Chapter 35: Just Call Me Angel of the Morning
Shawn and Lita's Wedding Day, Atlanta GA, 6am:
The early morning sun began to rise and spill gloriously over Lita's neighborhood, her friends were trying to sleep after partying straight edge at Marianne and Marjorie's house but they were about to get a rude awakening, especially the defiant Edge who was about as straight edge as Sandman.
"Ow!" Edge yelped Matt Hardy fell on top of him from the couch where he and MVP had been sleeping while Edge, Mr. Kennedy and Undertaker were asleep on the floor, "Get your fat ass off me Hardy, Randy will you pull him up?" Edge cried to TKO who was irritated by his former Tag Team partner's screeching voice so he buried his head in Torrie Wilson's lap and ignored him, Edge was furious and he kicked the couch causing everyone to fall on top of him.
"Will you guys keep it down I'm trying to sleep over here!" Nitro complained still wearing his Gucci shades, he hadn't taken them off all night.
"Why aren't you sleeping upstairs in M&M's guest bedroom with your wife?" Mr. Kennedy asked the grumpy former IC Champion. Nitro scowled and removed his shades much to everyone's surprise.
"You know if I were you I'd keep my mouth shut, I know that's probably really hard for you to do you loudmouth punk," Nitro hissed fully awake and now so was everyone else thinking Nitro looked better with his shades on.
"Things are about to get ugly up in this house," Matt Hardy said still sitting on top of the Rated R Superstar.
"Matt if you don't get off me right now I'm gonna take a king-size bite out of your ass!" Edge threatened his former friend but Matt liked it when Edge was uncomfortable and wasn't intending to move anytime soon.
"Bite away Adam, bite away," he replied and Adam being the deranged rabid werewolf that he was took a huge bite out of Matt Hardy's butt causing V.1 to scream out loud waking both Melina and Trish up and making Marjorie and Marianne's mother very concerned and she ran into the living room in her dressing gown and slippers along with her two daughters who were still pissed at her for not letting them sleep in the living room with the WWE Superstars or TNA wrestlers.
"Hey guys today's the big day, stop messing around and get in the shower we're leaving in less than an hour!" Melina told the squabbling Superstars who were more interested in sleeping than showering.
"Marjorie and I have drawn up a list for who gets to shower first," Marianne said waving a pretty pink piece of paper in front of everyone, "Randy, Cena and Nitro you guys are welcome to join me," she said flirtatiously and Trish smacked her upside the head.
"I don't have a problem with that," Melina said sarcastically and Trish rolled her eyes, "There's not a woman in this room who wouldn't want to shower with my husband, isn't that right Brooke, isn't that right Ashley?"
Nitro got hot and was about to give Melina a piece of his mind when Randy tripped him up and he landed face first on the carpet, Melina laughed and Randy winked at her as he walked up to take a shower. Trish nudged Melina in the ribs not pleased with her juvenile behavior.
"Get a grip missy, I know you can't wait to give Orton your "managerial services" but we've got to get Lita up before she misses her own wedding," The Truth said and the Miraculous one nodded.
"You guys make sure they all get showered okay?" Melina said to Marjorie and Marianne who nodded enthusiastically not hating on their mom so much anymore and they giggled soaking in the sight of all the near naked male bodies in front of them saying a prayer of thanks to Jehovah for this wonderful gift.
"Send Vince the water bill," Trish said to M&M's mom and gave the woman of the house a hug, "Shelton you're in charge,"
"Yes Ma'am," Shelton said enthusiastically and Carlito protested saying he wanted to be in charge, "Why should you be in charge?" Shelton asked the Cool One, "Just because you two used to go out you think she owes you something?"
A pin dropped and everyone heard it, Trish's mouth dropped open and Carlito frowned in confusion.
"We had a relationship?" he asked the retired Women's Champion scratching his afro and Krystal scowled at her boyfriend and JTG smacked him with his cap and Shad stepped on his foot and Shelton yelped in pain.
Trish was in a serious dilemma; she couldn't lie so she had to tell the truth, "Yes Carlito, we had a relationship, I moved to Florida to live with you and everything,"
Carlito gulped and came over to the blond beauty bemused by what she just said, "Why don't I remember being with you, what happened after Unforgiven between you and me?" he asked fervently.
"We hooked up Carlos but, it didn't work out," Trish continued not wanting to bring Shawn into it by explaining the whole Kiss of Life and how it wiped all memory of her from Carlito's mind.
