You Have Got to Be Kidding Me
Ryze and Fiora smiled in front of the camera.
Ryze spoke first, "Welcome back, Summoners! My name is Ryze and this is Fiora!"
Fiora paused, "Why dun't ay geet tooo saye meh nayeme?"
Ryze was confused, "What?"
Fiora insisted, "Yoo sayed yoor nayeme. Ay want to saye myne!"
Ryze sighed, "Fine then. Say your name. I don't care."
Fiora grinned, "Tank yoo! And meh nayeme eez Fiorra!"
Ryze rolled his eyes, "Please welcome our competitors!"
The champions walked in.
Fiora continued, "Toodaye, ourrr challonge eez a brayene challonge. Eet eez a teste oof deh mined!"
Everyone looked at her, "Uhh… What?"
Fiora repeated but louder, "TOODAYE, OURRR CHALLONGE EEZ A BRAYENE CHALLONGE. EET EEZ A TESTE OOF DEH MINED!"
Kat plugged her ears, "Just because you speak louder, it doesn't mean we can understand you!"
Ryze explained, "What Fiora was trying to say, is that today, the challenge is all about your intellect. So if you're stupid, cough, Garen, cough. You're screwed."
Garen yelled, "HEY!"
Ryze simply smiled and continued, "Anyways, we will ask 5 questions for each team. When you answer it correctly, you get 1 point, but we get to chose who gets to answer the questions. All is understood?"
Ryze clapped his hands together, "Good! We begin! Everyone, take your seats!" He walked to the side revealing two tables with chairs behind them.
Fiora asked the first question, "Wee shall commonce wid team two! Ashe, who eez deh deeteecteeve who smokes a peep and playes deh violon?"
Ashe didn't understand, "Uhh… How do you smoke a peep?" She turned to Tryndamere, "Does she mean pipe? And what's a violon?"
Tryndamere just raised his shoulders.
Ashe just said something random, "Is it Inspector Gadget?"
Fiora made a funny noise, "BWAAAH! Dat eez incorrect!"
Ryze asked the next question, "Time for team 1. Jinx, how many champions are there in the League of Legends?"
Jinx just blabbered, "I DON'T KNOW! WHAT DO YOU THINK, FISHBONES? 90? HOW ABOUT YOU, POW POW? 117? WELL, FISHBONES, YOU'RE STUPID SO… I SAY 117!"
Ryze nodded, "That's correct! Team 2! Ahri, who are the 5 members of Pentakill?"
Ahri answered, "Well there's Olaf, Sona, Karthus, Yorick, and Mordekaiser."
Ryze nodded once more, "Correct."
Fiora asked, "Team 1. Katarina, wut are dee 4 locations dat are used as deh Fieldz of Joostice?"
Katarina paused, "There's the Howling Abyss, the Twisted Treeline, Summoner's Rift, and soon to be the Magma Chamber."
Fiora smiled, "Dat eez correct!"
Ryze stated, "Here are the points: Team 1 has 2/2 points and Team 2 has 1/2 point. Next question! Team 2. Tryndamere, why did the chicken cross the road?"
Trydamere thought for a second, "Because it had a death wish! HAHAHAHAHA!"
No one else laughed.
Ryze rolled his eyes, "That's not what I had in mind but it'll work. Correct."
Fiora asked the next question. Here's what she said: "Team 1. Tarrreec. Dis eez an eezee one. In deh constitution of Demacia-"
Garen screamed, "DEMACIAAA!"
Fiora glared and then continued, "-wut eez considerrred to be a worrrse creeme? A: Debt B: Stealing C: Boat are eeveen. D: None of deh aboove."
Here's what she meant to say: "In Demacia's Constitution, what is considered to be the worse crime? A: Death B: Stealing C: Both are even D: None of the above."
Taric smiled, "Well obviously not debt. So it has to be stealing."
Fiora laughed, "BWAAAH! Haha! Yoo are rong! Eedeeot!"
