Chapter 9: The Iron Man and the Iron Maiden
Karen Curci's house, Palm Springs, Florida, Thursday 5pm:
Cheyenne and Cameron Michaels sat in front of the TV while their grandmother spoke on the phone for about three hours about what a slime ball their father was.
"I'm telling you Judy he's no good, don't even think about singing his praises . . . I know he saved the White House from those witches, I know he baptized Randy Orton, he's a drug addict plain and simple. That's why I'm keeping Chey and Cam-Cam here, where they're safe, I can't trust them around that deadbeat loser he's unstable who knows what'll happen to them in his care or lack thereof?"
Cameron grimaced squeezing the sides of his face into a funny shape making his little sister laugh and clap her hands cheerfully, she loved it when her brother got angry, it reminded her of her father whose temper always ended up in a wrestling match between her parents and Rebecca always picked up the win. Now that Rebecca was passed, Cheyenne missed her mother even more and having Cameron around made her remember that her father was still alive at least, she just hadn't seen or heard from him in a long time.
"What's up Chey why aren't you laughing anymore?" Cameron asked concerned taking his hands away from his face and bringing his sister into a hug.
Chey shrugged and put on a brave face, "I miss daddy that's all," she replied, "He hasn't called to check on us like he always does, do you think he's in Heaven with mommy?"
Cameron squeezed his eyelids shut so the tears burning at the back of his eyes didn't fall, the last thing he wanted was for his baby sister to see him cry, "No Chey he's not in Heaven . . . at least I don't think he is,"
"Why doesn't he call?" Cheyenne said watching E! News hoping to see a re-run of Live from Rodeo Drive featuring Mariah Carey and The McMahons, it was the only way they could see LC and the gang as they hadn't heard from the Lil Assassin or her sister Carla B. Cool in days either.
Cameron sighed, "Because Grandma's been on the phone forever that's why, he can't get through to us!" he said frustrated looking at LC rocking the short skirt and military boots with black and white striped socks like she always did but it was Carla who took his breath away; the blond curls, the clear blue eyes, she was his true love for sure, "We need to get to a phone, Uncle Scott lives around here somewhere, I say we go find him,"
Cheyenne gasped, "You mean leave without Grandma knowing?" she said scared and Cameron nodded.
"When Jesus died he said those who are free in Him are free indeed, and here we are like prisoners of war and what crime did we commit huh Chey? What crime?" Cameron asked.
"I guess we better go before she sees us," Cheyenne said and Cameron kissed her head and messed her bangs up playfully,
"Spoken like a true Michaels," he said proudly.
"Don't touch my hair!" Cheyenne snapped fixing her hair back.
"Spoken like a true Michaels," Cameron said again and shushed her with his hand and carried her gently to the back door while Grandma Circi yak-yak-yaked on about what an irresponsible parent Shawn Michaels was.
Scott Hall's House, South Palm Beach, Palm Springs, FL:
"Whoa!" Scott Hall cried as Sting, LAX, and Samoa Joe burst through the back door suddenly carrying a fighting little girl kicking at Joe's face trying to get down but Joe didn't seem to mind.
"Where's the Kings of Wrestling?" Sting said sarcastically looking around for Double J and Kevin Nash.
"They went to get some more groceries, the TNA boys ate out all the food and check me out I'm sober!" Hall exclaimed proudly and Sting, Joe and LAX did a double take when they realized that he was, "Shawn really did it this time, the man turned me into a boring Bible Reading New Testament Nerd, all the boys are getting fed up with me already I'm just no fun when I'm sober,"
Sting put his hand on Scott's shoulder, "You're better off sober, we're proud of you Scottie," he said sincerely and pulled Razor in for a big hug, "Now all we gotta do is get rid of that stomach and you can come back to work,"
"There's nothing wrong with being a little heavy right Joe?" Hall asked The Samoan Submission Machine who was trying to get out of a headlock so expertly applied by Lisa Cornelius Helmsley, "Isn't that Hunter's first born assassin?" Scott asked pointing to the little blond warrior princess.
