Chapter 20: Whoop that Trick!
Back in Tijuana, Shawn and Lita rode the DX to the Extreme back to the Camino Real to have it out with Trish Stratus. Rocky was reluctant to come but Jericho and the McMahons told him he Carlito deserved to know what was going on.
As soon as DX to the Extreme touched the shore Lita ran towards the guilt-ridden blond making a circle in the sand with her feet; she was surrounded by the WWE and TNA wrestlers who wanted to know how Lita could scream her name like that all the way from San Diego unless she had done something really wrong.
"So what did she do?" Victoria asked Lita who was in no mood for talking.
"She um, fell in love with another man," HBK explained on Lita's behalf and tilted his head towards The Rock and everyone gasped then turned to look at Carlito who had just frozen in mid-bite of an apple.
"What are you talking about Shawn, Trish is in love with me?" Carlito said and the Showstoppa bit his lip and tried to bide some time before bringing Carlito to terms with the situation.
"You know how Hunter thought he was in love with Stephanie?" he started gently and Carlito started to get irritated, "Well it turns out that I was right and she is not the woman my best friend is supposed to spend the rest of his life with,"
Stephanie gave HBK a dark look, "Why are you bringing me into this you asshole?" she said and Lita slapped her across the face causing all the wrestlers to gasp, Shane went for Lita but he backed away when he saw how hot she was getting, it was then that he remembered exactly who she was and that she had the Divine Authority to strike down anyone who disrespected her or those she loved, she could strike down anyone in the name of God, even a McMahon and Christianity seemed like a really cool religion all of a sudden, better than McMahonism anyway.
"Whoop that trick!" JTG cried out and Shad, Shelton, Krystal and Nitro joined in saying "Whoop that trick" over and over again much to Vince McMahon's chagrin.
"SHUT UP!" he yelled and they did, then he turned to Lita and thanked her for doing what he'd wanted to do for the last few hours and Stephanie balked in shock and Jericho pulled her into a hug and kissed her down to the ground. HBK turned away from the gratuitous make out scene in disgust.
"You see what I'm talking about? For the last few years she's been wanting to do that with Jericho and after being called everything from a junkie to a gay guy, now ya'll know that HBK knows every trick in the book when it comes to women,"
The wrestlers all nodded but Carlito was still confused, Shawn Michaels was about to explain further when Randy Orton interrupted him.
"Shawn with all due respect I think you've said enough, come with me Trish, I want to show Carlito exactly what's going on here," Randy said taking Trish by the hand towards the ocean. He got in taking her with him, eventually he stopped and looked directly at Carlito, "What is God saying to you?" he asked.
"He said watch the water," Carlito replied as God spoke to him and he came towards the water with everyone following him and saw the sum of all his nightmares all at once, "No no, this can't be?" he cried as an image of Rocky and Trish kissing appeared over the water's surface and Carlito stormed towards Trish and shook her furiously, "You said it was over, you said you didn't feel that way about him anymore, were you lying to me that whole time?"
"We stopped sleeping together that's the only thing that changed, but my heart . . ." Trish broke off and started to weep but Carlito shook her back into the conversation, "My heart is still anchored to his Carlos, I can't help it, as much as I love you and we are eternal soul-mates, my heart here on Earth belongs to Rocky, and that's the Truth,"
Carlito was so angry he wanted to slap her but Randy caught his hand before it came down on her face, "Are you loco? Lita's right there!" Randy reminded him as the Anointed one looked on.
"I say slap her," Lita said indifferently and Melina looked at Lita shocked.
"What did you just say?" she asked her sister in Christ.
"I'm sorry mi hermana but I'm too Anointed to lie, Trish Stratus deserves the biggest bitch slap ever, she some how has managed to pull it off once again and has succeeded in turning the attention off the biggest day of my life and over to her and her laundry list of dirty secrets. I thought you were past this now Trish, God gave you the ability to see the Truth before it even happens so you would stop breaking men's hearts and here you are less than 2 days before my wedding to the greatest wrestler of all time - "
"She's talking about me everybody just in case there was any confusion," HBK said proudly and Chyna gagged his mouth wanting to hear what her little Kliq sister had to say.
