Chapter 10: O Brother Where art Thou?
Grand Wilshire Hotel, Beverly Hills, L.A, Thursday 12 noon
Stephanie McMahon made another vodka and coke and waited for Jericho to get off the phone with Carla B. Cool. The Canadian sweetheart was on her way to the hotel right now with Charlotte and Dan to be united with her father for the first time ever; they didn't know that LC and her half-sister had parted on bad terms and Stephanie didn't care to hear that name for the next millennia. Lisa Cornelius Helmsley had been the bane of Stephanie's existence since the first time she saw the little warrior princess and now Hunter was moving on with not just his old flame Chyna, but his first and second child Lisa and Aurora. In a nutshell: Hunter had taken everything and Stephanie was left with Jericho and his Canadian daughter who she would have no choice but to accept as the new member of the McMahon family now that Hunter was out of her life forever.
"Is she seriously taking another drink?" Vicky Guerrero asked The Rock who was worried about the state the Billion Dollar Princess had been in over the past few days.
"This is not good, we need to get her away from the liquor cabinet before she drinks herself into a coma," The Rock said getting to his feet, he snatched the vodka bottle away from Stephanie and poured the contents down the bidet in the bathroom.
"Rey stop her she's going back for more!" Vicky cried as Stephanie jumped back into the hotel room liquor cabinet like a starving raccoon at a garbage dump. She pushed Rey-Rey back and pulled out another bottle of something, when Rey went to grab it Stephanie through it over his head and started laughing when it smashed against the mirror shattering it and the glass into a billion pieces.
"That was so much fun, come on let's trash the entire hotel!" Stephanie said drunk with excitement and visa versa.
"Uh-oh," Rey-Rey said to The Rock and Vicky Guerrero as Stephanie proceeded to smash bottle after bottle until the room was drenched and stank of alcohol.
"You're lucky your dad can afford to pay for all this," The Rock said backing Vicky and Rey away from the broken glass. Stephanie removed her shoes and Rey, Rocky and Vicky looked at each other puzzled then horrified they screamed out causing Jericho to drop his cell-phone as Stephanie began to walk barefooted across the broken glass.
"Stephanie what are you doing?" Charlotte cried as Jericho opened the door to let her in with Dan and Carla B. Cool.
"I'm walking on glass like Jesus did," Stephanie said as the glass crunched beneath her manicured toes like she didn't even feel the shards cutting into her skin.
"I thought Jesus walked on water?" Kaylee Marie asked her older sister Shaul as they came in from the veranda. Vicky Guerrero grabbed Shaul, Sherilyn and Kaylee Marie and screamed when they saw exactly what Stephanie McMahon was doing.
"Jesus didn't walk on glass he walked on water," she corrected her daughter, "It's a demon she's possessed!" Vicky said, "We need to call ATM they'll know what to do,"
"No they won't," came a sweet little voice and everyone looked over at the small Canadian blond with the glass blue eyes wondering what she meant, "They don't care about any of us, all Lita, Trish and Melina care about is Shawn, Hunter and that little bitch sister of mine LC,"
Carla unlaced her boots and pulled off her socks, she walked over to Jericho and reached out for his hand. When Jericho took it a bolt of electricity surged through their bodies and their hair began to stand on end, Stephanie felt the blood trickling from her soles begin to boil and the glass began to warm her feet, suddenly she was smiling demonically her green eyes ablaze with a fierce power never seen before by any of the WWE Superstars in that room.
"Chris, Carla . . . come to me," she said in a voice that was not her own.
"What in the blue Hell is going on?" The Rock yelled frightened as Rey, Vicky and the children huddled into a corner watching the supernatural events taking place with fear in their hearts.
"She's possessed I said, this is a satanic ritual I've seen it in Mexico!" Vicky Guerrero said as Stephanie linked hands with Chris Jericho and Carla B. Cool.
"Now kiss my feet," Stephanie said her eyes gleaming with enchantment.
