My heart hurts because I miss you
It had been three days since the incident that happened. At school people ask me all about what happened, even though all the teachers plea them not to, because it kind of scared me. I still try to answer them all the best I can.
Some of them were crazy questions, but then there were always those ones that stabbed me in the heart dramatically, remembering it all.
The teachers did recommend me, or more like tried there best, to get me to stay at my home. Even if they said I was safe there, I just couldn't’ trust very many people.
I was walking through the halls when someone stopped me. It was expected, as this had happened a LOT lately. “Heartfilia! I have a question for you!”
I only nodded and waited for him to continue. The boy looked to be a third year and seemed a lot like Jellal, but when I have spoken to him in the past, he claims that he is not even related to him. Here we go again with more questions......I have gotten way to used to it for my own comfort.
Taking another one of my nodes as a sense of agreement to listen, he spoke. “I heard a rumor that that Rebel guy, Dragneel, I think his name was, was at the scene of the incident and was involved with the other bad guys! It only makes since, since he is the class’s most dangerous and is a delinquent type person, am I correct?!”
What?! No he’s not! Natsu’s.....He’s..... Falling to the ground, I clenched my arms and began to sobe. “N-no...” I tried to get a reply, but this one hit me really harshly, because, of all the rumors, this one had to have Natsu in it. Let alone him being the bad guy, when I knew he wasn’t. “He’s not like that!”
Realizing I had yelled and got the whole schools attention, I squeezed myself even more. “Natsu’s not....not.....” Natsu.....where are you when I need you for support.....Natsu!
I continued to cry for a moment, while I heard Levy’s voice coming towards me, and a few teachers lecturing the Jallal like third year. “What did you say to her to make her this upset?!” Ms. Mira was really upset herself. But more of an angry way. I could tell.
Levy knelt down next to me and gripped my shoulders firmly. “Come on. I think you need a break from school. I’ll stay home with you. It’s friday anyways.” Yeah....it’ll help.
I mean....I haven’t seen Natsu in a long time. He still isn’t coming to school. And I am too scared to call or text him. Something tells me, though, that he wouldnt’ pick up or respond.
Stoping my thoughts and listening in on the conversation, I could hear the boy saying sorry over and over again, backed up in a corner, where Mira Simpi gave him a lecture.
“Now get to your homeroom! We warned all the students before and now you have a two-thousand word apology easy to do that will be due at the end of the day!” She didn’t have to be that harsh to him. I was the one that came to school when I’m in this condition. Watching as the people walked away, I heard Levy give a big ‘ohhhh’ as she realized why I was crying again.
Getting up, she gave a sympathetic smile. “It’s because they spoke about Natsu, isn’t it.” That’s right. It hurts me a lot. I mean....really hurts that people think that way about him and all. Plus other problems too. Even though that was what I thought, all I could do was nod as I got up. “Well, let’s get up and go sign out of the school, so we can get a break from this drama.” She patted my back as I wiped up my tear stained face.
Sniffling a bit, I began to walk to the front desk. I had a long ways to go before I could be normal again. Who knows. Maybe I’ll have to resort to transferring again. It might be hard, but I could go back to my old school, or something. I bet my friends would like to see me again.
My mind then went immediately to my friends that lived here with me that I had gotten to know so well. But what about the ones here? What would happen to them? Not only that, but what about Natsu? The first person I have ever loved. Would I have to forget them all?
After contemplating all the things that had happened, both good and bad, I realized that there was no way I could forget it all. Not in my entire life. Especially Natsu. How would I ever be able to leave him to another place, when I can’t even control myself here, where I could see him?
I sat in the bed that Levy had made up for me, only to think about going back home. “Ya know, Levy....”
“Hm?” Levy looked my way, probably wondering what I wanted to say.
“I’ve been thinking about going back to my old home town, but if I do that.....then I know I need to patch up a few things before I go.” Her eyes had widened at me.
I watched as the glass fell on the ground, stuttering. “No! I don’t want you to leave, though! What about the others!” She began to shake me.
