Chapter 44: Girlfriends 4 Life
Blue Mountains - Dunns River Falls, 6am:
Everybody was sleeping tangled around themselves, muscular arms resting over muscular arms, no-one awake the WWE and TNA wrestlers slept soundly amongst Shawn and Lita's wedding guests with heavy heads and lazy eyes not aware that in a few hours they would all have to get up and go back to America for Monday Night RAW and Smackdown and Impact tapings. They were in Paradise but not for much longer, only Shawn and Lita were staying in Jamaica for one day more. Trish was the first to stir, The Rock was draped over her she had to wrestle out from out of him to get up to her feet and she woke him up by doing so, he then woke up Jericho who woke up Christian who woke up Edge who kicked Matt Hardy who slapped MVP who fell on top of Melina who screamed and woke everyone else up.
"Mel shut up!" Trish cried covering her ears as the now retired Women's Champion.
"We're trying to sleep here!" The Rock added as Nitro pulled the US Champion off of his pregnant wife. Latina Heat got to her feet and snarled at the Canadian beauty who closed her eyes and turned into her lover's ample chest with a satisfied grin on her face.
"In case you didn't notice Stratus I'm pregnant!" Melina snapped.
"So am I but you don't hear me yelling and waking everyone up," Stephanie said looking over at Melina irritated while Maria concurred yawning against Cena's exposed abdomen a pool of drool collecting there. Melina huffed pulling a stray raven lock out of her face angrily.
"Well at least I'm married to my baby's father," she said and the guys went "Ooooh" as Stephanie and Maria got to their feet and walked over to the former Women's Champion offended by her spiteful words.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Stephanie said poking Melina on the shoulder with a sharp fingernail.
"Yeah and at least we're happy with our baby fathers!" Maria snapped and Melina gasped horrified.
"Are you kidding me? John Cena's a man-whore and you know it and you Stephanie, you can't even keep a ten time World Champion happy!" Melina replied with hostility and Jericho and Rocky looked at Nitro with a wicked smile and Nitro nodded the man whore that he was.
"I know, the bitch is back come on baby let's go for a walk," Nitro said taking his wife by the hand and going towards Dunns River Falls.
"Who are you calling a bitch?" Melina protested angrily, "Randy's gonna get my managerial services for free if you keep this up Nitro!"
Everyone laughed and Randy turned into Torrie's lap embarrassed wondering what he ever saw in her, Torrie stroked her new boyfriend's face lovingly knowing what RKO saw in her; it was her Latina Heat and Torrie was gonna turn that around with her All American Girl Next Door.
Cena opened his eyes and yawned seeing Torrie fawning over Orton and he made a wolf whistle until he saw the pool of drool collecting in his belly button and shot up like Edge just bit him.
"Gees Louise Maria, yo Shelton, get me a towel man bruh," Cena said to the pure wrestling wonderboy from Minnesota.
"Oh I get it, the Black man has to get the White boy a towel right? The only towel you're gonna need is the one you'll need to clean up all the blood on the ring after I beat your ass for the WWE Championship!" Shelton snapped and Jeff Hardy got up shaking his head as Ashley played with his braids.
"Nu-uh Shelton we gotta settle our bidness first, whad'ya say whoever wins our match on RAW tonight becomes Number 1 Contender for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania?" Jeff suggested and Shelton nodded.
"You're funeral Jeff Hardy," Shelton said and the Charismatic Enigma stared a black hole into the current WWE Champion.
"More like your funeral Cena," Hardy said punching his hands together competitively and Cena shook it off cockily refusing to be intimidated by two of the greatest WWE Superstars of his generation to never be WWE Champion.
"Coachman will never allow a match between you and me to take place on the Grandest Stage of Them All," Cena said shooting Jeff and Shelton's hopes for WWE gold down.
"No but the new co-owners of the WWE would," Matt Hardy said nodding in the direction of DX founders Triple H and HBK who were still asleep with Lita and Chyna. Cena threw his visor at Hunter's head but Chyna caught it before it hit her man and threw it back at The Champ angrily.
"Don't start something you're ass can't finish," Chyna warned the younger man who stepped away from the Amazon not wanting to get into a fight with a woman almost as strong as he was. Hunter shot one eye open and smirked loving how easily intimidated by Chyna Cena was.
"I think I just came up with my first match as co-owner of the WWE Shawn," he said to the other co-owner of the WWE who was stirring slightly snug between the two newest members of the Kliq; Lita and his unborn baby girl Rebecca who was growing gracefully in Lita's womb.