"NO!" Vicky yelled running over to Stephanie and grabbing her arm but the Billion Dollar princess knocked her back and sent her flying back into Rey and Rocky.
"DO IT!" Stephanie commanded and before The Rock could stop him Jericho and Carla were kissing Stephanie McMahon's bloodied feet.
Stephanie smiled at their bloody lips and pulled them into an embrace, "Now kiss your new mother," Stephanie said to Carla who gave Stephanie a loving kiss, then Stephanie kissed Jericho passionately taking the blood into her mouth.
"Oh no, Stephanie just made a blood covenant with Jericho and Carla," Rey-Rey said angrily.
"What's a blood covenant?" The Rock asked.
"Like the one Jesus made with mankind when he died at Calvary, only without the King of Kings it's just a normal blood exchange like what witches and vampires do," Vicky Guerrero explained panicking and Shaul's eyes widened with terror as her mother squeezed her daughters closer fearing that they might cut themselves on all the glass that was broken and scattered everyone around them.
"You mean Stephanie, Jericho and Carla made a covenant - with the devil?" Shaulasked scared beyond her years.
"That's right; they're filled with the spirit of the unholy ghost!" Vicky said trembling, she suddenly realized they were one kid short, "Rey where's your son?"
"What?" Rey asked not paying attention until Vicky slapped him on the shoulder and he turned around like a spinner belt, "Where's Dominic?"
"I'm here daddy," came an unfamiliar voice and everyone looked around to see Charlotte and Dan holding onto Dominic and Aaliyah Mysterio, both of whose eyes were rolled back into their heads.
"Rey they're possessed, let go of them!" Vicky yelled at Charlotte and Dan but they were possessed too and knocked Rey, Rocky and Vicky back with some sort of demonic force.
"What is going on here where is this evil spirit coming from?" The Rock wondered as the room began to darken.
"It must have something to do with this thing between the McMahons and DX, now that Aurora's on Hunter's side Stephanie must have invoked some sort of demonic power from satan to get revenge on ATM for reuniting the Kliq!" Rey-Rey answered.
"Jericho!" The Rock shouted but the Ayatollah of Rock N' Rolla didn't say anything, "Jericho look at me!" The Rock demanded and Chris finally turned around but The Rock really wished he hadn't: the third eye was back!
"EW!" The children cried as the mysterious blue orb appeared in the middle of Jericho's forehead again, Shaul did a double-take and pointed out that both Stephanie and Carla had third eyes too!
"This is all because of Hunter and Chyna getting back together, we gotta get in touch with those damn Helmsleys and figure out a way to rebuke the demonic spirit that has possessed everyone except us!" The Rock said.
"Is this why you're always telling us to pray without ceasing mama?" Sherilyn asked her mother.
"Yes darling why don't you lead by example and pray with your sisters while Dwayne, Rey and I figure out how to get out of here?" Vicky told her daughters and they dropped to their knees and began to pray that Cameron, Cheyenne and LC were doing exactly the same thing with ATM and their new familia a degenerate Shawn, Hunter and Chyna.
Undertaker's Ranch, Houston, TX, 1:30pm:
The dust on the ground finally settled as Hunter and Chyna stood outside Mark Calloway's ranch and waited for The Deadman to come out to them. Aurora hadn't taken too kindly to being woken up and started a hurricane that lasted about an hour after they left the airport causing extreme delays in the area, if Undertaker didn't come out to talk to them soon, Hurricane Aurora was going to cause serious damage to his home town.
"Come on Deadman my daughter hasn't had her lunch yet and she's getting cranky!" Hunter warned him and LC rocked her back and forth gently.
"Why isn't he coming out?" Jeff Hardy asked Matt Hardy.
