Chapter 23: Trick or Treat?
Los Angeles, CA:
Stephanie and Jericho went back to Jericho's apartment in Downtown L.A. while ATM and DX went to Melina and Nitro's house to start cooking for the wedding reception on Saturday, it was 6am and they were burnt out in more ways than one.
The Billion Dollar Princess fell back on the couch followed by a muscular bag of bones otherwise known as Chris Jericho who was ready to forget about DX and ATM altogether; ever since Amy, Trish and Lita got their holy powers his life had been turned upside down, he wasn't going to run the risk of losing Stephanie by going over to Melina's where Hunter was bound to demonstrate his awesome cooking abilities. Stephanie smiled down at the bouncy head of curls under her chin and breathed in the vanilla essence combed into Jericho's golden locks at his insistence.
"I don't think I can live with a man who spends more time in front of the mirror than I do," she said and waited for Chris to give her one of his witty responses but one never came; he had fallen asleep in her arms, "Hello?" she said answering her cell-phone careful not to wake the Ayatollah of Rock N' Rolla up, "Dad I'm trying to sleep can we talk about this tomorrow?" she said as Vince McMahon's agitated voice screamed down the phone.
"No Stephanie Marie, we're going to talk about this now!" he barked and Stephanie sighed slipping out from under Jericho to step out of the room into the kitchen where she put on some coffee and sat down as her father reeled off his insane plan to get back at DX for humiliating him south of the border, "I want you to drop in on Melina and Nitro's, bring with you the most delicious dessert you can find. Shane and I are gonna drop by in about an hour with some food poison - "
"Dad!" Stephanie yelled at what her father was suggesting then shushed herself when she realized she was almost screaming down the phone.
"I want you to let us in, show us where the dessert is and keep watch while we put the poison on it, afterwards we'll leave and that's that," Vince said smiling proudly at his reflection in the bathroom mirror of a random motel somewhere in Los Angeles that wasn't buried in after shock rubble.
"What do you mean that's that, what about the poison?" Stephanie whispered desperately.
"You don't need to know about that young lady just buy the best looking cake, pie or pastry you can find and we'll do the rest," Shane told her and Stephanie hung up the phone dejected; her family were Hell bent on making one of the biggest wedding's of all time the worst day in Shawn Michael's life after the death of his wife only days ago.
"I can't go through with this," she said aloud not seeing the sleepy eyed Canadian standing the kitchen doorway.
"Get away with what?" Chris Jericho asked groggily and Stephanie tried to get him upstairs to bed concerned that he hadn't gotten enough rest but before she could say anything Stephanie was in Jericho's arms and he was carrying her to his bedroom and closing the door behind him.
20 minutes later . . .
Stephanie closed the apartment door, pulled out the keys to Jericho's car and tried to remember what she was supposed to be doing.
"Oh Steph?" Jericho called from the bedroom window and Stephanie looked up to see Jericho waving her bra at her, "I believe this belongs to you," he said laughing and Stephanie winked at him and unlocked the car.
"I'm buying dessert for Shawn and Lita," she said reminding herself what she was doing outside at 6 in the morning when she should be inside making love to Chris Jericho and drove downtown wondering what her father and brother wanted with a poisoned dessert and making a mental note to stay away from the dessert cart tomorrow night.
The den at Melina and Nitro's crib, 6:30am:
Layla and Kelly Kelly were ignoring Brooke angry that she had made a move on Nitro without thinking about how much it was going to affect his marriage to Melina.
"Mrs. McCool told us to enjoy single life I'm allowed to kiss guys if they want me to, if Melina wasn't so busy running around with Lita and Trish she wouldn't have to keep watch of her husband," Brooke said in her own defense.
"I kind of agree with you," Layla confessed and Kelly Kelly found herself agreeing with them both as well.
"Are you guys nuts?" Charlotte said drawing away from Dan to join Extreme Expose on the floor with all the other sleeping wrestlers, "Marriage is a constant battle of watching and praying," she said quietly and the ECW Divas frowned.
"What does that mean?" Layla asked.
"It means you watch your husband and you pray for him," Charlotte said and explained further as the three dancers listened closely, "the world is filled with temptation, it would have been any number of girls Nitro would have made out with, the fact is that Melina wasn't watching him buy Playboy or watch him eye Brooke from the corner of the Camino Real, men break vows when we don't watch them, so that's what I mean by you have to watch and pray for your husband,"
Extreme Expose nodded, "Because you'll never know when he'll try and kiss me again!" Brooke shouted towards the kitchen where Melina was cooking and everyone started cussing her out.
"Shut up trick I'm trying to get my sleep on over here!" MVP cried out his doo rag wound around his head a little too tightly for Mr. Kennedy's liking who enjoyed listening to the women's conversation and decided to make an observation.
