Chapter 30: Peace Sells, But Who's Buying?
Back in Fashion Valley Home Mall around 8pm . . . .
"Hunter you're such a pain in the ass!" Trish Stratus cried out much to everyone's amusement, it was like she never left RAW.
"Welcome back Trish," Vince McMahon said as the wrestlers, their friends and family all followed Triple H back to the arena in San Diego where they had a house show earlier in the week. Hunter had an idea that wasn't sitting well with ATM at all, he wanted to catch the midnight train to Georgia and throw HBK a batchelor party onboard.
"I said no, Lita and Shawn need these last few hours to themselves," Trish said trying to push Hunter back, "Remember when you were engaged?"
Hunter gave Stephanie a dirty look, "Trish please don't depress me by bringing up my past as Mr. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley," he said and Stephanie stuck her tongue out at him, "This is a guy thing okay?"
"You're sticking your big nose in where it doesn't belong!" Trish argued adamantly trying to wrestle Hunter's arm off the huge production truck he was going to have everyone climb into after which he would drive it along the railroad track into Georgia and stop the train.
"We could have a great time in this thing it's huge!" Mr. Kennedy said getting inside with the other wrestlers who were climbing into at the Kliq member's demand.
"Trish get in!" Hunter demanded and The Truth looked over at her sister in Christ but Melina just shrugged.
"Are you really gonna miss out on Hunter getting bitch slapped by HBK?" she said and Trish realized she'd been looking at this situation ass-backwards and got in after The Rock who pulled her in with Jericho and Stephanie. Vince stretched out his hand expecting Stephanie to pull him in when his daughter stared a black hole into his face.
"I'm sorry Daddy but I don't want to upset Shawn and Lita anymore today," she said apologetically and her father blew up angrily.
"You pull me up young lady, I said I'm going to that wedding I don't care what Shawn and Lita have got to say about it!" the Chairman of the Board insisted and Shane tried to get in with him but Hunter stepped on his fingers and shook his head with a cocky smile.
"Sorry ain't gonna happen, no McMahons allowed; the only reason Stephanie's coming is because Aurora will start a new ice age if Stephanie's not here," Hunter explained, Aurora had fallen asleep in her mother's arms and would not take too kindly to being woken up again today and it was a risk Hunter was not going to take. He stepped on Vince and Shane's fingers and they screamed in pain, seeing the door was still open they seized their last opportunity to try and crash Shawn and Lita's wedding and tried to jump back in the truck, they didn't see Edge standing by the door about to lower the shutter and it came down on both their hands hard.
"ARGHHH!" they both screamed and Linda sighed in frustration as the huge WWE Production truck rolled out for Atlanta, Georgia leaving the McMahons behind. Suddenly a huge horn blew startling Linda McMahon to death, she turned around and saw Dixie Carter, President of TNA Wrestling, sitting behind a huge 18 wheeler with the TNA roster loaded up inside. She stuck her pretty head out the driver seat window and shot the demoralized McMahons a smile.
"Need a ride?" she asked and Shane, Linda and Vince scowled at her.
"Yes," they all said demurely and got in next to her, they were a proud family but not proud enough to know when they were beaten and if hitching with the enemy was the only way to convince Shawn and Lita to let them come to their wedding, so be it.
James Mitchell poked his head around from the back seat and tapped Vince McMahon on the shoulder with his cane, "I just wanted to give you forewarning, Abyss has night terrors and screams in his sleep,"
Vince rolled his eyes," Oh great," he sighed in frustration while Shane noticed a colorful lowrider bouncing up and down heading towards Mexico, it was LAX, Rey and Vicky Gurerrero.
"Hey where you guys going?" Shane asked them.
"We're going to Tijuana to set up the church for Shawn and Lita's wedding," Vicky Guerrero said pulling her hair away from her face as Konnan pumped the hydrolics making her bounce the way Eddy used to.
"Can we roll with you guys?" Linda McMahon said and Rey and Vicky frowned at each other knowing that The McMahons were not invited.
"It's probably not a good idea seeing how Shawn and Lita didn't invite you in the first place, sorry Vince, but you guys brought this on yourself," Rey Mysterio said and with that the pioneers of American Lucha Libre were gone.
"Dammit!" Vince said as Dixie and the TNA boys laughed at how much The McMahons had screwed themselves, "I say we stop that train!" he said to his wife and son who nodded in agreement, they didn't want to go back to Atlanta and then have to come back down south the whole time riding with TNA, they'd rather file for bankruptcy.
"How do we stop the train?" Linda asked eagerly while Sting, Kurt Angle and AJ Styles rolled their eyes.
"We call in a terrorist alert and have the train evacuated," Vince McMahon said and the TNA roster let out a huge sigh, "SHUT UP!" Vince yelled at them and Kurt Angle and Rhino opened the truck door and threw them out on their butts, they didn't want to have nothing to do with a fake terrorism alert, their country had been through enough as it was.
"Hello Amtrak?" Vince said down his cell phone, "There's a bomb on the midnight train to Georgia, you need to cancel the train and evacuate the station now!" he yelled and hung up, throwing the phone in the ocean so the FBI couldn't trace it back to him.
"Now Shawn and Lita will have to stay in San Diego, they'll have no choice but to hear us out now!" Shane said and smiled at his father fondly, "You are such a genius Dad, I love you,"
"I love you too son," Vince said and they hugged while Linda rolled a joint much to her husband and son's horror but Linda didn't sweat it, Shawn was marrying Lita, Stephanie was divorced from Hunter, Melina and Nitro were having a baby and Trish was coming back full-time and all this had happened in the space of two weeks.
