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The Last Adventure of ATM: Heaven on Earth

By Kyan Sophia

Other / Adventure

Chapter 1: RSVP

Police Station, Toronto, Canada, 7:30am.

A policeman read the Toronto Star quietly waiting for his partner to return so they could go on their morning rounds, he pulled the paper closer to him staring at the picture of a little girl who looked incredibly familiar.

"I know this girl," he said to himself as his partner came back with coffee and pancakes.

"Don't get mad but there's no syrup," his buddy said with a frown noticing his colleague staring at the front page of the Toronto Star, "Isn't that the girl we rescued from that murdering couple last year?" he asked leaning over his colleague's shoulder.

"It sure is," his colleague nodded, "Looks like she hooked up with Trish Stratus,"

The photo on the front cover of the newspaper was taken outside the White House where Trish, Lita and Melina were being honored by President Bush for their role in the war in Iraq. Carla, LC, Cassidy, Charlene, Brandon, Charlotte and Dan were also in the picture standing next to a goofy faced Dubya Bush and embarrassed Condoleezza Rice.

"Makes you proud to be Canadian, bravo Trish Stratus, bravo," the inspector said wiping a tear from his eye, "Says here her best friend Lita aka Amelie Dumont aka Amy Dumas will be getting married next week right here in Toronto, do you think we'd get an invitation?"

He asked his buddy who was slurping his coffee thinking how cool it would be to see Trish Stratus in the flesh.

"Well we did save Carla from the kidnapper, I don't see why she wouldn't invite us, do you think she knows Mrs. Copeland, Edge's mom?" he asked.

"They live close by, Judy must be getting her hair done at Babs, why don't we pop in and ask her ourselves?" his colleague responded.

"Sounds good, hey where's my coffee?" his buddy asked looking around his desk and sighed when he realized his colleague forgot it.

"We'll pick some up on the way let's go," he replied and they left for Babs Hair Salon downtown.

8am - Babs Hair Salon

In March, the weather in Toronto was always cold but today the sun was pouring out over the streets making people wonder what month it was, Judy Copeland knew what month it was in fact she made an effort to remind her girlfriends exactly what month it was because a week from today, her son Adam was getting married to an American wrestling icon by the name of Amy Dumas whose face had been plastered all over the news all day.

"Did you know your future daughter-in-law was so powerful Judy?" Babs asked Mrs. Copeland as she washed her hair.

"No I thought she was just a wrestler like Adam, he never told me she was a soldier let alone an American hero," Judy replied enjoying her hair being lathered by her favorite hairdresser Babs Malone.

"Says here she destroyed Sunni insurgents in one go enabling Trish Stratus aka. Teresa von Strauss aka. Patricia Stratigias from getting the Weapons of Mass Destruction out of Iraq, what a girl!" Alison, the lady under the dryer said amazed at the article covering ATM's adventure in Iraq in the Toronto Star.

"Adam always said Amy was something special but this totally is not what I thought he meant," Judy Copeland smiled as Babs rinsed through her hair.

"Can I come to the wedding?" Babs asked her wrapping a towel around Judy's head.

"Oh you betcha, what about you Alison wanna come see my son walk down the isle for the second time?" Judy said humorously and Alison and Babs laughed.

"It will be the last time too, hopefully," Babs replied and Judy nodded.

"If there's a woman out there better than Lita, may she keep her mouth shut and never meet my son, I want Lita to be part of our family and Adam can finally put his past behind him where it belongs," Judy said and Babs looked over at Alison with a weary look, Alison responded by putting her head back in the Toronto Star and saying nothing about Edge's ex-wife.

"Oooh look at the little angels - who are these two children Judy?" Alison said changing the subject and drawing Judy's attention to LC and Carla.

"Oh yes, this one is called Carla Edge and Trish Stratus rescued her from those murderous bastards last year," Mrs. Copeland answered.

"Bless them," Babs replied remembering how traumatic it was for the whole town when it came out that Carla was in danger of being killed by her own parents, "And who's the other cutie pie?"

"I don't know they look similar though don't they? You could mistake them for sisters," Judy replied studying the picture closely.

