Chapter 21

Arizona walked back into the bedroom, Tamara in her hands.

"You're up," she said as Callie came into view, sitting in bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah," Callie said groggily.

Arizona could breastfeed at the nursery, they had the rocking chair and everything, but sometimes, she liked to come back to the bedroom. Occasionally, Callie would wake up and it would feel like the three of them are having a moment. A milky, sticky moment, but a moment nonetheless. It was special and intimate, and Arizona thought it was beautiful. Even when Callie wouldn't wake up, though, Arizona liked the way she felt in Callie's presence. She liked to know that Callie was an arm reach away, and she liked the thought that this way, Tamara still spent time with both of them.

"Hey, you look exhausted, go back to sleep," Arizona said softly and sat on the bed next to Callie. She leaned on the headboard and took her shirt up so she could breastfeed.

"Na huh, if my babies are up, I'm up too," Callie said and rubbed Tamara's tummy.

"You just like staring at boobs," Arizona stated as their baby leached.

"Your boobs are just an added bonus," Callie said and yawned. "She isn't crying."

"I know, but I heard her stirring so I figured I'd check up on her and the moment I picked her up she tried for my boob," Arizona explained.

"Smart kid," Callie said and yawned again.

Arizona smiled softly and then her face got all serious.

"What?" Callie asked in confusion.

"Addison told me what you said."

"Said about what?" Callie asked. Addison had been gone a while, so Callie couldn't possibly figure out what Arizona was talking about.

"The hormone free me," Arizona explained.

"Oh, busted. Thanks a lot, Addie!" Callie said uncomfortably.

"She was just worried. What happened to us talking about all of our fears?" Arizona asked, not in an accusatory tone, but a sad one.

"Hmm… I'm gonna blame this on us being too busy to go to therapy lately."

"That's not gonna cut it, Calliope."

"Did she just tell you?"

"No, but I gave us both some time before I brought it up. You know, with the whole 'sleep deprived, 2 weeks old baby' thing."

"Right, so now, at 4 AM is when you want to talk about it?"

"Yep. Like you said, your babies are up, and so are you."

"I'm not sure what to say."

"Do you still feel this way?" Arizona asked softly.


"Oh, Callie, come on. Can you explain to me how on the one hand you tell Addison you know we didn't happen just because of the pregnancy but on the other you hint that you're not sure how I'd feel about you now after the birth?"

"Wow, she didn't leave anything out, did she?" Callie asked, irritated.

"I'm glad she didn't, Calliope. Do you really feel this way?"

"It's just a silly fear, Arizona."

"I thought you knew your fears aren't silly to me just like I know mine aren't silly to you," Arizona argued. Callie said nothing.

"You know what's really scary?" Arizona continued. "The thought of you not talking to me, the thought of you creating a distance between us, and the thought of us eventually not working. That is scary. That's the scariest thing ever," Arizona said, her voice broke and she teared up.

Callie realized immediately what she caused by not sharing her feelings with Arizona, and she sat straight, wrapping her arms around Arizona, careful not to squash their baby girl.

"I'm so sorry, Arizona. I didn't want to sound ridiculous and clingy and instead I did this. I'm sorry," Callie said and kissed Arizona's temple.

"Callie you are never ridiculous to me, never. Okay, that's a lie," Arizona said and giggled between tears, "you can be ridiculous. But nothing about the way you feel is ever ridiculous to me. I can't have you keeping the way you're feeling from me."

"I understand, I promise, never again," Callie vowed.

"How could you even think that I would feel differently?" Arizona demanded.

"Arizona, I'd never think you'd do something like this maliciously, I just thought, you know, maybe Tamara would come along, and you'd be tired, and wouldn't want me around all the time, I mean, I'm literally in your space…"

"Our space, Callie, we've been through this."

"I know, I know! I'm sorry, okay?"

"Say it's also about the hormones, Callie, I won't think it's stupid."

"It's… it's also about the hormones," Callie admitted.

"That's totally stupid, Callie!"


"What?! How can you think, in a million years, that it's because of the hormones?! I'm so in love with you! Seriously, How can you think otherwise?!"

"I didn't think otherwise per se," Callie said and got a glare in return. "Maybe I just thought that through no fault of your own, you believed you loved me when emotions were running high."

"This is ridiculous. A. I've known you… I've known us long enough to be able sort out how I feel about you and B. I was in denial about the whole thing! I didn't want to pursue this, because I was scared, because I knew it was real!" Arizona said angrily then remembered there was a baby attached to her boob and that it was the middle of the night. "It's real!" she whispered.

"Maybe I also thought that you needed me when you were emotionally… something, and that maybe now you'd realize that you don't anymore," Callie admitted quietly.

