LOST – CHAPTER 9
"Clarke." Lexa whispered in a weak voice.
"You are awake?" Clarke asked surprised.
"No. I am still asleep." Lexa said, her eyes twinkling.
"Did you just make a joke?"
"I don't know what that is, Clarke." Lexa said, smirking.
"You should stay in the hospital more often, it puts you in a good mood Commander." Clarke said, sitting on the bed.
"Can I please have water?" Lexa croaked, her voice hoarse.
"Yes, of course." Clarke said and tried to move but found her wrist still held by the Commander, who was staring into her eyes as if reading something very important in them.
Clarke cleared her throat and said, "Commander, my hand."
Lexa's face flushed and she immediately removed her hold on Clarke's wrist. Then she averted her gaze from Clarke's and started to stare at the ceiling.
Clarke brought a glass of water to her and Lexa tried to take it from Clarke's hands but winced in pain as she tried to move her arms from her sides.
"You were shot Lexa, you can't..." Clarke started gently.
"I can't what? Drink water on my own? I don't think so." Lexa hissed angrily, her good mood vanishing into thin air. She tried to grab the glass again but Clarke, knowing Lexa's stubbornness, had anticipated this and had already set the glass on the table so, when Lexa tried to move her arms, they were immediately pinned on either side of her body by the blonde, her face right above the Commander's and bending closer as she applied pressure to keep her still. Clarke noticed the change in Lexa's breathing and shuddered when she felt the rapid pounding of her pulse under her fingertips.
"I can't let you do that, Commander. Your stitches will open." Clarke whispered, her breath warming the Commander's face.
"Let me go, Clarke." Lexa said, giving Clarke a deathly glare that would make anyone run far away from her. Anyone but Clarke.
"No chance, Lexa." Clarke said huskily, smirking at the girl below her.
Lexa gulped at her tone but kept glaring. However, she stopped struggling as she figured it would be to no avail.
"Good girl." Clarke said, releasing Lexa.
Then she helped the very annoyed Commander to a half sitting position and brought the glass of water to her lips. Once the liquid touched her lips, Lexa forgot all her bitterness towards Clarke and hungrily drank all the water, spilling some of the liquid on her shirt in the process. Clarke snatched a tissue from the tissue box on the table and wiped the water dripping from Lexa's chin and slowly made her way to her lips, caressing them softly against the thin tissue. She looked up from her lips to her eyes and found them boring into hers. She stared back into them for a while and then swallowed nervously as she saw how dark the green eyes were. She felt her heart rate increase, her face heat up and her mouth go dry.
Suddenly, Lexa tried to move her arm and flinched in pain, bringing Clarke back to her senses. Blushing, she swiftly retracted her arm after gently but hurriedly placing the Commander back on the bed. All the time, she could feel the Commander's gaze on her, making her blush even more. She got off the bed and, turning around to fix the curtains, which didn't need fixing, said,
"Lexa, you should rest. You were supposed to be asleep till dawn."
"I have been trained to always be alert to my surroundings, Clarke. Did you really expect me not to wake up when you touched me face?"
Clarke hadn't thought she could get anymore redder but she was proven wrong, as she felt her cheeks heat up even more. She didn't dare turn around as she lied,
"Uh...Yeah. I was checking your temperature." Then, gathering resolve and taking a deep breath to cool her face, she turned around and said forcibly,
"You need to rest now."
"I am not weak. I am fine." Lexa protested.
Clarke rolled her eyes. "This is not the same as being weak! You were injured and you need to rest, don't be an idiot."
"I thought you said I was smart." Lexa mumbled, before finally resting her head against the pillow and immediately falling asleep.
Clarke watched the woman for a few seconds before quietly, very quietly, moving to the chair to sit down. She wanted to tell Lexa how she felt about her as soon as the grounder had woken up. But she knew that Lexa was under sedation, though not heavy, as soon as she cracked a joke. She did like this side of Lexa but she knew that Lexa needed to be totally herself when Clarke confessed her feelings to her, when she told her she was ready.
Clarke found a notebook and a pen inside a drawer of the table placed on the side table and thought of drawing so she didn't sleep. She wanted to be awake in case Lexa needed anything. She stared at the paper and thought of what to draw. Her mind went back to Lexa and suddenly she got the inspiration. She started working, her forehead creased in concentration.
Clarke jolted awake by the sound of footsteps. She immediately grabbed the pencil that had fallen on her lap and clenched it tightly in her fist ready to use it as a weapon. She saw black boots making their way to her. She quickly looked up and sighed in relief as she saw Bellamy stopping in front of her.
"Gosh, Bellamy! You scared me." She exclaimed.
Bellamy smiled, though Clarke noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes, as he said sheepishly, "Sorry. I saw that you had dozed off and didn't want to disturb you."
Clarke nodded as she didn't know what else to say.
"Umm...I brought breakfast for you... and the Commander." Bellamy added, gesturing at the tray he had in his hand.
"You didn't have to. I would've gotten it for her once she woke up. Besides, I won't be eating it as I am not hungry." Clarke said, barely concealing a yawn.