"If ever there was a time to get high its now," she told them and took a puff of that stanky-stanky stuff as the San Diego train station emptied and the Anointed Couple burnt up faster than her stash.
"Trish what the fudge is going on?" Lita cried out to The Truth covering her breasts with her hands while HBK tried not to look under the leather skirt Chyna had given her to wear. The Anointed Couple got away from the masses that had evacuated the station and they saw the huge WWE Production truck and ran towards it, the TNA loaded 18 wheeler pulled up not much later and they both wanted answers.
"Vince McMahon called in a fake terrorist alert," Trish explained and Shawn shook his head disgusted running his fingers through his hair causing the white sweater he was wearing to raise and inch too high and Lita quickly pulled his arms down and Hunter rolled his eyes.
"Like you haven't already seen it," he said cynically and Shawn and Lita shook their heads assuring him that they hadn't touched each other at all.
"That's a lie," The Truth said and Shawn and Lita gave her a warning look and she just stared them both down, "You begged Lita to put on the ruby red dress Melina bought her," she said and Shawn went red as everyone laughed at the idea of him begging.
"So?" he retaliated noting the disgusted look on Hunter's face.
"So you wanted to have sex with her on the midnight train to Georgia," Trish said with a naughty grin thinking the whole thing was really sexy as did most of the WWE Divas, TNA Knockouts and the other women within earshot.
"You begged Lita to put on more clothes?" Hunter asked in disbelief and before Shawn could even respond Hunter turned to the other members of the Kliq, "Emergency Kliq meeting in the truck now!" he announced and Kevin, Scotty and Sean furrowed their brows wondering what the problem was, Chyna filled them in.
"He thinks Shawn's a homo for waiting until they get married before hitting it strong as Rocky would say and and he wants to tell you why in detail," she said and Lita shook her head pulling HBK back as the Showstoppa went for Hunter for making such a stupid comment.
"He don't know any better Shawn," Lita assured her true love, "What we have is rare, he doesn't understand how a man can go more than two minutes without wanting to rip my clothes off with his bare hands,"
"Yeah what's up with that?" Mr. Kennedy asked confused stealing Shane Helm's famous one-liner.
"We're waiting until tomorrow, or the night after the wedding we haven't had sex yet and its none of ya'll business when we decide to do it okay?" Shawn spat taking great exception to this invasion of their privacy.
"He's a homo," Cena said eyeing Lita's scantily clad body from the tips of her toes to the top of her head unaware of the slap that was about to come down on his bare face, "OW!" he roared as Lita gave him an Anointed slap of Righteous Indignation.
"There will be no gay-bashing of any kind in my presence you got that?" she warned Cena her sun-kissed skin heating up and Shawn wrapped his arms around her nesting his face in her thick red mane and gave Cena a nonchalant grin.
"You don't know a thing about true romance, that's why you think its gay to be with a woman even after you got her pregnant and aborted her first child," Shawn said simply and Cena blanched offended and Shawn got into his face anyway, "I don't think you and Hunter are any different when it comes to women, the only difference between you is if Hunter gets out of line, Joanie will slap him into the next century and if she doesn't, you bet your WWE Championship LC will,"
Lisa blanched, "I would never hit my own father, you take that back!" she warned Shawn, its not his fault you can't get it up!"
"Oooh!" all the WWE Superstars went at the same-time and Lita had to bite her hair to stop from laughing but Shawn didn't think it was so funny, he felt a sudden urge to defend his sexuality and he took Lita by the hand and helped her into the huge WWE Production truck and got in the driver's seat and started up the engine. By the time Hunter figured out what was going on they were on their way to Atlanta, GA and there was nothing anybody could do about it.
"Excuse me has anyone seen a Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon?" asked an FBI agent holding a cell phone and the WWE Superstars pointed to the mogul who was now cowering behind his wife and son.
"What did he do this time?" Kevin Nash asked shaking his head as the FBI apprehended the Chairman of WWE and took him in for questioning.
"He called in a fake terrorist alert causing Amtrak to evacuate and cancel all journeys out of San Diego," the agent replied and the Superstars laughed hysterically.
"What's that smell?" one of the agents asked another and Linda held in her breath, "Ma'am, have you been smoking marijuana?" the agent asked the CEO of WWE, Linda couldn't hold her breath anymore and let out a puff of the stanky-stanky stuff much to the shock of her daughter and ex-son-in-law, everyone else was rolling around in stitches as Vince asked Shane to call his lawyer and the product of his semen watched in horror as the men in black took his parents away like common criminals on charges of disturbing the peace and possession of illegal substances much to both the WWE and TNA roster's delight and they sung the wrestling power couple out in classic wrestling style.
"Nana-nah-nah, nana-nah-nah, hey - goodbye! Nana-nah-nah, nana-nah-nah, hey - goodbye!" they all sang and reassembled after the FBI disappreared amidst a flurry of local TV cameras heading for the police station, got into Dixie Carter's 18 wheeler and followed after another powerful wrestling couple that would become one under God in less than 24 hours and time was running out to get them drunk first. The fact that neither Shawn or Lita drank escaped Hunter's memory, it was irrelevant since he, his peers and their friends and family would bre doing most of the drinking in honor of the wrestling world's First Couple.