Chapter 26: Armed and Dangerously in Love
Tattoo Me Parlour, Fashion Valley Home Mall, San Diego, CA:
Back in Fashion Valley Home things were getting very competitive amongst the wrestlers, everyone was getting anxious about the presents they were buying for Shawn and Lita and what they were going to wear for the wedding tomorrow. As far as the whackiest gifts were concerned LAX definitely were in 1st place with their personalized guns with Shawn and Lita's name engraved on the hilt, but Undertaker wasn't far behind.
"You still haven't explained to us how this is a wedding present for Shawn and Lita," Edge asked The Undertaker who was getting a tattoo of Shawn and Lita on his back, Matt Hardy picked up the sketch the tattoo artist was using, it was a picture his brother Jeff had drawn back in NC and he gave it to The Deadman when they were getting to know each other.
"Why are you doing this Mark, it's gonna hurt you far worse than the one you got on your neck?" Matt said.
Undertaker winced as the tattoo artist began to sew the outline of Lita's head on his shoulder blade, "Because Jeff drew it for me and I want to honor his talent," he answered, "since we're not friends anymore this is something of his I'll always have to keep,"
"I don't like this," Melina said furrowing her brow nervously, "the Bible is very clear on marking our bodies, the Lord looks down on tattoos,"
"But Shawn and Lita both have tattoos and they're both Christians," Christian said admiring Undertaker's gift to the Anointed Couple, "I think it's a great wedding gift and I think they'll really love it when they see it,"
"I don't know, I need to speak to Trish, Randy can you give me a ride to Chris Jericho's house?" Melina asked The King's Oracle much to Nitro's concern.
"Why are you going to Chris Jericho's house?" Nitro asked her suspiciously and Melina turned away from him.
"It doesn't concern you only us real Christians," she said and Randy Orton smirked and Shelton sighed in frustration.
"Here we go again," Carlito said to himself shaking his head, "Nitro and Melina at each other's throats just like I remember it, I thought marriage would have changed you two but you're just as miserable as you were when you were dating,"
Cryme Tyme nodded and Edge agreed, "Why did you two even get married if all you wanna do is fight with other over nothing?" he asked, "That's not what marriage is about,"
"Yeah that's why you've broken so many of them up," Matt Hardy added and Edge growled at him but Matt smiled back thinking how awesome it was to put Edge in his place.
"You two need to remember why you got married in the first place and stop tearing each other down," Edge continued ignoring his arch enema and everyone waited for Melina and Nitro to answer.
"Why did you get married?" Krystal asked and everyone's gaze was fixed on the unhappily married couple including the tattoo artist, that was until Undertaker gave her a warning glare and she resumed her work on Lita's hazel eyes.
"Well I wanted to keep her away from the demon that was using Randy Orton to take her miraculous healing powers away back in January, plus she's my best friend and she's having my baby what more reason do I need to get married apart from those?" Nitro answered and everyone nodded convinced.
"Okay that's reasonable enough," Matt Hardy said and everyone agreed but Edge remained silent and Matt Hardy frowned at him, "Well what do you think Adam?" he said mockingly and Edge told him to shush so he could think. He looked at Melina then took her hand squeezing it gently.
"Usted no tiene que contestar a esto / you don't have to answer this," he started and Melina nodded, "Pero apenas porque Trish no está aquí no significa que usted puede mentir a nosotros o a usted mismo / But just because Trish isn't here doesn't mean you can lie to us or yourself,"
Melina nodded and squeezed her lids tight and a single tear streamed down her face, her throat tight with anxiety over what Edge was going to ask her, "Okay," she said putting on a brave face.
"Usted casó nitro para la protección/ Did you marry Nitro for protection?" Edge asked her and Melina nodded.
"Quisiera que él me protegiera contra Randy/ I wanted him to protect me from Randy," Melina answered sobbing heavily looking at Randy who hid his face behind Undertaker who gripped him on the shoulder and told him to be strong.
