Chapter 24: The Toxic Avengers
"Who could that be?" Melina said getting up to answer the door as the other wrestlers and friends of ATM ate her tasty Mexican breakfast. A smiling face and a pair of green eyes greeted her and they belonged to Stephanie McMahon and she was holding a pastry box with a huge red bow around it.
"Hey Mel can I come in this box is so heavy," the Billion Dollar Princess said.
"What's in it?" Melina said excitedly taking the box from Stephanie and moving so she could come into the house but Stephanie hesitated, "Is it for the wedding?" Melina asked impressed with Stephanie's good will after everything Shawn and Hunter had put her and Jericho through over the last couple of weeks.
"I'll hold it Melina, you're pregnant you really shouldn't be carrying anything," Stephanie said taking it back.
"But it is for Shawn and Lita right?" Melina asked really wanting to see the dessert.
Stephanie nodded, "It sure is but it's a surprise so I can't tell you what dessert it is, sorry," she said and Melina jumped up and down excitedly.
"You are so good to do this for them Stephanie, come and join us we're having breakfast," Melina said ushering Stephanie into the kitchen where a fight was about to break out between Trish and Hunter over Shawn and Lita's forbidden kiss which no-one did anything aboot.
"What's wrong with you can't you follow a simple instruction? Wait don't answer that," Trish yelled at Hunter still in her fluffy pink bathrobe and bunny slippers, "I told you to watch them!"
"I did watch them," Hunter replied in his own defense, "I watched them kiss and I enjoyed it very much,"
Trish rolled her eyes and Shawn went back over to the boys table while Lita collapsed over the girls table spilling hot egg and zucchini all over herself, "Get it together woman its not like you've never been kissed before," Trish said passively.
"Go back upstairs you're ruining my last breakfast as a single woman," Lita said taking the egg off her lap and putting it in her mouth, she picked up a red bell pepper and threw it at HBK who had his mouth open at the boys table waiting for it.
"Nice throw you got it right in my mouth," Shawn said chomping down on the spicy pepper like it was chewing gum.
"There's still tomorrow morning and there's more breakfast in your future, you have to get ready your hair's a mess and your make-up case hasn't been opened since you hooked up with Mr. Bell Pepper over there," Trish said and Lita blew her hair out of her face in frustration.
"Trish what are you still doing here talking about my hair when you look like you've been in the ceiling fan all morning?" Lita said and Trish smiled to herself amorously.
"That reminds me, we need to have our sex talk later on; I know exactly what HBK likes in the bedroom," Trish said loudly and Shawn Michaels blushed.
"I ain't putting Lita in no ceiling fan," he said and Lita and the other women at the girls table laughed, Trish leaned over to Lita and told her something quietly.
"I'm serious but since you think I'm clueless, make sure you talk to Jeff Hardy before you and Shawn go on your honeymoon because he has something really important to give you okay sweetie?" she said kindly and Lita nodded confused and continued eating her eyes suddenly on the woman with the cake box wrapped in a fancy red bow.
"What are you doing here?" Hunter said getting up and going over to his ex-wife with Chyna and LC right beside him in fight mode, the presence of Stephanie McMahon putting them right off their breakfast.
"I come in peace," Stephanie said ignoring the urge to take the cake and smash it into Chyna's face then toss LC in the box and wrap the bow around it and post it to Alaska with no return address, "I bought dessert for the wedding,"
Shawn and Lita walked over to the box and exchanged suspicious glances, "Do you want to ask her or should I?" Lita asked Shawn.
"No I got more beef with this woman than Chyna, Hunter, LC and Paul Heyman put together, I'll take care of this," Shawn said and Stephanie got nervous as Shawn's eyes pierced her own like the sword tattoo on his arm, "Who is this cake from?" he asked and Stephanie gulped.
"I just said it's from me what did I do something wrong?" she said and HBK tore off the red ribbon and opened the box. Lita handed him a fork and he handed it to Stephanie.
"Eat it," he said and Stephanie tried not to laugh.
"You want me to eat your wedding present?" she said incredulous but she could see that Shawn and Lita were onto her, what a shame they thought she was the one they had to worry about as Vince and Shane appeared at the back window signalling for her to hurry up and let them in, "Okay," Stephanie said trying not to look nervous and ate a piece of the strawberry cheesecake supreme and it tasted really good, much better than she thought it would ever have tasted, "Hmmm, this is really good," she said taking another bite, then another, then another and her brother knocked his head against his hand and moaned.
