She had no idea how long she's been staring at the wall, blocking the outside world. She was finally pulled out of her pondering when an eraser hit her straight in the forehead.
"Ouch," she murmured.
"Bullseye!" announced the smug voice of the other woman in the room.
"What did you do that for?!" Callie asked angrily and rubbed the hurting spot. She had no doubt it was going to swell and possibly turn blue. This was not good for presentation.
"Hmm, because I've been talking to you for the past fifteen minutes and you didn't even nod politely?" Addison offered. "I mean, there wasn't even the pretense of listening, just complete ignorance."
"I'm sorry, just a bit preoccupied,"' Callie said genuinely.
"You haven't seen me since this baby of yours was born and when I'm finally in town again nearly six months later you don't even listen to me. Is that what our friendship had become, Callie? It hurts, you know," the woman said in feigned sadness.
"I'm sorry, you are right," Callie admitted and sighed.
"What's going on with you?" Addison asked in concern. "You love giving commentary about my love life. Do you know how many openings I gave you in the last fifteen minutes? This is really not like you."
"Arizona asked me to marry her," Callie blurted.
"Oh, right! Sometimes I forget that you guys aren't already married. What with the house and kids and coupleness," Addison said, excitement for her friend evident on her face.
"I know! That's what I told her!" Callie whined. "We are already practically married, then why should we actually do it again?"
"Wait, that's what you told her?" Addison asked in shock.
"Well, sort of," Callie admitted quietly.
"Hmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but as far as I know the customary reply is usually a 'yes.' Unless… wait, you didn't say no, did you?
"I sort of… didn't say anything?"
"What is wrong with you?! This woman is the love of your life! She asked you to marry her and you said no?!" Addison barked.
"She asked me to marry her, I didn't say yes or no, and then she took it back and I couldn't really say anything at all!" Callie defended.
"Why don't you want to marry her?" Addison demanded.
"Don't be an idiot, Addison, of course I wanna marry her. Eventually."
"Then why didn't you just say yes?!"
"Hmm… have you been listening?" Callie asked and Addison gave her a glare for the irony in the question. "She took her proposal back!"
"Then you propose to her. What's the big deal?"
"I…" Callie started but wasn't sure what to say.
"Ha! You don't have one valid reason as to why!" Addison stated.
"I have a million reasons!" Callie said.
"Do they all start positive but end with 'but I'm scared?' Because life is always scary, you know," Addison said softly.
"And we've already been through so much together," Callie added.
"I'm not saying this as a good thing, Addison."
"Callie, every possible reason you have right now, was something you should've considered before you ever gotten back together. You already thought this trough then. You already did your pros and cons, and history versus present and future and decided to go for it," Addison noted.
"I know," Callie admitted.
"Then what is it? Unless you would like to keep an opening in case something…"
"Don't even finish that sentence," Callie ordered. "I'm not leaving her ever again. I'm not leaving them."
"Then what's the problem?" Addison asked in confusion.
"I just don't wanna let her down again," Callie said. "I don't have the best record when it comes to marriages."
"I know the feeling," Addison said and put her hand on her friend's shoulder for comfort. "But I'm also really happy I got a do over. A good do over. And you? You're not gonna let her down and you know that."
"Why are you even here?" Callie finally asked.
"I'll approve of this one time only subject change and answer your question. I'm here for a consult."
"Why would someone call you to Seattle for a consult when they can have Arizona?" Callie asked without missing a beat.
"Wow, ouch, Cal."
"I didn't mean it that way."
"Yeah you did. It's okay, you think she farts rainbows. I understand," Addison reassured.
"Addison, don't be ridiculous. I've known her and lived with her long enough to know that she definitely does not fart rainbows. She farts double rainbows," Callie concluded.
"No, please, continue. I love it when you tell me every tiny detail," Addison stated.
"Addison, relax, when it comes to babies I think you fart rainbows too."
"Well, thanks. I think. Anyways the consult is for a friend here in Seattle, I referred her to Arizona, actually, but she's been stubborn. She wanted someone who's also an OBG/YN. And she said she'd cover the flights. Personally, I can't see why anyone would do it, it's insane, but…"
"Fine, I get it. You don't have to keep mocking me, You're ridiculously good, and we all throw our money at you so you'll fly over," Callie said. "What do I care? I love it when you are here."
"I actually need to head out," she explained and started to pick up her things.
"Okay," Callie said.
Addison hugged her.
"Put a ring on it, Cal. Because you definitely like it." She squeezed her friend's arm one last time and left Callie alone in the room to stare at the wall again.
Callie knew she didn't mind marrying Arizona, but not minding wasn't good enough. She needed to want to marry Arizona. She needed to feel safe enough and sure enough of herself in order to take that final step again. To know that she can do it right this time.
