The Last Adventure of ATM: Heaven on Earth

Chapter 3: Rocky Knows Best

Chapter Three - Rocky Knows Best

Lunchtime, Melina and Nitro's crib, 2013 and 21st Santa Monica Blvd, Beverly Hills, CA 90210

John Cena was lying upstairs on his stomach while Maria massaged his back in Melina and Nitro's room, the young couple were downstairs in the kitchen making lunch while Cena rested upstairs. Maria was pressing anointed massage oil into the bullet wound now as Melina had instructed saying that it would be just as healing as if she were to do it because Maria loved John so much. The bullet wound was just above where John got stabbed by Carlito's bodyguard a couple of years ago. He had been through so much Maria thought; they had been through so much and now Maria - CM Punk's ex-girlfriend was pregnant with Cena's first baby and she couldn't be happier than if she was the Women's Champion herself.

"How you feeling now baby?" she asked him tenderly stroking his ear as he smiled into the pillow under his face.

"Like I just got shot," Cena replied and turned slowly to look at the face of the woman that was carrying his first child, "Look Maria we gotta talk, do you really wanna have my baby?" he asked her with puppy dog eyes stroking the soft skin under her eyes gently and she smiled into his hand and caressed it lovingly.

"I've always wanted to have your baby, but then you had to start acting like a first class asshole and you were so horrible to me back at Rocky's house party John, how could you treat someone you love like that?" Maria asked angrily her ivory skin heating up turning her cheeks red.

"Because I - ouch!" Cena clenched his back as he replied in pain but Maria told him to lie back down, "No baby I have to say this," he said firmly, "I never wanted us to be anything more than a fling, I didn't want us to be like Melina and Nitro and get married or anything so I treated you like crap hoping you'd be the one to break up with me, then that punk came over crashing a WWE party like he was all that . . . and I lost it, the idea of losing you to CM Punk just made my blood boil and it was then that I realized that I did want us to be like Nitro and Melina,"

Maria's eyes shone with excitement, "So are you saying you wanna get married?" she asked nervously and Cena rolled his eyes and covered his face laying back down despondently, "I take that as a no," Maria said depressed by his response to her question, clutching her stomach thinking she was gonna be raising her baby alone after all, "So when you say you want us to be like Melina and Nitro you mean have mad passionate sex only with no wedding ring on either of our fingers right?"

"I'm sorry Maria but I'm just not ready to settle down," Cena said quietly covering his face with his arms so Maria couldn't see him cry, "I hope you don't hate me I gotta keep it real, I'm the Champ I can't be with you 24/7 how we gonna be a married couple if we're working all the time?"

"I'll quit, I'll retire just like ATM, I just announce anyway it's not like anyone's gonna miss my Kiss Cam! John don't worry about it we can make this work!" Maria replied hopeful that he would reconsider then those blue eyes stared back at her unconvinced.

"You just started like two years ago, why on Earth would you leave the best job in the world to raise a child on your own?" Cena asked her plainly and Maria's heart sank, he couldn't have been any clearer if he tried.

"So you're saying you don't want any part of this?" Maria asked despondently into her chest and Cena reached out to her but she got up and moved away from the bed.

"I gotta be real with you baby, I'm just not husband material but I do love you, so what you gonna do?" he asked her and she froze staring at him in disbelief.

"What am I gonna do?" she asked horrified by his insensitivity, "Well first I'll cry myself to sleep, then I might have a bath and get the smell of you off me, then I'll try and get dressed, have something to eat and put my make up on without tearing up and in about nine months I'll give birth to my first child, after that John I don't know,"

Cena jumped as Maria slammed the bedroom door cursing him all the way down the stairs, "Shit my back, Maria!" Cena hollered and followed her slowly downstairs to Melina and Nitro who wondered how long before this happened.

In the kitchen:

The smell of Spanish omlettes and chicken fajitas caught Cena's attention mostly because Maria was taking most of the food for herself and forgetting about him.

"Slow down mamá the food's still coming," Melina said taking some of the food off Maria's plate and sitting her down at the kitchen table, "Hungry John?" she asked the WWE Champ.

"Like a wolf," he replied about to take a fajita off the stove when Melina sat him down next to Maria.

