Arizona walked into the kitchen early on a Saturday morning to find Sofia seated by the kitchen table, and Callie who was very invested in the business of breakfast making.
Arizona smiled at the picture, but couldn't help but being concerned.
"You're up early," she said.
"Yeah, Sof was watching TV and I figured I might as well make sure she doesn't eat ice cream for breakfast before I head out," Callie said and exchanged a look with her exasperated daughter.
"Out? Where are you going this early on a weekend?" Arizona asked and approached her.
"Lab," Callie deadpanned and Arizona nodded in understanding. "How are you feeling today?" Callie asked softly and looked at Arizona. "Do you want something to eat before I leave?"
"I'll grab something soon, don't worry about it."
"Are you sure? I can make something in no time," Callie offered kindly.
"I'm sure, thank you," Arizona said and smiled while Callie went back to finish her own breakfast.
"Callie," Arizona said quietly, making sure only Callie heard her, "how are you feeling? You've been taking such good care of me, of all of us. Are you resting at all?"
"Don't worry about me, I'm okay," Callie reassured, still working on her breakfast.
"Hey," Arizona said, making Callie look at her, "I always worry about you," she admitted and they smiled at each other softly.
"I appreciate the worry, Arizona, but I'm fine," Callie said.
"I think you are not fine, I think you just don't like to complain, which is okay, but then it's my job to make sure you're actually fine," Arizona said.
"How about," Arizona said, ignoring Callie, "tonight you'll come home from work, grab a glass of wine, let me live vicariously through you with said wine, put your feet in my lap and let me give you a nice foot rub? I can even get oils," Arizona offered.
"Arizona, you know how I feel about your girly hands," Callie said and made Arizona look down in embarrassment, thinking that her efforts weren't appealing enough.
"Hey," Callie said softly, and put her finger under Arizona's chin so she could lift her head up, "I'd love to let you live vicariously through me and get a foot rub. Thank you," she said softly.
"Any time," Arizona said, doing a little internal happy dance.
Arizona tried, really tried, to keep herself awake. She was committed to the plan.
After a lazy morning, Arizona took Sofia out for an impromptu shopping spree. Sofia got a box of star shaped chocolates, a bag of gummy bears, a princess pencil, and a new doll. Arizona got Callie's favorite brand of wine, and a fancy box of massage oils.
When they got home, it was already late afternoon. She made dinner for Sofia and herself, and then Sofia ditched her to go and play with her new doll. Arizona was left alone on the couch, to reflect.
Callie had been with them for about six months, and ever since the other woman moved in, well, back in, Arizona felt amazing. Callie always put them first, and took such good care of them. She went above and beyond to make sure Sofia and her (and now Tam Tam) were fed, and comfortable and felt safe and loved.
It warmed Arizona's heart how easily Callie slid into that role, and she was hoping beyond hope that Callie felt validated, comfortable, and happy. Because Arizona felt happy, and she knew she'd be devastated if she found out Callie wasn't feeling appreciated. She was hoping she could make Callie feel cared for that night, and she promised herself to pay attention to Callie's needs as best as she could, and to try and do something nice for her every now and then.
She didn't realize how long she's been sitting and thinking, until she got a text from Callie, telling her she was on her way home.
With determination in her heart, she got off the couch, took a wine glass out, and set the coffee table with the wine glass, the bottle she bought especially earlier in the day, the massage oils, and a few candles.
She chose a CD with a relaxing music, she dimmed the light, and she figured she'd light the candles once Callie got home. She texted Callie "your personal masseuse made sure everything is ready and hopefully to your liking!" and finally, she sat down on the couch to wait for Callie, happy that she could do something, anything, for the other woman.
And then she fell asleep.
Callie walked in fifteen minutes later to find Sofia standing in the dimly lit living room, staring at her dead-to-the-world mama.
"What is mama doing?" she asked and Callie snorted.
"Mama is being ridiculous," Callie replied, dropped her bag by the door and walked to her daughter.
"Is she sleeping because Tam Tam is sleeping and they are connected?" Sofia asked, her big eyes seeming curious.
"Probably," Callie said, "it's bed time for you too, Sof."
"But will mama be okay?" Sofia asked in concern.
"Mama is fine, sweetie, she's just very tired. I'm gonna wake her up once you're in bed, and make sure she gets to bed, too. Okay?"
"Okay," Sofia reluctantly agreed and let Callie do their bed time routine, which tonight, started with turning off the CD player.
When Sofia was tucked in, Callie finally returned to the living room and for the first time noticed the table Arizona set.
She looked at Arizona, and felt a wave of warmth wash all over her, realizing how much thought the other woman put into tonight. How much she wanted to make Callie feel good.
She almost didn't want to wake her, Arizona seemed so peaceful, but Callie knew a bed would make for a much better night sleep, so she shook her gently.
"Arizona? Sweetie? You need to get up," she said and shook again, speaking softly until Arizona started to stir.
And then, Arizona sat straight up.