"Because he knows he's gonna get his ass kicked that's why?" Cameron Michaels replied, him, Chey and LC having been flown over to Texas by TNA's own Lance Hoyt who lived in Dallas and insisted on helping Shawn's only son out, plus flying in a jet was a really good way to impress Cameron's new girlfriend, "Come on out Taker we're gonna get you anyway, I heard about you stealing my daddy's Kiss of Life and we're not going anywhere until you give it back!" he cried and LC blushed with pride, she was so gay for him right now.
"Cameron you're so cool but I think you should let the Helmsleys take care of this one," Lisa said to her old flame who kissed her hand and let her take center stage. Hunter held her back though and LC looked up at his copper whiskers and brown prisms questioningly, "We can't hesitate one minute longer, if he wants to play I say we play too, know what I mean sis?" Lisa said to Aurora who waved her sterling silver rattle back and forth rapidly and a huge whirlwind appeared in the sky.
"Its getting pretty cold out here, are you sure you wanna handle it like this Hunter? One blow and Aurora could tear the roof off of his whole house!" Matt Hardy asked the Cerebral Assassin who stroked his beard thoughtfully.
"You know I could really go for some Skittles right now, how about you go get me some?" The Game said.
"Yes'm," Matt replied and V.1 walked sheepishly away into his car to pick some up until his brother pulled him back by the arm and told him to pick him up some too.
"Do they still have those Hawaiian flavored ones?" Chyna asked and Matt shrugged, "Okay well then I'll just have a coke," she said and Matt nodded and drove into town wondering how things were going back in NC with Lita and Shawn; they were so meant for each other, he hoped Randy Orton's prediction of them getting together would come true and Edge's dreams of marrying Lita were dashed on the rocks.
"What a shame that would be," Matt thought to himself as he pulled up outside the nearest convenience store and saw some girls reading Playgirl magazine.
"Can you believe it, I never thought Edge felt that way about Shawn but I'm glad they're putting it right out there where the whole world can see it," one of the girls said.
"Yeah and they totally make the cutest couple," one of the other girls said and Matt Hardy looked over their shoulder to see the most offensive thing since the Live Sex show Lita and Edge did back in '05.
"Matt Hardy I love you!" one of the girls screamed and suddenly Matt was being mauled by a pack of affectionate MFers like he wasn't used to that already, "Are you aware that Edge and Shawn Michaels are lovers?"
"Yeah now that Edge is out of the closet you can totally get back together with Lita!" one of the girls said excitedly.
"No," Matt said.
"Yeah you can Edge was clearly going through a phase or something with her I mean look . . he's sucking HBK's face off he's so not into girls," another girl explained.
"No," Matt said.
"Yeah come on, I mean what are you waiting for? Ashley was like such a mistake, she is like the worst wrestler ever and a total slut who's already slept with half the WWE locker room, Lita is the woman you were supposed to marry, don't you see? God is giving you a sign right here in the center of Playgirl magazine!"
Matt Hardy glared at the centerfold and couldn't help but admire Shawn's beauty; his gorgeous skin, his hazel grey-blue eyes, his blazing fiery red hair . . . if it wasn't for the lack of make-up he could have been Lita.
"No girls you're wrong this means nothing; it was created by Alex Shelley in a lab at Paparazzi Productions in Orlando, FL and it means nothing, Shawn and Edge are not gay, this photo is a complete fake," Matt explained.
"Oh," the girls said together following Matt Hardy into the store as he searched for Skittles and coke, he didn't have to look far for the coke but there were six different brands of Skittles and he had no idea which one Hunter liked best.
"Are you still mad at Lita for cheating on you with Edge?" one of the girls asked.
"No," Matt replied, "I'm mad that Shawn hasn't made his move on her after all this time, he's had it for her since that SummerSlam photo shoot back in '05, he was staring at her for like ever, the whole company was talking about it the next day but he said that he was just looking and that he would never cheat on his wife with any woman, unlike Edge who is the whore of Babylon,"
The girls frowned, "HBK isn't interested in Lita, he's still in mourning," one of them said and Matt Hardy rolled his eyes.
