Chapter 13: South of Heaven
Penthouse Suite, Grand Wilshire Hotel, Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, 6pm
The earthquake in Tijuana was reported all over America, the media covered it all night and Vince and Shane were forced to watch their WWE Superstars brave it from the comfort of the Grand Wilshire, Beverly Hills.
"This is awful," Shane said to Vince taking a sip of his father's scotch before handing it back to his old man, "Who woulda thought there'd be an earthquake in Tijuana? There hasn't been a scare there since 2004, I remember because that was the year Cheyenne was born and I told Shawn Rebecca looked better when she had Cameron and he punched me in the mouth,"
Vince laughed, "I thought Hunter punched you? I remember packing your face with gauge," he said and Shane rolled his eyes.
"The point is I think DX has something to do with this, whenever something weird happens Shawn and Hunter are always involved, I mean think back to this entire year, it's been nothing but chaos and its all because Hunter, Shawn and Chyna are back together, we gotta do something about this Dad before my sister goes completely insane!"
"Don't worry about Stephanie, insanity does not run in the McMahon family we're a cool, calm and collected family and no punk white trash faction from the Attitude Era is gonna stop us from taking the WWE into the 21st century!" Vince declared, "Linda where's that precious baby girl of ours, we haven't seen her in hours?" he asked his wife as she returned to their penthouse suite after talking with emergency services in Tijuana to find out if any of the WWE Superstars were hurt, they didn't care about the TNA wrestlers.
"She's not there its just Shawn, Rocky, Carlito, Randy, Shelton Benjamin, Johnny Nitro and Cryme Tyme," she answered.
"Where the Hell is Ric Flair, Torrie Wilson and the Smackdown roster? We're supposed to be in California until tomorrow and the Superstars are scattered all over the place!" Vince said agitated and started pacing the floor anxiously, "This has happened before, remember when the roster got infected with that mysterious flu virus and they ended up in TNA? Jeff Jarrett must be up to his old tricks again, I bet he knows where my precious baby girl is, come on Shane!" Vince said knocking back the last drops of Scotch and grabbing his dress jacket and Shane followed him out the door.
"Where we going Pop?" he asked his Dad curiously following behind him as he marched down the lobby to the elevator.
"To Florida, TNA are not gonna make fools out of us again, this time we've got their number ha-ha!" Vince said triumphantly.
"You sounded like Double J when you said that, HA-HA!" Shane said whimsically and Vince agreed; Dixie Carter was in for a rude awakening and Linda decided to accompany them in case they needed someone to show the owner of TNA some southern hospitality of which Mrs. McMahon had plenty.
Meanwhile in a jail cell in Downtown L.A . . .
John Cena was paying CM Punk a visit but it didn't go down well with the Straight Edge hi-flyer from Chi Town.
"What are you doing here?" Punk asked angrily getting to his feet grabbing the cell bars as The Champ came nearer with great animosity.
"Easy Phil I just came to bail your ass outta here," Cena said throwing his hands up innocently.
"Why what do you want in return that you haven't already taken?" Punk replied bitterly screwing up his face with distrust, "You've got my girl, you killed my unborn child,"
"That was an accident!" Cena shouted.
"No it wasn't!" Punk countered, "It was deliberate; you wanted me to suffer because Maria broke your heart when we got back together didn't she? Didn't she?" he demanded and Cena got hot.
"Alright she did I admit it but we're cool now, she hates me and I hate her, she's all yours again just let me do the right thing and drop the charges so you can raise that baby she's carrying with two parents instead of one," Cena pleaded feeling bad that Maria was a single mother.
"No," Punk said and Cena was shocked by his stubbornness.
"Come on man you're being unreasonable, don't stay in here to spite me you've got a beautiful woman out there somewhere waiting for you to marry her!" Cena argued not understanding what the problem was, so Punk clarified his position.
"That's not my baby she's carrying, its yours, you raise it!" he said and Cena felt the color drain from his face, that was exactly what Melina the Miraculous said.
"I can't be a father Punk I'm not ready to settle down," Cena said and Punk shook his head.
"You should have thought about that before you stole her from me," he replied simply, "I love Maria and I'll always love her but she chose you over me in a moment of passion and conceived a child, you killed mine and now you're gonna raise the one that survived. Being a real champion means knowing what battles to fight, this is a battle I am willing to lose, you won Maria's love fair and square, I wash my hands of the both of you, good luck raising your firstborn child John, its gonna be worth more than that belt you're always carrying around,"
Cena couldn't believe it; CM Punk was actually being sincere he thought Cena could be a good father even after everything that had happened he thought he would have leapt at the chance to raise a family with his true love but he wasn't even upset that he was in jail while the WWE Superstars were living it up in L.A and goodness knows where else.
"So aren't you gonna bail me out?" Punk said suddenly and Cena laughed.
"Oh I get it, you were just joshing me right? You really do want to raise this child with Maria don't cha?" he said thinking the whole speech was just a rib, it wasn't.
