Chapter 7: The Heartbreak Hotel
Shelton and Krystal's room, Wyndham Emerald Plaza Hotel:
After the show everybody went back to the Wyndham Plaza for some much needed R&R before going home for a long weekend break; everyone was buzzing about WM23 especially now that Torrie Wilson was staying and Melina was retiring to have a baby with Johnny Nitro, the other half of MNM failed to become WWE Champion in San Diego but he convinced Stephanie McMahon to let him compete for the WWE Title at WM23 instead of Randy Orton and according to Maria this is how he did it.
"Nitro was really pissed that he lost to Randy Orton and they started to argue in the men's locker room. Vince pulled them apart and fined Nitro $1,000 for assault, he blackened Orton's eye and everything,"
"Oh my God," Krystal said in shock while Shelton shook his head in disgust.
"So after everyone calmed down Randy bumped into Melina on the way to the men's locker room to kiss and make up with Nitro only when she saw the black eye she healed Randy and Nitro saw her doing it and got mad. She tried to explain that he was a good person and that he deserved to be WWE Champion but Nitro said she still had feelings for him even after they got married and Melina blew up and Randy told Nitro to treat Melina with a little more respect and that's when Ashley came out," Maria took a deep breath before finishing, Krystal and Shelton got the impression that this story wasn't going to have a happy ending, "Ashley started running her mouth about how Melina was a slut and Melina just walked away, then just when I thought Nitro was gonna put Ashley in her place he kissed her instead,"
"WHAT?" Krystal and Shelton said at the same-time jumping up in shock.
"I knew it!" Shelton said angrily pacing back and forth in Maria's hotel room and he wasn't the only one pacing back and forth, next door Torrie Wilson was pacing back and forth too.
"I can't believe she kissed him, that horrible slut kissed Melina's husband!" she cursed while Mickie James combed out her hair trying to wash the smell of betrayal out of it but it was hard to concentrate when Torrie was around; she was so beautiful it was distracting, "What am I gonna do I'm facing her at WM23, I'm telling you MJ that woman's a whore and you have to stay away from her, she's no Trish Stratus!"
"No-one's Trish Stratus she's in a league of her own," Mickie said getting to her feet and sashaying over to Wilson seductively. "Just like you Torrie,"
Wilson rolled her eyes, "Not this shit again MJ," she sighed, "I'm not gay okay when are you gonna understand that?"
"After you kiss me," Mickie replied wrapping her arms around Torrie who pulled away from her agitated, she knew what Mickie wanted and she couldn't have it and it was killing her to lose another blond to a stud with a sexy accent and HBK would flip if he knew she was wasting his Kiss of Life on Mickie James again but Mickie couldn't get it through her pretty head that being gay was a sin no matter how many times Torrie kissed her so she decided to stop with the kisses and just talk to her but it wasn't going very well and now that Massaro was being channeled by the Whore of Babylon, Torrie was in danger of being channeled just like Maria and Krystal, she had to get out of there now but Mickie was a tough wrestler and she wouldn't let her get away that easily so she did what Melina would in this situation: she screamed and so did Krystal in Shelton's room.
"Calm down girl!" Shelton said to his girlfriend after Maria told them how Nitro cheated Orton out of his WWE Championship match at WM23.
"Don't tell me to calm down baby this is wrong!" Krystal snapped angrily, "Nitro told Stephanie Randy was responsible for DX reuniting is a bare face lie and you gotta set that boy straight!"
"I don't even know where he is!" Shelton argued and turned to Maria, "Where's Melina now?"
"She's with Randy they're going to Charlotte with Sting, LC and her family," Maria replied.
"Get yourself together you're coming with us," Shelton said and Krystal nodded, "I bet you Nitro and Melina are causing quite a scene in LAX right now we better hurry before they all get fired,"
"Okay but can I do one thing first?" Maria said cheerfully and Shelton and Krystal looked at her like she was crazy.
"What?" they both said confused and her jubilation at a time like this.
"Give you both a big kiss?" she said and Shelton and Krystal laughed and kissed her instead.