"Eat with her, that's your child she's carrying," Melina told him and he did, "That's better so when you two getting married?"

Maria and John looked down at the plate and said nothing, just ate in silence until Melina slapped her spatula down hard on the plate and got both of their attention.

"I know you heard me ask you when you're getting married, so when are you gonna tie the knot?" she asked them firmly and Nitro shook his head listening to them while keeping the refrigerator warm.

"I don't think they are getting married baby," he observed, "What's wrong Cena? Maria not pretty enough for you?" he asked coming forward and pulling up a chair next to the troubled couple.

"It's not that Johnny," Cena replied.

"Well what is it?" Maria asked Cena angrily.

"I'll tell you what it is, it's some other senorita that's what it is," Melina said not pleased with this news at all and Maria gasped.

"Don't tell me your holding a candle for Ashley Massaro?" she said disgusted as Cena smiled and nodded arrogantly and Maria jumped to her feet in horror, "I knew there was a reason you guys were so friendly with each other last night, if I pierce my lip twice and get two boobs jobs I would still look better than her!" Maria snapped.

"You know it!" Melina agreed and the two divas slapped themselves a hi-five, "What do you see in that girl John? She's a slut!" she asked the WWE Champ who exchanged a coy glance with Nitro who whispered in his wife's ear exactly what Cena saw in Ashley and Melina covered her mouth like she was about to throw up.

"She's not just pierced on her face," Cena answered and Maria slapped him around his.

"So this is all about sex, you don't give a damn about Massaro do you? All you want is to brag about how you hit it with a Playboy cover girl and you know that is something I will never EVER do and I'm proud of that. Why do the good girls always want the jerks? What else does she got that I don't?" Maria exclaimed pulling her hair out furiously.

"Finish your food mamá you're eating for two now," Melina said moving the plate closer to Maria and away from Cena, "Well we're waiting?" she said to Cena, "Who would be the better mother Ashley or Maria?"

"Maria no doubt but this isn't about that," Cena explained and Melina thumped her hand down on the table sending the omlette Maria was eating up in the air, she caught it on the way back down though and ate it all up giving Melina a nod of appreciation for making such a good lunch, "Okay Melina you're scaring me," Cena replied as the Latina pierced his eyes with her own smoldering orbs.

"It's not me it's the child Maria's carrying that you should be scared of John," Melina replied, "Do you realize what's gonna happen if your baby grows up not knowing who you are? Tell him Nitro,"

"Huh?" Nitro said mid munch.

"Tell Cena how much it sucks to grow up without a father so he doesn't make the same mistake your papi did," Melina said.

"What the Hell are you talking about my father for? This is about Cena and Maria not me," Johnny replied very upset that Melina had said that in front of Maria and John.

"Are you okay Johnny?" Cena asked Nitro noticing how upset the former IC Champ was and Nitro tried to play down his emotions and not spoil Melina's wonderful lunch.

"No I'm cool, it's just that I didn't really get on with my dad but despite what my wife thinks I never let it stop me from wanting to be a father myself," Nitro replied staring daggers at Melina who stuck her tongue out at him, "Now thankfully I am one,"

Maria and Cena exchanged glances, "That's right," Nitro said picking up on their surprise, "Melina and I are gonna have a baby," he said smiling brightly.

"I'm pregnant," Melina told them smiling from ear to ear and Maria looked away her heart broken by the happy couple celebrating their first child when she couldn't even get Cena to keep his pants on.

"Congratulations," Cena said genuinely happy for Melina and Nitro, "You guys are gonna make great parents, the same cannot be said for me," he looked over at Maria who was trying to hide her tears behind her hand, "I think our baby has a better chance with you than with me and you, do you understand what I mean Maria?" he asked gently, "I'm just not ready to be a husband,"

Maria wiped her tears away harshly and nodded pulling up her tears and straightening her hair, "No you're right I can't force you to do be something your not: a loyal, faithful and loving husband," she said looking over at Melina and Nitro enviously, "I feel sick I think I'm gonna go upstairs and lay down," she said getting up and leaving the kitchen table, "Could you come upstairs with me Mel?" she asked Melina who nodded enthusiastically and the two mothers left the two fathers to discuss the best parts of Ashley's Playboy spread. Suddenly a loud bang startled the two men and they shot up and ran over to the window at the front of the house.