"Nonsense. You need to eat and then go rest..."
"But..."Clarke tried to interrupt.
"The Commander is not going anywhere, Clarke."
Clarke huffed, "Fine."
Bellamy passed her the tray and then stood there awkwardly before gracefully picking up the chair on the opposite end and bringing it next to Clarke's.
The tension in the room was palpable but Clarke tried to ignore it as she randomly stuffed food in her mouth, without really tasting it. Bellamy turned his head from Clarke and watched the sleeping form of the Commander, though not really watching as his mind was somewhere else.
"Thanks Bellamy." Clarke said gratefully as she got up and put the tray on the table, smiling softly when her eyes fell on the Commander.
"Umm...Clarke? I was hoping to talk to you about you know..."
Just then his radio came alive and Kane's voice ringed in the room. "Bellamy, you are needed in the armory."
Bellamy brought out the walkie-talkie from his pockets and, with a scowl on his face, replied, "I will be there in a moment."
Bellamy looked up apologetically towards Clarke and said, "I am sorry. I will be sending Octavia. No, Clarke. You need to rest, you look exhausted." He added when Clarke tried to protest again.
Clarke rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "Thanks for the compliment and fine, I will go and rest."
Bellamy smiled but it was gone after a moment and nervousness found its way on his face. "Clarke, can I please see you tonight? I was hoping to talk to you. I really am sorry and I would totally understand if you say no but I..."
"Come to my room in the afternoon. You will find me there." Clarke cut off his blabbing.
Relief flooded on his face as he said, "Thank you. I…I'll leave now."
Just as he was about to leave, Abby entered. Bellamy nodded at her respectfully and then left.
"She hasn't woken up yet?" Abby asked frowning.
"She woke up last night, soon after you left and, after nearly 15 minutes, went to sleep again. She hasn't woken up since then."
"Well, we should wake her up now. She needs food in her system." Abby said, walking to the bed.
"I'll do it." Clarke said coldly.
"Clarke, listen to me please."
Clarke stopped moving and turned back to her mom, raising her eyebrows.
"I am sorry for what I said, but I am your mother and you need to believe that I want the best for you. However, I have realized that maybe you know better what is best for you. Though, let me just say this; this is not going to be a relationship accepted by all. It's not going to be easy. If you want the easy way...I am sure there are some among our people who like you."
Clarke harshly answered her, "It's not about liking, mom! I have deeper feelings for Lexa than I would have ever thought having for anyone. I felt torn, incomplete, imperfect during the days I was away from her. And yes, I know it won't be welcomed by everyone, but I need to try, mom. And if you haven't noticed, nothing is easy on Earth."
Abby sighed in defeat and said. "All right. But I want to make a request to you as Lexa's doctor."
"Please do this after she's out of bed. I don't want her to do anything that will cause any harm to her wound or stitches. "
Clarke blushed. " Obviously, mom. I know that."
"Good. Now give her these painkillers when you wake her up. I am needed by another patient who has wounded his arm rather badly while trying to place a sword back into its sheath." Abby said, rolling her eyes.
Clarke chucked and, taking the colorful pills from her mom, said, "It's not really his fault. We didn't have swords on our Ark, did we?"
"But we did have knives." Abby muttered as she left the room.
Clarke focused her attention back at the brunette once she was again alone with her.
She had a very strong urge to run her hand along Lexa's cheekbones, tangle her arms in Lexa's hair and plant soft kisses down her jaw lines to those soft but chapped lips to wake her up. She had only kissed Lexa once but it was that one kiss that made her crave so much more. That kiss brought out a hunger from inside of her Clarke didn't know existed. She had romantically kissed people before - Finn, this other girl from the Ark and Wes when she had first(and the last) time become drunk - but Lexa's kiss had no comparison to any. It had taken everything in her to stop kissing the Commander. She knew it had been wrong to kiss her when some part of her heart still belonged to Finn. But now, her heart was completely void of affections for Finn and she knew she would not be able to resist Lexa this time. So she opted to wake her up by simply calling her name.
"Lexa. Lexa, wake up." Clarke said gently in the Commander's ear.
Lexa's eyes immediately popped open and her hands started to move towards her hip, probably to grab some non-existent dagger, but stopped midway when she saw the blonde.
"Clarke of the Sky People." Lexa greeted.
"Lexa of the Tree people, you've finally woken up!" Clarke said, imitating the Commander.
"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind." Lexa said, frowning.
"Neither is repeating your lines again and again."
"You remembered." Lexa said, smiling a little.
"Of course I did. I don't know if you've noticed but I am not exactly 70 plus."
"I have." Lexa said, her eyes running down Clarke's body.
"Ah...Umm. You need to eat something Lexa." Clarke said, trying to make the Commander look back at her face.
Lexa nodded and Clarke fed her breakfast patiently.
"Clarke, I can't stay here." Lexa spoke up suddenly.
"Here as in camp Jaha?" Clare asked confused.
"No. I can't be treated by these mountain men's equipment. Remove these tubes." Lexa said.