"Let's go momma smalls," Shelton said picking up Maria's bags and giving them to Krystal to carry who snapped her neck defiantly until she remembered Maria was pregnant and then smiled and started thinking of baby names as they walked over to Torrie's room where Victoria and Jillian Hall were outside wrestling Mickie James to the ground.
"Ready to go?" Krystal said to the blond bombshell from Boise, Idaho who gave her the Evolution thumbs up, then Ashley walked up to them all and the Evolution thumbs up turned into the Evolution thumbs down.
"You're a dead woman!" Torrie shrieked and took the Diva Search winner down hard and started choking her out with the string of pearls around her neck, "Somebody pray!" Wilson cried and Shelton, Maria and Krystal started to call down Heaven while Victoria, Candice and MJ wondered what on Earth was happening to Ashley; her face was twisting into a gargoyle shape and the veins in her neck were pulsating rapidly like she was about to go into a spasm. It was the Whore and Babylon trying to escape and infect the married men in the Wyndham Hotel and Torrie had to give Ashley the Kiss of Life or she was going to escape.
"Torrie what are you doing?" Mickie James said trying to pull Wilson off Ashley, "You're going to kill her!"
"I'm saving her life!" Torrie replied wrapping the beads around Ashley's neck tighter until she stopped moving completely and everyone gasped in horror as Ashley stopped breathing, "Okay now to bring you back to life," Torrie said taking the string of pearls from around Ashley's neck and kissing her gently on the lips. Ashley eventually responded and started to kiss her back pulling Wilson closer hungry for the Kiss of Life, at the same-time Shawn Michaels was kissing as well and like Ashley the person he was kissing was into punk rock and hair dye.
"How about now?" Shawn asked Jeff Hardy who confessed that he was feeling gay to HBK just before the Heartbreak Kid kissed him.
Jeff touched where Shawn had kissed him and savored the sweetness that was now burning across his lips, "No I'm still feeling gay," he confessed and Shawn punched the cushion in-between them, threw it over his shoulder and hit Lita on the head complaining that turning gay people straight was a lot harder than he thought it would be, "Okay come here, let's try again," he sighed and Jeff and Shawn kissed while Hunter, Chyna, Trish and Carlito looked on, El Con Dios had never seen two men kiss like this and was intrigued.
"Why isn't it working?" he asked Trish who passed her popcorn over to Carlito as they all watched the purification of Jeff Hardy by Shawn Michaels.
"Because he likes it," Trish replied, "Leave him alone you've done your work St. Michaels, it'll all be okay soon,"
The Anointed one rose to her feet and walking over to her eternal soul-mate, "Don't crucify him, he's just doing his job," she told Hunter who nodded and Lita embraced Shawn who yawned over her shoulder while Jeff leaned on his brother's, "It's okay Shawn Jeff's in good hands now," Lita told Shawn and Matt told Jeff the samething while Hunter thought Undertaker was indeed a dead man walking because as soon as he had the chance he was gonna kill him for what he did to one of the brightest stars in the WWE.
LAX airport, midnight:
Edge, Judy Copeland and Bret Hart walked through LAX airport waiting for Randy Orton, Melina and Nitro to turn up so they could get on the 1553 to Houston with Undertaker who was going home with King and Queen Bookah who lived in Houston too.
"Hey Edge isn't that you on the cover of Playgirl?" Bret said pointing to the gay magazine on the shelf next to FHM and Sports Illustrated.
Edge smiled on seeing his face looking back at him and took it up, "I don't remember posing for them how did they get my picture?" he wondered flicking through as his mother checked it out with him and Bret.
"You're so handsome they probably paid Vince a fortune for one of your stills," Judy beamed proudly awaiting the day when her son would finally be happily married and the wedding was only a week away and she was getting excited just thinking about seeing Lita again, seeing Matt and Jeff wasn't going to be as pleasant. Her excitement lasted for awhile and then she saw the centerfold of the magazine and screamed like Melina the Miraculous.
"Oh my God!" Bret Hart said as the magazine fell from Edge's trembling fingers to the floor in the middle of the confectionary where everybody could see it. The cashier came over to see what all the fuss was about.