LAX nodded, "She can wrestle man, I say we keep her," Homicide said.
Sting shook his head, "Absolutely not we've gotta take her back to DX before Jarrett sees her,"
"She'd be good for TNA, everyone would tune in to see the product of Hunter's loins working on our turf instead of Vince's," Hernandez added.
"That's not a good enough reason to kidnap someone's daughter, we take her over to Christian's and keep her there until we can get her safely back to her father," Sting said firmly and the TNA guys sighed.
"Why do we always have to back down to the WWE? They have everything, what's the harm in VKM coming out with LC as the third member on Impact tonight? Sure it'll piss Hunter off and you and Nash would get kicked out of the Kliq again but ya'll are boys now, Shawn and Hunter will forgive and forget. LC's already been in the media - seeing her on TNA would do good business and it would only be for one night!" Konnan explained passionately.
"I gotta say Sting I don't think that's a bad idea," Scott Hall confessed and Sting rolled his eyes.
"I know you think it's a good idea, Double J's your pal, I think its reprehensible and what I say goes!" Sting said, "And that's the last I wanna hear about LC working for TNA,"
LC released Samoa Joe allowing him to catch his breath and get the color back in his face, straightened her skirt and squared her jaw looking just like Hunter before he spoke to someone he really hated.
"I want to see my father now," she said simply and Sting patted her on the head.
"You will honey, we just have to wait for Christian to take you back to his place so Jeff Jarrett doesn't get you," Sting explained.
"Don't pat me on the head I'm not a dog, I'll take you out like that Stinger!" LC said clicking her fingers, "If you think I'm gonna stay with that Creepy Lil' (Canadian) Bastard for one second you're sadly mistaken!" she snapped and turned to leave when Sting grabbed her, she started to struggle but couldn't get free, "Do you know what my father would do if he saw you manhandling me like this?"
"I dunno, bore me to death with one of his old Evolution promos?" Sting replied sarcastically and LC stopped fighting.
"You know you're right, I hate it when people go on and on, I believe in taking action - Y'AH!" LC cried hitting Sting with a Tornado DDT and leaping out through the back window right into Cameron's waiting arms.
"LC!" Cheyenne cried ecstatically clapping her hands with joy.
"Are you okay, you got glass all over you," Cameron said standing the Helmsley warrior princess to her feet and picking the glass out of her hair.
"I'm fine," LC snapped batting Cameron's hand away angrily, "What are you doing here?"
"Chey and I ran away from Grandma's house, she wouldn't let us talk to Daddy, we've been held hostage for 2 days!" Cameron replied still picking glass off of LC as she glared at him darkly.
"Well why didn't you kick her fat ass off the phone?" she asked.
"Fat ass? LC that hurts my feelings," came the voice of Karen Curci, HBK's mother-in-law as she approached the children standing outside Scott Hall's house, "Your father's gonna rue the day he ever met my daughter and messed up her life the way he did now get over here so I can spank you into the next century!" she yelled and Cameron and Cheyenne and Shawn's little girl jumped into LC arms afraid, Cameron however stood his ground.
"NO!" he yelled and LC smiled relieved Cameron actually had a set! "I want my father to come pick us up, we're not going back with you and there's nothing you can do about it,"
Karen laughed the rolls in her stomach jiggling through her sweater, "Oh you kids make me laugh," she said approaching the children about to drag Cameron by his arm and spank him in front of LC and Cheyenne when suddenly, in a flash, she was flat on her back completely unconscious.
"SWEET CHIN MUSIC!" LC and Cheyenne cried at the same time along with LAX, Scott Hall and Samoa Joe, Sting covered his mouth in shock.
"Cameron! Cameron! Cameron! Cameron!" LC and Cheyenne chanted dancing around their hero as he took a bow and dusted off his shoulder cockily.
