Chapter 6: Miss California
Santa Monica Beach, 4pm:
Randy looked down at the trembling hands on his leg as he drove through Santa Monica Pier and wondered if he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life. The picture he had shown Melina was of Nitro kissing another woman but she was not showing her face so her identity was hidden, the one thing that was clear was that this woman was not Melina and Nitro was going to have an affair. Melina squeezed the tears back as hard as she could but she had better luck squeezing Randy's leg for comfort.
"Do you want to go back and talk to him?" RKO asked her compassionately.
"Just keep driving," Melina replied, "I don't wanna think I just want to go home,"
"But we've got a house show in two hours, Vince is gonna kick my ass if I don't show up," Randy said.
"Then drive faster," Melina replied and Randy turned around and headed down highway 15 to Fashion Valley Home, the huge San Diego mall was the only place he thought Melina could feel better about herself.
"There's no way we're gonna make it in time even if there's no delays we're talking about a three hour flight here," Randy thought.
"So let's just stay here in Santa Monica," Melina said and Randy turned his Hummer back around again pissing off some angry rush hour tyrants along the way.
"Will you make up your mind Mel? Do you wanna stay here and sulk or come to San Diego and have your last match as the reigning Women's Champion?" Randy asked her and Melina turned away from him and curled up into a ball in the passenger seat.
"Just drive," she said and Randy sighed in frustration; if they caught a flight out of LAX they were gonna be late, if they stayed in Santa Monica everyone was gonna be looking for them, either way they were screwed.
Randy parked on the pier and got out of the car, Melina sighed a deep breath and got out a moment later, she shut the door she flew into a rage; she started beating on the shiny black metal looking like Britney when she went nuts on K-Fed's 4x4 a month ago. This wasn't as funny though because Melina was very well known in Santa Monica, she was Miss. California in 2000 and had been the uncrowned Latina princess there ever since, she wouldn't have to retire if Vince saw her acting like this in public, he would fire her on the spot so Randy did the only thing he knew would get her mind off of Johnny Nitro and pointed at a girl on the pier wearing the same boots Melina was.
"Look Mel aren't those the fluffy white boots you bought from Milan?" he said and Mel turned to see the culprit and scowled, her old diva feelings resurfacing at the sight of the attractive girl in the fluffy white boots.
"What's the matter can't find a pair of your own?" Mel snapped angrily marching towards the innocent chica raising her hand ready to lay the smaketh down on her, but she couldn't hit her, that just wasn't who she was anymore, she was Melina the Miraculous and here she was behaving like Melina the Monster. She lowered her hand and apologized to the young lady.
"I never really liked them anyway," she said as the girl lowered her hands realizing that Melina wasn't going to hit her, "Nitro picked them out for me,"
"Are you guys still together? I thought he would have cheated on you by now," the girl replied and Melina almost lost it until Randy picked her up and carried her away from the laughing crowd thinking Melina wasn't a bad person, she was just very good at pretending not to be.
"Melina you have to calm down you're going to lose your healing powers, let me buy you something how about an ice cream sundae?" Randy suggested as Melina pulled herself together.
"How about a new pair of boots?" she replied taking off the ones she was wearing and throwing them into the water looking at her wedding ring and thinking about throwing it in the water too.
"Isn't that the kind of thing your husband would . . . nevermind, let's go to the mall," Randy said knowing that all things Nitro were off limits tonight, Melina cuddled up to him and he wrapped his arms around her and the Miraculous one walked with The King's Oracle down to Santa Monica Boulevard and caught the bus to Malibu together much to the public's ever-present interest.
Wyndham Emerald Plaza Hotel, near the San Diego Convention Center, San Diego, CA:
Stephanie McMahon paced back and forth while everyone else left for the convention center, she wanted to make sure Maria was able to stay on RAW after what happened in Hollywood a few hours ago; it was impossible to believe that anyone that beautiful could get so ugly so fast but right now upstairs in her hotel room, Maria Kanellis was at her ugliest and no-one could figure out what had happened to her.
Torrie managed to calm her down and get her to stop attacking everyone but it wasn't easy, Maria was totally out of control.