Taric began to cry, "WAAAH! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT! WAAAH!"
Ezreal began stroking Taric's head, "It's ok, sweetie. We're still in the lead. Plus, her shoes don't match her outfit at all."
Taric stopped crying, "Yeah, you're right."
Evelynn leaned towards TF and whispered, "Seriously, is Ezreal a girl or a boy?"
TF replied, "I still don't know. "
Ryze asked the next question, "Team 2. Wukong. Solve the following riddle. I have two arms, but fingers none. I have two feet, but cannot run. I carry well, but found I carry best with my feet off a ground. What am I?"
Wukong answered instantly, "Octopus."
Everyone face palmed, "How did you get octopus!? They have no legs OR arms! You idiot!"
Fiora asked, "Team 1. Ezrrreeahl. Ow many chickons does it tayeke to climb up a female's bodeh?"
Ezreal just stared at her, "What the fuck? How many chickens does it take to climb up a female's body? I don't fucking know! That's the stupidest question I've ever heard!"
Fiora seemed offended, "Excusez-moi!? Saloppe!"
Ezreal looked confused.
Akali explained, "She just called you a slut in French."
Shen looked at her, "You speak French?"
Akali laughed, "No. I just know a variety of insults in different languages in case I ever want to insult someone to their face without letting them know what I called them."
Ezreal began to cry, "I'M A DIRTY SLUT! WAAAH!"
Taric hugged Ezreal, "It's ok. I'll give you a lollipop afterwards." Taric winked.
Ezreal cheered up, "Really? Yay!"
Evelynn leaned over to TF once more, "I think Ezreal's a girl."
TF nodded, "I hope so too because I would tap that! HAHAHA!"
Evelynn leaned away looking disgusted.
Twisted Fate's Confessional
"WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING!?"
"I don't know what to think of TF. Every once in a while, he says something funny. Then, he says something like that…"
Ryze continued, "Anyways, here are the points! Team 1: 2/4 points. Team 2: 2/4 points! So, you better get the next questions right! Next question. Team 2. Sona."
Everyone on Team 2 yelled at Ryze, "Come on! That's not fair! She doesn't speak!"
Ryze signalled them to shut up, "Solve this riddle. What do poor men have and rich men don't have?"
Sona said in a lot of detail, "… :/"
Ryze laughed, "YOU GOT IT RIGHT!"
Everyone looked confused, "Wait, what?"
Ryze explained, "The answer was nothing. And Sona said absolutely nothing! She got it right!"
Everyone on Team 2 cheered, "YEAH, SONA!"
Ryze turned to Garen, "This is the last question. Don't get this wrong. Since I know you aren't the brightest person, in other words, a complete idiot, I will make the following question REALLY easy. Fill in the blank. 2 plus 2 does not equal blank."
Garen sat there for an intense moment, "2 plus 2 DEMACIAAA doesn't equal…"
Kat spoke, "Come on, Garen. I know you have a brain somewhere."
Garen repeated, "2 plus DEACIAAA 2 doesn't equal…Umm…"
"You have got to be kidding me."
Garen smiled, "The answer is four!"
The entirety of Team 1 face palmed in unison.
Ryze frowned, "I was so sure you would get that right. Oh well. Team 2 wins again. Team 1 will be saying good bye to another one of their members."
Later that night…
Ryze announced, "I'm pretty sure we all know who's going home tonight."
Everyone looked at Garen.
Garen sighed, "Oh well… Demacia…"
"Yeah, DEMACIAAA that was kind of stupid DEMACIAAA of me… But before I leave, DEMACIAAA, I want to do one last thing… DEMACIAAA!"
Garen turned to Kat and kissed her, "GOOD BYE, MY BELOVED KATARINA! DEMACIAAA! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!"
Kat was too stunned to react.
And with that last kiss, Garen was gone.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to vote! Here are the available contestants!