Sam didn't dare to look up, he even closed his eyes: the silence was slowly suffocating him with the tension. He was shaking in his whole body, not knowing what to expect from Dean's rage that was almost burning his skin. He heard some rustles next to him then the deep silence came again. Sam was counting the seconds, waiting for something to happen…
All of a sudden a hand shot out and fisted his hair. The fingers yanked him forwards, forcing him to bend over and stagger a couple of steps. He was pulled through the doorway of the sleeping area then shoved onto the ground. He fell onto his stomach, sliding a few feet after landing; the carpet grazed his palm bloody, which he put out in front of him to break his fall. He shook his head hard and looked behind him over his shoulder.
Dean was standing in the door, his hands fisted tightly by his side, his upper body heaving with fuming breaths. Sam was afraid the man's going to emit smoke through his nose. His emerald eyes were continuously flashing into amber. Sam couldn't help but shudder and let out a whimper at the sight, which earned him a menacing growl. Dean started to advance on the boy, who fearfully scooted backwards.
"Dean, please" Sam spoke up shaking from terror. "Wait, please, just let me explain…"
"Explain?" Dean snarled then snatched up the lamp from the chest of drawers just next to them and hurled it against the wall. Sam ducked under his arms as the shards rained down on his head. "EXPLAIN?" The outraged man swept everything down from the top of the furniture onto the ground. Some of the heavier items landed beside Sam, narrowly missing him. The boy's heart was pounding so hard that he felt his whole body pulsing with it.
"Please, don't…" his begging fell on deaf ears and was cut off with a screech, as Dean shoved the chest of drawers away with unnatural strength, causing it to tip out of its balance and fall to the floor with a huge crash.
"All of them did nothing else just explain and promise me that it's never gonna happen again!" Dean shouted, towering above Sam, who still tried to crawl away from him, not even acknowledging the shards of the lamp on the ground digging into his skin. "And then it happens all over and over and over again! Well, I'm SICK OF IT! I'm sick of being the one, who tries to mend EVERYTHING! EVERY SINGLE CRACK OF MY RELATIONSHIPS!"
"No, Dean, please…" Sam begged, teary hazel eyes searching for the man he got to know in this monster. But as he looked closer, he saw him clearly in the amber eyes.
"From now on I'm not gonna bear every damn thorn that you stick in my heart! I'm not gonna let you tear it into pieces! I WON'T LET YOU DESTROY ME!" with the last scream Dean grabbed the collar of Sam's shirt, lifted the boy up and threw him across the room. Sam landed on the nightstand, rolling from it down to the floor. As the boy coughed, trying to get his breathing back, out of the blue a leather item wrapped around his neck tightly. Sam's eyes widened from terror and his hands flew to the item, the thought of Dean strangling him flitting through his mind. However, the pressure to his throat disappeared after a few moments then Dean grabbed him again and threw him onto the bed.
Sam felt the confusing sense of Déjà vu surround him and he let himself go lax right away, his head tilting to the side revealing his neck. Behind him the growl died down in an instant then Dean slowly climbed upon him, his heaving chest a hair's breadth away from Sam's back. The boy felt the man's face nuzzle his throat from behind and heard soft sniffing, as Dean savored his scent. At the unexpected gentleness, Sam moaned out loud with pleasure and arched his neck more. He felt the edge of the leather item dig into his skin, but he ignored it in favor of Dean's aura around him.
Suddenly the man turned him roughly onto his back; the boy's torso bounced a bit on the mattress.
"Well" Dean growled out, the sarcasm dripping from his voice like a vile poison. "Let me hear that big explanation of yours!"
Sam gulped and took a deep breath.
"I was just looking around in the sweets isle, when that guy stepped next to me" he started in a weak, trembling voice. "At first, he didn't say anything, so I ignored him. Then he tried to flirt with me. I was so scared, he looked so intimidating and I didn't dare to send him away too harshly. I tried to ask him to leave me alone, but he wouldn't listen. Just before you arrived he was attempting to take me to his car for a… "quick ride" as he said."