"Do you think it's the pregnancy?" Linda McMahon asked her daughter who was trying to stay calm.
"I've heard of hysterical pregnancy but this is ridiculous," Stephanie said as Torrie struggled to get Maria ready but it was no use; Maria kept tearing her hair out and clawing at Torrie's face and there was no time to waste, the house show was starting very soon.
"Where's Mickie James?" Torrie asked Stephanie suddenly.
"She downstairs signing autographs with Victoria and Candice Michelle why?" Stephanie asked wondering how Mickie could help fix this increasingly worrying situation.
"Get her up here now!" Torrie said and Stephanie gasped at the authoritative tone in Wilson's voice.
"The day I take orders from you is the day I go shopping for baby clothes with Chyna," she replied and Torrie rolled her eyes and dragged Maria over her shoulder and ran out of the hotel room down the stairs to the lobby heading straight for the WWE Divas table where Mickie James sat with Candice and Victoria.
"What the Hell?" Victoria said as Torrie Wilson knocked the signing table over and planted Maria in front of Mickie James.
"Hey you I want you to get this on camera!" Torrie shouted to David the new WWE camera guy from Georgia who was already recording all the divas with much enthusiasm. Suddenly Torrie Wilson kissed Maria and Mickie James flew into a jealous rage and started attacking Torrie Wilson.
"How could you cheat on me with Maria, I'm twice the woman she is!" Mickie shrieked slapping Torrie repeatedly and Maria suddenly came to her senses licking her lips and tasting a sweetness she really liked feeling like herself again.
"I totally get lesbians now!" Maria said in ultra bimbo mode and skipped over to Stephanie McMahon and kissed her on the lips, Stephanie's eyes opened in shock she was about to give Maria a McMahon bitch slap then the sweetness from the young diva's lips caught her attention and she smiled at her appreciatively.
"What is that sweet taste its gorgeous where did you get it from?" she asked her and Maria shrugged, "I feel great I feel like kissing everybody!"
"Now you know how I feel!" Maria said and started kissing all the WWE Superstars including her ex-boyfriend John Cena.
"That's cool but I'm still not gonna marry you," Cena said and Maria shrugged.
"Who needs you!" she replied and waved and blew kisses at all the fans and they did the same loving her even more, "Where's Melina I gotta give that girl a big kiss!" she asked Krystal after planting a big wet one on Marshall's cheek.
"She's about ten minutes from Malibu," Shelton told her closing his cell phone as she kissed him and Stephanie McMahon rolled her eyes.
"Tell me our Women's Champion is in San Diego and not Malibu," she asked Shelton grabbing her hair in distress turning her sweet aroma into a bitter afterthought.
"I would but that would be a lie: like if I told you I prefer your hair blond," Shelton replied and Stephanie scowled.
"Just for that you don't get a WWE title shot; that privilege goes to Jeff Hardy where is that crazy daredevil and his stupid brother?" Stephanie snapped.
"He's not here either," Krystal replied smugly loving how badly things were going for Stephanie since she wrote Aurora out of the McMahon family inheritance.
"Where is everybody?" Vince McMahon said noticing that the Hardyz, Ric Flair, Randy Orton and Edge were all missing.
"I'm still here," Nitro said taking off his Gucci shades and coming forward, "Why not put me in the WWE title match with Shelton, we could tear the house down!"
"Yeah!" Maria and Krystal cheered.
"No!" Shelton snapped and Nitro looked at him confused.
"Don't tell me you don't wanna work with me because I saw Ashley naked?" Nitro said exasperated by Shelton's piety.
"Who hasn't seen Massaro naked?" Shad Gaspard said coming over with JTG who was looking at Ashley's edition of Playboy right now.
"You guys don't get it, it doesn't matter if you see Ashley naked because you're not married, but Nitro is married and therefore is banned from looking at any other woman apart from Melina and if he does the Whore of Babylon will get him!" Shelton explained.
"Too bad Nitro, where's is Ashley I need her to sign my copy?" JTG said looking around for Massaro while Shad signed some autographs for the fans.