"No! Nononono!" she said hysterically, "I had it all planned out! Look! Candles!" Arizona said and pointed at the table.
"I know, honey, I can see, and thank you for the thought, but you are exhausted."
"But I'm awake now! I can give you a foot rub now! Just… just let me light the candles first and…" she tried to get up, but Callie grabbed her hand and made her listen.
"Arizona, it's late. Sofia is already in bed, too. It's okay, I can see how much effort you put into this, and it means a lot to me, it does. But, you are twenty weeks pregnant, you've been out all day, and you were with Sof… you are tired. That's okay. Let's just get you to bed. Okay?"
"I'm so sorry, Calliope."
"Honey, it's okay."
"I really tried," Arizona pleaded, feeling guilty.
"I know. We'll just do it another time. Okay?"
"Okay," Arizona said in disappointment, feeling like she let Callie down.
"You didn't let me down," Callie said.
"How did you…?"
"Come on, Arizona, I know you. And everything looks perfect, and it will look perfect again on the rain check, okay?"
"Okay," Arizona said softly, seeing the sincerity in Callie's eyes. "Can I sleep now?" she asked, making Callie laugh.
"Yes, you can."
"Wake up, pretty lady," a soft voice said.
Callie couldn't tell much about her surroundings, but she could tell there was hovering.
"Arizona?" she asked groggily. "What time is it?"
"It's 10 AM," Arizona said happily, "you slept in."
"Oh my god, why did you let me sleep so late?" Callie asked in horror.
"Hmm…because you needed it and deserved it? Just like you deserve this," Arizona said and cheerfully presented the bed tray that was resting on the foot of the bed.
"Breakfast in bed, ah?" Callie asked with a raised eyebrow, suspecting that it had something to do with the previous night's failed attempt at pampering Callie.
"And that's not all! While you were getting your beauty sleep, I called Meredith and asked her if Sofia could hang out with Zola and Bailey today, and….I booked us a spa day!" Arizona announced victoriously.
"Arizona you really don't need to try so hard," Callie reassured and smiled softly. She was barley awake, but the joy oozing from the other woman was infectious.
"I know, but I want to."
"No! I promised you a foot rub! Rubbing was promised, and I plan on delivering!" Arizona said.
"Okay! Okay!" Callie agreed, knowing resistance was futile.
"And this way, you don't need to worry about my girly hands!" Arizona said cheerfully.
"They are actually very soft, it can be quite soothing," Callie offered.
"Shut up. Eat your breakfast, get your ass out of bed and get ready. We're dropping Sof off and then it's just me and you and rubbing."
"Okay, but you need to listen more carefully to the words that sometimes come out of your mouth," Callie stated.
"Bye!" Arizona said, not fazed by Callie's comment, and skipped out of the room.
Callie thought that maybe a five months pregnant woman shouldn't be skipping.
They were sitting on comfortable massage couches, side by side, and been getting the promised, much needed, foot rub. Callie had to admit the she was enjoying herself. She could tell it made Arizona happy, and that, in turn, made her happy. She felt relaxed, and calm. Until.
"I think it's great you guys are taking the time to relax," One of her masseuses said, clearly referring to Arizona's pregnancy. "How long have you two been together?"
"Oh, we're not…" Arizona tried to explain immediately, while Callie's snorting cut her off. She gave her a glare.
"What did you expect Arizona? You booked us a couple's massage, and you are pregnant," Callie said, and noticed both their masseuses redden in embarrassment.
"I just thought that we were a couple of people, going for a massage. Hence couple's massage!" Arizona defended.
"You're a dork," Callie stated.
"I'm so sorry!" the girl said, but both women ignored her.
"You're being mean, Calliope, I just want you to enjoy!" Arizona whined.
"I am enjoying. And so should you. Relax," Callie said, took Arizona's hand in hers between the chairs, and closed her eyes.
Arizona smiled at her, and did the same.
It was working. Seconds later, she couldn't even remember what they were arguing about. She was too busy feeling great.
"Thanks, Arizona, today has been really great, I mean it," Callie said as they walked into the house.
"It's been my pleasure, Calliope, really," Arizona said softly and smiled.
They just got back from a day full of pampering, and Sofia has decided, unsurprisingly, to turn her play date with Zola into an overnight affair, leaving the two women alone in the house.
"I'm gonna wash up," Callie said and Arizona nodded as each went to her own room.
Callie was supposed to get ready for dinner with Maureen, but she couldn't help but feeling like Arizona was a bit distant, or at the very least, quiet. She thought maybe Arizona just needed some space. Between spending the previous day with Sofia, and all day with Callie, maybe all she needed was some me time, Callie figured.
When she finally came into the living room after her shower, she was surprised to see Arizona sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling. This was no need for space, Callie realized, this was something else.
"What is it?" Callie said and made Arizona jump. She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't even hear Callie walk into the room. Callie noticed that she wiped a tear very quickly.
"Oh, Calliope, you scared me. It's nothing, I'm fine."
"Arizona…" Callie demanded.