Dean let out a loud, angry growl and Sam sighed inwardly from relief: the man was not angry with him, at least, not anymore.
"Then why were you blushing?" Dean asked calmer now, so Sam could make out the hurt in his voice.
"I felt you watching me and when I looked at you, you were still smiling" Sam explained. "I didn't know I was blushing after that."
With the boy's last statement the amber vanished from Dean's eyes, leaving guilty, sad emeralds behind.
"Oh, God" the man breathed in horror. "Sammy, I'm so sorry… I couldn't stop myself…" His shaking body fell onto Sam, his face buried into the boy's neck. Sam felt cold liquid drip down his throat and he combed Dean's blond hair with his fingers to calm him down. The man's sobs were muffled against his collarbone, but Sam could breathe easier now. He was thankful that this scenario was finally over.
The motel room was filled with tension for the next few days. On the night of their fight, as Sam had been stripping down to have a shower, he'd discovered a dark brown leather collar around his neck. That had been the leather item Dean had forced onto him! Sam had quickly taken it off and when he'd emerged from the bathroom, he'd showed it to Dean. His question of what it was had been left unanswered and ignored: Dean had just snatched up the item and thrown it into his duffel bag with a panicked look on his face.
From that night on Sam had slept on the other bed, away from Dean. At first Dean had left him to be, but one evening he had tried to coax him out of it and into his own. Sam hadn't said a word to him; he'd just lain on his bed, his back to the man. When he'd felt a tingle on his shoulder, his nerve endings signing that he would be touched in a second, Sam had arched his shoulder away from the approaching fingers. Dean had uttered out a shaky 'Sorry' at that and gone back to his own bed.
Finally, after almost a week of this, Sam made a decision. When Dean was clearing the table from their breakfast, he spoke up quietly:
"We need to talk."
Dean stopped and turned to him. Sam saw the devastated glint in the man's eyes that ruled the emerald seas constantly. Sam almost backed off of his plan, but now he couldn't do it. So with a deep breath he just said it:
"I want to know what's going on here."
Dean turned rigid in a moment, fear creeping onto his face. Then as he snapped out of his stupor, he put on an indifferent mask and only said:
Sam scowled at the answer, but he didn't leave it at that. He wouldn't be Samuel Aaron Morgan, if he did that.
"Yes, I want to know" he exclaimed, causing Dean to startle from surprise. "You will tell me, because I have a right to know what the hell is going on."
"Oh no, you don't" Dean took a step forward, anger flaring up in him. "You don't have a right, and you know why? Because this whole thing is my problem. Which means it's personal."
"Well, it's not anymore" Sam argued heatedly. "I'm involved in this damned situation since the day you kidnapped me. I have as much right to know as you."
"Why?" Dean cried, throwing his arms out in his frustration. "Why are you so eager about it?"
"Because I'm scared shitless!" Sam shouted back, panting from fury. The confession made Dean pause. Sam swept his hands through his hair as he took a deep breath to collect himself. "I just feel like I'm in a horror movie with a mysterious guy, who's gonna turn out to be the killer. Plus, that guy has a tendency of going from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde and back in a matter of moments. And I don't know who to expect to find beside me when I wake up."
Dean turned away from Sam during the boy's speech and now he was leaning against a chair, his head bowed.
"Dean, please" Sam's voice softened, seeing the man's devastated posture. "I know you don't want to hurt me, but you did. You got jealous, I understand that. But…" Sam stepped closer with a gulp, readying himself for his blow, "I was afraid of my life back there. I thought you're gonna kill me, you were so violent and… dangerous."
Dean didn't move, but Sam knew his words had struck home.
"You said yourself awhile ago that my safety and happiness are more important to you than anything else" Sam finished. "But right now, I'm not safe."
There was a longer pause between them, Sam waiting for some kind of reaction and Dean gathering the strength to speak up.