"See if you didn't all dress up like sluts, we wouldn't be looking at you at all so keep up the good work," he said and Extreme Expose started hitting him with the cushions Melina had laid out for them on the floor.
"Guys stop if you really wanna fight do it in the ring, I'm trying to get some sleep," Ashley Massaro said and Torrie, Candice and Victoria gave her a dirty look.
"You started all this when you kissed Nitro and unleashed the Whore of Babylon," Victoria said.
"And the crazy bitch got me and Candice!" Torrie Wilson added angrily, "Maybe if you weren't hitting on married men HBK wouldn't be so stuck up,"
"Torrie that hurts," Shawn said pouting as Lita wrapped her legs around him resting his head on her flat stomach as she stroked the side of his face lazily, "I have standards and no woman no matter how beautiful is gonna get into bed with me after posing for Playboy," he said.
"Shawn you're so clueless," Torrie Wilson said with a chuckle going back to sleep.
"Posing for Playboy is no different than stripping," Candice Michelle said and Shawn opened one eye and looked at the former bunny funny.
"Who are you talking about, Lita's never stripped?" he said and both Lita's eyes and ears popped open.
"Um Earth to Christian guy, I stripped before I got into wrestling I even wrote about it in my book," Lita told Shawn who was fully awake now and Hunter couldn't help but laugh at Shawn's shocked expression and Chyna tried to muffle it with her chest: it worked.
"I thought that was a work to make your character more edgy," Shawn asked in disbelief and Lita nodded nonchalantly, "Were you hurt I mean, did anyone ever try anything?" he asked concerned.
"Yeah a couple of times but I took care of myself, I've been taking care of myself for a long time," she said and Shawn cupped her face and stroked her chin affectionately.
"I'll look after you okay? The only person you're gonna be stripping for from this moment on is me," he said jealously but corrected himself not to come of like a jerk, "I mean if you want to," he said and Lita smiled brightly at him feeling really glad to be alive to witness this moment; Shawn Michaels wanting to protect her in spite of her past misdemeanors and ferocious appetite for men of all kinds, especially if they were good wrestlers. It was then that her stomach flipped and she knew she was with the right man and if God was in control, Shawn was going to be the last man she would ever sleep with.
"I don't deserve you Shawn," she said and went to kiss HBK when the rock hard hand of Trish Stratus came down on the back of her head and knocked her off the couch she and Shawn were sleeping on.
"Not before the wedding!" Trish said wrapped up in her fluffy pink dressing gown and bunny slippers.
"Ow!" Lita complained feeling the sudden urge to wrestle Trish making her rethink her early retirement, "Shouldn't you be in The People's Bed right now Truth?" she said rubbing her head.
"The Rock doesn't sleep," she replied and everyone made wolf whistles as Trish did a Go Daddy dance indicating that she had been re-igniting her old flame in the privacy of Melina's guest bedroom, "I just took a break from our "workout"," she said in inverted commas with a cheeky smile, "To check on you and Shawn and it's a good thing that I did, Hunter!" Trish yelled at the Cerebral Assassin and Chyna glared at her, "Wake him up," she said and Chyna grimaced at her former rival.
"Excuse me who are you to tell me to do anything except put my size 8 foot in your size 2 ass?" Chyna said and Shawn pulled Trish down.
"You don't want none of Joanie back in the day or ever," he said and Trish got back up and in Chyna's face, "Big mistake, huge!" Shawn said and Lita watched as the First Lady of DX tickled Trish to death and Hunter awoke to see his girlfriend on top of Trish Stratus and pinched himself to see if he was still dreaming, when he saw that Lita, Torrie, Krystal and Extreme Expose were all fully clothed he knew he wasn't and broke the former rivals apart.
"What's up with you Trish, Rocky not enough action for you?" Hunter said as Trish tried to regain her composure.
"Just the man I wanted to see, remember how you were on Shawn and Lita's case constantly thinking that they were like this close to having an affair last year?" Trish said to Hunter while trying to catch her breath and Hunter nodded.
"We remember," Cryme Tyme said yawning, "Trips was right all along, if Shawn wants to ride Lita dirty he can ride Lita dirty, Rebecca can't do shit to you now Shawn, you're a free man, enjoy it!" Shad said and Shawn pointed to his crotch and told him to SUCK IT.
"I think Lita's got you covered playa," JTG said and all the boys started to laugh and Lita gave JTG a hi-five.
"And you know this man!" she said and now it was Shawn's turn to laugh, Lita was just as controversial as HBK was, there was just one thing they had to do before they consummated the marriage.
"Lita would you like to go dancing with me tonight?" he said and Lita blushed.
"I can't dance to save my life," Lita said feeling like such a loser and Shawn frowned confused.
"I thought you used to strip?" he asked puzzled.