"They both look like Adam, with their blond hair and blue eyes," Alison commented.

"But that one doesn't have blue eyes," Babs said pointing at LC, "And her jaw line is stronger than Carla's, they can't be sisters,"

The door closed sharply and startled the three women causing them to jump up.

"Speak of the devil, Chris Jericho you know we don't do men's hair here, go to Phil's he'll shave that mop you got sitting up there," Babs said and Judy and Alison laughed ignoring the Ayatollah of Rock N' Rolla as he strutted over to them like he was the King of the World or something.

"I don't need my hair done I was born sexy," Jericho said to Edge's mom, "What's all this talk about Lita and Edge. There's somebody else getting married this year you know,"

" Jericho take it ootside, we're busy," Babs said spraying hairspray at Jericho to keep him away.

"Hey what's with the hostility I am Canadian and I demand respect!" Jericho responded angrily.

"But have you done anything of note like Edge or Trish Stratus?" Alison asked him and he frowned.

"Oh you heard about Stratus and the whole ending the war in Iraq thing, I could have done that but I was busy, me and Fozzy had a concert in Aberdeen we couldn't get out of otherwise I would have gone to Baghdad and I would have found the Weapons of Mass Destruction myself!" Jericho yelled arrogantly and Babs, Alison and Judy rolled their eyes.

"If you insist on staying here Jericho make yourself useful and tell us who this little girl reminds you of," Babs said pointing to the picture of LC and Carla inside the Toronto Sun. Jericho removed his sunglasses and looked down at the photo, he smiled and the three ladies frowned at him, "What are you smiling at?" Babs asked him irritated.

"Nothing - just my daughters," Jericho responded and the three ladies gasped, Judy especially as Babs dropped a curling iron on her head.

"YARGH!" Judy cried out as the hot iron seared her scalp and she jumped out of the chair.

"I'm sorry Judy let me rub some pomade on it!" Babs said apologetically rubbing the balm into her favorite customer's scalp carefully.

"Oh that's better, Jericho explain yourself, when did you have children?" Judy asked the extravagant Canadian.

"About eight years ago, I gave them up for adoption I should have been more selective in my choice of foster parents huh?" he said.

"No shit," all three women said at the same time.

"Hey I didn't know they'd kill Carla, they seemed like normal people," Jericho said in defense of his choice of adoptive parents.

"Wait if they're your daughters, how come this one's got hazel eyes and a strong jaw line?" Alison asked confused pointing at LC.

"She's was deformed at birth now onto more important things, what are you all doing in 3 weeks?" Jericho asked the women who were staring at him in utter confusion.

" Jericho what are you up to?" Judy Copeland asked him concerned that he was gonna do something stupid.

"What makes you think I could be up to something Judy?" Jericho asked innocently.

"Because you're always up to something!" Judy replied as Babs finished straightening her hair.

"I don't think you'll mind my latest conquest one bit you see, I'm getting married as well, to Stephanie McMahon after she divorces Triple H for infidelity," Jericho said jubilantly and Judy shook her head exasperated.

"Don't tell me your still after that stuck up little tramp from Connecticut, you need help Jericho seriously I'm worried about you kid, go get yourself checked oout before it's too late," she said and Alison and Babs shook their heads pitying Chris Jericho for still being hung up on Stephanie McMahon after all these years.

"No you don't understand, this time it's different," Jericho explained pulling up a chair next to Judy, "Hunter left Stephanie for Chyna, you know, that Amazon woman that used to work for Vince back in the Attitude Era? Well she's totally still in love with Hunter and Vince gave her half of the McMahon Helmsley estate for all the distress Stephanie put her through while she was carrying his baby,"

"Chyna had children for Hunter?" Judy asked confused, "I thought Aurora was his only child?"

"No she's his second," Jericho corrected Adam's mom and she listened intently, this was information her son had not disclosed to her, "Now as we speak, Chyna, Hunter, little Aurora Rose and these two adorable princesses are on vacation together as a family leaving Stephanie McMahon in the loving arms of yours truly Y2J and we're getting married finally!"