"Why didn't it work out, did I cheat on you?" Carlito said and all the boys laughed.
"No you were the perfect boyfriend," Trish said pulling back her tears and regained her composure, "I was in love with someone else,"
"Oh," Carlito said and he shrugged giving Trish a charming smile, "So you cheated,"
Trish gasped, "No I just never realized I was still in love with him, I never meant to hurt you Carly I swear!" she cried grabbing Carlito by the shoulders and shaking him passionately and everyone felt her pain, Trish really did care for Carlito and she wanted them to be friends even though the man Carlito had suspected she was still in love with had won her heart back in the end, "Please don't hate me let's be like Matt and Lita, let's be friends til the end,"
Carlito looked over at Shelton who was in a head vice applied expertly by his Kliq buddy AJ Styles, "What do you think, is she telling the truth?" he asked his old rival but Shelton couldn't nod even if he wanted to.
Trish took Carlito's hand and pressed it to her heart, Carlito was taken aback by the gesture.
"I am telling you the Truth and nothing but the Truth, I swear on my heart," she said and Carlito was convinced.
"Okay mama," he replied and kissed her hand before yelling up the stairs for Randy Orton to get out of the shower.
"Phew!" Shelton said coming up to the Truth after getting away from AJ, "That was a close one huh? No hard feelings right I mean, I'm still in charge?"
Trish gave Shelton a sarcastic smile, "Oh you're in charge alright, you're in charge of all the coats and putting the wedding gifts somewhere safe when we get to Tijuana, AJ I'm putting you in charge, come on Mel let's get the Anointed Couple up," Trish said and the angelic duo left, Shelton was furious but AJ was delighted, being kicked out of his own house didn't seem so bad now that he was deputy and Shelton wasn't.
"That's right Shelton I'm in charge and with that little stunt you just pulled you ain't never getting in the Kliq, you could have ruined Trish's entire life just now, you may be The Greatest Pure Athlete Ever to Step into a WWE Ring, but in my neck of the woods you're just stoopid," The Phenomenal One said to his Kliq buddy.
"Stoopid?" Shelton said in shock.
"Yeah that's right, stoopid," AJ Styles said and Shelton Dragon Whipped him into the sofa sending everyone flying onto the floor again.
"How stoopid was that?" Shelton said cockily and Sting applauded Kurt Angle's former protégé.
"That weren't stupid, that was sick," the Icon said, "You should come to our neck of the woods kid, maybe then you'll get a shot at the NWA Championship or even the X Division Championship,"
Shelton snickered, "I'll rather go for a real Championship know what I mean Cena?" Shelton said staring down the current WWE Champion who was curled up with Maria on chair closest to the door.
"You and everyone else, I would tell you to put your money where your mouth is but you obviously have no problem running your mouth do you Benjamin? That is until you've got a microphone in your hand and we're live in over 150 countries," The Champ replied and MVP and Kennedy laughed.
"Yeah laugh it up John, one day I will be WWE Champion and you can go home and change diapers with Maria," Shelton replied and everyone laughed including Maria.
"What are you laughing at?" Cena asked his babymother who got to her feet and stretched.
"I just can't see you changing diapers I mean you haven't changed your outfit in like two years," she replied and everyone burst out in hysterics Maria not realizing how funny she was until it was too late, "What I mean is - " she fumbled attempting to cover but it was no use, she was no bimbo and could be as funny as Shad and JTG when she felt like it, "Sorry baby but wrestling is not your strength, you should stick to making babies, you're obviously good at that!" she said patting her swollen stomach and Cena's face fell while everyone else's face reddened with laughter and a "Maria!" chant broke out making Melina wonder what she just missed as she and Trish made their way over to AJ Styles' house.
As they pushed the open door and entered into the empty house they knew Shawn and Lita were not up yet, the house was silent except for the snores of the Kliq outside AJ's bedroom door.
"Oh this is so cute, they're eavesdropping," Trish said pulling Sean up by his long black hair and dragging Big Sexy's leg moving him away from the door while Melina tickled Scott and he rolled away in a ball, only Hunter and Chyna were actually sleeping, surprisingly Chris Jericho and Stephanie were sleeping next to them.
"What are they doing here?" Melina said puzzled by the on again/off again couple, Trish smiled at the sleeping baby in their arms and the sleeping warrior princess in Hunter's knowing there was much work to do before Stephanie and Hunter could move on with their lives.