"Look Shelton I don't know what part of the Bible you've been reading but there is no such thing as the Whore of Babylon, now if you'll quit being such a jerk how about we take out John Cena tonight and see who deserves to be WWE Champion?" Nitro said eager to get the WWE title around his waist.
"Um excuse me but we make the decisions around here and I wanted Randy Orton to face John Cena tonight, since Orton can't seem to get here on time like the rest of you I'm putting all WWE title shots on hold until the next episode of Monday Night RAW," Vince McMahon said and Nitro stamped his foot angrily wondering why Orton hadn't brung Melina back yet.
"Where is he?" he complained pulling out his cell phone to check for any missed calls but there weren't any and he started to worry if Randy's old feelings for Melina were starting to resurface as Melina's paranoia increased over this crazy Whore of Babylon story Shelton kept telling everyone.
"Trish have you heard from Melina?" Nitro asked Stratus deciding to call the woman who would tell him what was going on with his wife.
"I'm not going to answer that Nitro go find her!" Trish snapped angrily from Ric Flair's house.
"But the show is starting in a minute I can't leave San Diego now!" Nitro protested.
"You sniveling coward," Trish roared vehemently, "If you loved her at all you never would have looked at Ashley Massaro's Playboy photos! How's Melina supposed to whoop that trick's ass if she knows you like her?"
"Trish looking at a few naked pictures isn't cheating I don't care what it says in Matthew 5:28," Nitro said defiantly.
"Well I guess that's the difference between you and TKO; unlike you Randy does care what it says in the Bible and if you don't watch it you're going to lose Melina to him just like you nearly did on New Year's Day!" Trish warned Nitro who laughed.
"Trish don't be stupid Randy Orton ain't got nothing on me in the ring or in the bedroom, give Melina a little bit of credit, my wife has exquisite taste," Nitro laughed arrogantly and Trish hung up leaving Nitro feeling a little worried, "Trish?" he called and suddenly he felt really alone and it didn't help that everyone was leaving for the San Diego convention center and his wife was still nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly Vince McMahon was pulling him to one side and he saw two of the darkest orbs ever up close and it was not very nice to look into them and see absolutely nothing.
"I want you to tell me where Edge, the Hardyz and Ric Flair are," the Chairman asked Nitro who gulped knowing that the words "They're with DX," were not what he wanted to hear, "Tell me or you're fired," Vince warned him.
"They're with DX," Nitro replied and Vince smiled patting Nitro on the back gratefully.
"Well done kid, you got your title shot against John Cena tonight, good luck," Vince told him and Nitro felt sick, not only had he lost his pregnant wife's trust he sold his friends out to Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
"Maria come here I need a kiss," he said to Maria seductively and the Grecian diva smiled and gave him the finger before leaving with Mickie, Candice and Torrie Wilson who couldn't leave quick enough; she was about to say goodbye to the fans she had known for so long to begin her new life as a wife and mother to the legendary Heartbreak Kid, what Torrie didn't know was that Shawn was called that for a reason, breaking hearts was his major at the University of Love.
Meanwhile back in Santa Monica . . .
Making their way downtown to LAX TKO and Melina the Miraculous were about to catch a flight to San Diego when they saw Sting waving at them from the entrance.
"What are you doing here shouldn't you be in Florida with the rest of the TNA roster?" Melina asked him as Randy shouldered her many, many, many shopping bags.
"Why fly when you can sail?" Sting answered, "I came back to check on that little girl with the supernatural powers,"
"You mean Hunter's baby girl Aurora Rose?" Melina asked confused, "Why?"
"Because as LAX, Joe and I were going back to Florida there was a flash flood and I had to get out the old Stinger so we didn't drown like the heathens in Genesis and we got to Bakersfield and there's this gorgeous Predator 55 carrying these girls that bear a striking resemblance to The Game," Sting explained and noticed the many, many, many bags Randy was struggling with, "What me to give you a hand with those Orton?"
"Nah I got it, we really should be going we're late for a house show in San Diego," Orton said politely moving towards the airport entrance with Mrs. Hennigan.
"Why don't you come with me? My Stinger's just around the way, I'll get you there in an hour and a half tops," Sting offered and Melina and Orton smiled relieved.