"I guess you're the experts," he said sarcastically and turned away to call Hunter, "Yo Trips what's your brand, berry, fruity or Hawaiian?" he asked The Game on his cell but he didn't get a response, "Hunter can you hear me?" he asked but again no answer came, "Hunter?"
A cold chill came over Matt suddenly as his brother's shaky voice came through the receiver of the cell-phone, "Matt I'm dying . . . I've been kissed to death by The Undertaker . . . get Shawn, hurry . . . Hunter's gonna kill Mark and oh yeah . . . tell Lita I said congratulations . ."
"JEFF!" Matt screamed and the girls jumped at the volume of his voice.
"What's wrong?" the convenience store clerk asked and just as Matt was about to run to his car the sky split in half and the wind began to whisper.
"Oh my God!" one of the girls cried pointing to the sky and there was a tornado heading their way.
"We better get to the fallout shelter!" the clerk said pulling the girls to the back but Matt Hardy just grabbed all the boxes of Skittles, a 40 ounce bottle of coke and followed after the tornado. It was heading in the direction he came and he knew just who had called it. His phone rang and he answered it.
"Not now Randy Jeff's in trouble I gotta go back and get him!" he told TKO who had called Matt's phone from the airport.
"Forget about Jeff Matt listen up real close, I want you to drive to Tijuana, Mexico there's gonna be a wedding in 48 hours and you're giving away the bride," Randy Orton said and Matt Hardy frowned in confusion.
"What are you talking about Randy the only person who's getting married is Lita and Edge in Toronto this Saturday and Shawn's giving her away," he replied and Randy couldn't help but smile at the news he was about to give one of his best friends in the business.
"There's been slight change of plans," he said cockily, glancing over at El Con Dios and The Truth: Trish Stratus who were listening in on the call, "You see Lita is getting married, but not to Edge and Shawn's not giving her away . . . he's marrying her instead,"
Matt smiled and wiped a tear away from his eye, "Lita and Shawn are getting married?" he said in disbelief, "But how what about Edge how did this happen?"
"I don't have time to explain just get here, ATM, El Con Dios and I are on our way to Mexico right now to stop Edge from ruining the wedding, we need you to forget about your brother and get down here now!" Randy demanded and Matt Hardy looked up as the sky blackened over Undertaker's ranch.
"What about Hunter and Jeff?" he asked concerned as he turned off the road onto the exit towards the airport.
Trish took the phone from Randy and said, "Don't worry Matt The Helmsleys will weather the storm, DX will take care of the Deadman," she assured him, "Now get your pretty ass down here we've got a Cowboy Spearing Canadian with a Sharpshooting Hall of Famer and he's not afraid to use it!"
"Is Jeff gonna be alright?" Matt asked Trish but she didn't reply, "I can't leave America until I know my brother's gonna be okay Trish, now tell me what's gonna happen to him!"
There was no answer just the sound of Trish crying and Carlito telling Randy Orton to give him the phone, "Matt this is Carlito and what I'm about to tell you is not cool, in every war there is a sacrifice and your brother was more than willing to sacrifice himself for Shawn and Lita,"
"What are you saying to me Carlito what did Jeffrey do?" Matt said hysterically his heart thumbing against his chest frantically.
"Jeff asked Hunter if he would let him take the Kiss of Death from Undertaker as a sacrifice instead of him and Hunter said yes," Carlito said and Matt Hardy stopped the car. Carlito felt terrible but he couldn't lie, he was under a holy mandate to tell the truth, "Matt, your brother's dead,"
The words barely left Carlito's lips before a loud sobbing broke out over the phone line and everyone in the car knew that the news had finally been broken.
"Give me the phone Carlos," Lita said through tear-stained orbs and Carlito handed the radiant red-head the cell-phone, "Matt?"
"I'm so happy for you bella, but I want my brother back!" Matt cried down the phone.
