Chapter 32: There's No Place Like Home Part 2
The street outside Lita's house was flooded with people and more were coming, Triple H, the WWE Superstars and the rest of the Kliq, told the whole neighborhood that they were gonna be up all night long so they might as well forget about getting any sleep tonight and join in with the celebration. AJ Styles called his friends and they called their friends and they called their friends from across town and so on; most of the people didn't know what they were celebrating for.
"So what are we celebrating?" Marianne and Marjorie's mom asked Brandon Montenegro who was attached to Miss Taylor and his little sister Cassidy.
"Shawn Michaels and Amy Dumas are getting married," Brandon replied and half the people gasped in amazement.
"Amy, our Amy?" one of the neighbor's said in shock.
"But I thought she was marrying Edge?" Marianne and Marjorie's mom asked confused.
"She was, she changed her mind," Marianne told her mom.
"She changed her mind?" her mother replied in disbelief and Marjorie nodded, "didn't she change her mind about marrying Matt Hardy too?"
Melina and Trish rolled their eyes, "This is all Lita needs, everyone talking her business outside her house - Edge who did you get to play at the wedding?" Melina asked Lita's ex-finace who was chugging some beer along with Mr. Kennedy and MVP.
"Who's Lita? Oh you mean Lita, sorry I'm drunk," Edge replied and Melina laughed but Trish didn't think it was so funny.
"Alcohol is bad for you," she said, "Its gonna make you do something you're going to regret," she warned Edge and the Rated R Superstar poured his beer down her top to Melina's horror but the Smackdown loudmouths thought it was funny.
"Sorry Trish I was aiming for your throat," Edge said and Trish smacked the now empty cup out of his hand in a rage.
"Get ready cause I'm about to whoop that ass!" The Rock said and speared Edge into MVP and Kennedy who both fell onto the huge keg that Hunter was pumping for more booze.
"Excuse me this is a Christian themed batchelor party, please try and conduct yourself with a bit more reverence, thank you," Hunter asked the SD loudmouths and nodded for everyone to raise their cups but Trish pointed to her lover's ass and told Hunter to kiss it much to The Game's distaste, "I'd rather kiss yours Trish," he replied and The Rock chased him onto Lita's lawn which was littered with WWE Divas all singing 'I Am a Friend of God' at the top of their voices while dancing around suggestively, the members of Lita's local church were horrified but Hunter encouraged them to keep singing knowing eventually Shawn was gonna get pissed off and appear in a blaze of fury right there outside his girlfriend's house. What is he doing up there anyway? Hunter wondered looking up at Lita's bedroom window, he noticed the ladder resting next to it and raised his eyebrow like The Rock and the Brahma Bull knew exactly what he was thinking.
"Joanie control your man!" Rocky told Chyna who with Kevin, Scott and Sean hid the ladder from him and Hunter cussed his old friends out, then LC tugged the hem of his pant leg and he looked down at his beloved first born assassin adoringly and asked her what plan she had come up with to get HBK into the partying spirit.
"There's only one way to get a Christian's attention," she said and Hunter listened intently, "Sing JESUS as loud as you can,"
Hunter nodded and instructed Extreme Expose to follow his lead, he cleared his throat and screamed, "JESUS!" at the top of his lungs and all the Divas chimed in.
"Join in everybody, sing JESUS over and over again!" LC said and the Georgia locals joined in with Hunter and the Divas terrible singing, the church folk adding some rhythm to it, some joined in with hand-clapping turning LC's idea into a full-blow gospel melody that was so catchy Lita just had to open her window and the Anointed Couple peered down at the sea of adoring faces looking back up at them. Everyone broke out in applause and waved at them, Lita waved back and tried to supress the laughter that was threatening to break out of her as HBK's kids turned on the hose from across the street and proceeded to soak every single one of them.
"Hallejuiah!" Shawn rejoiced as Lita's neighbors scurried back to their homes and the wrestlers flapped around in the tide of powerful water shooting them back towards the 18 wheeler they came out of, "At a boy Cameron, good girl Cheyenne, now hose them back to California Sean and Tristen!" HBK called out to Britney Spear's son and Kevin and Tamara Nash's only child who were standing on the other side of the street with Rey and Eddy's kids waiting for the signal to finish the job, by the time Hunter realized what was happening he was ass first against the WWE Production truck drenched from head to toe.
"Okay change of plans, everybody in the truck we'll party in Tijuana, screw those Anointed assholes!" he told all the wrestlers who clamored into the huge truck away from the blasting water.
"I'll drive, I guess we'll see you in the morning?" Randy Orton asked Shawn and Lita who abruptly closed the window and TKO looked at the picture of them at the altar and felt an urge to stick around, "Do you guys mind if I stay here, I feel a need to keep an eye on those two?" he asked Melina and Trish.