"Edge I think you've said enough," The Deadman said as the tattoo artist drew the outline of HBK on his left shoulder blade, "there's no need to air all of Nitro and Melina's dirty laundry out here in front of the wrestling world and our enemies," he said giving TNA a death glare and Sting, America's Most Wanted, Lance Hoyt, Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Christian Cage, Rhyno, the TNA Knockouts and the X Division Superstars glared right back.
"No there isn't time for pretending I want you to tell them the truth mama, tell them you were scared of Randy and what he was gonna do to you and you needed me to protect you from him, tell them that!" Nitro said earnestly.
"That's true but that's not the reason I married you," Melina said and Krystal wiped the tears from under Melina's eyes and tried to fix her make-up, a Diva could never be seen with her mascara running, it was in the WWE Divas bylaws.
"If you would let the woman talk she'd explain everything," Edge said and squeezed Melina's shoulder encouraging her to be strong and tell the Truth, "G'head mama tell him what you told me after we left the hospital the morning after you and Nitro got married,"
Nitro turned to Edge like he'd been shot by a .38 caliber, "What are you talking about?" he asked in horror that Edge knew something about his marriage and he was just finding out now in front of the WWE locker room and TNA rivals.
Melina thanked Krystal for fixing her make up and looked up at Nitro with a determined look on her face, "I married you because I was afraid of what would happen if I married Randy, I made a choice and it was out of fear not out of love, I was ready to leave you before New Years but that demon changed my mind, not my heart," she said and Nitro's fists tightened in rage.
"You better tell me you're not in love with Randy Orton or I'm gonna go crazy in this tattoo parlor," Nitro said a vein throbbing prominently in his forehead and in his neck but Melina wasn't scared, Edge was right, she wouldn't lie if Trish was here so why should she lie in The Truth's absence?
"I am in love with Randy Orton," she said and Randy jumped up and down ecstatically and started doing the Shane O Mac shuffle, "but I chose you didn't I? So now I want you to answer this question Johnny - did I make the right choice, or was marrying you the worst mistake of my life . . ." Melina trailed off and looked down at her swelling stomach, "Make that second?" she finished and Nitro jumped Randy and started beating the living crap out of him and Melina sighed storming out of the tattoo parlor with Krystal and Shelton, "Conjeturo que contesta a esa pregunta / I guess that answers that question," she said to herself.
"Wait for us!" Krystal and Shelton called after her as she stormed towards the lowrider bouncing up and down outside Tattoo Me, Konnan, Hernandez and Homicide looked up from their brightly colored vehicle concerned as their dear friend approached them.
"¿cuál es amor incorrecto/ What's wrong sweetheart?" Konnan asked Latina Heat.
"Casé a hombre incorrecto que es cuál es incorrecto / I married the wrong man that's what's wrong," Melina answered and LAX looked over at Samoa Joe and CM Punk confused.
"You and Johnny had an argument?" Punk asked and Melina sighed too tired to explain.
"Can you guys give me a ride to L.A I have to talk to my girls in Christ," she asked her friends who made room for her in the back of Konnan's lowrider which he was proud to be driving again.
"Anything for the woman who healed my legs," Konnan said and Krystal and Shelton tried to stop her.
"Don't go talk to Nitro," Shelton said, "maybe now that he knows you only married him for protection he's gonna beat the living crap outta Randy Orton!"
"Yeah then Vince might suspend both of them and they won't be able to go to Wrestlemania!" Krystal said.
"So? I've got more important things to worry about than who gets to be the next WWE Champion," Melina said bitterly.
"Speaking of, Cena what are you doing you're not coming with us?" CM Punk said as the WWE Champion tried to get in from the other side, it looked like he was running away from somebody and the bouncy figure following shortly behind him told Shelton and Krystal what was going on here.
"Guys please let me roll with you I can't take Maria's dumbass questions anymore," the WWE Champion said frantically, "She's actually thinking about asking Vince to let us do the Kiss Cam together at the beginning of RAW every week! The boys in the back are gonna laugh me outta the RAW locker room!"
"We pretty much do that anyway Cena," Shelton said.