"Yeah?" Lita said equally puzzled, "What's your point?"
"Stripping is dancing, only where we're going there won't be no pole or ugly old men who can't get laid throwing corn chips and empty beer cans at you," Shawn said and Lita nodded understanding where he was going as he pulled her onto his lap, "I'm talking about a party where only two people are present: you and me, in your room down in Atlanta, Georgia, whad'ya say partner?" he whispered his soft breath licking Lita's ear and sending shivers down her spine just like Shawn's theme song said.
Lita nearly swallowed her tongue as she opened her mouth to speak, "Do we have time?" she asked her voice husky with unrequited desire and from the pressure against her thigh she knew she wasn't the only one with a desire urgently needing to be fulfilled.
"We'll leave after we get back from the mall and all the food for the wedding's been prepared, then we'll come back in the morning," Shawn said.
Lita nodded short of breath, "Sounds good," she said eventually and Shawn's eyes flickered with mischief and Lita's grin reflected her own dilemma, "that is if we make it to Tijuana as friends who like to hold hands and nothing more," she said and at this point everyone was watching waiting to see them kiss.
"Breakfast is ready!" Melina called and everybody fled into the kitchen for breakfast burritos and egg frittatas hot off the stove, the Miraculous one waved at Shawn and Lita as they sat up and followed everyone inside, their need for food overcoming their need for sex if only by an inch, "I sensed you needed a miracle to get you out of that predicament," she grinned sweetly, "I took the liberty of seating you at the boys table Shawn,"
HBK groaned, "I have to sit with Nitro!"
"I have to live with him, as far as I'm concerned you're getting off light," Melina said motioning for Shawn to hurry up and eat before the food got cold and she wrapped her arms around Lita and squeezed her sister in Christ tightly, "Mi hermana's gonna have a baby!" she rejoiced and Lita tried not to panic at the thought.
"We could give birth within days of each other?" Lita said.
"I wonder which one of our children is gonna be the third member of the new ATM? Trish ain't' giving me no clues, what do you think's going on in the Heavenlies, I don't see why both our children can't join ATM, they'd be an angelic Quattro and you know what they say there's strength in numbers!" Melina said sitting down at the girls table with her arm still around the Anointed one.
"Whoa slow down, I'm not pregnant yet!" Lita cried out and the WWE Divas and TNA Knockouts shot her a naïve glance and the former Queen of Extreme felt a hot glare on the back of her neck and started to fan herself knowing it was coming from Shawn, "Who am I kidding I get horny just looking at him, after one night with Shawn Michaels the baby's gonna come fast," she said and Krystal leaned over the table and said something quietly so the boys couldn't hear.
"But the baby only gets to come once, there aren't enough clocks to count the number of times you will be doing it," she said and all the women started to laugh and all the guys knew what they were laughing at and turned to HBK looking disgruntled.
"This wedding is affecting my life in weird and troubling ways," Mr. Kennedy said, "Even I'm thinking about getting married just so I can have what you and Lita have Shawn, of course I've been known to exaggerate,"
"You don't say?" the SD Superstars said all at once sarcastically.
"Yeah I want a hot chick having hot fantasies about me in the shower!" Mickie James said and got a dark stare from all the men, "Sorry wrong table," she said and Shawn shook his head knowing that she just said that to get him to Kiss her charred lips back to their juicy sweetness and he decided to give a Diva a break and turned around to her.
"I tell you what MJ, you apologize to Lita for that offensive poem you wrote about us and I'll put your lips back the way God made them," Shawn negotiated and MJ jumped up and down ecstatically and went over to Lita's side of the table and begged for her forgiveness which she received, she was so grateful that she started kissing Lita and wouldn't stop and Shawn got up to pull her away but it was too late, Lita's lips were now black and mucho un-kissable, "Urgh!" Shawn said, there was no way he was gonna kiss Lita now.
"Looks like Trish got her wish you know Hunter would have just paid us to have sex eventually," Lita said touching her charred lips frowning, "Still want to hang out with me Sexy Boy?" she said hopefully and Shawn couldn't help it, he had to kiss her she was the realest thing he had experienced in the WWE, so honest, so sincere, so fine was his awesome and anointed lady and he pressed his lips to hers lining the blackened skin there with sugary sweet saliva that had holy healing balm to repair her abused lips and melt her down to bare naked desire. The wrestlers looked on stunned expecting a lightning bolt to strike the Anointed Couple from Heaven for kissing before Trish said they could but that didn't happen. Shawn and Lita enjoyed their first kiss the same way they had carried out their careers in the WWE; live and in front of a captive audience and there was nothing more entertaining happening right now, of course that was all about to change as Stephanie McMahon approached Melina and Nitro's crib with a dessert as delicious as those lips kissing and it was addressed to the Heartbreak Kid courtesy of all The McMahon Family.