"Come on we've got more important bidness to take care of," The Truth said stepping over the two couples pushing AJ's door open and there were: the man and woman of the day locked in each other's arm fast asleep. Melina was touched thinking how beautiful they looked together, Lita's hair sprawled over the pillow like velvet and Shawn's loose locks fell over his left shoulder revealing his beautiful face, his arm was wrapped tightly around the Queen of Xtreme, his lips sat at the bridge of her nose and her lips curled in a contented smile.
"She's gonna be so mad at us if we wake her up," Trish said and Melina agreed.
"This job's not all blessings and Halleluiahs," she said soberly and let out a Primal Scream waking both Shawn and Lita up at the same-time.
"Wake up we've got a wedding in 7 hours, let's go-let's go-let's go!" Trish said like a NFL coach. Melina helped Lita put on her shoes while Shawn stared at Trish from the side of AJ's bed unamused.
"We barely got Hunter and Chyna to leave us alone before Jericho and Stephanie decided to pay us a visit, Aurora woke up and took out her frustration at being woken up prematurely once again by turning this room freezing cold and LC started kicking everyone's ass like some martial arts sensei and now you two disturb our slumber, you know what I think baby?" Shawn said turning his attention to the sexy mamacita in the red swing dress and ruby red slippers.
"What do you think baby?" Lita asked her sexy Texan.
"I think we should go back to sleep, we can go to Tijuana when we're good and ready that's what I think," Shawn declared, "Are you down with that baby?"
"Oh I'm down," Lita said kicking her shoes off and jumping back onto AJ's bed.
"Make sure ya'll close the door on the way out, we'll see you later," Shawn said escorting Trish and Melina out of the room and slamming it shut before crawling back onto his side of AJ's bed next to his lovely lady Lita who welcomed him into her arms once again.
"Much later," Lita agreed closing her eyes and breathing against Shawn's hot skin while he nestled his face in her hair taking nothing but pleasure in her unhindered company.
Outside AJ's room Trish was delirious with rage and Melina was overcome with glee, "Did you see that? They are so adorable Trish I'm so happy for them right now I could cry," Melina said emotionally.
"Will you get a grip of yourself hermana?" Trish said impatiently, "This is seriously wrong,"
Melina frowned, "No its not, its seriously romantic, they just want a few extra minutes to themselves we'll have them on a plane in no time, let's just leave them alone for awhile they've had a terrible time getting some privacy, is it so wrong for two people who are head-over-heels in love to be alone?"
"They've got their whole lives to be alone!" Trish roared and HBK flinched at the level of her voice.
"Keep it down or get out Stratus the choice is yours!" Shawn said firmly but Trish weren't going nowhere knowing what was gonna happen if she left Shawn and Lita alone much longer.
"If they go back to sleep Lita's gonna let her guard down and Shawn's gonna make love to her right here in Atlanta, GA," Trish told Melina and the Miraculous one gasped in horror.
"They can't do that they're not married yet, okay I'll take care of this," she said and was about to let off a wicked Primal Scream when Trish gagged her mouth.
"That's gonna get us kicked outta here faster than illegal immigrants," The Truth said knowing Shawn was a man of his word, "I've got a better idea, get up Hunter!" she said kicking the Cerebral Assassin and Triple H grumbled something derogatory about Canadians over-staying their welcome and LC pinched his nose cutting off his air and he finally woke up.
"No Vince please not another dull ass promo about your grapefruits, haven't the WWE fans suffered enough?" he said obviously having a very bad dream then Chyna shook some sense into him and he looked up at the hot blond staring down at him and felt his leg which was sore for some reason, "Don't tell me you came all the way over here to get your ass kicked by my girlfriend Trish, cause Chyna's gonna kick your ass for that!"
"Damn straight," Joanie said eye-balling the sexy Canadian.
"Amen," LC concurred punching her hands together menacingly but Trish wasn't fazed.
"Listen you Cerebral Assclown, I want you to go in there and wake up Shawn," Trish said and Jericho balked at her illegal use of his catchphrase.
"What! No way he's pissed at me for trying to get them to have Live Sex all night already, if I try and wake him up again he's not gonna let me be his best man!" Hunter panicked.