"That means we won't miss the main event!" Melina said delighted, "Sting how can we ever repay you?"
"Just promise me the next time Hurricane Aurora's in town you'll let me know so I can warn the guys back in Florida in advance," Sting replied and Melina nodded.
"You have my word," she said and Sting looked around realizing Nitro wasn't with her.
"You guys wanna tell me what's going on here or should I pretend you're just friends?" Sting said and Melina stuck her tongue out at him.
"Mind your business old man," Melina replied.
"Okay let's go," Sting said wondering why Randy Orton was with Melina and not in San Diego with the rest of the WWE roster while her husband Johnny "Nitro" Hennigan carried her many, many, many shopping bags for her.
An hour and a half later . . .
Melina and Randy approached the Wyndham Plaza Hotel where Sting offered to take Melina bags and give them to the hotel concierge while they ran to the convention center which was a hop and a skip away from the hotel.
Inside they found the closest stagehand and asked them who was on, the stagehand told them Maria was facing Torrie Wilson in her last match right now and Nitro was facing John Cena for the WWE title at the end of the night.
"No way am I not getting a shot at the WWE title tonight, where's Vince?" Orton snapped marching around looking for the boss and saw him taking to the Champ by the catering stand, "Hey Vince!" he called and the boss turned to see RKO looking at him disdainfully.
"Well look who finally decided to turn up, care to explain where you've been for the past 3 hours son?" Vince asked Orton while Cena avoided Melina's dark glare and pretended not to see her.
"I've been with Melina, she's not feeling too good and I didn't want her to go home alone so we hung out in Santa Monica then we did a little shopping in Malibu, now that I'm here I'd like some of John Cena tonight," Randy said confidently and Vince admired his passion, it was something he wanted to see in all his main eventers especially the younger guys like Orton, Nitro and the always MIA Carlito Caribbean Cool who'd rather spend time with the now retired Trish Stratus than with him, he couldn't understand why that was he was such a nice man to work for.
"You got it," Vince said.
"What?" Cena said incredulously, "You mean I gotta face him and Nitro in a Triple Threat match?"
"Yeah good luck," Melina said turning her attention to Vince as Orton went to get ready and Cena stormed away angrily with the WWE Championship in his hand possibly for the last time, "Mr. McMahon I'm so sorry but Nitro and I have been having problems and I had to be apart from him while I decided what I was gonna do about the baby I'm carrying,"
"Melina, you're pregnant?" Vince McMahon said incredulously and Melina wasn't sure if he was angry or happy it was hard to tell what the boss was thinking.
"Yes sir I am," Melina said proudly.
"So what about the Women's Championship, are you okay to drop the title at Wrestlemania 23 to Ashley Massaro?" Vince asked the new mom.
"No I'm not happy to drop the title to Ashley Massaro I'd rather drop it to Torrie Wilson; out of all the Playboy Covergirls she deserves it the most," Melina replied.
"Oh I can't do that I'm afraid, Stephanie fired her for misconduct unbecoming a WWE Superstar earlier today back when we were in Hollywood," Vince explained and Melina scowled.
"Are you gonna let Stephanie destroy everyone's life because she's going through a divorce? If Torrie Wilson's going out she deserves to go out like Trish and Lita did - in a Women's Championship match," Melina said and Vince listened intrigued.
"So what are you proposing?" Vince asked the former Miss. California.
"Make the Women's match at Wrestlemania the Ultimate Playboy Covergirl match, it will be Torrie Wilson vs. Ashley Massaro for the Women's Title, I'll retire tonight and I'll say goodbye to the fans instead of Torrie," Melina suggested.
"But that means I'll have to go against my precious baby girl's wishes I can't do that?" Vince said.
"I'll be the Special Guest Referee for the match," Melina offered.
"I don't know if Stephanie will go for it," Vince fretted.
"I'll wear a tight referee's shirt, short skirt and do my sexy ring entrance how's that?" Melina offered reluctantly.
"Deal, now go Torrie's about to get pinned!" Vince said and Melina ran through the curtain to the ring to Lillian Garcia and asked her fellow Latina for a microphone.