"So where is Stephanie now?" Babs asked putting her hands on her hips unconvinced not believing a word Jericho was saying.

"At the McMahon-Helmsley Compound packing up her things, we're gonna fly out to LA and check on John Cena he got shot at a Hollywood party so Steph, Rocky and I decided to go cheer him up,"

Babs, Alison and Judy exchanged glances then burst out laughing much to Jericho's disdain.

"Fine laugh it up I don't care, finally I get what I deserve and since you're making fun of me, none of you cows are invited to the wedding, good luck with Edge and Lita, I'll be in So Cal living it up with the stars, see yah later assclowns!"

Jericho skipped out of the Babs Hair Salon leaving Babs, Alison and Judy Copeland completely baffled.

"Wow!" Alison said astonished.

"Whoa!" Babs added.

"Could you see right through his pants or was it just us?" the police officers asked them both as they entered the salon and they all laughed thinking there was no way Stephanie McMahon and Hunter were splitting up and that Y2J was one Headbangers Ball away from permanent brain damage.

McMahon-Helmsley Compound, CT, 9am.

Mr. and Mrs. Dumas were sitting at the breakfast table discussing their daughter's wedding with the McMahons, so far no agreement could be reached on Lita's future and the preparations for her wedding, it was a good thing she wasn't there to hear the awful things her father was saying about her.

"She's a filthy whore just like her mother!" Mr. Dumas yelled and his wife kicked him in the shins at which point Shane McMahon called a time out and Vince McMahon sighed deeply while Linda massaged his shoulders to ease the tension he was feeling over this.

"How can you talk about your daughter like that Mr. Dumas you're disgusting!" Shane told Lita's father who was more interested in finishing off his bacon and eggs then giving away his daughter next week.

"I work hard for my money son, what do you do apart from take advantage of stupid girls who take their clothes off for a living? Amy or "Lita" as you like to call her wouldn't have gotten an evening with the President of the United States if she kept her clothes on instead of doing that Live Sex show last year, but she did because she's a filthy whore and I won't give her the pleasure of embarrassing me in front of all of her friends like she deserves the praise and glory ending the war in Iraq has gotten her,"

"Why do you hate her so much when everyone else loves her and respects what she's done for this country?" Mrs. Dumas asked in frustration pulling her hair out, "She's not a filthy whore, she's your only daughter and she doesn't need you to be happy!"

"Oh yeah, Then why does Edge want me to give her away at her wedding?" her husband asked.

"Because you're her father asshole, that's what you're supposed to do!" Vince McMahon snapped causing Mr. Dumas to flinch at the power of the wrestling mogul's voice, "For once in your life stand up for your family!"

Mr. Dumas rose to his feet, wiped his mouth and pushed his chair back, "Come on we're leaving," he said to his wife ignoring Vince's plea and his wife remained seated and he gave her a dark warning stare, "I said let's go!" he yelled, "If I'm not getting my $1 million dollars I've got no reason to be here one minute longer so get your ass up outta that chair now!"

He pulled Mrs. Dumas up by her hair and dragged her to the front door, Shane and Linda went to stop him but by the time he was in the front porch Vince was already on top of him, "Get outta here!" Vince yelled throwing Lita's father out on his ass while Linda and Shane escorted Mrs. Dumas back to her seat in the kitchen, "Asshole!" Vince exclaimed horrified by what he had just seen, "People will do anything for money," he looked over at Stephanie who listened to the whole thing from the top of the stairs.

"Is Amy's mom okay daddy?" she called and Vince smiled and nodded at his baby girl that everything was okay and walked to meet her at the bottom of the steps.

"How you doing?" he asked warmly taking his daughter's hands in his own and giving them a squeeze.

Stephanie frowned, "I just spoke to the LAPD, they're holding CM Punk for questioning, Jeff Jarrett's already bailed LAX out and Sting's taking them and Samoa Joe back down to Florida. It turns out Maria's pregnant with Cena's baby and that's why Punk shot him, Cena never even knew he was the father,"

"Wasn't Punk the father of Maria's first child?" Vince asked confused.