"No John I'm serious, I don't want any part of Maria's life I simply want to get the Hell out of here so I can catch the next flight to Tijuana and check on my boys Homicide and Samoa Joe, there's a freaking earthquake there!" he said and Cena gasped.
"Do you think it will hit L.A too, I mean we're pretty close to the Baja and the radio said something about emergency evacuations taking place south of the border," Cena said as the guard let Punk out and escort them both to the check out desk.
"You boys better get out of here there's an earthquake heading this way," the officer said as Punk signed out taking his belongings with him.
"Shit we better find Vince and tell him we're safe," Cena said pulling out his cell-phone as they left the precinct feeling the earth move beneath their feet, "Yo Vince its Cena - hey what are you doing?" Cena cried as Punk knocked the cell-phone out of his hand.
"We can't call the boss everytime we get in trouble, you're from the streets you gotta take care of business yourself! If Vince finds out we're still in L.A I won't be able to go to Tijuana and find my boys will I?" Punk explained and Cena nodded.
"Maria could be there too, I wonder if Ashley's left already she'd know where Maria is, I'll call her real quick," Cena said snatching back his cell-phone and dialing Massaro's number, "Yo Ashley where you at?" he asked as the Playboy cover girl answered.
"I'm at the Beverly Wilshire, there's an earthquake about to hit L.A. in the next ten minutes Layla, Kelly Kelly and Brooke are with me and we're getting the Hell outta here where are you?" she asked getting into a cab with the ECW Divas.
"I'm with Punk I bailed him outta jail and dropped the charges against him, we're going to Mexico meet us at LAX in ten minutes," Cena said getting into his Jeep with Punk and heading for the airport.
"Why Mexico that's where the earthquake started?" Ashley asked confused.
"Punk wants to make sure his friends are okay, they're there aswell," Cena explained.
"So what's that got to do with you, you're WWE not ROH," Ashley asked not buying Cena's reasons for leaving America, "Is this about Maria and Punk? Are they getting back together?" Ashley asked excitedly and the phone line went quiet.
"No they're not; Ashley I've decided to give this whole family thing a try, I'm getting back with Maria and I'm gonna ask her to marry me," Cena confessed and Ashley went white and Punk hit his head, "What?" Cena asked him.
"Isn't Ashley that Whore of Babylon that's been turning all the married men who read Playboy to stone?" Punk asked Cena who nodded.
"How'd you know about that?" Cena asked.
"Nevermind how I know, you just told the woman who you've been seeing that you're getting back together with the hottest babe in the WWE, if that doesn't make a woman go medieval on all mankind nothing will!" Punk said and Cena gulped and heard Layla ask Kelly and Brooke what was wrong with Ashley and then it hit them: a huge tremor shook L.A. from left-to-right, sending people flying and scouring for cover.
"Look out!" Punk called out as Cena's Jeep hit a huge crack and he broke before they both fell into it. They looked over the windshield and saw volcanic larva, the center of the earth was gaping open and they were only two steps from it.
"God help us," Cena said and Punk said a prayer hoping angels were being dispatched from Heaven to save them right now; they didn't know three angelic beings were handling things at that exact moments several layers below the Earth's crust in the devil's underworld where the damned were tormented night and day with no escape or chance of forgiveness: ATM were in Hell and Undertaker, Hunter and Chyna were in there with them.
"What was that for?" Hunter cried hanging onto a rock while the devil tormented Undertaker for betraying him to these "Christians".
"Shut up or you'll burn!" the father of lies said and Lita smirked.
"Don't try and copy me Lita I invented that smirk," Hunter said and Trish sighed; it was only by the grace of God that Hunter was getting into Heaven, if it wasn't for Jeff Hardy this would be his place of residence forever she wished he'd show a little humility in the face of eternal damnation but no, he had to run his mouth off to Lita even in Hell!
"Hunter hold on before you fall, this is serious not an opportunity to cut another one of your dull ass promos," Trish said.
"Look just leave Hunter alone and do your job Stratus," Chyna said in defense of her true love and Trish was the one now smirking.
"God I missed you Joanie," she said and covered her mouth when she realized the Truth came out and Chyna gasped.
"So you do like me, after all these years I thought you hated me I knew you were just pretending so Stephanie didn't fire you too," Chyna said and Hunter started to take off his sweater.
"What are you doing?" Melina asked.
"This is the hottest place I've ever been, what better way to even out my tan its already fading, those new tanning beds Vince bought are bullshit man," Hunter replied and Chyna laughed.
"The only reason why you two are laughing is because you think ATM are gonna get you out of here," said the demon of death with his ungodly voice, "Well guess what? They're not getting out of here and neither are you!"
Lita, Trish and Melina looked at each other, held hands and prayed from the Book of Matthew 4:10,
"Then Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written, 'You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve.' Then the devil left Him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him,"
"We are the angelic trio who work for the King of Kings and we report to Him not you," Trish said.
"Our job is to protect the innocent and shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness," Melina said.