"Oh my god, Callie. I'm feeding a baby at 4 in the morning, how the hell can you even entertain a thought of me not needing you?"

"Yeah, but that's baby related. I mean you."

"Calliope," Arizona said softly, "I always love you, and I always need you. I got used to having the good stuff again. I'm never letting you go."

"I know."

"Do you? Because some of this conversation will suggest otherwise."

"I do know it's just, I'm…"

"Scared? Because it's real?"

"A kid changes everything."

"She did, she brought us back together. Now it's our job to be great parents to both our kids and make sure we stay together."

"You are right, I know that you are right."

"Callie," Arizona said and looked down at Tamara, "she is the most incredible thing I've ever done. This experience," she looked at Callie, "was incredible. And you gave that to me. You opened the door. And then you were beside me to experience it all with me. Do you have any idea how much more I love you because of that?"

"You were always really good with speeches," Callie teased but it was evident that she was deeply touched.

"Tell me how you feel when things get scary?" Arizona asked.


"Can I just say I'm really glad I walked on you masturbating that night?" Callie said. It was 45 minutes later. Tamara was back in her crib, and the two of them gave up on sleep. Instead, they lay wrapped around each other, enjoying the company and the rare quiet.

"Yeah, falling asleep wasn't easy that night," Arizona admitted suggestively, "and that's an understatement."

"Same here. I tried not to imagine you while pleasuring myself."

"Wait, you were trying to pleasure yourself afterwards?" Arizona asked and Callie groaned.

"Yes. And don't pretend like you weren't doing the same thing."

"No comment. Wait, so you were thinking about me? This conversation just got very interesting."

"How could I not think about you after the little display you presented me with?" Callie argued. "Your boobs were already starting to get bigger. God." It was very clear that the memories were flooding back.

"You can't put the blame on me," Arizona said. "You waltzed into my room uninvited."

"True, but to be fair, I thought you were dying. Wait, are we trying to find who's at fault when it comes to the event that triggered us getting back together?" Callie chuckled.

"I guess we are. Though I personally think that me kissing you triggered us getting back together. But what do I know? I'm just a mere initiator."

"Whatever, Arizona. Less than an hour ago you said that you didn't want to pursue this at the beginning. And just to be clear? I wasn't thinking about you that night, eventually. Like I said, I really fought against it."


"Because you were my supposedly best friend and I didn't want to violate you, or something."

"Ha. I was thinking the same thing. We were very stupid, weren't we?"

"Enough with the word stupid for today. Not stupid, just… slow?"

"Responsible?" Arizona offered.

"That one makes us appear the best. I'm with you."

"You know it."

"So they make us stay stuck at home together for three months? Not the worst that could happen," Callie said playfully, playing with Arizona's palm. It was two days later. They were trying to negotiate taking their maternity leave separately, they figured it'll even be better for the hospital, but the rest of the board didn't agree. The women suspected it was a scheme to get them to spend more time together.

"But what will we do after the 2.5 months we have left? God. Maybe it's time to switch. You'll be a stay at home mom, and I'll go to the lab."

"Arizona, you were never, nor will you ever be, a stay at home mom. You like cutting way too much."

"You make me sound like a serial killer."

"You're cute, you'll have the perfect cover. Of cuteness," Callie stated.

"Maybe we can pull rank and take a longer paid vacation? Like, I'll take an extra month, then you'll take an extra month and by the time we're both done Tam Tam will be almost six months old."

"And then we basically won't see each other for two months?"

"Yeah, this plan needs tweaking."

"God, Arizona, you know what we should do? We should go back to the lab together," Callie said and Arizona snorted.

"I'm serious!" Callie said and straddled Arizona, her hands on each side of Arizona's face.

"We never worked on anything together which is insane! Let's do… I don't know, neonatal ortho."

"Neonatal ortho?" Arizona asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Orthopedic neo? It sounds badass."

"Because you're thinking about the Matrix," Arizona said matter-of-factly.

"Well…I don't know! I haven't figured it all out yet! But we can do something innovative, and awesome, and win a Harper Avery together, and be like a super couple. Together, two beautiful daughters, and a Harper Avery."

"That does sound nice," Arizona agreed.

"Hey, if we get married, half of my Harper Avery will be yours, so it's basically like you'll have two," Callie said and winked.

Arizona stared at her for a moment before they heard Tamara crying through the baby monitor.

"I'll get her, you rest," Callie said and gave Arizona a peck before leaving. She knew all she was doing was to save Arizona the walk to the nursery, because Arizona still had to breastfeed, but if Callie could save her even a bit of the hassle, she did so gladly,

Arizona watched Callie exit the room. She knew Callie was just joking about the whole marriage thing. They were together, they were good, and they had a beautiful family. Did they really need more?

'Eventually, yes,' Arizona thought.

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