"O a le open up Holmes, we're starving out here!" came the obnoxious voice of Konnan who with Homicide and Hernandez were outside Melina and Nitro's crib and they weren't going anywhere until they got in.

"What are they doing here?" Cena said outraged that they had the nerve to stay in L.A. after what they did to him last night.

"Maybe they came to finish the job," Nitro said but Cena shook his head.

"Nah they didn't shoot me Punk did, they just jumped around and talked a lot of smack, I think Samoa Joe left to get a burger at one point," he said and Nitro laughed.

"I'll let them in," he said opening the door, "Hola amigos, what brings you to my humble abode?" he said grinning like a cheesy salesman.

"What's with you Holmes, you look like the happiest man on Earth?" Hernandez said as he and Homicide wheeled Konnan into the house with Samoa Joe following behind.

"Are those chicken fajitas I smell?" he said sniffing the air.

"Yeah but there's only one left," Nitro said, "Unless you want me to make you some I'm warning you I'm not as good a cook as my wife,"

"Then forget it, we only eat Hispanic food and if Melina ain't cooking we ain't eating, where's the little mamacita at?" Homicide said rubbing his hands together eagerly.

"She's busy can I help you with something?" Nitro said.

"No you can't gringo, we need Melina the Miraculous as you can see, Konnan ain't been feeling too good and we need your other half to heal our other half okay?" Homicide said.

"I'm sorry guys but she's busy you'll have to come back later," Nitro said and Homicide pulled out a .45 and aimed it at Nitro's head.

"I don't think you're hearing me Holmes, get that healing hermana down here now," he said menacingly and Nitro smiled knocking the gun away from his head.

"You can shoot me if you want its not like I'll die or anything but I guarantee you'll bleed to death if I shoot you," Nitro said, "Ain't no-one gonna miss a dead Hispanic gang banger in this area code know what I'm saying?"

"How much did you pay for this place?" Hernandez asked wheeling Konnan into the huge house checking it out impressed.

"2.5 mill, we might be selling it though we're gonna have a baby and it's only got two bedrooms," Nitro explained confiscating Homicide's gun who gave it up with a pout.

"You're having a baby?" Homicide asked him in shock.

"With Melina Perez vato?" Hernandez asked in just as much shock.

"Yeah ain't it cool I'm gonna be a daddy!" Nitro said happily.

"To a Hispanic baby," Konnan said derisively, "What you know about Puerto Rico blood, you down with our history and everything?"

"Well not really cause Melina's from Mexico I haven't covered Puerto Rico yet but Carlito's more than willing to help me get to know Latino culture better, in fact he's offered to be the baby's godfather," Nitro said following LAX around his house while Cena hid behind the couch.

"That's cool man, you're alright Nitro I like you," Homicide said patting Johnny on the back.

"That means a lot coming from a guy named Homicide," Nitro replied sarcastically and Hernandez laughed.

"His name is Nelson," Hernandez said.

"Man why you telling him my name, I'm Puerto Rican and don't you forget it," Homicide replied slapping Hernandez around the head.

"Anyway we know you'd never break Mel's heart, she's a down girl and she's definitely down witchu Nitro," Hernandez said.

"And I'm the last guy you three bastards should be sweating, have you even found Maria yet?" Nitro said and Cena's ears pricked up.

"We thought she'd be here with you two, she ain't come by or nuthin?" Homicide asked sitting by the kitchen table while Hernandez parked Konnan by the stove.

"What are you doing get out of there Joe!" Nitro said snatching the eggs and tomatoes out of the TNA star's hands.

"Konnan's gonna make us all something to eat, there's nothing else left," Joe explained.

"There's that chicken fajita over . . . there, what happened to the fajita that was right here?" Nitro said looking around the stove, Joe burped and the mystery was solved.

"You fat pig," Hernandez said, "you never think about anyone else, just for that you don't get none!"

"What?" Joe said violently and locked Hernandez in a Rear Naked Choke until he tapped out.

"What you waiting for Konnan fry him up some fajitas!" Hernandez cried and everyone laughed including John Cena.

"Who was that?" Homicide said standing to his feet recognizing the voice.