Ironically, no one made her feel as safe and as capable of everything like Arizona did. Because Arizona was where Callie belonged.
Callie walked into their home, anxious to see Arizona. Between their therapy session two weeks prior, and her talk with Addison earlier that day, her mind was on overload. Callie found that every time she was alone, she felt confused. It was Arizona who made her feel grounded, who brought her jumbled thoughts into order
It made Callie miss her constantly when they weren't together.
Callie hadn't seen her all day. Arizona was so busy, she had to skip lunch. Addison was the one who gained from the situation or she wouldn't even have gotten to see Callie for the little bit that she had. Even so, what Addison got was the confused, longing for Arizona, unable to listen, version of Callie.
Arizona left when Callie just walked into an emergency surgery. But now they were finally both in the same place, at the same time, and Callie couldn't have been happier.
"Parental emergency meeting!" Arizona announced when she saw her girlfriend at the door.
"And hello to you to, lover," Callie said mockingly.
"Yes, yes, hello, I love you, I missed you," Arizona said and quickly pecked her girlfriend's lips. "We have a problem."
"It's a potential problem," Arizona explained.
"Okay, enlighten me."
"Tams is six months old in two weeks," Arizona stated as if it explained everything.
"Yes, I'm aware. I was there when she was born. Why is that a problem?"
"Because it leaves us two weeks to plan the party," Arizona deadpanned and Callie looked at her expressionless. "You're judging," Arizona noted.
"No, no! Not… judging. Hmmm… do we even do a six months birthday for a baby?" Callie asked cautiously.
"I do," Arizona stated.
"She wouldn't even know," Callie tried.
"But I would know," Arizona said. She was so determined, it made Callie smile widely.
"Yeah?" Arizona asked hopefully.
"Anything you want," Callie assured. 'Always,' she added in a thought.
"But will Sofia mind?" Arizona asked in concern, and it was so sweet that Callie wanted to marry her.
"We can always tell her she had one too, but she doesn't remember," Callie joked and put her arm around Arizona's waist.
"That's mean," Arizona said.
"But practical and I kinda want all of us to celebrate together, that way, we can," Callie explained and leaned in to kiss Arizona tenderly.
"What was that for?" Arizona asked softly once they broke the kiss. She put her hand under Callie's shirt on the small of her back. Callie felt like her body was on fire and she wanted to marry Arizona.
"It's because I missed you and it was a damn long day," Callie explained.
"It sure was," Arizona agreed and nuzzled her face into Callie neck. "We need to get your car back. I don't like all those late night cab rides and I'm sure soon enough we're gonna have our hands full."
"Okay, but the T-bird goes into the garage. I don't want any scratches on it."
"Anything you want," Arizona said, 'Always,' she added in thought.
They still stood by the entrance door, quiet for a few moments, inhaling each other scents.
"So, should we go and find some stranger's baby with Sofia's general features and stage a six months birthday party photoshoot so we can show Sof a proof?" Callie asked, breaking the silence.
"You are shameless, Calliope Torres!" Arizona said and slapped Callie's arm. Their tender moment replaced with a playful one.
"You wouldn't want me any other way," Callie said.
"True that," Arizona admitted with a smile and Callie wanted to marry her. "I think it's time to let you into the house now," Arizona added and turned around to walk into the living room.
"Oh thank god!" Callie said and followed her. "I thought I was gonna have to sleep with you for… entering purposes. See what I did there?" she asked and slapped Arizona's butt.
"Oh, you most certainly have to sleep with me," Arizona said and flopped on the couch.
"Sof and Tamster?" Callie asked and flopped next to her.
"Yep, both asleep. I fed Tamara thirty minutes ago so I don't think she'll be up very soon."
"That is very promising," Callie said. She really did miss Arizona.
"I saw her sitting today," Arizona said and smiled so brightly that Callie wanted to marry her on the spot.
"You did? God why do I keep being the last one to see all the important things?" Callie whined, trying to use her voice to mask her internal forming epiphany.
"You were the first one to see her," Arizona said lovingly, and though Callie didn't think Arizona was correct, the warmth in her voice made Callie want to marry her.
"Not true, Arizona. Addison was the first one to see her," Callie reminded.
"No, Calliope. I mean you were the first one to conjure her in your mind as an idea," Arizona explained and Callie started to feel tears forming in her eyes.
"Yeah," Arizona said softly, and brought Callie into her own body, letting the other woman put her head on Arizona's shoulder. "You're the reason we are here right now, that we have all of this. That we are all of this," Arizona concluded, and Callie wanted to marry her so badly and get to call her her wife again.
It was inevitable, Callie realized. She couldn't fight the truth for much longer. She also realized she had some planning to do.