"Great Hunter tell me in the morning," Shawn said sleepily as Lita pulled him in closer to her.
"Cena vs. Chyna in an arm-wrestling match," Hunter said.
Shawn laughed and Lita gave Cena the Evolution thumbs down, "You're going down Cena," she said rubbing her swelling stomach feeling over Shawn's hand which was already doing the honor.
"Isn't that what you do on a daily basis?" Cena replied and everyone gasped as Shawn Michaels shot up and chased Cena out of Patrick's luxurious tropical clubhouse catching him before he hit the water and dragged him back by his Chain Gang chain over to his wife's feet. He planted Cena in front on her with his knee to The Champ's neck pulling his chain back hard like a pitbull on a leash.
"Apologize to my wife for that disgusting comment Cena or you ain't gonna make it outta Jamaica in time for RAW," Shawn threatened him.
"My fans will start a riot if I don't show up tonight!" Cena protested trying to free himself from the boot of HBK which suddenly kicked his ass, "Ow Shawn those cowboy boots hurt!"
"Its gonna hurt a lot more if you don't apologize!" Shawn warned Cena who was struck by the beautiful toes wiggling under his nose.
"Ew!" Lita yelped as Cena kissed her feet and she pulled them away from Cena's smiling mouth.
Trish laughed, "John you don't even know where those feet have been," she said and Lita scowled at her and got to her beautiful feet, patted Cena on the head like a dog and grinned playfully while ruffling his hair.
"Down boy," she said and Shawn waited for Cena to turn around before hitting him squah in the jaw with a fresh rendition of Sweet Chin Music and The Champ fell face first into Chyna's lap. Hunter pushed Cena onto the floor and the First Couple of DX used him for a footstool.
Shelton and Carlito exchanged glances, "DX are back alright," Shelton said knowing that could have been anyone if they made a crack at Lita's expense and it didn't matter if they were male or female as Trish was about to find out.
Lita flicked a stray lock of blond hair from Shawn's shoulder and kissed him passionately in front of Trish before pulling away and giving Trish a satisfied smirk.
"Oh what's this?" Lita said pointing to her wedding finger where an 'S' was tattooed, "That's Shawn Michaels name tattooed on my finger," she exclaimed waving her finger in front of Trish's face. Trish rolled her eyes as Shawn did the same thing only with his finger,
"And look sweetie, that's your initial tattooed on my finger!" he said cheerfully, "So I guess that means we're married right?"
Lita feigned shock and everyone giggled at Trish's exasperation at the two wisenheimers, "We're married?" she said surprised and Shawn nodded, Lita turned to Trish with a arrogant smirk and said, "See I told you he was hot for me, where's your initial Rocky?" she said to the Brahma Bull who was trying not to laugh at how angry Trish was getting.
"Its tattooed on my ass along with your husbands after we secretly got married while you were sleeping, here have a look," Rocky said exposing his butt and Trish slapped him on it and pulled his pants back up while everyone cracked up.
"What is your point Lita?" Trish said.
"My point is I've retired the greatest Women's Champion of all time and you've got to go back to work for my husband while Melina and I shop for baby clothes together, my-my how the tables have turned," Lita said in full heel mode and Trish scowled.
"The only thing that's turning is my stomach, I'm happy for you though chica, I always said you were a Degenerate and now you're officially married to one, congratulations!" Trish replied kissing Lita on the cheek while the flaming red-head frowned confused wondering why Trish was so happy for her.
"Did I miss something or are you genuinely happy for me?" Lita asked her puzzled and Trish nodded and took Rocky's hand and he kissed hers tenderly.
"Yes Lita I'm genuinely happy for you because now you and me, two of the greatest of all time are totally 100 percent Stratisfied, plus Dwayne's coming back to work so I won't be alone on the road aren't cha Brahma Bull?" Trish said turning fondly to her old flame who nodded, "He's gonna face the so-called Greatest of All Time in an Icon vs. Icon II match at Wrestlemania,"
Shawn frowned, "What do you mean "so-called" Greatest of All Time?" he asked offended knowing Trish was talking about the match of all matches he was scheduled to have with The Rock this year.
"You're not the Greatest of All Time Shawn, come on you're in a room full of legends, legends-in-the-making and one Legend Killer, plus my baby is way-way-waaay better in the ring than you are Shawn, all the DX merchandize in the world isn't going to change the fact that when Rocky gets in the ring, people don't even remember your name," Trish said confident in her man's superiority and everyone noticed how calm Shawn was about her comment.