"And we're gonna do that by getting Hunter, Joanie and Mark outta here before we destroy you," Lita said, "If you want you can come with us and end this war between Heaven and Hell forever, or you can stay here stewing in your own condemnation for all eternity, the choice is yours,"
"Wait your saving Mark too? He threatened my best friend he can't come back to Earth he belongs here!" Hunter protested.
"You threathen Shawn to this day, who are you to condemn anyone to Hell for controlling their best friend?" the devil said and Hunter gulped.
"Maybe I do belong here," he said and Lita panicked.
"You belong here satan, making Hunter believe he deserves to be persecuted rather than forgiven for his sinful lifestyle is what you do best, I am the answer to the prayers of every man or woman who's ever thought they klnew what was best for their friends, we're all working for one man and his name is Jesus Christ our Savior, now bow to the real King of Kings or DIE WHERE YOU STAND!" Lita declared and the earth stood still.
"What's going on?" Joanie asked Hunter who watched as Lita's hair rose in bright red flames, Trish's hands were high in the air along with Melina's and this huge beam of light came down from the Heavens and shone on the devil's underworld lair. Hunter, Joanie and Taker watched in awe as the beam burnt the devil so badly they turned away in horror, it was truly the most horrific thing their human eyes had ever seen and they understood for the first time why Hell was a very bad place to be and none of them wanted to come back ever again. When the light disappeared, they said the Lord's Prayer and a Voice came and said this:
Children of God you have been saved by the Blood of My Son Jesus Christ who has pardoned you Hunter, you Joanie and you Mark from eternal damnation in exchange for the life of Jeff Hardy. This warrior son will be returned to his brother and friends in due time, right now I want you to bless My Holy Name in reverence for everything My Son and I have done for you.
Amy, Trish and Lita looked over at Hunter, Joanie and Mark who were staring at them like they had wings or something, then they realized they did.
"Lita you're an angel!" Melina cried out touching her sister in Christ.
"So are you!" Trish cried out touching Melina as Lita observed them both with a sober glance.
"They're not wings, God's just making us see what they see, it's a manifestation of their imagination," she said and Trish and Melina turned to Hunter, Chyna and Undertaker, "So they don't give the game away, they're not ready to see the real thing, they will be some day," Lita explained and God continued.
That's why I anointed you above all Amy Dumas, you're wise beyond your years and you have a heart bigger than all Texas, that's why I want you to be with my favorite wrestler St. Michaels, but you still have a choice to make.
"I do?" Lita asked confused.
"She does?" Trish said equally confused, "I thought You said Shawn and Lita were going to get married?"
I told you all you needed to know Trish not all I know there's a difference, I don't know what it is with you angelic beings you get a little anointing and suddenly you know more than Me, here's a Holy newsflash: my beloved Anointed Amy is still holding a candle for Adam Copeland, until she is fully persuaded that Shawn Michaels is her true love she will not believe I have delivered her from her past life of sin and into a new life of infinite blessings unlimited.
Hunter, Chyna and Undertaker were now back on the Earth's surface but ATM were surrounded by a huge light and they couldn't look straight at it even though Hunter put on his sunglasses and gave it his best shot.
"What the Hell do you see in him Joanie?" Undertaker asked the former Women's Champion.
"A friend, a lover and the best thing that ever happened to me," she replied and Undertaker said nothing, he had nothing left to say, except to Shawn and Jeff, they were all going to have to sit down and talk this thing out so they could put the past behind them once and for all and get on with their lives. It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing in life was for The Deadman.
"So what now do I tell Shawn I need more time?" Lita asked God and Trish rebuked her.
"Don't ask the Father what you're supposed to do, you know what you're supposed to do, choose Shawn and get on with your life," Trish said.
"But she's still in love with Edge she can't get married to anyone else until she's completely over him," Melina protested and ATM argued back and forth over what God had imparted to them while Jeff Hardy, his mother, Rebecca, Eddy Guerrero and Owen Hart listened from above.
"Wow this is exciting, what's Lita gonna do?" Jeff wondered.
"I bet He knows," Eddy said looking at Jesus who smiled.
"My Father created the Earth you think He's gonna tell me who Lita's gonna end up with and spoil His big finish?" He said.
"I guess we'll have to wait and see then," Mother Hardy said.
"Your Father's got this whole thing worked out though right? Lita is going to make the right decision isn't she?" Jeff asked concerned for his dear friend of many years and Jesus nodded.
"God should write for the WWE, their writers have no idea how to make a storyline work," Owen Hart complained, "I mean they turned my death into a tasteful tribute show and they turned your death into a World Heavyweight Championship victory at Wrestlemania 22 for Rey Mysterio, I'm not even in the Hall of Fame!"
"This place ain't big enough for the two of us Holmes, you gonna have to move into the next realm," Eddy laughed and Owen put him in a headlock while everyone else watched Lita wrestle with her emotions; once again she found herself caught in a love triangle she didn't want but somehow God kept putting her in them and someone's heart was going to be broken yet again, only this time it wasn't Matt Hardy's, it was the heart of the man she truly loved.