extended on either sides, she felt the softness of the plants. All the while, Lexa stood on her post and watched her with a small smile of her own.

Several of her people greeted Lexa when they saw her standing there. Lexa nodded to acknowledge their greetings.

After a few minutes, Clarke joined Lexa with a huge smile on her face. Lexa then led her to the silos where heaps of grains were being brought.

"This is where the chaff is separated from the grain. The spikelet are moistened and pounded for the process. The bran that is removed is used for animal field." Lexa explained Clarke animatedly.

Clarke watched impressed at the intense labor that was put up to make bread without any machine. Lexa next showed her the place where the wheat was grinded. It was a large ground but it was sheltered from the sun by a sheet made up of thin wood. Several men and women were busy crushing the crops with grinding stones.

"After that, a dough is prepared from the flour with the addition of water and then shaped into molds."

"How is it baked?" Clarke asked, still eyeing the grinding process.

"Come, let me show you."

Lexa propelled forward, towards the end of the room which had a door attached to it. As she walked, people stopped her to meet and greet her but Lexa never once showed any sign of impatience. She behaved like the last time Clarke had seen her in crowd, very humble to them. Once they reached the end of the room, Lexa led Clarke through the door where she thought another room was connected to this one.

Only it wasn't a room at all, it was an exit. She was out in the open again but it was considerably hotter there, which was strange as the day was cloudy. The mystery was solved when Clarke's eyes looked at the people in the area - they were baking the molds into bread. The smell of freshly baked bread was mouth-watering.

Clarke had apparently stopped walking as she felt Lexa's arm snake around her waist and gently guided her forward. Clarke's feet moved with the Commander's, but Lexa's arm stayed where it was.

"I am sorry, but I don't really know the process from there." Lexa said, blushing slightly. Clarke couldn't help as the word adorable popped in her mind looking at the Commander.

"Heda, Sky Heda." An old man greeted them both.

"Belanor, good afternoon." Lexa greeted him and, much to Clarke's dismay, removed her arm from her back and put it on her sword's hilt. Clarke could read the respect in Lexa's voice as she greeted the old man in turn.

"How are you my child?"

"I am well, thank you. Clarke of the Sky People was just curious about the process of bread forming. I wish for you to please explain it to her." Lexa said politely.

"Of course Heda."

He led them to a huge kiln. "You see this vessel is covered with a clay disk to preserve heat. Fire is ignited at the bottom for heat. After sometime, when it is hot enough for the dough to bake, the molds are placed inside it."

"How do you place them in? It is very hot, after all."

Belanor chuckled and muttered, "She's smart, Commander."

"I wouldn't disagree." Lexa said softly and Clarke blushed.

"Sky Heda, you see this wooden spatula? The mold is placed on it and then positioned in the vessel, at the bottom." Belanor said pointing at a huge peel in his hand.

"It looks more like an oar than a spatula. And its handle is quite long. Intelligent." Clarke commented.

Belanor dipped his head as he demonstrated what he had just said. After a few minutes, Clarke and Lexa were presented with a freshly baked bread. Clarke moaned in pleasure as she took a bite to taste it.

"This is so good. I've never tasted fresh bread in my entire life. On the Ark, we had genetically engineered food and it never even tasted anything close to what food tastes here." Clarke rambled on and Lexa listened to her patiently, internally savoring the happiness these small things brought to Clarke.

"Clarke, I am sorry but we should head back now." Lexa said after a while.

"Oh? No problem. Time to face the music." Clarke sighed and got up.

"You want music in the meeting room?" Lexa looked at her like she had lost her mind.

"Wha-? No."

"But you said so yourself." Lexa insisted.

"Never mind. Let's go."

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