" - And now Carlito's heart is broken too," Lita finished marching into the water which turned hot immediately as she stepped in making Randy and Trish hop out back onto the sand but she followed them heating up wherever they went, "So what now Stratus? Are you gonna put Carlito through the pain of hearing some flimsy excuse explaining why you strung him along for so long or are you going to admit that you just wanted to have your cake and eat it too?"
"What?" Trish frowned confused by the expression.
"Sweetie she's Canadian she don't know what that means," Shawn told Lita and put on his soft church counselor voice clasping his hands together and smiling beatifically at the down-hearted blond, "What my Anointed other half is saying Trish is are you going to be sleeping with Carlito tonight then running off to sleep with Rocky afterwards?"
"Or maybe just thinking about him in the bathroom while Carlito's asleep that counts as cheating too," Melina said and everyone looked at her and she shrugged, "What? It's called an emotional affair and it counts as cheating in the spiritual realm,"
"When you fantasize about someone is cheating?" Nitro said feeling incredibly guilty all of a sudden as did most of the other wrestlers.
"Jesus said adultery is committed in the heart, if your heart is in love with another and you dream out them, you're just as bad as someone who actually cheats on their other half," Melina said looking at Lita indicating that she was the one she was talking about.
"Everybody knows I'm promiscuous honey so that ain't nothing new," Lita said, "What nobody knew is that Trish was having emotional sex with Rocky while actually having sex with Carlito, that makes you the promiscuous one!"
"That's not fair Amy, I love Carlito!" Trish countered tears burning down her cheeks.
"I know you do Patricia, but you don't love him with all your heart!" Lita replied and Trish sank down into her hands and cried bitterly.
"Your right I'm a bitch, I guess not even the gift God gave me can change that," Trish said and Vince called her over and pulled her into a hug.
"You know you can take you frustration out in the ring if you come back to RAW full-time, I mean now that you and Carlito are no more you don't really have anything to do with your spare-time, you can't chase demons for the rest of your life, Melina's having a baby, Lita's getting married to a walking enema, you can come back now can't you?" he said callously and Rocky wanted to kill him right there and then.
"Don't do it Rocky even though I feel the same way, killing Vince is not the way to solve this," Trish told her old flame which is turns out was still burning brightly in her.
"I want everyone to come out of this without getting hurt," The Rock said and Shawn laughed.
"That's highly unrealistic," he said.
"No it isn't," Rocky said coming over to the Heartbreak Kid with a desperate look in his eye, "Use your Kiss of Life to take the pain away from Carlito and it will be like he and Trish were never a couple!"
"What?" Shawn said horrified.
"Shawn no more Stone Cold impressions!" Vince barked and HBK crotch-chopped him, "What kind of Christian crotch-chops his boss?" Vince asked his wife who shrugged, she was more interested in what Shawn was gonna do with his lips rather than his crotch.
"Shawn I can't be with Trish like this, not with Carlito wanting to kill me, take away his anger, his hurt and his pain with your Kiss of Life please I'm begging you!" Rocky pleaded and Shawn scratched his face nervously.
"I dunno what's gonna happen I mean, he could forget about Trish altogether," Shawn said contemplating the idea.
"That's good, it's better than hating us for the rest of his life, at least with your Kiss of Life he can move on," Rocky reasoned.
"But all the memories, all the time they shared together will all be forgotten, it will be like they never even met!" Shawn explained and Rocky looked over at Trish who looked over at Carlito who was staring daggers at them both.
"I don't think that's worth the risk of him going to prison for murder of two WWE Superstars," Rocky said and Shawn looked over at El Con Dios, he did indeed have that murderous glint in his eye.
