She dragged herself out of the bed and got out of the room. The hallway was dark and she touched the walls knowing that otherwise she would fall flat on her face. "Ouch, motherfucker!" she cursed quietly as her leg hit something hard. Her mind was too cloudy to remember what it might've been.
As she walked by Arizona's room towards the bathroom, she heard heavy breathing coming from the other side. Fearing that something was wrong, her mind was suddenly wide awake, and she opened the door without knocking.
"Arizona are you…" but she couldn't finish her sentence because what she saw was the other woman, bathed is soft light from the lamp on her night stand, with one hand inside her pants, and the other one, on an exposed breast due to her lifted shirt.
Callie just stood in shock for a moment, not daring the move. Then, their eyes locked and the switch in Callie's brain flipped.
"Sorry! I'm so sorry!" Callie said, averted her gaze, and bolted out of the room. She has no idea what to do, so she just ran into the bathroom, stumbling the whole way until she was in the safe confines of the room, behind a locked door. She leaned on the sink and took a big breath.
She was trying to sort her thoughts and just do what she got up to do in the first place. But no matter how hard she tried to block the memory, the only thing that her brain agreed to go back to, is the fact that Arizona's boobs had gotten bigger. Callie wanted to experience how they felt in her hands, she realized in horror, but immediately shook her head to rid of the visual that seem to have made her flush. She was very hot all of a sudden, and chose to wash her face with cold water and take a few more calming breaths.
She was hoping to ignore the whole thing, skip the drinking part, pee, and just go to bed. She was parched, and now there was another kind of thirst present, but she was adamant to finish what she came here to do and make a run for it. Unfortunately, as she opened the bathroom door after washing her hands, she found Arizona standing there with her arms crossed.
"So," the blonde stated matter-of-factly, "that happened."
Callie groaned but replied "yes, it did."
"Do I need to point that you didn't knock?" Arizona asked, and Callie who was sure she was being accused, went on the defense.
"Come on, Arizona, I said I was sorry! It's the middle of the night, I heard heavy breathing, and I got scared. Do we have to talk about this?"
"Why does it sound like you're mad at me?" Arizona asked amused. "I don't recall you being the one walked-in on in a compromising situation." She knew exactly what Callie was doing, and she couldn't help but laugh at how flustered the other woman was.
"Why am I mad? I don't know," Callie said sarcastically. "Maybe because it's 3 AM and our daughter is sleeping down the hall?"
"Well, you are one to judge. You were out of control when you were pregnant!" Arizona said. "I am not gonna be the hormonal head of two departments who pleasures herself in an on call room just because she doesn't wanna go out and get some random lay to scratch my itch. I am horny, Callie. I am horny and I won't lower myself to some cheap solution. So 3 AM in my own room, at my own home seems like a pretty decent solution to me! Unless you have any better ideas?" Arizona asked, daring Callie to say something she wouldn't like.
Callie looked at her for a moment, softened, and then said genuinely "you are right, I'm being unfair, by all means, masturbate away."
They looked at each other in silence for a moment before they both burst into laughter.
"Has it really been that bad, Arizona?" Callie asked genuinely. The subject might've been awkward, but if Arizona was in pain, any sort of pain, Callie wanted to help. If not actively, then maybe by advising, or just be an outlet, someone Arizona could talk to. She was committed to being there for her.
"It's not… it's just, I need to feel good, Callie. I mean, It's because of the hormones, and because of the need for… hmmm… well, release, with all the craziness that's going on… and also, yeah, it's because I need to feel good."
"What do you mean you need to feel good?" Callie asked in confusion, "does it have anything to do with the fact that you're finally starting to show? Because that took forever, Arizona."
"Maybe it took forever… but still, it doesn't change that fact that…I feel fat," she admitted quietly and looked at the floor. She seemed to Callie even more exposed than she was just mere minutes ago, when she was actually exposed in front of Callie.
Callie took both of Arizona's hands in hers.
"Hey," she said in a voice so soft and gentle, that it made Arizona look at her. "You're glowing," Callie said in a joyful amazement, her eyes boring into Arizona's, "you're beautiful."
Callie's words, her tone, the look on her face, were so sincere, that Arizona couldn't help but believe her. She also couldn't ignore the fuzzy feeling that took residence in her stomach. Melting, some people called it. 'Hormones,' she told herself like a mantra, 'it's just the hormones.'