"You're right" the man said finally. Sam sighed from relief at being understood. "I'm dangerous and unpredictable. Even I can't tell when I'm gonna turn into Mr. Hyde. You're not safe with me." Wait a minute! What? Sam mouth dropped open slightly. Was that the meaning of his speech? Before he could say anything, though, Dean straightened out and squared his shoulders. "You can leave anytime you want. I won't stop you any longer. I'm really sorry I dragged you into this…"
"No, wait" Sam interrupted in shock. "I told you I'll never leave you and you just want to send me away?" Not getting an answer, he growled in renewed frustration. "I can't believe your skull is this thick!"
"Well" Dean turned to the boy, his face in a stern frown, "this is the only option. Because I'm not going to tell you why I'm so dangerous." Sam just looked at the man, recognizing the seriousness of the situation. "You're not ready for it. It's better if you leave now in blissful ignorance, then with horror and full-blown hatred. Don't try to disagree!" Dean waved dismissively, seeing Sam's mouth open to protest. "I know you would react like that. After all, I had the luck to experience it."
As Dean turned his back to him again, Sam felt another flame of anger awaken inside him. Who was that idiot, who hurt the man this cruelly? But at the same time, understanding dawned on him: Dean won't tell him the truth about his behavior, because this is that certain step they had to go through. It was the step of trust. If Sam couldn't even trust Dean enough to admit his emotions, how could he expect the man to confess his deepest secret? With that moment of clarity Sam walked quietly to Dean and wrapped his arms around the man's torso. He felt the jump of Dean's surprise, so he rested his head on the man's shoulder.
"I won't leave you" he whispered, feeling a slight shiver run through Dean's body caused by the boy's tickling breath. "I can't leave you…"
When Dean started shifting in his embrace, Sam loosened his arms around him, so the man could turn around. The boy's heart broke at the helpless confusion in Dean's eyes.
"I-I don't understand…" Dean stammered in a weaker voice. Sam just leaned forward and kissed those beautiful lips.
"I may be dumb because of this" Sam said, pulling away, "but I'm staying. Maybe you scare me in a few occasions, but at other times you're the sweetest, kindest man I could ever get to know. The only person that…" Sam's voice died down with a dark blush and he looked away shyly. A moment later calloused fingers directed his face back to lively emerald irises that gazed at Sam like they could see into the boy's soul. The love was swirling in those pools, almost overflowing them. That sight gave Sam the courage to take that step.
"The only person that I could truly fall in love with" he stated firmly with a bright smile. Dean's eyes widened hearing that then laughed out loud from relief and pulled Sam down to a deep kiss.
"I can't believe how I could be so lucky just to know you" Dean breathed after they separated.
"I lowered my standards" Sam teased with a smirk. Dean chuckled at that and pulled Sam back into another kiss. He gently thrust into the boy's mouth, licking the thin lips. Sam's tongue welcomed the soft flesh with an inviting caress, letting the man to explore his mouth. When Dean's fingers buried into his brown locks, lightly fisting them, a thumb brushed his temple and at the same time the small throbbing vein under the thin skin, breaking a moan of pleasure out of Sam. It turned into a mew, when Dean's tongue stroked the roof of the boy's mouth and he had to tighten his hold on Sam, before the boy crumpled onto the floor. As he pulled away, Sam giggled quietly, his smile drunken from pleasure.
"I shouldn't kiss you" Dean teased with a smirk. "Your liver's gonna thank you for that."
Sam pouted at the suggestion and kissed his protest on the other's lips. As another tongue-duel began between them, Dean's hand wandered down towards Sam's backside, but the boy quickly pulled away.
"Dean, no, wait…" he started, but Dean just silenced him with a kiss. However, his fingers backed off of their destination and fisted the shirt in the middle of the boy's back, signing that the message was accepted. Sam smiled gratefully into the kiss then combed his fingers through the short blonde hair.
As Dean started moving them towards the sleeping area, Sam knew he's never going to sleep alone in the other bed again.