LAX laughed, "Well she's your problem now vato, compromise is what marriage is all about, ain't that right Melina?" Homicide said to the frustrated Latina.
"Just drive," she said moodily clutching onto the dress and matching shoes she bought for Lita, the sound of glass shattering getting everyone's attention and she cringed in irritation and looked up at the WWE Champion who wondered what the Hell was going on in that tattoo parlor across the street, "Cena go and break those two up, I need some time to think and I can't do that without Trish and Lita,"
The Champ nodded getting out of the car and Shelton, Krystal and Maria watched as the lowrider sped off towards L.A.
"What did I miss?" Maria asked innocently rubbing her swelling stomach, John Cena sighed while Krystal and Shelton dragged him back into Tattoo Me where Nitro vs. Orton was still going; furniture was broken, ink was all over the tattoo parlor floor but the tattoo artist kept inking The Deadman; Undertaker insisted that she finish what she started saying that the tattoo was more important than what was going on in her parlor and after Taker assured her that he would pay for all the damages that Randy and Johnny caused she blotted the fighting WWE Superstars out and colored in Lita's red hair and Shawn's grey blue eyes admiring Jeff Hardy's sketch.
"If I didn't know better, I'd swear they were real," she said with admiration and Undertaker glared at her darkly and she swallowed her words down like a prescription pill without water as John Cena broke up Orton and Nitro.
"Knock it off!" he yelled, "You guys are representing the W out here in San Diego man, you're not off the clock in the W there's no days off! Now tell me what this is about?"
"Randy stole my girl!" Nitro said.
"She's my girl you just married her!" Randy retaliated and the two men went for each other again but Cena broke them up.
"Yo Tough Enough since you love your wife enough to get fired why don't you put your marriage on the line on Monday Night RAW?" Maria said and everyone turned to her in shock, "Isn't that what Shawn and Lita said you should do?" she said twirling a lock of her hair around her finger idly.
"Yeah that's right, Shawn and Lita said you should wrestle Randy for Melina's managerial services," Edge said to Nitro.
"No way I'm not wrestling for what's already mine!" Nitro replied offended.
"You're about as loving and caring as a starved Great White during Spring Break," John Cena said getting a laugh out of the WWE Superstars, the TNA rivals just stood there unamused, "I say the match goes ahead, I'll run it past Vince at the wedding reception tomorrow,"
Nitro pulled his hair out of his face in anger while Orton smirked, "To the victor go the spoils," Orton said intending to use Melina's managerial services to the fullest extent when he won the match, he'd lost his chance to make a life with Melina before, this time there was no demon to scare her away, Nitro had done that all by himself.
"Ain't it funny? Lita, Trish and Melina were all in love with the wrong man and I knew you were the man for me even when I was pregnant with Punk's baby that you killed in a jealous rage. The Lord works in mysterious ways," Maria said rubbing her stomach linking her arms with Cena's and everyone stared at her wondering why she was wearing the WWE Championship around her hips and she explained, "This is the only way I could get you to talk to me," she said and Cena lowered his head as his boys laughed at him.
"This is gonna be the world's longest engagement," he sighed.
"No that was Matt Hardy and Lita's," Edge said and the Sensei of Mattitude gave him a one finger salute which Edge returned with a V.1 salute only the V was missing.
"Its obvious why Lita didn't marry either of you two ass clowns," Carlito commented looking at Lita's ex fiancé's, "the Main Event, the Icon would never behave so childishly in front of our competition, that's not cool," Carlito said throwing his apple up and down before taking a huge bite out of it and Christian laughed along with his TNA buddies.
"Same old shit! Same old shit! Same old shit!" the TNA wrestlers chanted and Carlito spat apple in all their faces much to the WWE Superstars' delight.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it," he replied and got snaps from his fellow RAW teammates who stood in a row and told TNA to SUCK IT in honor of their captains Shawn and Hunter of DeGeneration X, leaders of the wrestling world who were doing what they did best: making life Hell for The McMahons and Chris Jericho.