"Yeah but Cena aborted it remember?" Stephanie reminded him.

"Let me get this straight," Vince said stroking his chin reflecting on the Rock's house party last week, "Cena caused Maria to lose Punk's baby and now she's pregnant with his?"

Stephanie nodded suddenly feeling like laughing a little, "Yeah I guess Cena does wanna be with Maria after all," she realized.

"That's the thing about true love my dear, you will kill for it," Vince told her rubbing her reddened cheek gently.

"Hunter would kill for me," she said thinking about the time Triple H caused Jericho to lose his left eye when he saw them talking together over pizza with Trish, Carlito and Shelton Benjamin.

"Don't ever say that man's name in this house again!" Vince said firmly and Stephanie nodded, "You know he doesn't care about you all he cares about is his precious Kliq and you're better than that Stephanie McMahon, you're pure class he's white trash just like Joanie and that little brat LC and they all deserve each other, good riddens to them!"

"What about Aurora I can't leave my baby girl with that bitch," Stephanie snarled through wet eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"There's plenty of time to have another baby Steph, just think of Aurora as a trial run that had to be discontinued because of bizarre side effects," Vince said humorously and Stephanie couldn't take it anymore and burst out in tears, Vince hugged her warmly and Linda and Shane came over to see what was up.

"She's still upset about DX," Vince told them quietly as Steph cried into his chest.

"We'll pull the plug on them Steph don't you worry," Shane assured Stephanie stroking her hair lovingly and she looked up at him her eyes sore from crying.

"When?" she asked.

"As soon as they get to LA, Christian told Jericho that ATM and DX are going on a road trip from coast to coast, they're still in Boca Vista at Trish and Carlito's house, by the time they get to California, there'll be no more DX!" Shane said vengefully and Stephanie smiled and reached around to hug her brother and mother at the same time.

"I should have listened to you guys," Linda said tearfully, "You were right, family is the most important thing, and you can't be a Helmsley anymore,"

"So you're gonna divorce him right?" Vince asked Stephanie.

"You betcha," Stephanie responded firmly.

"So his part of the inheritance goes back to the McMahon family," Linda said and her family nodded, "I'll go call our attorneys," she said heading for the house phone to make the call that Stephanie thought would never be made.

"Ready to go?" Shane asked her.

The Hummer limousine was waiting to take Stephanie to the airport to fly out to LA with Jericho, "Yes," she said and kissed her brother and father on the cheek, "I love you guys, I'll call you from Hollywood," she said and waved goodbye to her family before getting into the Hummer limousine and drove off to begin her new life as a McMahon this time, without the Helmsley.

"Where to Mrs. Helmsley?" said the driver and Stephanie frowned at the familiar voice and lowered the partition, she screamed as Hunter smiled back at her.

"What are you doing here Hunter? Shouldn't you be smooching with Joanie in a Motel 6 somewhere?" Stephanie spat angrily.

"How did you know about that?" Chyna said from the other seat and Stephanie jumped back in fright at the piercing green eyes starting back at her.

"You guys are supposed to be on vacation!" Stephanie cried confused.

"Well we didn't wanna leave without saying goodbye," said another familiar voice and Stephanie looked down at the floor to see Shawn Michaels crouched by her feet.

"This is not funny, you can all go straight to Hell!" Stephanie snapped letting herself out and marching back over to the house angrily.

"See I told you we could do it again," Shawn told Hunter stretching out on the back seat as Hunter drove the brand new Hummer limousine down the highway where the ATM machine was waiting for them.

"That's my Hummer limousine!" Vince McMahon cried angrily storming after DX but they were long gone, they tricked the Chairman once again, things were definitely back to normal.

"I don't see why we have to go to pick up Naitch," Lita complained as they tore down the highway with DX following behind them, "he's got his own jet for crying out loud!"

"Quit your bitching there's nothing you can do about it," Trish told her combing out her long blond hair while Carlito braided Lita's, the Anointed one crossed her arms defiantly and pouted.

