It wasn’t my average day for me. It was the one day that I could spend outside of summer that I was not fake. The thing was that ever since I watched Luce cry after handing me my scarf back, and running away, I couldn’t get that one moment away from me. I wanted, way more than before now, to tell her, but I knew I couldn’t. I wanted to be friends with her but things conflicted. I hated myself for making Luce cry. I hated it.
If I was in a position to do anything about it, though, I would probably say that if anyone made her cry, they would be dead to me. So that basically mean I was dead to myself. What a fun thought.
The phone rang. “Hello?”
I picked it up, and a young voice that I knew as Mrs. Mira on the other side of the phone. “Yes, this is Mrs. Mira on the phone.”
“Is it about my class, because I have been keeping up on it a-” I was interrupted. “No, that’s not what it is about. Natsu...have you seen the news?”
“No, why? Is there some kind of storm coming?” Something was wrong. I could tell it in my gut. Mrs Mira never calls me, unless it is the utmost importance.
What I heard next just about broke me into tears. “I regret to inform you that....” Her voice was breaking up probably out of crying on the other side of the phone. “Lissanna was killed.....”
I almost dropped the phone on the floor, but instead, fell to my knees. “Thanks for telling me that....Goodbye...” I hung up the phone with no more words. Tears flowed down my cheeks. Why now, when I am having a hard time. Why Lissanna? Lissanna...
Watching the floor getting drenched with tears, I just cried for a long time. I knew now, I had to make it a little better with Lucy, otherwise, something like that would happen to Luce. There was no turning back. I had to, no matter what, not be friends with lucy. Especially since I liked her so much.
I looked down at harry, who had been trying to get my attention, and he stared at me as if trying to say something, even though I knew he couldn’t speak or understand me much because he was a cat. “What do you think I should do, Happy?” He meowed. I laughed in response, thinking how crazy I was for talking to a cat, and wiped the tears off my face. “Your right. I’ll feed you first, then we can go and see Lucy secretly.But remember, if you come along, you have to stay quite this time. You almost woke her up last time.”
As soon as I opened the can of tuna, he came running towards me. He kept meowing over and over again, and tried to force his way to his food, by even jumping around and over it. Yes, you heard correctly. Over the can he would jump, like a crazy maniac cat he was.
It took him about fifteen minutes to chow down his meal, and we left out the door. I can’t wait to talk to see Lucy sleeping again. I thought as we walked side by side. Even though it had been a secret that was kept from Lucy I had visited her before in the night and watched her. I knew it was crazy, but I felt like I longed for her so much, that I couldn’t keep myself away from her for long before I got crazy about having to atleast see her, if not speak to her.
Even though it took quite a while, we finally arrived at Lucy’s house. I opened the door of the house so he could go up the stairs, and I was surprised to see that the door was open, but I just went through the window like any ‘normal’ person would do.
*BANG* I hit the window just in the right wrong way. “S**t!” I covered my mouth as the pain echoed in my foot. I let the next words slip out through my breath of relief after looking over to see that Lucy was still asleep. “I need to be a little more careful. Knew this would eventually happen if I kept coming through windows, but sheesh.” She looks so pretty, though.
Walking along the floor, the boards began to creek, and I cursed to myself in my head, hoping that she wouldn’t wake up. As I sat on the bed, I looked at the covers barely covering her body, so I could see her pajamas.
The sound of a scratch and meow at the door, which I was sure was Happy, distracted me. I got up and walked to the door. “Happy. I said if you came with me, you would have to be quiet. You don’t want to wake her.” As I got up, I heard the bed move a bit, and turned to see Lucy moving around in her bed, making her covers reveal more of her P.J.’s. Ignoring the fact, I turned and opened the door. Happy came right in.
After that, I creaked, or more like the floor did, back to the bed and sat down. By then, she was laying on her back, and I could see her whole body except her feet. Her Tank top was loose to where I could see her huge rake and her shorts were so short, her bottom looked huge. I blushed and looked away. She’s so hot, that if I look at her any more, I will go overboard and kiss her, or something.
Facing the facts that I wouldn't’ be able to do this without looking at her, or more like I wanted to get another glimpse of her body, I turned my head to face her and began. “If only I could tell you this...” I couldn't suppress the sigh as it just came out. “I mean, in person that is.... if I could tell you my whole story, and we could be friends, or...” I stopped for a moment of space. “...or even more...then I would of been so happy. The only thing is, I don’t want you to get hurt like Lissanna did...” No matter how much I wanted to not start up, I began to cry a waterfall of tears. Thinking of Lissanna, and all. Lissanna is now dead, so I can’t do anything else for her, but I could do something for Lucy.
“I tried so hard to protect her, but now...now shes....and for you.....I don’t want you to leave me too....” Pausing to attempt to control my untamable tears, I started up right after I caught my breath. “I wish I could act like the way I used to, but I can’t. Not when people are after you like they were Lisanna.” I cursed to myself, because I truly didn’t do anything Lissanna. “If I had the choice, I would be acting how I was today, with my happy, cheerful, kiddush side, but I can’t. Not when it comes to the real world.”
I didn’t speak for a while, because I could not find the right words to say. Even if I was talking to a sleeping Lucy, it was important to get this out of my head. “It’s just because...” I thought about what I was just about to say for a moment, then spoke it out from pure thought and instinct. “I like you....no....love you so much.....” I mean, I guess....I love her.....but can’t do anything about it at all...I mean. This is so irritating! I got up off the bed, ready to go, before I cried some more. “If only I could tell you that in real life, Luce...when you are awake. Maybe some day. When the world is perfect, I will be able to tell you...but for now, there is no hope for us.... come on Happy. Let’s go, before I cry any more.”
I can leave you this, though, Luce. I swiftly pulled off my scarf and put it onto the bed. You have it. In memory of the me that you probably actually like way better then my rebel self that never will be your friend, no matter how much we both want it to be.
With the meow of a cat, Happy, we left out the window with him in the pocket of my jacket. It took us a long time to get home because I accidently took the wrong road since I was distracted by my thoughts. I was way out of this world. Too much was in my head.
As soon as I entered my house, I through my head into my pillow and screamed into it. For some reason, it gave sort of a comfort feeling. I did this while crying, until I finally fell asleep. It was hard, now. Harder then before. This is what I hated. Loss. It was just too much.