"Steph don't eat the cake!" he said as his baby sister devoured the dessert she was supposed to buy for Shawn and Lita much to Vince's disappointment; he forgot how much his baby girl liked to eat.
"Good thing I bought a back up," the wrestling mogul said picking up the luxurious banana crème pie he bought on the way over, "Now all we have to do is get Stephanie to sneak this one into the refrigerator,"
"What about the poison?" Shane asked.
"I already added it, we're all set," Vince assured his son who sighed in relief and adoration of his father's tenacity then looked back through the glass and everyone was eating Shawn and Lita's wedding dessert now.
"Man that must be some good cake," Shane said and clapped his lips together hungrily feeling the need for something sweet and looked down at the luxurious banana crème pie.
"Okay she's coming over, get down so no-one can see us," Vince said to his only son but Shane didn't answer, "Shane O?" Vince called but still no reply came, the mogul got angry and was about to nudge Shane harshly on the shoulder when he saw him slumped over on Melina and Nitro's flowerbed with banana crème pie all over his face, "Shane!" Vince screamed and everyone turned to the back window and Stephanie made a run for it cake box in hand while everybody else ran outside to the McMahons to see what was going on.
"What the Hell is going on here?" Nitro said angrily, "Our azaleas are ruined!" oblivious to the fact that Shane was unconscious but Melina knew something wasn't right immediately, Trish laughed and called up to her guest bedroom.
"Rocky look out the window!" she yelled as the Miraculous one healed Shane's poisoned body.
"What in the blue Hell is going on down there?" Rocky said shirtless with Trish's hot pink bra on his head.
"We really need to be more selective in who we invite over honey," Nitro said to his wife who was less concerned with The Truth's robust sex life and more concerned about the toxicants she just took out of Shane McMahon's body. As he came around she helped him up and cradled his back and asked him if he knew he had eaten a poisoned pastry.
"You don't have to answer that Shane, now say thank you to our former Women's Champion and let's go," Vince said ushering his son away from the concerned face of Melina the Miraculous and the hysterical cackles of Shawn, Lita, Hunter and Chyna.
"They tried to poison us," Shawn laughed along with Lita who couldn't even stand up straight she was laughing so hard.
"And they ended up poisoning themselves," she said and patted Melina on the back proudly, "Nice one mi hermana, me and Shawn knew Stephanie was up to something but Shane and Vince really take the cake,"
"Take the cake - you just made that up, how did you come up with that you're so funny Lita I love you," Shawn said taking his girl up in his arms and swinging her around and went to kiss her when Trish's hot pink bra landed on his face and everyone looked up at the People's Champ.
"Get a room you jabronis!" The Rock said and Shawn and Lita rubbed their noses together affectionately.
"I've got just the room in mind, my bedroom back in Georgia, let's get the wedding preparations over and done with so we can go back to my place and have some privacy for a change," Lita said biting her bottom lip carnally still tasting Shawn on it from their kiss before and HBK lost his balance and Hunter caught him.
"Steady as you go cowboy, you're gonna need your balance when you're riding dirty," Hunter said and Shawn pulled away from him irritated while Cryme Tyme gave Hunter snaps because that line was one of theirs.
"What would you need privacy for you're not gonna do anything until after the wedding," Trish reminded Shawn and Lita who yawned bored of her lecture, "You guys I'm serious, you're getting way too attached to each other and the wedding's less than a day away; if you have sex before marriage you would have fornicated and broken God's law and that means, no more magic tattoos, no more Righteous Indignation - "
"No more Anointing," Lita finished and Trish nodded fervently.
"Exactly so take Hunter's advice and go steady alright?" Trish said and Lita looked down at Melina and Nitro's crushed flower bed about to trample on something equally delicate.
"I don't care about my Anointing anymore," she said and Trish and Melina's faces dropped in horror, but Lita wasn't fazed she was dead serious, "ATM are gonna disband when Jeff comes back to life anyway, so what's the point in holding onto something that I'm going to lose?"
Trish looked at Lita concerned that she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life, "You're seriously thinking about having sex before marriage?" she asked already knowing the answer and Lita nodded that she was and Trish shook her head in disappointment, "You really disappoint me Lita," she said and Lita looked at her surprised at the sudden solemnity in her voice, "You're my inspiration my role model, you went from being the most despised WWE Diva of all time to being an Anointed American hero that has a free pass to the Bushes anytime of the year all because of the calling God put on your life and now you're more than willing to throw the last incredible life-changing months of our lives away just so you can fulfill your girlhood fantasy and have sex with the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels?"