Clarke remained silent as she placed the now empty breakfast tray on the table and, getting up from the bed, said,
"Need I remind you that I do not take orders from you, Commander? And these mountain men's equipment are what saved your life."
"I wasn't asked for my consent before they were used, Clarke." Lexa said coolly.
"If you were what would have been your answer?" Clarke asked slowly, looking directly into the commander's eyes.
"These people had drained lives of my people for centuries. I would've rather died than taken help from something that was built by them, even if it meant that my sprit could no longer stay in my body." Lexa said stoically.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Clarke said frustrated, losing her cool.
The Commander again started in her even tone, "Clarke..."
"No, don't you dare 'Clarke' me. I need you to listen to me now. How can you say that you would rather give your life than be saved just because it was your enemy's equipment that saved your life? Hating them? I get it. But hating these non-living things? I don't get it. Anything's use defines it, not its origin."
"I cannot go against my traditions, Clarke." Lexa said simply.
"Damn your traditions, Lexa. I thought you were better than that. After all, you have formed an alliance with someone who killed 300 of your people. And don't you see how we, the Sky people, have changed ourselves to survive on this damn planet? Do you think it is our tradition to go to wars? Kill others? Train from early in the morning to dusk?"
Lexa had her fingers curled into fists but, still maintaining a cool voice, asked, "What is your point, Clarke?"
"You need to become accepting, Lexa. Learn to accept new things, new traditions, and new cultures. Let your culture grow. I am not saying to completely let go off your traditions but know when to be lenient too. Don't follow it like it is a word of God."
"Clarke, you don't..."
"I am not done yet, Commander." Clarke said sharply.
"I don't know how invaluable you think your life is Lexa but let me tell you something; it matters a lot to your people, to mine and to me. I once said that I needed your sprit to stay where it was and I am sticking to my statement." Clarke said, breathing heavily, anger visible in her eyes.
Lexa stared into Clarke's eyes for what felt like eternity before slowly nodding her head.
"Good. Now eat these pills."
Lexa looked at them as if they were tiny grenades and tried to recoil from them.
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Clarke said exasperated.
"These are our medicines, Lexa. You need to swallow them with water."
Lexa glared at Clarke and said, "I trust you" and swallowed the pills as per Clarke's instructions.
The opening of the infirmary's door made Clarke break contact with the Commander's eyes as she turned around to find who had entered.
"Hey, Clarke." Octavia said, marching towards her with a small smile.
"Why is your face all red and why are you breathing so heavily?" Octavia asked, winking.
Clarke rolled her eyes at Octavia's implication and replied, "Maybe because I had to talk sense into someone for which I needed to give a speech."
"Oh, that's pretty normal." Octavia said, grinning.
"Shut up, O." Clarke said, playfully hitting the other girl.
Lexa cleared her throat and, as soon as Octavia's eyes fell on the Commander, the playful girl vanished and a loyal guard/warrior replaced her.
"Commander." She said, nodding respectfully.
"It's good to see you well." Octavia continued.
She turned again to Clarke and said, "You know why I am here, right Griffin?"
"Yes, your brother did tell me that I look like a zombie, that I need to go rest and you would be my replacement here."
"I am surprised he actually managed to make you agree with him. I mean, you are not really easy to persuade."
"Bellamy was here?" Lexa asked sharply.
"Yes. In fact, he was the one who brought breakfast." Clarke told Lexa, happily unaware of the anger surging through Lexa's mind hearing her speak of Bellamy.
Lexa just managed to nod in response.
"Okay then, I will leave you two ladies now. Keep my mom informed of her condition every hour, Blake. I will be back here in the evening."
"I don't need someone to stay with me, Clarke."
Then, looking at Octavia, she commanded, "Octavia, leave."
Octavia looked confused whether or not to follow the direct order given by the Commander, but she didn't need to worry about it as Clarke spoke up,
"Sorry to break it to you Lexa, but she is no longer Indra's second or a 'grounder' so she is not bound to listen to you. But let me tell you something; she is my friend and I can guarantee you will listen to me on this." Clarke said and, hugging Octavia, left the room.
Octavia took the seat without the Commander's cloak on and said "She's right Commander, plus you saved my brother's life so the least I can do is protect yours till you are capa..."
"Don't ever think that I am incapable of defending myself, Octavia of the Sky people." Lexa said dangerously.
"Sorry. I didn't mean that. I just wanted to thank you for saving Bellamy's life and I am sorry for my behavior earlier."
Lexa dipped her head. Silence fell over them after this.
Lexa broke it after a while, "Octavia of the Sky People?"
"What is a zombie?" She asked seriously.
"It's a...what?" Octavia stopped speaking as she realized what the Commander had asked.
"Clarke said that Bellamy had said she looked like a zombie."
You are jealous, Octavia wanted to say but knew better. "Ahem...it's... what do you think it is?"
"Some beautiful creature of the Sky?" Lexa guessed.
Octavia had to bite her cheek to stop from laughing out loud.
"Yes, that's what it is. If you find someone beautiful, you should call them a zombie."
Lexa looked at her thoughtfully before she said, "Thank you, Octavia."