"No, Callie. Today was supposed to be about you, and relaxing, and having fun. I don't wanna ruin it," she said and got up, fully intended to wallow in her own misery, within the confines of her room.
"You won't be ruining anything," Callie said and grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving the room.
"It's just my dumb fears," Arizona said and hid her face in her hands, "you don't want to hear about that."
"Your fears aren't dumb. Tell me," Callie demanded and pulled Arizona back to the couch.
For a few moments Arizona just let Callie stare at her while she was trying to gather the courage to speak her mind.
"What if I miscarry again?" she asked quietly, her voice cracking, and Callie immediately understood. "I know, it's silly."
"It's not silly and you won't miscarry," Callie stated matter-of-factly.
"This family has a history of not carrying to term, so how can you possibly know that," Arizona asked miserably.
"Well, because you're done with your first trimester and because we really, really want this to work, remember?"
Arizona smiled at her softly, not entirely convinced.
"You won't miscarry again," Callie repeated, and then pulled the heavy guns. "Do you believe me?"
"Callie, don't do this. It's okay to not make a promise you're not sure you can keep."
"I'm not promising you anything," Callie clarified, "I'm just speaking about what I feel. I'm telling you my truth."
Arizona examined her for a moment and understood what the other woman was trying to say. She was saying her gut told her that everything was going to be okay.
"Then yes," Arizona said, "I believe you."
"No doubts?" Callie pushed.
"No doubts," Arizona agreed.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Callie was trying to read Arizona's expression, to figure out what she was thinking.
"Did I ever tell you what was the worst day of my life?" Arizona asked suddenly.
"Not officially, no," Callie said, trying to understand why they were talking about this all of a sudden. "But I guess I can take a pick between your brother, the plane crash, and the amputation," Callie said softly. For a while now, no subject was taboo between them. Every subject was fair game as long as the tone was considerate and that the personal information wasn't being used in a violating way. Arizona thought just that as she gave Callie a weak smile and then shook her head.
"No?" Callie asked in surprise.
"All were very hard," Arizona admitted. "With Tim, I felt like a part of me was taken, with the amputation, a part of me was actually taken, and with the plane crash I just thought I was gonna die."
"Just…" Callie noted, not liking how casual Arizona made it sound.
"Yeah, I mean, I was sad, and hopeless, but at some point, especially when you are so physically weak, you accept your faith. So I thought, worst case scenario, I would end."
"What can be worse than that, Arizona?"
"Worse than that is to stay here, on this earth, but feel like I've died. Feel like I've died every day. That's how I felt the day of the car crash. For a while, I lost hope. I shouldn't have, I should've been stronger, but I thought you would be gone, I thought…" she choked on her words, "I thought Sofia would be gone. That was the worst day of my life."
"Why are you telling me this now?" Callie asked, not angrily, in concern.
"I just wanted you to know what my priorities were," referring to their family, to their yet to be born daughter. Explaining the fear. Explaining what mattered to her the most.
"I know what your priorities are, Arizona," Callie said and it gotten quiet between them for a few moments.
"The worst day of my life," Callie said and took Arizona's hand, "was when the plane crashed. I thought you were gone, too, and the world stopped moving."
Now they were both tearing.
"See?" Arizona said. "This was supposed to be a fun day!"
"It was a fun day, Arizona. Now, here's an idea, I'm gonna make us some hot coco, we will watch a movie, I mean, why should Sof have all the fun, and we agree no more people dying and crashing, deal?" Callie said, challenging Arizona to disagree.
"Deal," Arizona agreed. "Thank you, Calliope. You are taking care of me, again," she said, embarrassed.
"Hey, we are taking care of each other in this family, okay?" Callie said, as her phone buzzed.
"Okay," Arizona gave in, while Callie texted someone back.
"Good, I'll be right back," Callie said, kissed Arizona on the cheek, and crossed the room to make the promised hot coco.
Arizona was sitting on the couch, watching Callie's back, thinking that even if things will get bad again, pregnancy or otherwise, they won't let each other fade away into nothingness. At least, if nothing else, they were partners.
She could feel something vibrating and as she turned her head to find out what it was, she saw Callie got a text from Maureen. She could see it displayed on the screen of the forgotten phone.
'Oh, too bad. Was really looking forward to seeing you tonight :('
Callie walked back with two mugs in her hands and handed one to Arizona.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry," Arizona said, "but you got a text and I instinctively looked at the screen. You skipped your date for me?"
"I had to," Callie said and waived her off.
"No, you didn't," Arizona said, not entirely sure if she was angry or not. How was she supposed to not feel… things, when Callie did something like that? "This is not something we do. You are not bound to this house, you know."
"You are my family, you needed me, you were talking about things we've been through together. It wasn't a big deal, I'm gonna see her tomorrow for lunch, now shut up and pick a movie," Callie said and Arizona pouted.
"Stop pouting, you are happy I am here," Callie stated.
Arizona didn't say anything to that, but when she put Callie's favorite movie in, Callie couldn't help but smirk.