Lita wept through her hair and tried not to sound as bad as she did when she heard about the sacrifice that had been made so Hunter could live and not die, "I know so l think you better come to the wedding,"
Matt paused between sobs, it sounded like Lita had something planned, "What are you saying to me bella?"
"I'm saying I want you to see the greatest miracle of all time and I'm not talking about me getting married to Shawn Michaels, Melina is going to bring Jeff back to life and in exchange, ATM will be no more," Lita said and Matt felt terrible.
"Are you sure you'll be willing to give up the best thing that has ever happened to you so I can have my little brother back?" he asked her compassionately and Lita smiled through her tears and came to the realization that Hunter had been right about her and Shawn all along and she felt bad for giving him such a hard time about it, she'd have to make it up to him somehow, saving his life several times just wasn't enough.
"I'm sure Matt, plus ATM is not the best thing that has ever happened to me," she said looking over at the blond South Texan crying over his cross on the hood of Randy Hummer praying for Jeff Hardy, Hunter, Joanie and his family's safety during this spiritually dangerous time in all their lives, Matt knew what his ex-girlfriend was saying.
"Well in that case I wouldn't miss this wedding if it was on the same day as Wrestlemania," Matt replied.
"I knew I could rely on you Hardy Boy," Lita replied adoringly.
"What are friends for? I see you soon - Big Red," Matt teased and hung up the phone with such a twist of joy and sorrow in his heart, when he saw Jeff's happy-go-lucky face again it would only be joy.
Lita jumped out of the car and sat on the hood with HBK who hadn't said a word to her since Orton chased him down at the airport and told him what God had said about him and Lita being his favorite angelic pairing since Trish and Carlito.
She shoved him on the shoulder and he looked at her wearily, "Hey," she said and eventually he smiled at her shyly and she saw her whole life revolving around HBK's smile.
"Hey yourself," he said back thinking about how much they had been through together since the formation of ATM and now they were getting married and God had filled every other one of his holy helpers in on the details of this amazing turn of events instead of him and Lita! There's was so much they had to talk about but where to begin? Shawn thought about the most romantic yet quick way of telling Lita that he thought she was pretty when Trish smacked him on the hand as his fingers gently grazed Lita's tear-stained cheek like a naughty child with his hand in the cookie jar, if you could call Lita that.
"Did you feel that?" Shawn asked Lita as a warm glow filled his heart after just barely putting his fingers to Lita's face, "My heart is like pounding," Shawn said putting his hand under his jacket through his shirt and feeling his heart race with an excitement he hadn't felt before, "This must be that passion that Pastor Hagee's always saying was missing from my marriage, I guess we are meant to be together Amy,"
Lita looked away; she thought if he smiled at her again or said her name like that one time, there was no way they were gonna make it to Tijuana without making love first and Trish gave her a stern look of disapproval.
"Don't even think about it until after the wedding, we've still got a lot of work to do sister, there's Hunter, Undertaker and there's this thing with Stephanie and Jericho that I haven't even told you guys about yet and TNA's got something up their sleeve again . . . so no kissing until we've saved the wrestling world alright?" Trish Stratus told them taking Lita by the hand and St. Michaels nodded watching Lita go and El Con Dios and The King's Oracle sighed in frustration; after all their hard work to get Shawn and Lita together now HBK wasn't even get to first base until Saturday!
"I may have been the Legend Killer but your girlfriend is definitely the Buzz Killer Carlito," Randy Orton said coming out to the hood of his car and hugging Shawn along with Carlito, Nitro, Shelton and Krystal who had been praying for Jeff Hardy while the plane for Tijuana pulled into the gate. Meanwhile over by the other side of the road Anointed Amy, The Truth: Trish Stratus and Melina the Miraculous prayed and wept over what was going to be the last time God would use the angelic trio to save another human being's life; this Sunday morning, Jeff Hardy would rise from the dead and ATM would be no more.