"Next stop, Uncle Ric's house," he said taking his sister from LC and putting her on his back, "Uncle Scott can we use your phone? It's an emergency," he asked Hall politely, Scott just stared at him.
"I got goose bumps Cameron, you are everything like your father," he replied still reeling over the Sweet Chin Music to Rebecca's mom as Sting carried Karen Curci back to her house in Konnan's wheelchair.
"And I thought Joe was heavy," Konnan complained under the body Sting just slumped over him, he missed being able to walk, after this he wasn't going to be walking again anytime soon and that brought a smile to the Stinger's face.
Cameron was about to ask where LC where Carla was when he felt the soft press of LC's lips to his cheek and stared at her in shock.
"Now that's the boy I know and love, I miss you Cameron Michaels," she said looking at him fondly and Cameron's stomach flipped, "I guess you wanna call Carla?" she asked him as Hall handed him his cell-phone. As Cameron flipped the lid and was about to dial Carla's cell, he couldn't move his fingers he felt his whole body trembling, there was something happening between him and LC, something that he never thought would ever happen again, so he dialed the only number he could at that moment to talk to the only person that could understand him.
"Dad?" he said as HBK answered the phone, "I miss you can you come to Uncle Scott's and pick us up?" he asked anxiously and Shawn knew that something was going on.
"Who's us?" he asked knowing a girl was involved.
"Me, Chey and um . . . Lisa," he said finally and LC felt her stomach flip at the sound of her name from his mouth which was smiling at her, shyly at first, then Cameron Michaels gave her the full-blown Michaels smile and LC responded with the full-blown Helmsley smirk and just like that, the two Degenerates became one again.
"Shawn why are you smiling?" Lita asked HBK as he hung up his cell-phone, he looked over at Lita who was standing in the doorway with Edge draped around her.
"LC and Cameron are back together," he said.
"But what about Carla?" Edge said worried about his little Canadian friend.
"He's done with her, she was just an experiment," Shawn replied casually, "All boys do it, now he knows Carla's not the girl for him,"
"But she's so nice!" Lita exclaimed feeling sorry for Carla B. Cool.
"And Canadian!" Edge added equally sympathetic for Carla Canadian Cool.
"Yeah but nice is only cool for awhile, eventually a man wants a girl he can get physical with, know what I mean Lita?" Shawn said getting off his bed in one of Ric Flair's many guest bedrooms.
"Yeah but we're wrestlers they're just children, they shouldn't be so close already, what if they have sex?" Lita said and Edge shook his head.
"Please Cameron doesn't even know how to spell 'erection' let alone have one," Shawn said, "At least I hope he doesn't, not everything ends up in sex Lita, some people can get by just holding hands,"
"Wanna give holding hands a try Edgemeister?" Lita asked her fiancé who disapproved of the very idea of sex not being the end all-be-all of all relationships.
"We can hold hands after I hit it," he replied and Shawn rolled his eyes.
"I have to go pick up my kids, you can use my bed, just remember to clean up afterwards you Rated R soon-to-be-husband-and-wife perverts," he said pulling on his cowboy boots and grabbing his black cowboy hat off the armchair by the door when Lita stopped him going through the door.
"Can I just tell you something real quick?" she said with a concerned look in her eyes and Shawn frowned.
"What's up Big Red?" he replied.
"Bret Hart's downstairs," she said and Shawn lost all color in his face.
"Where's Hunter?" Shawn replied clenching his fists angrily.
"He went to see Mark with Jeff and Matt," Lita replied.
"Why didn't he tell me he was going to leave me here with that Sharpshooting sonofabitch?" Shawn snapped angrily about to kick a hole in Ric's expensive guest bedroom door.
"Because he knew you wouldn't let him go, he said you have to stay here with us," Edge chimed in and Shawn paced back and forth angrily.