"Oh that's just John Cena hiding behind the couch like a little bitch, he's scared of getting shot again," Nitro said drinking the milk straight out of the carton.

"That's just wrong Nitro," Cena said from the living room and Hernandez and Homicide scowled as the WWE Champ came gingerly into the kitchen holding his back, "And I'm not scared of getting shot,"

"No but you're scared of being a father," Nitro said.

"Don't be talking about that in front of these guys, they're reason why everyone should use condoms," Cena said.

"The only person that should use condoms is you," Samoa Joe said pinning Cena to the refrigerator door with his arm about to punch his face in, "How you gonna get Maria pregnant knowing how Punk feels about her?"

"Johnny you just gonna stand there help me!" Cena cried out to Nitro who looked the other way.

"No entiendo ingles/I don't understand English," Nitro said.

"Looks like you're on your own gringo," Homicide said closing in on The Champ pounding his fists together, "What's the deal, why aren't you raising your child with Maria?"

"What difference does it make if I'm with Maria or not? Punk's going to prison for a long, long time and that's just fine with me, I ain't breaking up with Maria, I'm not breaking up with any of my girlfriends ha-ha!" Cena laughed and Nitro shook his head thinking Cena was pathetic, "I'll take care of the kid when it comes but I ain't getting married to make Maria feel better about herself, it didn't work for my father and it sure as Hell ain't gonna work for me, see you later Nitro and congratulations, now if you would just get your greasy hands off me I'll be leaving now," Cena said and Samoa Joe, LAX and Nitro all looked at each other deviously.

"Take out the trash guys," Nitro said and Homicide, Hernandez and Samoa Joe all threw Cena out of the house but they felt like they had let Punk down by not kicking his ass on principal.

"This sucks," Homicide said sitting back around the table.

"Maria's a single mother and the only man that gives a damn about her is in jail," Hernandez says.

"There's nothing we can do guys let's just eat, come on Konnan make with the fajitas," Samoa Joe said turning his attention back to the stove.

"There's a saying in the wrestling industry fellas," Nitro said removing his shades and hanging them from his shirt pocket, "Never say never, I got an idea of how we can get Punk out of jail, I'll be back in one second sit down and relax,"

The Indy stars watched as Nitro ran upstairs to talk to Melina wondering what he had in mind, they hoped it was illegal because doing things by the book was as boring as Hell.

Penthouse Suite, Four Seasons Hotel, Hollywood, CA:

The Rock was waiting for Jericho to come back with more ice while he played with Rey and Eddy's kids, his wife was in Florida with his and he needed somebody to play with and Dominic, Aaliyah, Shaul, Sherylin and Kaylee Marie were always fun to hang around with, they knew so much about wrestling it was better than hanging around with Chris, Jericho had problems, scary problems and they didn't, in fact, they didn't have a care in the world. The WWE Superstars were in L.A all week and Rey, Vicky and Chavo were shopping on Rodeo Drive with Britney Spears and Sean Preston. Hopefully they'd come back with lots of toys Rocky knew the kids would love that even though Dominic and Shaul were getting a bit big for toys, in fact he caught them looking at each other several times during Twister which for some reason he was winning.

"Get your butt out of The People's face!" Rocky yelled at Dominic while the girls jumped all over him.

"Somebody needs to call social services cause there's some crazy kids in this place!" Rocky said as the children mauled him as Jericho returned to the room, "Any sign of the billion dollar princess?" he asked the Ayatollah of Rock N' Rolla.

"Rocky I said I wanted to play Twister with you, shouldn't you brats be watching Avatar or something?" Jericho said rudely and the children rushed him to the carpet and tickled him stupid.

"Hello?" Rocky said answering his cell phone.

"Rocky where's Jericho?" Stephanie McMahon said about to land over Los Angeles with her family.

"He's getting mauled by Rey and Eddy's kids," Rock replied.

"Again? I told him to cut that out, tell him my family and I are going to Rodeo Drive to buy some toys for Aurora and I'd like him to meet us there," Stephanie said.

"You're so sweet to do that for your daughter and your family's coming too, you guys are the nicest people on the planet really, you don't get enough credit for all the good stuff that you do . . . what a minute what are you jabronis up to?" The Rock said getting the feeling that the McMahons were up to their old tricks.