"Why?" the angelic duo asked him at the same-time and The King's Oracle rubbed the back of his neck bashfully.
"Well this is gonna sound totally gay but, I want to make sure they get to that church in Tijuana tomorrow, Shawn and Lita have showed me so much about true love and the sacrifices that come with it, if I can find love like that I know I'd never want anything else,"
Melina's heart melted and Trish rolled her eyes, "Fine you can stay with us, just stay away from Nitro's girl,"
Orton nodded but Johnny Nitro wasn't convinced that he was going to behave himself if left alone with the woman who come Monday Night RAW, he might have the managerial services of and so he insisted on staying too, "You're really pissing me off Nitro," Melina snarled aggrevated by her husband's paranoia and Trish told him to go.
"What?" Nitro said in disbelief.
"You heard me, leave with the others, I'm not having you upset my sister in Christ anymore, you have the rest of your lives to argue, this weekend is about Shawn and mi hermana Lita, Saturday is not gonna be a repeat of New Years Eve you got that? Now go," Trish said firmly and Nitro was about to say something when Carlito pulled his arm and told him to come.
"No way I'm not leaving Melina with Randy Orton he cannot be trusted Carly!" Nitro protested and Orton came over to Melina's husband and assured him that was not the case.
"You can trust me Nitro, at least . . . until Monday when I end this charade you call affection and show Melina how a man's supposed to treat his woman," Orton said humorously and Melina laughed knowing he was trying to get under Nitro's skin and much to her delight it was working.
"Come on guys, see you tomorrow," Shelton said pulling Nitro towards the truck with Krystal, Cryme Tyme and Matt Hardy, the TNA wrestlers hung around deciding to stay over at AJ Style's house and fly in for the wedding instead.
"Hey Kliq buddy, nice girl you got there," The Phenomenal One said to Shelton Benjamin referring to Krystal, "Ain't you gonna stick around?"
"Nah I better not, Shawn's gonna kick my ass if he sees any of us around," Shelton responded and AJ pointed to the 18 wheeler behind him and Shelton, Krystal, Nitro and Carlito noticed it was moving in their direction, "What are they doing?" Shelton asked AJ seeing Nash, Hall and Waltman who were driving it.
"Look out!" Orton cried as the 18 wheeler drove straight into Lita's house wrecking it completely to everyone's utter astonishment.
"Daddy!" Cameron cried out as the bottom of Lita's home was completely wrecked and the children waited for HBK to answer and he did, only it was from behind.
"Behind ya!" Shawn cried out and everyone jumped surprised to see the Showstoppa still in one piece, "You thought I'd die before my wedding? Come on kids, I don't think Rebecca would want me honing in on her turf,"
Lita emerged from the rubble unharmed wearing the ruby red swing dress and shoes Melina had bought for her and Trish laughed heartily realizing what was going on and explained it to everyone who were still shocked that Shawn and Lita were alive.
"Great now our date's completely ruined, way to ruin my fantasy Trish, you know how much I wanted to get Shawn in my bedroom and now I have no house, you must really want us to be miserable until tomorrow, well mission accomplished because we are!" Lita complained looking as radiant as the sun and was getting just as hot.
"I tell you God is good and He has a soft spot for you Hunter," she said to the Cerebral Assassin, wiping tears of laughter away from her face as Shawn tried to comfort Lita pretending not to be disappointed that he was one move away from having sex with her, "You told the Kliq to do that didn't you?" she asked as Triple H nodded proudly, "God knew they were gonna get hot and heavy, so He let Hunter telll Kevin Nash to drive the 18 wheeler into house to stop the Cataclysmic Reation that would have taken place,"
The wrestlers all got out of the WWE Production truck and berated Hunter for destroying Lita's house, "You could have killed them and we've only got 7 hours before we have to be back in Mexico for the wedding!" Kelly Kelly said and Trish frowned at her.
"What are you a bridesmaid or something? Shut up," she said and Mickie James blew her a kiss which HBK halted in mid air and it turned to ashes and reminded MJ of her agreement and the former Women's Champion nodded sheepishly.
"No more kissing beautiful women," she affirmed and eyed Lita adoring her ruby red get up, "You're so lucky I'm not gay for girls anymore otherwise I'd jump you like a horse over a hurdle at the Kentucky Derby,"
Shawn smiled at that statement; he nearly did jump Lita after she showed him her scrapbook and all the pictures she had stuck together of them kissing back in the Attitude Era, she even had one of him wearing the WWF Championship over his bare ass taped up inside her closet, of course Edge cut out the face and put his over it instead but the heart tattoo on the butt cheek proved that it was him. It was while he was holding his sides to stop from laughing at it that Lita disappeared into her bathroom and emerged wearing the cutest outfit he had ever seen.
