I am looking at him.Like always, he is as stunning as he looked before when I came here.Like always, his face showed the stern, determined and strong emotions.
Like always, he isn't looking at me, like I don't exist. Actually he is not looking at anyone around him.
Like always, I am falling for him more and more. His attraction pulls me deeper and deeper into him and I can't hold my self. I just want to run to him. I just want him to see me. Notice me. Smile at me.
Does he even smile?
I always wonder how will he look like if he smile? Is it cute? How much beautiful it can be? Is it as beautiful as much as the skies above me? Or as beautiful as the sunset in front me? how will I define it when I see it? Will I ever see it?
He is so cruel. How can he be so cruel, with everyone? with himself? How come he doesn't need anyone. He is living all alone afterall. Doesn't he need someone to take care for him? To laugh with him? Someone who will stay by his side? Doesn't this type of thoughts make him happy?
So, my dear jungkook,
What about me? Will you allow me to make you happy? Will you laugh with me? Will you smile at me? Will you accept me if I ask you to make me yours? Only yours jungkook. I want to belong to you and only you.
They say you are my crush. You know why? Because you crushed everything inside me. From my heart to my mind, everything. You are the only one thing that I remember, that I care and that I know.
Do you know my heart beats for you from the very first day? When I saw you on that dark, frightening place. When nobody was there for me you hold my hands and brought me here, in your world. Where, everything was way too much frightening as compared to that place where I was lost. But, even this place was bloodcurdling for me, I couldn't leave you. I couldn't think about living without you because I considered you as my life, my family my everything from the very first day I met you.
Right now you are doing nothing but just standing far away from me, staring outside the window. You have my letter in one hand and you're thinking. What are you thinking jungkook? Do you know who give you these letters? These letters with only three words written on them. Thank you jungkook.
I heard you can sense people's presence even if they think about you. Do you sense me everytime I think about you? Do you know I am standing two rooms far away from you, and staring at you? Suddenly you throw this letter outside the window and turn your head to your right, where I am standing. You locked our eyes. For the first time, you look at me. You noticed me? Did you find out I was the one who send you those letters daily?
"Follow me. We'll talk" I hear you say that to me. This was the second time, I hear your voice that was only for me. Not for others, but for me. So, I follow you.
You bring me to an abandoned room, dark and incapacious. It was easy for me to talk in dark and small places, maybe you knew it already.
"You gave me those letters everyday?"
"You know very well, byul" he smirks and closes the distance between us. A shiver runs downs my spine as his cologne fills my nostrils. The air between us is charged with overflowing scent of him. I can't take my eyes off of him, I don't want to break the eye contact.
Seconds ago, all I wanted is him to see me, to notice me. But now, suddenly I am wanting more and more. I want to touch him. I just not want him to notice me now, I want him to feel me, I want to feel the power of his hands on me. I want to held by him.
He asks me a question, but no words are coming out of my mouth. He doesn't ask further, maybe he gets the answer. So he just stares at me. Not saying anything, and standing still.
"Thankyou for what?" He looks up at the ceiling and ask me again.
"For saving me."
"I didn't save anyone. In fact, you are in more dangerous place" he returns his gaze towards my eyes and I feel alive again.
"It is not dangerous as long as you are here"
"Didn't anyone tell you? I am the danger. This place is dangerous because of the people like me."
"Right, but not for me" I say looking into his eyes, smiling so he can trust me, know that he always care. That he is not what he shows. But the expressions his eyes reflect into mine are telling me that I don't need to smile to assure him?
Did my eyes already tell you all about me? Seriously? even my eyes are not loyal to me! "You are my savior, how can you be dangerous for me?"
"You will never know byul." He smirks, and bring his lips slowly, near my ears, I feel him smile against my ears, I can feel him inhaling my scent and then his breath suddenly hitched. "Never trust anyone here, hanbyul" he whispers the last words and turn away from me, leaving me behind alone, in dark and cold abandoned place.
"Never" I whisper to myself, as I let out my hidden tears to fall down my cheeks. Can I get more happy then this? He looked at me, he talked to me. He felt me. He didn't do anything, but my heart is already a mess. A beautiful mess that I adore so much because he lives there. He lives inside this beautiful mess.