"Trish are you sure you want to leave Carlito for Rocky because once I do this I can't undo it," Shawn told Trish who looked at her sisters in Christ for counsel; Melina looked genuinely concerned but Lita was seriously pissed that this was happening on her first date with Shawn Michaels; everything was going great, they swapped war stories, talked about the wedding, the honeymoon and the possibility of having a baby and now it was officially the worse first date she had ever had in her life and if Trish thought she was gonna let this slide she was as dumb as she was blond.
"We only get two loves in life Trish, the one we choose and the one we reject," Lita said and turned to her Anointed other half, "No matter what you do baby, Trish will still hold a candle for Carlito, so Kiss him, don't Kiss him, whatever you do our night is ruined and maybe our wedding too, anybody wants me I'll be in the morgue with Hunter," Lita said walking away from them all and heading towards the makeshift morgue that the Kliq had made for Hunter; it was just a slab of wood packed in ice and would be the perfect place for the angry Anointed one to cool off before she killed everyone with her Righteous Indignation which was at boiling point now.
"Okay Carlito come here," Shawn said reluctantly but the cool one stood still and made no movement, he too was boiling over with rage, Shawn sighed and walked over to him. He put his arm on Carlito's shoulder and Carlito tried to get away from him which was pointless; Shawn had no problem kissing people even men thanks to Edge and he locked his mouth on Carlito's and melted his rage with his soft lips and sweet breath, drawing all the anger, all the hurt, all the pain out of El Con Dios until he was back to his normal cool self.
"Shawn I like girls," Carlito said pushing St. Michaels away and wiping off his face in disgust, "I always knew there was something funny about you culo, that was not cool!" he said and Shawn couldn't help but laugh and turned to Trish and Rocky.
"You're in the clear, Carlito's back to his normal self, don't be surprised if he treats you like he doesn't know you okay?" Shawn said and ran off to the makeshift morgue to find Lita and see his old friend who he decided had been asleep for long enough.
Trish turned Carlito towards her and searched his face for a flicker of recognition but Shawn was right, he didn't look like the man she fell in love with and shared six blissful months with, he just looked like another one of her many, many, many admirers.
"Can I help you?" he asked Trish as she gazed into his eyes and held his arm like she couldn't let it go.
"I just wanted to tell you thank you for saving me from Randy Orton that time on RAW, it was really brave," Trish said to see if he would remember something that happened just before she left RAW.
"Oh yeah, no problem," Carlito said and turned to see everyone staring at him, "What's going on?" he asked.
"Do you even remember the last few hours?" Melina asked concerned.
"Sure, I saved Trish from Randy Orton and he said she was a bitch and that she wasn't worth my time, is there something I don't know?" Carlito asked scratching his afro and everyone shook their head giving Trish a look of disproval.
"No that's pretty much it," Nitro said pulling Carlito over to him and walked away from Trish and Melina.
"Randy I'm sorry I was in way over my head, please don't hate me," Trish said and TKO rubbed the back of his head not sure how honest he should be at this point.
"I'm on an assignment to help you, after Shawn and Lita get married ATM disband and Jeff Hardy comes back to Earth. I think things should just go back to normal, if you decide to come back to RAW I don't talk to you and you don't talk to me," Randy said and Trish tried to change his mind but Randy felt bad for a guy he really didn't like up until recently, but being a Christian changed his attitude towards love and how much it could hurt you, "I think I'll use my God given talent to help those who need help in the love department, I think you'll be just fine without me, Carlito and Shawn to look after you, see you later and I hope you and Rocky are very happy together," he said and walked up to Carlito and Nitro with the rest of the WWE Superstars who were filling Carlito in on the last time he was on RAW because he had forgotten everything thanks to Shawn's Kiss of Life. Melina rubbed Trish's arm reassuringly and Chris Jericho and Stephanie came towards them.