"He's gonna kill him, he's gonna kill the Undertaker for messing with Jeff!" he said, "Thank God I have this connection through the Holy Spirit; I can't help it if God wants me to Kiss people back to Life? Who am I to argue with God?"
"The Kiss of Life has been turned into the Kiss of Death! Undertaker stole it from Randy after he got it from Torrie then he had the nerve to use it on me and now Taker's gonna use it to keep Jeff from going back to normal, he's not breaking that curse off him anytime soon, he's gonna seal it with a Kiss . . . of . . . DEATH!" Edge explained dramatically and Shawn's jaw dropped, he looked at Lita horrified.
"And you knew about this?" he asked her annoyed, "You let Hunter go to the Deadman with the Kiss of Death? What if he uses it on Hunter, it could kill him Lita?"
"Relax HBK," Trish Stratus said coming into the room with Carlito and Flair and the radiant Torrie Wilson who looked so beautiful Shawn couldn't even take his eyes off her, her sun-kissed skin glowed beneath her barely blond curls and her smile turned his scowl into an adoring smile, the Carolina sunshine did her good, "Hunter's in good hands, the Hardyz promised they wouldn't let Mark hurt him, quit yelling at your eternal soul mate,"
"You've got the Kiss of Life," Shawn said to Torrie Wilson ignoring Trish Stratus, it was impossible to ignore Torrie Wilson.
Wilson nodded, "I miss you Shawn, can we go somewhere and talk?" she asked sweetly and Shawn raised his eyebrow 'The Rock' style.
"Go somewhere and "talk"?" he said making inverted quotes with his hands, and looked at Flair who was nodding for him to go with her and get some, "I don't think so,"
"Shawn!" Lita snapped horrified as Torrie Wilson slunk away in embarrassment in a flood of tears, "Take her with you to pick up Chey and Cam, you can't just burn her like that?"
"Like I said, not all things lead to sex, some people are just content holding hands, Torrie Wilson is only content with holding my hand down the isle. I'm not ready yet Lita, get off my case!" Shawn snapped and Lita went scarlet with rage, Edge tried to calm her down but it was too late: her skin was burning up and he burnt his hand when he went to hold hers and before he could stop her she was gone.
"Lita!" Edge called out through the bedroom window as Lita ran after Shawn who jumped in his 4x4 and headed to the airport for Florida.
"Randy can I borrow your car?" Lita asked TKO who ran out after her with Shelton, Krystal, Nitro and Melina.
"No-one drives this bad boy but yours truly now, if you would like me to escort you to the airport I would be more than willing to-"
"Come on Lita let's roll!" Melina said snatching the car keys out of TKO's pants pocket cutting him off and starting the car while Lita jumped in the passenger seat.
"Trish come on!" Lita yelled to her sister in Christ who ran out to them with everyone else and shaking her blond locks furiously.
"You're wasting your time he doesn't want to be with Torrie!" Trish protested as the broken-hearted blond from Boise, Idaho came outside too wiping her mascara-ridden eyes trying not to cry anymore.
"So who does he want?" she asked The Truth: Trish Stratus and The Truth, El Con Dios and The King's Oracle exchanged solemn glances.
"I think its time to tell them Truth, Stratus," Randy said pulling the key out of the ignition so Melina couldn't drive away in his favorite ride.
"Tell us what?" Edge said coming over to him with Flair, The Bookahs and Bret Hart. Trish, Carlito and Randy took a deep breath and Trish finally stepped forward.
"Shawn . . ." she said.
" . . . Loves . . ." Carlito continued.
"LITA!" Randy finished holding up a picture of Shawn Michaels and Amy "Lita" Dumas kissing in a chapel with Melina and Trish on either side as bridesmaids.
Edge tore the picture from Orton's fingers and glared at it menacingly, he took Randy by the scruff of his neck turning TKO's neck blue.
"Where is this wedding chapel?" he growled ferociously like a rabid wolverine.