"That's alright Trish you're entitled to your opinion, The Rock's an awesome competitor and it will be a pleasure to go in there with one of the best in ring performers of this generation for what will no doubt be another HBK classic," Shawn said coolly, "story of my life," he whispered to Lita who nodded and they rubbed their noses together before kissing each other affectionately.
"Wow Shawn isn't even upset that Trish thinks Rocky's a better wrestler than he is," Chyna said to Hunter who rolled his eyes sardonically knowing Shawn was going to strike when Rocky least expected it and it was going to be sweet.
"You've been gone way to long Joanie, you've forgotten how Shawn is when challenged, but I'm sure glad you're back," Hunter said kissing his old girlfriend and looked around for his cerebral ass-kicker, "Where's LC and the other kids?" he asked not seeing or hearing Cameron's girlfriend du jour.
"They're all outside, let's go hang with them and leave Mr. and Mrs. Dumbass Michaels alone," XPac said pulling Chyna up and waving everyone outside leaving Shawn, Lita, Jericho, Stephanie, Trish and Rocky alone to talk business and babies.
"That's 'Dumas'!" Shawn corrected his black haired friend.
"Wait shouldn't Melina be here for this?" Lita said looking around for the angry Latina.
"Maybe after she's done throwing Nitro into Dunns River Falls," Shawn replied seeing Nitro go sailing into the water via Melina's rage.
"I thought pregnancy was supposed bring husbands and wives closer together?" Jericho said as Melina stormed back into Patrick's clubhouse looking like she just tasted something bad.
"What have you been smoking sweetie?" Stephanie replied cynically, "That's reminds me we gotta see mom and ask her to talk daddy into paying for our wedding,"
"I already talked to her, she said Vince said no way," Jericho responded and Stephanie grabbed her head furiously.
"Did he say why not?" she asked.
"He said as long as you're gonna continue to work for the WWE with DX running things, you can go straight to Hell," Jericho replied and Stephanie sighed banging her head against Jericho's shoulder.
"What am I gonna do we've gotta have a big wedding!" she said anxiously.
"Why can't you just have a normal wedding like normal people?" Rocky asked.
"Because we had an awesome wedding, and you know The Billion Dollar Princess has got to do one better than me and Shawn," Lita replied and Stephanie squeezed her cheek leaving a little blush on Lita's reddened cheek.
"You know me so well Big Red," Stephanie said and Jericho squared his jaw firmly standing his ground.
"Well I'm not paying for an extravagant wedding where all these Assclowns can come and make fun of us for a whole day! Plus there's these special edition Versace speakers I've got my eye on, I was kinda hoping you'd buy them for me," Jericho said hopefully and Shawn balked in disgust.
"Jericho you ain't for real, how you gonna ask your fiancé to buy you something so stupid when you ain't even bought her engagement ring yet?" Shawn asked appalled by Jericho's lack of class.
"Maybe I should get someone to draw a 'J' around her finger with a crayon and call it romantic like you did Shawn," Jericho replied and Rocky, Stephanie, Trish and Melina laughed.
"Its not crayon it's a Divine Tat, something from God to us," Lita replied defensively.
"That's right Lita, you keep telling yourself that, that's not a real wedding ring, Shawn's just as cheap as I am!" Jericho replied.
Lita put her hand on Shawn's leg as HBK started tuning up the band, "Honey ignore him, what are you and Hunter gonna do about Vince, Shane and Linda?" she said and Shawn wound down the band and kissed Lita's hand instead of kicking Jericho's teeth out of his pretty Canadian face.
"I'll ask him, Hunter!" Shawn hollered out the back window.
"What?" Hunter yelled back.
"What are we gonna do with Vince, Shane and Linda?" HBK yelled.
"Who's asking?" Hunter replied.
"Lita!" Shawn replied.
"What's it to her?" Hunter asked.
"What's it to you?" Shawn asked Lita who frowned trying to get her hearing back.
"You don't have to yell!" she replied.
"So you're just gonna roll into Stamford and take over like you did after SummerSlam last year?" Stephanie asked and Shawn nodded and Lita clapped her hands excitedly.
"You weren't kidding when you said you were taking over, you're so sexy I can't stand it," she said reaching up to pull Shawn into yet another soul-shaking kiss, after 60 seconds or so Rocky decided to interrupt their little moment of passion.