"I've heard of arriving fashionably late but this is ridiculous," Lillian joked and Melina rolled her eyes.
"I'm gonna miss you chica," she said and Lillian frowned wondering what on Earth Melina was talking about as the Women's Champion told the ref to stop the match and got into the ring under the bottom rope, one leg at a time.
"I have an announcement to make!" she told the fans who booed her loudly for interrupting the match, "I'm leaving the WWE," she said and the fans cheered and she tried not to laugh at how much they really hated her diva-like behavior, "The Women's title will still be defended at Wrestlemania 23 and the match to decide who will fight for the Women's title will be right now - ring the bell!" she told the time keeper who looked at her strangely until Vince slapped him upside the head and told him to ring the bell which he did and Torrie planted Maria with a Nose Job and covered the Chi Town babe for the 1-2-3 and won her spot for the Women's title at Wrestlemania 23.
"You're going to Wrestlemania 23 to fight Ashley Massaro for the Women's Championship aren't you excited?" Melina asked her as she got out of the ring and made her way to the back as the fans cheered loudly for her.
"Melina how can I ever thank you, but I really wanted to go to North Carolina and see Shawn Michaels," Torrie said wiping the sweat from her forehead and taking a towel from the stage hand on the way to the back who told her congratulations on winning her match, she had never heard him say that before.
"Why you wanna see Shawn so bad he's not into you," Melina told her and Torrie smiled confidently.
"Oh he will be," she said with a wink and Melina shook her head as Torrie counted down the hours until she was in Charlotte with the Sexy Boy himself, "Just 48 hours to go," she thought blissfully smiling to herself the stagehand smiled back thinking he was the one she was thinking about and gave her a small wave before Vince slapped him around the head and told him to get back to work.
"Melina are you and Nitro all made up now?" Maria said running over to the Miraculous one in her usually bouncy way and Melina was relieved she was feeling better now, she had taken quite a liking to the spirited young lady from the Midwest.
"Not quite but I think he'll be happy to know I'm still having his baby, all I have to do is find that Whore of Babylon before she gets to him again," Melina said and Maria thought about what to do to stop this demon from attacking another innocent woman and seducing Nitro and every other married man in Southern California.
"The Whore of Babylon got to me and Krystal, do you think she'll go after your other friends?" Maria asked.
"You mean Trish and Lita? Sure, if she wants to burn in Hell for all eternity! If she goes anywhere near them they'll kill her on sight," Melina said and Maria nodded chewing on her bottom lip, "You're gonna make your lip bleed if you keep that up," Melina warned her.
"I can't get enough of the sugary goodness Torrie Wilson gave me when we kissed, her kisses are Divine!" Maria said dreamily and Melina frowned.
"You kissed Torrie Wilson?" she asked concerned.
"It was like kissing Heaven," Maria said in a daze fantasizing about it and Melina gasped.
"That's it! I know how to destroy the Whore of Babylon!" she cried.
"How?" Maria asked curiously as Melina ran to the Women's locker room scaring Torrie Wilson half to death.
"What is it?" Torrie asked as Melina ran over to her before she stepped into the shower.
"Shawn Michaels kissed you at his wife's funeral to stop you from seeing Mickie James and now you have the Kiss of Life,"
"The Kiss of Life, what's that?" Maria asked scratching her head confused.
"It's one of the gifts Shawn got from God when he became St. Michaels, it turns hate to love, sadness to joy and gay to straight, when you kissed Maria Torrie you passed Shawn's kiss onto her and the Whore of Babylon disappeared, I need you to kiss me so I can pass the Kiss of Life onto Nitro and keep the Whore of Babylon away from him!" Melina explained excitedly.
"Okay you be Shawn and I'll pretend our lips are still touching," Torrie said fantasizing about that magic moment from yesterday in San Antonio and Melina grabbed Torrie and kissed her passionately as Maria looked on wondering what was going on; girls kissing girls, divas having babies and raising children alone, she wondered if Shawn's Kiss of Life was strong enough to stop women from giving up on men altogether, for her, Torrie, Melina and Nitro's sake she sure hoped so.