"If you keep on I'm gonna go to LA with Melina and Nitro," she protested and Trish gave her a People's eyebrow and a warning look and Lita sighed in frustration, "Okay let's go pick up my ex-boyfriend and his stupid brother," Lita sulked folding her arms miserably, "I knew I should have gone with Edge to pick up Judy," she complained and ducked as Trish threw her hairbrush at the Xtreme ex-diva and rolled down the window to yell at DX.

"What is she doing?" Chyna frowned as the ATM machine ground to a halt and suddenly Lita was in the back of the Hummer limousine with HBK.

"She just wants to be alone with Carlito," Lita said as Trish rode off with Carlito and DX followed behind. Shawn wrapped his arms around Lita and pulled her into an embrace.

"Hey Big Red," he said sweetly and Lita took the gum out of her mouth, her breath was sweet enough, Shawn looked confused, "Wanna talk about it?" he asked her, Lita shook her head and rested on his chest as he stroked her hair noticing that her braids were only half-braided.

"I just miss Adam so much," she said finally and Shawn nodded.

"So do I," he said and Hunter and Joanie exchanged looks.

"Hunter what are you doing?" Joanie said as her sadistic sweetheart jumped through the partition and threw water balloons at HBK until the Showstoppa was soaking wet.

"That'll cool him off," he said pleased with his work and he got back behind the wheel.

"The sooner we hook him up the better," Joanie said to Hunter who nodded, it was agreed that Shawn really needed to get on with his life and stop honing in on Edge and Lita's relationship so much.

"What's that smell?" Lita said holding her nose.

"Hunter what the Hell is in these balloons?" Shawn asked furiously.

"I had to go what else was I gonna do?" Hunter said, "Plus urine is really good for your skin, it kinda gives you a golden glow,"

Shawn clenched his teeth furiously as Joanie and Lita started to laugh, "My skin is already golden!" he snapped, "Turn back I'm not going to Ric's house now, stop the limo!"

"Look out!" Lita cried as the Hummer limousine veered off the road swerving past the ATM machine right into the lake.

"Why didn't you take the wheel?" Joanie asked Hunter then slapped him around the head for nearly killing them all.

"I did, the limo moved on its own!" Hunter protested and Shawn looked at Lita thinking something weird was up, then the lake started to freeze over.

They all got out of the limo and looked at the sign that said "NOW LEAVING GREENWICH" but they couldn't leave Greenwich, the home of the McMahon family, something was keeping them there.

"Your daughter has no sense of humor Hunter," Trish said coming over to them with Carlito and DX looked up at the snow, it appeared that Aurora Rose was not pleased with their antics this time around, but they couldn't understand why. "She doesn't take kindly to being cut out of her inheritance," The Truth: Trish Stratus explained and Hunter was stunned.

"Linda called their attorneys already?" he asked in shock and Trish nodded.

"Aurora will no longer be a McMahon after the paperwork is completed," she said, "After Stephanie signs the deed declaring her your child instead of hers, you and Aurora will no longer be part of the McMahon family and any claim Aurora had to the McMahon-Helmsley estate will be null and void,"

"I feel like singing in the rain!" Hunter said spinning HBK around merrily, "It's gonna be you, me, Joanie and the kids from now on HBK, praise the Lord!" he said passionately swinging the Heartbreak Kid from side to side, "Lisa's gonna be so happy, I can't wait until we get to California and pick her up from Charlotte and Dan's to live with us!"

"It's a shame your kids have to stay with Karen Shawn, she really hates you doesn't she?" Carlito said to Shawn who nodded hoping Karen wouldn't use his notorious problems with Rebecca as an excuse to keep Cameron and Cheyenne away from him forever.

"Does this mean the three of us are going to have to share a bed again?" Joanie asked humorously, Shawn couldn't help but smile and Trish, Lita and Carlito joined them in a victory raindance in celebration of new beginnings, then a thunder cloud broke and it started to rain really hard, Shawn was relieved he didn't smell like a toilet anymore but the water rising above their ankles indicated that their trip to North Carolina was about to be delayed due to a very unhappy baby girl.
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1. Chapter 1: RSVP
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