"No he won't, just go in there and whisper this in his ear," Trish said and whispered words for Hunter to say to Shawn in his ears and The Game chuckled, got up and jumped onto Shawn's side of the bed pulled up next to him and said the following to him:
"Shawn Michaels this is Jesus your Lord and Savior and I want you to get up and leave this house and go to Tijuana and marry Lita at 1 o'clock in the small church Rey Mysterio used to wrestle in. I'll be there waiting along with Rebecca, Eddie, Owen and Jeff Hardy," he said and Shawn's eyes shot up and he sat up straight and looked up at the ceiling.
"I'm on my way Jesus!" he cried and smacked Lita on the arm and she got up holding her reddened arm angrily.
"You got two seconds to explain yourself Heartbreaker or I ain't saying I do," Lita snarled angrily.
"Jesus just spoke to me and he said we have to leave for Tijuana right now!" Shawn said pulling Lita off the bed and to her feet as the red-head soothed her now aching arm.
"He did not," she replied.
"He did too!" Shawn affirmed.
"He did not!" Lita returned.
"He did too!" Shawn yelled defiantly.
"Listen to me Shawn I'm the Anointed one I know when Jesus speaks and he said natta okay? He said zip, you wanna know who told you to get up look outside and you'll find out who really spoke to you," Lita said firmly and Shawn opened the door and saw Hunter smiling up at him and he slammed it in his best man's face then re-opened it.
"You're not my best man now, Sean is," he said and closed the door on Hunter's horrified face and turned back to his fiancé who was holding her arm in pain.
"I'm sorry let me kiss it better," Shawn said reaching out to Lita but he held his own arm and felt a shot of pain sear through his skin where his pierced heart tattoo was and looked to Lita for an explanation.
"What I feel you feel, we're eternal soul mates remember? We got Double Anointing, you hurt me I hurt you, that's the ways it goes from now on Shawn Michaels," she explained and Shawn pulled up the sleeve of Hunter's large white sweater and saw that his pierced heart was bleeding.
"How do I make it stop?" he asked terrified, he'd never seen anything like this before, "I mean I've heard of stigmata is that what this is?"
"Sort of, it'll stop bleeding when I stop hurting," Lita said and showed Shawn her arm, "Look," she said and he looked at her green meanie monster tattoo which was growling at him.
"Oh my," Shawn said covering his mouth fully realizing what had happened, "I'll never hurt you ever again I swear," he said devoutly but Lita shook her head unconvinced, "In Jesus' name I will never - ,"
"No Shawn don't swear on our Savior's life, you'll bring damnation on yourself," Lita warned him covering his mouth with her hot hands, "You will hurt me, and I'll hurt you, we're human beings and human beings are no good selfish bastards,"
"Amen to that!" Trish said from outside and Lita laughed.
"Thanks for the support honey!" she called out and Shawn ran his fingers through his hair confused.
"So whenever we hurt each other we get afflicted with pain is that what you're saying?" Shawn asked, "I need to understand this because I ain't looking to bleed everytime I piss you off,"
Lita smiled loving his honesty, "He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities," she said quoting Isaiah 53:5.
"And by his stripes we are healed," Shawn added completing the famous verse.
"Amen," Lita said and she looked down at her arm and saw that her green meanie was back to sleep, she looked over at Shawn's arm and saw that his pierced heart had stopped bleeding and he smiled at her relieved.
"We really are Anointed," he said amazed at what he had just experienced, "God really did want us to be together,"
Lita nodded, "But not to hurt each other to make love to each other and bring the Gospel to those who need to hear the Word of God," she said wrapping her arms around Shawn and kissing him on the place where his skin was bare wanting to rip off the big white jumper and devour him with kisses but that would have to wait because they had a wedding planned to kick off in 7 hours and they didn't want to leave all that cake to their greedy friends and family.
Lita opened the door and saw eager faces staring at them but the only faces she cared about were the faces of her sisters in Christ. Trish and Melina took her away from her true love and down the stairs, they would be back together soon and this time it would be as one Anointed couple under God and it would be forever.
"Come on Shawn you gotta let me be your best man, I'm the co-founder of DeGeneration X baby!" Hunter said desperately but HBK shook his head nodding to XPac who was smiling from ear-to-ear.
"I tell you what, why don't you be the best man at our wedding?" Chris Jericho said and LC signaled Aurora and Hunter's baby girl threw her sterling silver rattle at Stephanie's main squeeze and the Kliq laughed.
"Are you gonna raise this little girl right or she gonna grow up to be a total psychopath like you?" Stephanie asked her ex-husband.