"Are you okay?" Callie asked, thinking that maybe she crossed some line. "I'm sorry if what I said made you feel uncomfortable, I was just trying to be honest."
"No, Calliope, it's okay," Arizona replied immediately, happy to realize their hands were still connected so she could squeeze Callie's hands. "I… when you say stuff like that… well, I actually believe you."
"I knew there was a reason I kept you around," Arizona joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Adding that to the list," Callie said and released Arizona's hands. They were still standing close to one another.
"What list?" Arizona asked in confusion.
"A list of reasons why you're keeping me around."
"What else is on that list?" Arizona asked.
"Well, so far, a Harper Avery and a big TV screen. And now also 'awesome pep talks,'" Callie explained.
"Add to that 'best breakfast maker,' and 'amazing mom,'" Arizona said playfully, "and a million other things."
"I will, once I get back to my room," Callie assured.
"I'll leave you to it," Arizona smiled.
"Good night, Arizona," Callie said and started walking towards her room.
"Goodnight, Callie," Arizona called behind her. She watched Callie until she got to the door of her room. "Hey, Calliope?" she said quietly. Not sure she actually wanted to say the thing that was on her mind. If Callie would hear her, she would, if Callie didn't… but she did.
"Hmm?" Callie turned around.
"I did want that baby, you know," Arizona said in a barely audible voice, "back right before we separated? I really wanted to have another baby with you."
"I know that now," Callie said softly, and walked back to Arizona, "but it's still a good thing we didn't have it back then."
"Yeah. I agree," Arizona said with a sad smile.
"And hey, this way, you still get to have another child with me!" Callie added, trying to lighten the mood. Plus, it was true.
"And it makes me really, really happy," Arizona said, hoping that Callie would know just how much she appreciated everything.
"Me too," Callie said and they held each other's gaze for a few moments.
"Well," Arizona started, "I better go to sleep, you know, now that you totally killed the mood," she teased and Callie nodded.
Arizona wanted to do more. She wanted to grab Callie's hand, tell her "come with me, help me finish what I started," and drag Callie into the room with her. But instead, she gave her a kiss on the cheek and squeezed her arm. Callie could feel herself getting flushed all over again. Arizona smiled at her and walked into her room. She was playing with fire like a good ol' Lisabeth Salander, and she knew that.
'Mood officially not killed,' she thought behind her side of the door.
Callie wasn't faring any better. She made a beeline into her room, realizing that between the incident earlier, and that kiss just moments ago, she was going to have to take matters into her own hands.
She lied down, fully intended on imagining one of her favorite actresses, like she usually did. When that didn't work, she was thinking about Maureen, surely their long build up towards that moment would do the trick?
Except that the only picture her brain was willing to conjure was Arizona, in her bed, in the same compromising position she saw her in earlier.
"What is wrong with me? This can't be happening."
She told herself that it's just because she was surprised, and because she hasn't seen Arizona this exposed in four years. They might not have been together, but it didn't change the fact that they always connected incredibly well physically, and that Arizona was a hot, hot woman.
"Nope. No. Not happening," Callie said to the empty room, deciding to give up on the whole thing and try to sleep.
It took a while. A long while.
Arizona was lying in bed, trying to not think about Callie. That's what she's been doing since the moment she walked back into the room.
Something about pleasing herself with her ex-wife in mind, her best friend of an ex-wife, who trusted her and wanted another child with her, felt to Arizona like a violation. Like she was breaking some unspoken vow she made to Callie, to herself. Like she was crossing some invisible line.
The fact that she was stopped halfway through earlier, didn't help matters much.
"This is not good, this is so not good!" She said to the empty room, trying to summon a visual of someone, anyone else into her mind.
She wanted to ignore the feelings, and it went against her resolution to not burry the things she was feeling. That was something she taught herself slowly but surely ever since she and Callie separated. How to say what was on her mind more often. Not always try and be the strongest one, the one who doesn't take care of herself and regrets it later on when things fall apart. No. She taught herself to surrender sometimes, to give in.
She almost gave in now. She almost did something she had no business doing.
'No, Arizona! Bad, Arizona!" she thought. 'Hormones, hormones, hormones! It's just the freaking hormones!'
It wasn't just the freaking hormones.