"So are you guys gonna stay here another day?" he asked the enraptured couple.
"Yeah we wanna soak up as much sand, sea and sex as we can before we have to go home and be responsible parents, so if ya'll could take Cam, Chey and the girls back to America with you you'd be really helping us out a lot," Shawn replied and Rocky and Jericho gawked.
"No problem Shawn, we'll see you two tomorrow," Stephanie replied and Jericho looked at her like she was crazy.
"Thanks Stephanie, now if you'll excuse us, we've got some love to make," Shawn said and picked Lita up off her feet and carried her to the upstairs bedroom Patrick had made up especially for the Honeymooners.
"Shawn gets to stay here and have sex with one of the hottest women in pro wrestling history and we have to go home with his kids?" Jericho exclaimed frantically.
"Yeah that ain't right," Rocky agreed, "What fun can you have watching kids all day?"
Stephanie took Jericho's hand and Trish took Rocky's and squeezed it fondly, "You can learn how to be humble and take care of God's favorite people: His innocent little children," Stephanie replied and Trish nodded. Both Rocky and Jericho were moved by her words, remembering that she was pregnant Jericho softened his tone and planted a generous kiss on Stephanie's waiting lips. Together the two couples left Shawn and Lita to themselves and closed their ears to the sounds of passion coming down from their Honeymoon suite; they had to enjoy themselves as much as they could because when they got back to America it was bidness as usual and there was a lot of bidness for the new co-owner of the WWE and his Big Red sweetheart to take care of.
"Cryme Tyme get outta here!" they heard Shawn yell and Shad and JTG came flying through Shawn and Lita's bedroom window Camcorder in hand and everyone cracked up at the mischeivous duos antics.
"Come on you guys get in!" the familiar voice of LC Helmsley called up to them from the river bank, LC, Carla, Charlotte, Dan, Brandon, Cassidy and Miss. Taylor was in some kind of boat, it was a banana boat and it was being topped up with Superstar after Superstar, "We're taking a boat ride to the airport come on you're gonna get left behind!"
"There's no way all of us are gonna fit on that boat," Stephanie reasoned looking at how little room there was left in the narrow boat.
"You don't have to come, in fact you should think about moving to JA permanently, that way I won't be forced to make conversation with you at Helmsley family get-togethers," LC replied and Chyna laughed while Hunter tried very hard not to, he failed and cracked up along with his three best gals in the world Chyna, Lisa and Hurricane Aurora.
"Ignore them Steph, they're just a pack of Degenerate thugs they don't know any better, now let's get in this boat and go home to a more civilized country," Jericho said snidely helping his fiancé into the small boat but Patrick was steering the boat and he didn't take to kindly to Jericho's derisive words.
"Okay let's roll," Patrick said stirring the boat towards the airport.
"Wait I'm falling out!" Jericho panicked one leg in the water and one leg out.
"Everybody say goodbye to Shawn and Lita," Patrick said and everyone turned to look up at the tropical clubhouse where a palm tree was shaking back and forth, most likely because of the love Shawn and Lita were making in the room next to it.
"Oh my let's get out of here before we scar these kids for life," Carlito said and Patrick steered the banana boat forward while Jericho followed behind swimming furiously after them cursing Patrick all the way.
Norman Manley Airport, Kingston, JA, around 8am:
The Superstars lined up to go inside the airport while fans gathered around to see them in droves, as much as they traveled the WWE Superstars never got used to how loved they were world over, it was an awesome experience each and every time.
"I could get used to this," Carla McCool said in Charlotte's arms.
"This sucks these people are everywhere, I don't think I'm gonna be able to take this much longer!" LC said pulling at her hair in frustration.
"Well you better get used to it now you're a Helmsley, everywhere he goes these crazy fans will too," Carla reminded her sister who began to plan a way to change that which Cameron noticed intrigued; her brow furrowed and her eyes darkened; she was up to no good and he loved it.
"What you thinking babe, pepper spray machine gun, itching powder?" he asked his girlfriend.
"More like poisoned darts," she replied and ran over to Hunter and pulled on his pant leg to get his attention but he was signing autographs for a pack of giggly girls, the ones LC hated the most, "Dad, we gotta go back to Cali and pick up my crossbow,"
"No can do honey, we've got to go to Connecticut and move all of Vince's stuff out and move all Shawn and my stuff in to WWE HQ, that's our top priority today, I'll help you think of ways to kill Jericho tomorrow," Hunter said.
