Blitz's LOVE Finder: After Show
Lux and Ezreal sat on a red couch as the camera moved slowly towards them, "Hello, Summoners! Welcome to LoL Survivor: The After Show! We both have the honour of being your hosts!"
Lux spoke, "This is the part of the season where we get you inside information on what's to come and interviews with the eliminated contestants."
Ezreal continued, "Today, we'll be interviewing Miss Fortune and Darius to see how frustrating it must have been to be placed on the same team of two, perverted, useless, lazy ass piece of shits."
"Then, we'll have a little insight on two new people who may be entering the competition!"
"But first, please welcome Miss Fortune and Darius!" Ezreal cheered.
Miss Fortune and Darius walked on waving and smiling at the audience. They sat on a couch across from Lux and Ezreal, "Thanks for having us!"
"No! Thank you for coming!" Lux said.
"Anyways, how are you two since you've been eliminated?"
Darius looked at MF signalling her to go first, "Well, I wouldn't say eliminated. I would say freed."
Darius agreed, "Winning that competition isn't worth it if I need to spend time with Draven. He's way too full of himself and perverted. I can't stand him."
"Ugh tell me about it. Gangplank was the exact same! He kept caressing my butt. Like bud, personal space."
Lux asked, "Didn't you get a restraining order against him…?"
"And isn't he in jail for sexual harassment...?" Lux continued.
"That's also true. Unfortunately, since he's a champion in the League of Legends, he was convicted to stay in there for only one week."
Darius sighed, "He's absolutely disgusting."
Ezreal asked, "So what have you been doing now that you've been freed?"
Darius laughed, "Destroying people's asses on the basketball court. How about you, MF?"
"I've been watching Netflix, eating, going to bars… yeah, it's definitely not as exciting as basketball."
"Are you free this weekend?" Darius asked.
MF nodded, "Yeah, why?"
"You can play basketball with me and my friends!"
MF hesitated, "I don't know. I'm not exactly great at sports."
"Not good at sports? Please, you run faster than my entire team. And don't worry if you can't shoot. It'll be fun." He insisted.
MF smiled, "Alright, thanks!"
Ezreal clapped his hands together, "Well thanks for coming you two. Enjoy your basketball game!"
"Thanks for having us!" MF and Darius stood up and walked away.
"Now before we reveal the new team, we first have a message from one of our sponsors."
Are your friends all in a relationship? Are you still single? Well, if that's the case, Blitz's Love Finder is here to help you find love! Our robotic friend has created a machine that pairs you up with your soul mate! Don't believe us? Here are some of our happy costumers:
Interviewer: So Rammus, your soul mate is a cactus. How do you feel?
Interviewer: You should ask her to marry you!
YOU SEE! RAMMUS IS GETTING MARRIED! But that's only one example! Here's another one!
Interviewer: Tryndamere, your soul mate is Ashe! Aren't you happy you found love by using the Blitz's Love Finder?
Tryndamere: Well, I never used Blitz's Love finder, first of all. Secondly, I already knew Ashe was my soul mate.
Ashe: We've been married for over 5 years now…
Interviewer: MARRIED?! OH! How nice!
YOU SEE! THEY'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 5 YEARS! AND THEY'RE STILL GOING STRONG! Still don't believe us? Here's another one!
Interviewer: So, Katarina, your soul mate is Garen. How does that feel?
Kat: This thing is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Garen and I? Really? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I DESPISE HIM!
Garen: I LOVE DEMACIAAAA YOU!
Well… Garen's happy….? ANYWAYS, PURCHASE THE BLITZ'S LOVE FINDER AND FIND LOVE!
Don't be that crazy cat lady that lives down the street.
"Well then… That was a weird commercial…" Ezreal said. "Anyways, speaking of the devil, the two new contestants joining the competition are Orianna and Blitz!"
Orianna and Blitz sat down on the couch.
"Hello, you guys!" Lux said.
Orianna and Blitz stared at them, "Greetings, life forms."
"Are you two happy to be entering the competition?" Lux continued.
"Happy…?" Orianna seemed confused.
"I will take a moment to search through my data base," Blitz stood there for thirty seconds beeping and booping every once in a while. "Happy is an emotion. Definition: The feeling of pleasure and contentment. Happiness is created when dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, or endorphins are released into the brain."
Orianna nodded, "I see. I am inferring that entering a competition is perceived to be an accomplishment in the eyes of the humans. Therefor, since dopamine creates the human feeling of accomplishment or reward, the female human must be suggesting that dopamine is being created in our systems."
Blitz agreed, "Precisely."
Orianna turned to Lux, "Female human, Blitz and I do not have brains. I am sorry to tell you this but we can not create dopamine."
Lux turned to Ezreal and gave him a look.
Ezreal coughed, "So, do you think you can win the competition?"
Orianna looked confused, "Why would you ask that question?"
"Of course we can win. Why else would we enter the competition? Should we inform them of our calculations?"
Blitz nodded, "After a few calculations, Orianna and I have concluded that we have a one out of four chance of winning. Since these odds are rather favorable, we both agreed to join this competition."
Lux was puzzled, "How did you manage to calculate that?"
Blitz extended his arm and pulled a white board filled with equations, "It was very simple actually. If distance divided by time squared equals acceleration, then by eliminating the gravitational force-"
"How does physics relate to this?" Ezreal questioned.
Orianna let out a weird sound and looked at Blitz, "Considering our calculations, there was a 99 percent chance that they would not be able comprehend our calculations."
Blitz beeped, "Yes. My attempt at educating them was a failure. Now I have consumed extra battery power for no reason."
Lux frowned and said sarcastically, "You guys are just a little bundle of joy, aren't you…"
Orianna was puzzled, "Blitz, the female says that we 'are just a little bundle of joy.' If what she says is true, why is she frowning? Frowning is a sign of sadness or anger: two human emotions that are created when there is a lack of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, or endorphins. If we are a little bundle of joy, why is there a lack of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, or endorphins in her system?"
Blitz beeped, "How odd. These humans are truly a puzzling species. We should study their behavior in order to comprehend them better."
Orianna nodded, "I agree. Should we commence now?"
"Yes. Let us go."
Orianna and Blitz stood up and left.
Ezreal looked at Lux, "They're going to be rather interesting in the competition, aren't they?"
Lux nodded, "Yeah… They're not going to make it too far, are they?"
"No… I don't think they will."
Lux turned to the audience, "Anyways, thanks for watching! I hope you enjoyed the After Show! Have a good night everybody!"
The audience cheered as the camera panned out.
(I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I should be able to write another chapter this Sunday since it's Spring break so make sure that you vote if you haven't already!)