"Yeah," Lita said not understanding what Trish was so upset about, "ATM is over its time to go back to being Lita again and Lita want to make love to this man right here," Lita said pointing to Shawn and went to reach around his waist but he pulled back in disgust tears burning the back of his eyes, "What's the matter?" Lita asked concerned.
"I should have listened to Hunter and stayed away from you," Shawn said wiping the tears away from his face, "Now I understand why Trish didn't want us to kiss because she knew that it would uncover the Truth,"
"What Truth that I love you and I want to make love to you there's no doubt about it Shawn I'm not afraid to admit it," Lita said trying to console him but Shawn backed away from her.
"The Truth that all you want is fulfill a fantasy, to have sex with the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels just so you can say you had sex with Shawn Michaels," Shawn said his voice breaking under the weight of his pain.
"No Shawn that's not true!" Lita insisted.
"Yes it is!" Shawn yelled back furiously, "You were willing to give up your Anointing so we could have sex you know what that means? I'll tell you what it means it means that you don't even care about what God has done for you, for me, for your friends for my friends and my family," Shawn continued and now Lita was crying.
"Shawn that's not what I meant - " she tried to explain but Shawn was convinced that she was gonna play him like a ping-pong ball.
"Maybe you didn't hear the song so allow me to repeat it for you "I'm not your boy toy!" I'm not your next conquest I'm just a fool in love with a woman who never even existed except in my mind; you say the character Vince created was a fantasy, well I say Anointed Amy was a fantasy and I wanted to marry that woman not the sexy Diva in the smoking hot bikini," Shawn cried.
"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP!" Lita roared her eyes burning with rage and her hair alight flickering in hot locks that made everyone including Shawn step back, "IT WAS THAT GIRL YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH AND I'M THE SAME GIRL STANDING RIGHT HERE!" she yelled, "YOU ARE SUCH A HYPOCRITE YOU WANT THE WOMAN AND THE SLUT ADMIT IT?"
"Lita calm down," Trish said quietly pulling Lita to one side but the Anointed one pushed her away furiously causing The Rock to run downstairs to help but no-one could get near Lita right now.
"STAND BACK!" she roared as everyone approached her.
"Do as she says," Trish told everyone including The Rock who looked over at HBK who was trembling with fear.
"Shawn talk her down she's just mad that's all!" he called.
"Yeah she's upset say something nice to her!" Hunter called out as Shawn continued to back away from the Anointed one who was coming closer and closer to him narrowing the distance between them and backing Shawn onto the garden wall.
"I can't," Shawn said panting frantically, "It's the truth she's just using me," he said and Lita's hair blew up in hot lashes and she struck Shawn hard across the face with them.
"Don't!" Trish said as Hunter tried to help Shawn, "She'll kill you if you go near her!"
"Shawn get away from her she's crazy!" Hunter yelled.
"No she's just horny!" Shawn yelled back and everyone looked at him like he was the crazy one, "It was the Kiss of Life it set her body on fire now all she can think about is sex," HBK explained and everyone understood now why Trish was so mad at them for kissing before the wedding; they were about to have the cataclysmic reaction The Truth warned them about and suddenly Saturday seemed a long way away. Shawn gripped the garden wall as Lita's hot flesh burned against his skin her hot tongue scaring his cheek as he turned away from the unbearable heat coming from her mouth as she spoke.
"Give into me," she whispered seductively and Shawn's heart started to race but he held fast to his conviction; they were going to wait until the wedding; if she burned the flesh off his bones he was marry her just the same.
"What we have is greater than sex, its better than a really important friendship: its love Lita and I'm willing to die for it, do as you wish with my heart, it's the only thing that I can give you free of charge, but the sex is gonna cost you big-time if we have it too soon," Shawn said bravely hardly able to hear himself talk over his pounding heartbeat. He didn't know if he had gotten through to Lita until she wrapped her cooling arms around him and cried against his chest, HBK comforted her lovingly rocking her back and forth and praised God for His mercies which were abundant and plentiful where his relationship with Lita was concerned.
Melina doused the other wrestlers and co. with the hose as they had all sweated through their threads at the scary event that had taken place; not that Lita had turned into a human ball of fire but that she had nearly lost the only man that really loved her, in all the many faces she had painted on herself and especially the one Shawn was looking at now.
"Wanna get wet?" Lita asked Shawn back to her Anointed self smiling into Shawn's loving and compassionate face.
"There'll be plenty of time for that my love now let's go shopping, there's a sexy red dress with your name on it," Shawn said sweetly and he strolled with Lita to the Hummer H2 ready to go with a very impressed Randy Orton sitting in the driver's seat.