"I even clicked my heels together and said "There's no place like home," Dorothy rules in that movie," Lita said and HBK frowned at Hunter who was salivating over Lita's bare legs.
"I can't believe you're gonna be my best man," Shawn sighed pushing Hunter back as he kissed Lita's outstretched hand over zealously then dropped to her feet and kissed her ruby red sandals.
He turned to his Kliq buddies and told them to all get on one knee, Nash, Hall, Waltman, AJ, Shelton and his beloved Chyna all looked at him like he was crazy and LC helped get her father's message across by signaling Sean and Tristen to get ready with the hose again, the Kliq quickly got on one knee and Shawn turned away embarassed, Lita pulled him back and kissed his hand lovingly.
"Just pretend that they're bowing to the King of Kings," she told him with a loving smile and that made Shawn feel more comfortable about his oldest and dearest friends as well as Kliq candidates AJ and Shelton embarassing themselves in front of Lita's entire neighborhood and their wrestling peers. But Embarassment was a town Hunter frequently visited, he even asked Shawn if he would consider getting a time share there with him but the Heartbreak Kid refused opting to live in Dignity instead.
"On behalf of Kevin, Scotty, XPac and Chyna I would like to take this time to thank you Lita for making a gay man like Shawn straight by dressing up as the gayest icon of them all and all the while holding Shawn's hand like the dried up prude that you've decided to be now that you're a Christian, Judy Garland would have been proud, so here's to Dorothy and her stupid Showstopping mutt Toto aka my best friend in the whole world, Shawn Michaels," Hunter said and everyone laughed, everyone except Shawn of course who was tuning up the band ready to kick Hunter sqaw in the jaw.
"Are you gonna take that baby?" Lita asked her husband-to-be.
"Does this answer your question?" Shawn replied and nearly kicked Hunter's head off but Lita stopped him mid air.
"Baby you can't do that, this is your batchelor party your "Christian" batchelor party, are you really gonna kick your best man in the face in front of my local church and neighbors? That's no way for an upstanding Christian man like yourself to act," Lita admonished HBK who pouted miserably.
"But the band's all tuned up, I need a big finish to go out on!" he exclaimed excitedly and Lita pulled Shawn directly in front of her, whipped her long red hair over her right shoulder and pretended to show him her boobs. Shawn made the Home Alone face and everyone wondered what Lita had shown him; whatever it was it stopped Shawn from kicking Hunter in the face so it had to be good.
"That was just a preview, tomorrow will be our big finish," Lita told Shawn quietly wrapping her arms around his neck amorously and was about to kiss his tender lips which were parted and had "Kiss me" written all over them when The Truth: Trish Stratus cleared her throat obnoxiously and the Anointed Couple immediately separated.
"Lita you look lovely, Shawn you're a lucky man, now I believe you owe my best friend a lap dance?" Hunter said expectantly rubbing his hands together and Chyna shook her head at his teenage kicks, the man still hadn't reached puberty yet it was amazing considering how much time had passed since DX first took over the wrestling world, it was as if nothing had changed at all, everything was just like she remembered it, only now things were even better with no signs of calming down or anyone growing up in anyway whatsoever. Shawnie was getting married, she had her man back, the Kliq was reunited and LC, Carla and Hurricane Aurora were added bonuses. There was still Jericho and Stephanie to deal with but in Chyna's mind all questions of whether or not there was a God were now answered, she couldn't have been happier with her lot in life and she had ATM to thank for that.
"Actually she gave me one already," Shawn said simply referring to the short time he actually spent with Lita in her bedroom.
"I wasn't there though, I want to see a lapdance now!" Hunter insisted and Kevin Nash whined himself up on the Cerebral Assassin much to Cameron and LC's disgust and Hunter's humiliation, the wrestlers cheered Big Kev along while Shawn and Lita walked over to AJ's house with all the children, Brandon, Charlotte and Dan where Days of Elijah was blasting through the Phenomenal One's speakers thanks to Sting and Kurt Angle who had gotten into his wife's CD collection and found Gospel gold.
"This batchelor party might not be so bad after all," Shawn said and Lita hugged him tightly as he stroked her bare shoulder.
"This is our last night as friends, I plan on waking up with you," she said affectionately.
"So we can watch the sunrise right?" Shawn asked and Lita nodded.
"But just in case I don't make it, you should know I drool in my sleep, so watch out," she added and Shawn shrugged."Its no problem Big Red, drool away," he said as they entered the Styles house, Shawn hadn't stopped drooling since he met Lita, and that was the Gospel Truth according to St. Michaels.