"Welcome to my world," Stephanie said and Trish buried her head in Rocky's chest as the two couples walked along the sand to talk about how they were going to make this up to Lita and Shawn in the morning.
"Can't you heal them Melina?" LC asked her innocently, "I don't think Trish should feel bad for who she falls in love with, I know I don't," she said kissing Cameron on the cheek.
"Speak for yourself," Carla said rolling her eyes and LC shoved her onto the ground.
"I thought you said you were okay with me and Cam-Cam hooking up?" she protested angrily while Carla got back to her feet and dusted the sand off her skirt.
"I am I just haven't adjusted to being single yet," Carla said and Melina picked the little blond Canadian up in her arms and squeezed her lovingly.
"You have your whole life to fall in love sweetie you're only seven," Melina said.
"Well everyone's hooking up why can't I hook up?" Carla said folding her arms crossly and Melina handed her over to Charlotte and Dan.
"There's a long way to go before you find your true love Carla, for now why don't you hang with Dan and I and make us fall in love with you all over again?" Charlotte said and Carla smiled and hugged her adoptive mother lovingly while Chyna and LC looked on fondly then they hurt a huge yelp and knew instantly that Papa Bear was awake.
"C'mon let's go see Daddy," Chyna said lifting LC up and going to the source of the howling.
In the hotel basement, Lita was warming Hunter with her hot hands drying his body which was ice cold thanks to the makeshift morgue Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Sean Waltman had made for him in about 30 seconds.
"You think this is over Lita? I saw you kissing Edge outside this hotel, you're not gonna screw Shawn the way you screwed Matt, not as long as I'm alive!" Hunter hissed through his chattering lips which were still blue. HBK smiled and leaned forward, kissing the color back into Hunter's lips which the Cerebral Assassin liked a lot, a little too much actually as he pulled Shawn in for a much deeper kiss.
"Whoa!" the WWE and TNA wrestlers gasped at the same time as Shawn Kissed the color back into Hunter's cheeks, his hands and his entire body with his Kiss of Life. Hunter felt the life rush back to his half-frozen body like he had just been struck by lightning. The ice around them completely melted and Lita dried them both with the heat coming from her hands.
"Okay Shawn he's done, pull away slowly," Lita said and the Showstoppa obeyed separating himself from Hunter at the mouth but leaving his hands on his best friend's face.
"Was it everything you thought it would be?" Shawn asked humorously and Hunter brushed his thumb over Shawn's hot lips to cool them off.
"You're so gay," Hunter joked.
"Actually he's male version of Lita, in fact, I think you too will be very happy together . . . for at least a month then you'll both find someone new to screw," Bret said and Shawn sent a fireball in his direction disintegrating him on impact.
"I need a container," Shawn said looking around as the horrified faces stared in horror at the charred ashes that Bret Hart had suddenly become.
"Here use my boot!" LC said taking off her big black leather army boot and Shawn scraped up Bret Hart's ashes and headed back outside with them.
"What the Hell is he doing?" Scott Hall asked Kevin Nash as everyone followed Shawn back down to the beach.
"He's finishing what Bret Hart started," Hunter replied watching Shawn get the closure he needed so badly before he moved on with the rest of his life.
"Melina bless the water, I need you to use your miraculous healing powers to cleanse Bret Hart's soul and set his spirit free," Shawn said to the Miraculous one who nodded rubbing her hands together and praying over the water. As she spoke Shawn emptied Bret out onto the water throwing LC's boot in and everyone watched as the water began to move rising into the shape of a man, when it dispersed Bret Hart was standing there.
"Oh my God!" Chyna gasped in shock along with everyone else; Shawn and Melina had brought Bret Hart back from the dead, only this time he was new and improved, just like DX. The Hitman pushed his hair out of his face and looked like his old self, rugged, handsome and most important of all, at peace with himself and everyone around him.