"You guys scared the crap outta me," The King's Oracle said opening the door for Melina who got into the passenger seat while Shawn opened the back for Lita to get in, "You know how much its gonna cost me to get this car repainted?"
Shawn and Lita inspected the ruined paint job the black metallic paint had run thanks to Lita's supernatural outburst, "I'll get Jeff to repaint it when he gets outta Heaven," Lita said and TKO turned his nose up at the ex-Team Extreme Queen repulsed.
"No I'll take care of it, Jeff Hardy ain't getting nowhere near my ride, the guy paints like he's on drugs," Randy said starting up the car.
"Come on I wanna see the red dress!" Melina said seeing Nitro running towards them from the corner of her eye and really didn't want to be shopping for Shawn and Lita's wedding with him around.
"Melina he's your husband you can't run from him forever," Shawn told the Miraculous one.
"I'm not gonna run forever, just for the next few hours," Melina replied and Shawn and Randy exchanged panicked glances.
"Few hours?" they said at the same-time and Shawn wound down the window and yelled out for the Kliq to follow them; the idea of shopping for a dress with Melina for more than twenty minutes was too much for two men to bare alone.
"You do realize that Hunter's gonna be in the changing room with me as I'm trying on the dress?" Lita said and Shawn nodded as Hunter squeezed through the other side of Randy's car, tape measure in hand and Chyna on his lap and LC on hers.
"If I take your measurements now it will give me and the Kliq more time to get Shawn drunk before your big day," Hunter explained.
"I know what size she is the dress has already been reserved hasn't it Randy?" Shawn asked TKO who nodded, his car-phone rang suddenly and he answered it wondering who it was since everyone he knew was within earshot, "Hello?"
"Who is it?" Melina asked him seeing the bewildered look on his face as he turned to face Shawn and Lita.
"That was the store clerk, she sold the dress!" Randy said in disbelief.
"To who?" Lita said confused and Shawn and Hunter already knew.
"Looks like its time for some more DX antics," Shawn said to his DX partner both knowing that Vince and Shane had bought the dress knowing that it was a present for Lita.
"No guys don't there's not enough time, we've got to focus on the more important things in life like love, peace and good will to all mankind," Lita said in a new age voice and Shawn, Hunter and Chyna just stared at her blankly, "I'm sorry I forgot who I was getting married to," she said sheepishly and Shawn and Hunter hugged her while Chyna and LC looked on.
"Man its getting cold in here," Hunter said as they three of them shivered slightly, then it occurred to him that Aurora Rose was missing, "Where's Lil' H?" he asked Chyna and LC who shook their heads that they didn't know.
"We thought you had her," LC said as the ground started to ice over, "Stephanie!" the little warrior princess yelled clenching her fists angrily and Chyna gasped.
"Stephanie must have taken her while she was sleeping, but is that kidnapping or just a really big cry for help?" Chyna said.
"Both," Hunter said with a vengeful glint in his eyes as Randy's car slid back and crashed into the other vehicles that were trying to move on the ice but it was no good no-one could stop sliding around.
"Those stupid McMahons are using Ro-Ro to stop the wedding!" Shawn Michaels said clinging to Lita their heat warming up Randy's Hummer giving everyone inside the same idea.
"Shawn you need to get Lita angry again," Hunter said and HBK refused.
"No I can't I love her too much to hurt her feelings," Shawn said hugging Lita close to him.
"But we're gonna freeze to death!" Melina said clinging to Randy who suddenly didn't mind freezing to death at all.
"And what about the wedding, you can't let the McMahons spoil your big day!" Chyna pleaded with the Anointed Couple and Lita came up with a better idea; she thought of the one person who had hurt her more than any man she had ever known and suddenly the ice began to melt as her Righteous Indignation burned inside and outside the car and filling all the wrestlers and her friends with a warm cozy feeling forgetting about the ice and only thinking about love.
"How'd you do that Big Red?" Hunter asked dialing Stephanie's cell phone which went straight to voicemail.
"I thought of my father and all the pain he's caused me since I was a little girl to now," Lita said sadly and Shawn pulled her into a hug wondering as Hunter left an angry message on his ex-wife's cell phone if this was a pain even a sexy red dress could take away and thanks to The McMahons he might never know, so he thought of another way to cheer up his beautiful bride-to-be as Randy drove towards Fashion Valley home, the huge San Diego mall with the other wrestlers and friends in tow who between fire and ice couldn't get enough adventures with ATM and the men who drove them crazy.