My feelings began to mix in into another hard lump of everything, that i couldn’t get rid of. Pushing her back, so it wouldn’t worsen, I looked up to her. “Not right away. I know what you mean, but if this keeps going on, I might just get extremely depressed....I don’t want anyone, especially my friends-” Even if I say my friends, its mostly if Natsu comes back. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
“One week!” I turned towards her.
“What?” Confusion added to my feelings.
She put a one of her pointer fingers up. “One week. Stay here for at least one more week, visit a bit, and if you still want to leave then.....” She paused and fell backward onto her bed, now staring at the ceiling. “then you can leave if you truly want to.”
I guess....that will work. “Hmph!” I nodded in agreement. “I’ll go one week. First, though, I have to figure out which day of the week I will go back to my house.....because I want to try to stay there to see if I can. If I can’t stay at my own house, then I don’t know if it is even possible to stay here.”
Getting up, I let myself fall down on her bed next to her, now also staring at the ceiling. “So, what do you think? Is that the plan?”
We both turned our heads to look at eachother, and both did a tiny smile. “Yeah. It’s a deal.”
Sitting up, we talked to each other and began planning it all out to when I do what. I am nervous about this all, and I don’t know if I will want to go or not....oh who am I kidding. I don’t want to go, but if this keeps up, I don't’ think i can be here.
It had been forever since I went to school. Mrs. Mira called me every day, worrying about how much school I was missing, but I just brushed it off, still doing as much of the work as I could at home.
“Mrow...” My little, blue furball I had as a pet knew how I was, and I could tell he wanted to help out, but couldn’t.
Sighing, i looked at the sun. “It’s a pain, Happy. I want to go see and face her directly, but I am scared. Scared in so many different ways. Scared she will hate me. Scared that she will never talk to me, since we aren't really friends at all. Scared....
“I did go at night, but she hasn’t been there in forever. And it probably wouldn’t help anyways if she was sleeping” A sigh escaped my lips as I stared into the sky. Lately, since the incident with Lucy and those guys, I had been doing that a lot more.
I turned my head to see if Happy was still there, but he had already walked inside. Why to give me support buddy.....I thought with all sarcasm coming through. Standing up with a big ‘alley oop’, I continued to stay in the same spot for a while.
I guess....that I will visit her house half way through this week, but if she doesn't’ come back......then I will have to toughen it up and go to school.
I walked back to the house to see Happy sitting there sound asleep. “You cats and your sleeping....” I sat on my haymitch and relaxed, looking over at my desk where my phone sat.
My frown didn’t fade. Should I be expecting a call or text? I mean, it’s not like she would talk to me after what mess I had gotten her into.
Rubbing Happy’s back, I saw the scare that was still visible form before. “What happened exactly? Where did I ever go wrong?” I felt a small tear slip out and fall gently, like a trickle of water, down my face. What would of happend if I hadn’t meet her then?
I was beginning to question myself on Lucy’s behalf. Could she of meet all her friends that she has gotten? Would she keep crying a lot?
The worst question that I didn’t want to think about, but thought about next came to my head. Would she have fallen in love with someone that wasn’t me?
Another silent tear went down as I slowly drifted off again. I really hope to see her again soon.....even if it’s at her house when she is sleeping......I really want to see her so I can stop worrying about her. Even if I can’t be her friend, there is nothing more in the world, aside from wanting to be with her forever, that could make me better.
Lucy.....see you soon....My eyes wavered, until I fell into a sad sleep. In my dream, I was alone. Like I am now. Only.....it was different. No one knew I even existed, let alone Lucy. She had fallen for another guy, and it hurt so much....
“Luce....” Without knowing, i mumbled her name throughout my sleep. “Luce.....” I would keep saying her name. For both comfort and and ease to my loneliness.
I woke up with that stars hanging over us. “I want to see her. I am starting to loose my nerve.” I sighed, getting up. “Well. I better get going.”
That night, I ran to her house, only go see it the same way it was as I saw it before. Lights off, bed made, a little messy here and there.
“Where are you, Luce? What won’t you come home? I miss you...”