"Hey towel boy!" he said to Shawn Michaels, "What you just gonna stand there get me a towel already!" he said and Shawn ran over to him and jumped on him knocking Bret over with a crash into the water while Hunter watched jealously making sure Bret didn't take any liberties with his best friend.
"That's enough!" he said marching into the water and pulling Bret back but Shawn and Bret both pulled him in too, the healing water coursed over his body and he felt as peaceful as they did, he saw Shawn as he was for the first time clearly and that was as a happy man. He stroked Shawn's head and kissed him on the forehead, "Congratulations on your wedding Shawn, it would be my pleasure to walk with you down the isle,"
Bret and Shawn frowned at each other and Hunter realized what he said came out wrong, "I mean I would love to be your best man on Saturday," he said with a smile and Shawn cried tears of joy that his past, present and future where all taken care of thanks to the Melina the Miraculous and the powerful healing ability of the Holy Spirit.
"Thank you Jesus," he said and hugged them both knowing that a miracle had just taken place.
Jesus told Shawn he was welcome and Jeff Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Owen Hart and Rebecca Michaels all cried as they watched with the King of Kings from the comfortable seat at the Father's Right Hand in Heaven.
"Hold your peace people the assignment is far from complete," Jesus warned them and they all looked down wondering what was going to happen next.
"Hey where's Nitro?" Melina said looking around as everyone applauded her and Shawn's awe-inspiring powers, she walked back up to the hotel and went into the basement where she threw up and not from morning sickness but from her husband kissing Brooke from Extreme Expose.
"Randy!" she screamed and ran back out of the hotel to find the man who told her that was going to happen and she didn't believe him, maybe she was wrong about Johnny, maybe God was trying to tell her what He told Trish and Lita, that love was a choice and it looked like she too had chosen the wrong man.
Lita didn't chase after her the Anointed one watched as everyone went to see what was wrong with her other sister in Christ, leaving her and Shawn alone on the shore of the Imperial Beach where they continued on from where they left off.
"So red's your favorite color?" Lita asked the Showstoppa as he swam over to her pulling her into his arms by her pereo which had come loose in his hands leaving her only in the red bikini he loved oh so much, "How come you like red?" Lita asked him rubbing her hand down his chest and tracing the fine chest hair with her trembling fingertips. Trish warned them what would happen if they made out before the wedding, she said there would be a "cataclysmic reaction" and judging from the loss of consciousness threatening her as she breathed against HBK's chest, Trish was telling the absolute truth for a change. Shawn breathed in her hair and kissed the wet surface sending waves all around them from the contact, he had no intention of rushing her . . . at least not until she was begging him to then nothing was gonna stop him from making love to her, not even the memory of his dearly departed wife and what she accused him of all the time they were married.
"It used to be green but as soon as I saw you that all changed," Shawn whispered and bit into her exposed neck until she pulled back panting breathless and looking at him with a desire urgently needing to be filled, he smiled and got out of the water watching her as he walked backwards up the shore, "I can see you need some time alone, so I'll see you in the morning Big Red," he said with a wry smile and Lita wanted to run him down, pull of his vanilla shorts and wrap herself around him like fitted glove but right now she couldn't even blink thinking everything that she had just felt in the last few encounters with Shawn Michaels would disappear as she awoke from her own personal American Dream.
"This is going to be the best sex I've ever had," she said to herself as Shawn walked over to the Kliq leaving her alone to have a private rapture resting in the confines of the healing water throwing her head back and smiling like a virgin, knowing that there was love in her future of that she was certain.
"Why isn't Lita getting out of the water?" Cameron wondered scratching his head as the red-head sat on the sea bed chanting his father's name over and over again like a Catholic prayer, "Is she okay?"LC and Carla giggled knowing Lita was more than okay, "She's fine let's go," LC said hugging Cameron over to her with Carla. Both girls knew that when the time was right, they was going to chant their true love's name like that someday but not before they were old enough to vote; Shawn and Lita were proof that the best things come to those who wait and from the sound of it Lita had waited long enough.