Hunter looked over at Chyna who hugged LC to her lovingly, "I'm gonna raise her to be like her mother, strong, sexy and the greatest Women's Champion of all time," he replied and Chyna blew him a kiss and he took it and put it on his ass causing the Kliq to laugh.
"I am so touched that you're gonna raise LC to be like me," Lita said from the bottom of the stairs thinking Hunter had just described her, "Shawn I want him to be the best man, choose Hunter, XPac sucks," she said before Trish and Lita pulled her out of AJ's house to Marianne and Marjorie's.
"No honey he was talking about-" Shawn started but his best friend gave him the puppy dog eyes and his heart melted right there.
"Do what your future wifey says Shawnie," Kevin Nash said and XPac shot him a look like he was the evilest person on the planet.
"Okay Hunter you can be my best man, but you better behave yourself or else Sean's back in," Shawn warned him.
"I won't let you down Shawn I'll be on my best behavior from here to Mexico!" Hunter assured him and Razor made the "Yeah right" eyes.
"So no watering the wedding bouquet," Shawn said.
"Check," Hunter replied.
"No throwing eggs at the limo as we leave the church," Shawn said.
"Check," Hunter replied.
"And no looking down Lita's dress at the altar," Shawn said and Hunter went quiet, "Well?" Shawn said impatiently and Hunter finally gave in.
"Fine I won't hit on your wife," Hunter replied reluctantly and LC rolled her eyes.
"Don't worry dad there's plenty of other women you can hit on, what about this one right here?" she said pointing at her mom and Hunter kissed Chyna's outstretched hand and said.
"Hey baby, wanna catch a flight to Tijuana and see the greatest wedding in wrestling history?" he said cocking his eyebrow romantically.
"I think we should sit on the other side of the church," Stephanie said to Jericho who agreed sticking his fingers down his throat repulsed by Hunter and Joanie's affection toward each other and Aurora reached up for her father but Stephanie was reluctant to let her go, so she dropped her temperature and Stephanie let go allowing LC to take her in her arms and give her an Evolution thumbs up.
"You can sit with the Degenerates," she said to her baby sister giving her back her rattle which Aurora shook jubilantly and Shawn panicked.
"You guys have got to get on at least for the next 7 hours, I want this day to be perfect," Shawn said weary that the tension between Stephanie and Hunter was going to get Hurricane Aurora very angry and he'd have to call of the wedding which meant delaying making love to Lita even longer and that was not gonna happen, the sooner he got his hands on Lita the better; he was exhausted with unfulfilled desire it was way past funny now.
"Don't worry about us spoiling your big day Shawn, worry about my dad and Shane," Stephanie said and Shawn sighed along with Hunter and the rest of the Kliq.
"LC I'm gonna need you to run security," he said to Hunter's cerebral ass-kicker, "I want you to look out for a pissed off, power walking billionaire and his ass-kissing progeny, I want you to keep them outside the church and don't let them in on any circumstances okay?" Shawn asked her and LC looked up at her father for clarification.
"Progeny is a fancy word for "Spawn of Satan" sweetie," Hunter explained and LC shook her head in agreement.
"I'll recruit Cam-Cam, Chey, Carla, Cassidy, Charlene, Tristen, the Mysterios and the Guerrero kids, I may need to arm myself too," LC said strategically and Aurora motioned that she wanted to help by flailing her arms enthusiastically, "Okay Ro-Ro you'll be my Weapon of Mini Destruction,"
"At a girl Ro-Ro," Shawn said to his god daughter and clapped his hands together assured that everything was under control and looked down and realized he wasn't wearing any pants, "Where's my tux guys?" he asked the Kliq who gestured to Hunter in Kliq fashion and the Cerebral Assman told him he looked fine just like that.
"Calm down Shawn!" Hunter said as HBK flew into a rage thinking Hunter had forgotten to pick up his tuxedo when they were in San Diego, "Let's go to those two foxy fanatics' house and get changed with the other wrestlers first, then I shall unveil your tailor made tuxedo courtesy of Cameron and Cheyenne Michaels,"
Shawn's heart swelled, "Cam and Chey picked out my tuxedo?" he said touched.
"They said you should look your best for Lita, they did good Shawn you're gonna love it," Hunter assured his best friend pulling him over into a bear hug and Shawn tried to keep the butterflies in his stomach down but it was hard to stay calm when the entire wrestling world was heading for Tijuana to watch the most notorious WWE Champion of all time marry the most controversial Women's Champion of all time; it was indeed a Match made in Heaven and it was coming up next!