"Stay out of this Dwayne, this is between me, Chyna and Hunter just tell Jericho I'll see him on Rodeo okay?" Stephanie instructed firmly.

"Stephanie wait!" Rocky called out but the billion dollar princess had already hung up, "That family is pure evil," he said and dialed LC's cell but it was disconnected, so he called HBK's, "Shawn you got a minute? I think Stephanie's up to something and it's got something to do with Aurora,"

"Yeah, you know what she's gonna do?" HBK said from the Predator 108 that was slowing creeping through the South, "She's gonna buy Aurora all the toys she can afford which is a lot, then the McMahons are gonna go to Charlotte's house and give the toys to Aurora hoping that when Ro-Ro sees them she'll get attached to them and not want to hurt the McMahons ever again and forget that they wrote her out of her inheritance,"

"They wrote Aurora Rose out of her inheritance?" Rock said horrified.

"They sure did, in the eyes of the law she is no longer a McMahon," Shawn said and Hunter snatched Shawn's cell-phone.

"Which is fine by me!" he yelled down it and Shawn snatched it back.

"So what's Aurora gonna do when she sees them?" Rocky asked curiously.

"Well let me ask you Rocky, have you ever made a snowman family?" Shawn asked the Brahma Bull.

"Sure we do it every Christmas . . . oh no way!" Rock said laughing, "Aurora ain't powerful enough to do that!"

"She destroyed Orlando twice, so don't worry about it Rocky Aurora's capable of taking care of herself," Shawn assured the concerned father who sighed relieved.

"That's a relief, so when are you guys coming to L.A?" he asked as the children continued to wail on Jericho who still handed gotten away from them yet.

"We um, well we're gonna be a while," Shawn replied tentatively watching the animosity growing between Lita and her father who refused to let Hunter drive despite the Anointed one asking him politely to stop - her patience was running out and that was bad for everyone aboard, "We gotta pick up Naitch and the Hardyz but I think Lita's dad wants to go home first,"

"Lita's dad what the Hell's he doing there I thought he hated Lita?" Rock asked confused.

"He does but Edge insisted he give her away next week," Shawn said not happy with that at all and The Rock picked up on that.

"Shawn can I make a bold statement?" Rock asked and Shawn rolled his eyes wondering since when was The Rock needing his permission to speak.

"G'head Rocky," Shawn said expecting to be insulted.

"Why don't you give Lita away at her wedding?" The Rock said and Shawn's eyes widened.

"Me?" he asked surprised at the suggestion.

"Yeah, you're her eternal soul mate who else is she gonna trust enough to give her away?" The Rock reasoned.

"Yeah but that's not something I think she'd be comfortable with, you know she used to have a crush on me?" Shawn said and The People's Eyebrow raised.

"Really? A woman had a crush on you?" he said and Shawn cut him off, "I just can't help myself," Rocky said and went to rescue Jericho from the little arms and legs kicking and punching him, they were only doing what everyone else wanted to do, those viewer disclaimers just don't work when it comes to Y2J.

Back on the Predator 108 HBK was thinking about what Rocky said, me give Lita away, Edge wouldn't like that he's already pissed that we're so close but who else is gonna do is, her father's an asshole.

"Ow!" Shawn yelped as the Almighty Father gave him a migraine for speaking ill against another, "Sorry Father what do you want me to do?" he asked God aloud and Carlito tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to the cool one, "What did He say I should do?" he asked him.

"Whatever's in your heart," Carlito answered and Shawn searched his heart and made his decision. He rose to his feet and walked towards the man driving at a snails pace incurring more and more of Anointed Amy's wrath with every breath he took.

"Excuse me sir," he said tapping Mr. Dumas on the shoulder.

"What?" Mr. Dumas snapped angrily turning his head to see HBK smiling back at him, "This better be good kid I'm navigating my ass off here,"

"We've only got room for six people and with Mrs. Dumas that makes seven, we're violating like a million US laws right now," Shawn explained and Mr. Dumas shrugged.

"So what you saying boy, somebody has to get off?" he asked, "Well you look like a good swimmer go for it,"

Shawn looked at Hunter who looked at him and they both grabbed Mr. Dumas, snatching his hands off the wheel and pulled him into the lower deck. They tied him up and left him down there and came back up to a round of applause especially from Lita.