Orton looked at Trish nervously.
"Don't tell him!" Trish yelled.
"WHERE IS IT?" Edge barked cutting off Randy's oxygen.
"Tijuana, Mexico!" Randy blurted out and Trish slapped Edge around the head.
"You nearly killed him!" Carlito said holding Randy up so he didn't pass out, "All he did was tell the Truth!"
"The Truth? What do you care about the Truth?" Judy Copeland said angrily coming to her son's defense, "This whole time you knew Stratus, you knew that Lita and Shawn were in love and you didn't say anything to Adam? What kind of woman are you?"
"My daughter is a woman of God and she answers only to Him! She doesn't even know she's in love with Shawn!" Mrs. Dumas said coming to her daughter's defense, "Judy you can lie to yourself but I know you don't think Edge is marriage material," Trish replied and Judy snarled defiantly.
"Oh you got that right," Trish said.
"That's not true!" Judy Copeland yelled at her.
"It has to be true: I'm The Truth: Trish Stratus!" Trish replied.
"Shawn and Lita are gonna get married? Torrie Wilson said in shock, "Good for them," she said drying her eyes and pulling herself together, and everyone turned to her surprised.
"You're happy about this?" Edge said horrified at Torrie's sudden support for this betrayal of Montreal proportions.
"I'm always happy when two people find each other against all the odds, I mean how long have you known Lita and you slept with her behind your best friend's back and had the nerve to go back to your first wife instead of leaving her and marrying Lita like you were supposed to last year,"
Torrie smiled to herself as she spoke reflecting over the past, "Now Shawn's a widower with two kids and the woman you should have married years ago is in love with him. Let's stop kidding ourselves Edge, after everything they've been through; the drugs, the sex, the Canadians and the controversy - if anyone deserves to be happy and I mean really happy its Shawn and Lita, I couldn't be happier for them, you should be happy for them too,"
Everyone broke into a round of applause at Wilson's speech including Judy Copeland; Edge was having none of it.
"Come on Bret," he said to Bret Hart who didn't know what to think after seeing Edge and Shawn's Playgirl centerfold pictures and now they both wanted to marry to the same woman; nothing like this ever happened in Canada.
"Where are you going?" Judy Copeland asked her son as he jumped into the back of Flair's limousine with Bret Hart.
"To Tijuana, Mexico - if you think I'm gonna let Shawn Michaels get away with this you've got another thing coming ATM! To the airport!" Edge told the driver who looked at his boss and the Naitch told him not to move, Edge took him out of the driver's seat and shoved him out of the limo.
"Hey that's my driver you punk!" Naitch said running over to the frightened man, Edge took the driver's hat and put it on his head.
"This is an emergency Flair," Edge responded and drove up to Lita who was numb from the head down, she hadn't said a word to anyone, "We'll be husband and wife on Saturday baby, no crazy Cowboy is gonna stop us from being Mr. and Mrs. Rated R!" he declared and kissed her on the cheek before rolling out to the airport leaving Lita trembling in the driveway, the only thing stopping her from falling to the ground were the two angelic beings holding her up on each side and TKO smiled as it was a sign of things to come.
"Let's roll," Randy said as Trish and Melina lowered Lita into the back of his Hummer H2 with Carlito, Shelton and Krystal, "We gotta go after them, Naitch you wait here for Hunter and Joanie and don't leave until they get here!"
Nitro jumped in the passenger's seat and Randy took off as Torrie, Flair and King and Queen Bookah waved goodbye to them staying put and patiently waited for Hunter, Chyna and the Hardyz to return so they could all go Mexico for the most controversial wedding in WWE history.
"Shawn and Lita are getting married, there's only one thing to say at a time like this," King Bookah said to his wife.
"What's that?" Queen Sharmell asked.
"WHOOOOO!" Ric Flair said and Torrie and King and Queen Bookah laughed and gave a "WHOOOOO!" of their own.