"But I don't wanna kill Jericho he's marrying Stephanie McMahon that'll be the death of any man, I want to get rid of all these stupid fans!" LC replied and Hunter picked her up and kissed her on the cheek.
"Aren't you forgetting something Lisa?" he said and the rebellious warrior princess shook her head not knowing what he meant, "You used to be one of these stupid fans, they're not doing anything that you never did before you became part of the Helmsley clan,"
LC realized he was right but it didn't change the fact that she didn't like it, "I want to say I understand but the truth is I'm selfish daddy and I don't want anyone else taking up your time except us," she replied nodding to Chyna and Aurora, Hunter kissed her and she hugged him happily feeling much better, she may have been Triple H's greatest fangirl once upon a time but being his biological daughter was so much better.
"Whatever happens my work will never get in the way of me being the world's greatest dad, okay LC?" Hunter told his daughter who was smiling from ear-to-ear.
"Okay daddy, put me down I wanna talk to Cameron," she said and Hunter put her down and watched as she ran to her special little man and grinned.
"I know what your thinking," Chyna said noticing the way Hunter was grinning, "You're thinking Cameron and LC are the cutest little couple on the planet am I right?"
"No I'm thinking Shawn and I need to break them up somehow, before they end up doing something stupid like Dominic Mysterio and Shaul Guerrero," Hunter replied.
"I think you're worrying over nothing, they're way too young to be thinking about sex Hunter," Chyna said but Hunter disagreed.
"Kids aren't kids anymore baby and we have to take extreme measures to make sure nothing illicit don't go down between them," Hunter replied then he came up with the perfect way to assuage his concern, "We gotta go to my place and pick up a few things after we clean out WWE HQ," he told Chyna who frowned.
"Pick up a few things like what?" Chyna asked curiously.
"Let's just say it'll do the trick," Hunter replied and headed to security with all the other wrestlers including a soaking wet Chris Jericho.
"It's a good thing RAW is in Sacramento I can go home and change," Jericho said.
"No we have to go to Greenwich with Hunter and get all my stuff out of my house," Stephanie argued.
"Why do we have to go with your stupid ex-husband?" Jericho asked annoyed.
"Because he's the only person allowed in since the government banned my parents from going there without supervision from the new owners of the WWE," Stephanie said.
"Wait let me get this straight, The McMahons are banned from the McMahon-Helmsley complex?" Carlito said.
"I bet you think that's cool?" Jericho said sarcastically.
"Yeah its cool, now I can throw that party I had planned, we can dedicate it to DX taking over from Vince, Shane and Linda," Carlito responded.
"What do you think Hunter, do you think Shawn'll go for it?" Edge asked excitedly.
"I don't think so you guys we've got a lot of bidness to take care of, I don't think we'll be partying it up until everything's been successfully handed over to us and that may take all week, plus I gotta move all of Chyna and LC's stuff in there, I just don't see it happening guys, sorry," Hunter said and everyone stared at him in horror, "Just kidding, you bet your ass we'll throw a DX party, I'll take care of the booze and the broads Carlito, Edge, you take care of the rest,"
"YEAH!" Carlito and Edge cheered clapping hands and dancing their way through the lounge.
"Wait a minute guys, if Hunter's taking care of the booze and the broads, what are you taking care of?" Shad Gaspard asked confused.
"We'll take care of the food, the music, the decorations . . ." Edge said and Carlito frowned, this was starting to sound like a lot of work.
"This is starting to sound like a lot of work Adam," Carlito complained.
"Your right, looks like we're gonna have to get a party planning committee," Edge said and Cryme Tyme chuckled while Carlito wanted to bail out badly.
"Edge maybe you can take care of the party yourself, a planning committee is not cool," Carlito said.
"I'll let you cook the food," Edge said and Carlito cheered victoriously pumping his fists in the air while Shelton, Nitro, Hall, Nash and AJ exchanged weary glances but Edge re-assured them that they had nothing to worry about.
"Don't worry guys you can bring your own food," he whispered to them and they sighed relived not wanting to eat any of Carlito's Caribbean cooking, "Mom you can invite your friends Babs and Alison, it'll make up for them not having a wedding to go to over the weekend," Edge said to his mom and Judy nodded liking the sound of a party at the huge McMahon-Helmsley estate, only now it would be the premises of DX, Inc.