"You should have tossed his ass overboard," Mrs. Dumas said.

"No that wouldn't be the Christian thing to do," Shawn said and nodded to Lita to come over to him, "Come here Amy I wanna ask you something," he said in his Southern drawl that had Lita's mom blushing.

"Trish!" Mrs. Dumas cried when The Truth threw water on her and told her to cool off, women lost their minds when Shawn opened his mouth, Lita had been one of those women and she wasn't as far from her old self as she thought she was when HBK took her hand and squeezed it gently.

"Amy how would you feel about me giving you away at your wedding?" Shawn asked her gently, "I don't wanna put you on the spot or anything but I think your father would sell you into slavery if he could get $1 million dollars out of it and your worth more than that,"

"I am?" Lita said liking what she was hearing and Chyna frowned at Hunter who responded with a wink which Chyna returned with a kiss.

"Don't you know how much you're worth?" Shawn said stroking Lita's hair and Trish felt her knees get weak and Carlito held her up and Mrs. Dumas splashed some water on her face to cool her off.

"How much am I worth Shawn? I want to hear it from your lips," Lita said her eyes glazing over, the motor yacht heating up suddenly and everyone knew why.

"Why don't you let Edge answer that question and I would be honored to be the one to make that happen," Shawn replied with a smile and Lita hugged him.

"Yes I would love you to give me away Shawn, let's call Edge and tell him I'm sure it won't matter," Lita said reaching for her cell.

"Edge is out of his mind if he lets you anywhere near that church next week," Chyna told Shawn and Lita frowned at her.

"Why do you say that Joanie?" Lita asked confused.

"Are you kidding me? You used to shower with a picture of HBK taped up inside the cubicle!" Joanie said and everyone burst out laughing, "Edge ain't gonna have Shawn give you away, you might change your mind and marry him instead!"

Lita dismissed Joanie's comment, "That ain't gonna happen sweetie, that was a long time ago, I don't feel that way about Shawn anymore," the phone rang and Edge answered, "Hey babe, Shawn gonna give me away at our wedding your cool with that right?" she asked her fiancé and the look on Lita's face told a different story, "You did what, why did you do that I don't even know him? Edge you really did it this time, I don't care I want him to give me away and if he don't want him at the wedding then you can just un-invite him, okay I'll ask him right now, Shawn?" Lita said turning her attention to the Showstoppa who wondered what Edge told her, "Do you mind if Bret Hart comes to the wedding?"

"WHAT?" Shawn roared, "Edge invited Bret Hart to the wedding?"

"If you don't want him there he won't come just tell me what you'd prefer," Lita said.

"Okay I'd prefer if he didn't come, I'd prefer if he'd jump out the window too and fall to his death and get out of my life forever too, could you ask Edge to arrange that for me?" Shawn said sarcastically and Mrs. Dumas shook her head.

"That's not very Christian Shawn," she said.

"Lady you don't know how deep this goes," Shawn told her his fists clenched and teeth gnashed at the sound of Bret Hart's name, "Well what did Edge say, is he still coming?"

Lita nodded, "Edge says Bret Hart helped him get into the WWE back in the day he wants him to be there and you should be getting on with your life and staying out of ours," she said and Shawn nodded.

"Okay I won't go, you can find someone else to give you away, there's no way I can be in the same room as that man," Shawn sighed frustrated and disappointed that he couldn't be there for Lita when she needed him.

"Edge hold on," Lita said and she came over to Shawn and smiled holding the phone away from her mouth, "Do you think you and Bret could co-exist for just one day? I really want you to be there Shawn please just let it go," she asked him sincerely her hazel orbs flickering with hope and there was a surge of heat rising up from nowhere and spreading around the yacht filling everyone with a sweet feeling of love. Joanie took Lita's cell and told Edge she'd call him back and hung up leaving the Rated R Superstar wondering what was going on back in America.

"There's something going on here," Joanie told Hunter who embraced her lovingly as he rode over the flood water to North Carolina.

"Baby I've said that so many times I've lost count," he replied leaving Joanie wondering if Lita was as over her crush on HBK as she said she was, she needed to find out and she was going to find out from the two men who knew her better than anyone else, Matt and Jeff Hardy.
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