"I don't believe it, you really are gay!" he said in shock. Paparazzi Productions had taken a picture of Edge and Shawn and made it look as gay as possible, "I thought Jeff Jarrett was just blowing smoke up our asses but there it is you and HBK going at it in Playgirl magazine, I hope you rot in Hell you f***ing homo," he said spitefully and Bret put him in the Sharpshooter while Edge took every copy of Playgirl and ran out of the store after his mother who had spotted Melina by the gate leaving for Charlotte momentarily by herself and stuffed them into his carry on before security nabbed him.
"Hiding the evidence?" Undertaker said and Edge snarled and went to find Randy Orton while fans took pictures of Bret Hart making the hateful cashier tap out.
"Hey Judy," Melina said sadly twisting the rock around her finger anxiously and Mrs. Copeland squeezed her shoulders trying to get her to smile but it was no use she was very upset.
"Wanna talk about it angel pie?" Judy asked warmly.
"I saw Johnny kissing another woman," Melina answered and Judy shrugged.
"At least he's not being accused of being gay with Shawn Michaels," she replied and Melina looked over at her like she was crazy.
"What's wrong with Shawn Michaels?" she said confused, "I'd put him on a mattress if I had the chance but with this around my finger that's hardly unlikely,"
Judy gasped, "You can't say that you're married!"
"Yeah so what? I can't perform miracles anymore why should I care about my marriage vows anymore?" Melina responded bitterly.
"Why can't you perform miracles anymore?" Judy asked confused.
"Because my heart's broken and until its mended I'm about as much use to God as Adolf Hitler," Melina replied sadly.
"Did Nitro cheat on you honey?" Judy asked Melina gently stroking her back.
"No but he looked at Ashley's Playboy pictures and released the Whore of Babylon," Melina replied.
"Stephanie McMahon?" Judy asked confused wondering who the Whore of Babylon was and Melina rolled her eyes.
"When a married man watches or reads pornography he becomes cursed and the Whore of Babylon destroys the sanctity of marriage with her evil heart and lustful desires," Melina explained.
"Oh you mean Lita?" Judy asked and Melina stamped her feet and got upset.
"Don't you talk about my sister in Christ like that, right now Trish and Lita are the only friends I've got and I'll be damned if I sit here and let you disrespect Anointed Amy!" Melina barked and Mrs. Copeland calmed her down with a smile.
"I know Amy Dumas much better than you do my dear, I've seen that woman go through more men than a proctologist would Vince McMahon's butt. Okay I'm exaggerating but if anyone knows how to stop the Whore of Babylon its Amy Dumas, if you truly care for your sister in Christ you'll forgive your husband because there's a whore of Babylon in all women, some of us prefer it that way, she keeps men on their toes, you don't think Amy would have married my Adam if she hadn't slept with him first?" Judy said and Melina listened intently.
"So you're saying God likes the Whore of Babylon?" Melina asked confused and Judy nodded.
"Well she' probably a bad example but Mary Magdalene was no Mary mother of Jesus but they're both in Heaven aren't they?" Adam's mom explained and Melina nodded, "There's more to love than saying "I do" sweetie, remember that,"
"I guess I better repent and get my healing powers back, Nitro come here baby I forgive you!" Melina yelled to her husband who was arguing with Shelton Benjamin outside the men's bathroom.
"That's one awesome woman of God," Krystal said beaming as Nitro and Melina embraced and locked themselves into a big kiss right in the middle of airport while spectators cheered them on. Maria jumped up and down excitedly while Randy looked at the picture he just took of them kissing: it was exactly the same as what he was seeing now with his natural eyes.
"For all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His Purpose," he said reciting Romans 8:28, "God bless those Hennigans, now onto those damned Helmsleys," he said to Undertaker who nodded as Bret Hart, Edge, his mom, Melina, Nitro, Randy, Shelton, Krystal and Maria all boarded the flight for Charlotte via Houston with Torrie Wilson and Mr. and Mrs. Bookah.