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Haruhi's Best Friend

By Roseanne Cordon

Other / Humor

Episode 1 Part 1

Tomuru’s Narrative


"Hey Haruhi, how was your first day at posh school?" I asked eagerly.

"Ugh." 

"Wow, that great huh? What happened?"

"I really hate rich people," Haruhi moaned

"Yes, annnnd?"

"I'm a dog now."

"HOLY CRAP YOU'RE RIGHT! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? YOU HAVE A TAIL AND DOG EARS! YOU LOOK LIKE A DAMN FURRY!"

"Shut up, there's no need for sarcasm Sugar."

"There is always need for sarcasm Dearest."

"Look here's what happened..." Haruhi began.

"Don't scrimp on the details. Tell me everything!" I insisted.

"Well...after my classes I went to find somewhere to study. All the libraries were too noisy, so I went into what I thought was an empty room. However, as I opened the door, I was greeted by six boys. There's a blond dude, a boy wearing glasses, identical ginger twins who are in my class, a small blond boy and a tall stoic dude. The blond guy Tamaki started calling me 'openly gay', the small one called me Haru-Chan and a superhero just for being an honour student and if you don't stop laughing I'm not carrying on with the story."

"Th-this is brilliant! Do they think you're a boy or something?"

"Apparently everyone in school does. Now are you going to let me continue?"

"Proceed."

"Thank you. Anyhow, whilst trying to escape Tamaki asking what 'type of boy' I prefer, I knocked and broke a renaissance vase. They were apparently going auction it off in a school event or something. Long story short, I now have to work as an 'errand boy' to pay for the damage."

"Jeez, what was the starting bid for the vase?"

"Eight. Million. Yen," Haruhi emphasised.

"EIGHT MILLION YEN?!"

"Yeah, it's ridiculous right?"

"BUT YOU JUST PUT WATER AND FLOWERS IN IT!"

"I think those type of vases are just for show, not for actual use Tomo."

"BUT IT'S 8 MILLION YEN HARUHI!"

"Yes Tomuru, that's the amount I have to pay back."

"It's going to take you the rest of your high-school education to pay them back at least if you're just an errand boy."

"It could take shorter if I had some...assistance."

"Who on earth would willingly volunteer to assist... Haruhi!"

"Oh come on Sugar, this is what best friends do! Help me out, pleeease."

"Haruhi, I go to a different school lest we forget."

"I'll talk to the Hosts about it. You can come by after school."

"Hosts? You mean you have to be an errand boy at a Host Club?"

"...Yes."

"Ha! Well, how far is it exactly?"

"Walking distance takes half an hour... give or take."

"Not too bad I suppose. Don't make that puppy face at me dearest. Ask about it first, give me some information on times and stuff, then I'll decide. No promises."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you Tomo?"

"Not enough. Now, about the 'everyone thinking you're a boy' thing. Why haven't you corrected them?"

"A person's gender doesn't matter Sugar. I don't care whether they think I'm a boy or a girl."

"Yes, I share your views on gender, but there are some situations that may require you to tell people your actual gender, or gender you prefer to be called of course. You may have to masquerade as a boy for the rest of high school."

"So?"

"What do you mean so? Which bathroom are you going to use? What are you going to do about your period?"

"I didn't think about that. Eh, I'll figure something out. I don't think there'll be any repercussions to this detail."

"Whatever you say dude. So other than that, the day was alright?"

"Pretty much, the work was more manageable than I thought. How was your day?"

"Same old, same old. Higashi has more facilities, which is cool. I'll tell you after roly poly time."

"Fine, but I want to hear everything."

"Very well."

Then we forward rolled on my bed listening to Fall Out Boy.

Haruhi's Narrative

"Hello Doggy!" the twins greeted me, as I entered the club room.

"Why if it isn't my little Honour Student," The 'Host King' said.

"Yeah hi, can I ask you guys something?"

"Later, right now you will go into the kitchen, set up the tea sets for each table and fill up the cake trays," Kyoya stated.

"Right," I muttered heading to the kitchen.

"Oh, and afterwards can you go and get these items on this grocery list? Kyoya will provide the money for shopping," Tamaki added, poking his head into the kitchen.

"...Sure."

At the supermarket...

"Coffee beans? Well I suppose Hescafe will do. If they don't like it, tough luck."

"YO!" Tomo bashed into me.

"Help me," I whined.

"What did they make you do as an errand boy?" she asked in a bemused tone.

"Can't you tell? I'm doing they're food shopping for them," I replied gesturing to the trolley.

"I thought they would have their stuff delivered."

"You'd think, right?" I agreed.

"So you have to return there I take it?" Tomuru guessed.

"Yeah...come with me," I pleaded.

"Have you asked about-?”

"No, haven't had the time. Please come, you can see for yourself," I interrupted.

"Alright, fine," she sighed.

"Thanks, Sugar! What are you in here for anyway?"

"Oh, the fudging circus!" Tomuru exclaimed, gesturing around her.

"To buy, sassy." 

"I thought you knew me better. I needed cookies. There's a sale on for them, buy one get one free. Wanna pack?"

"Sure, at least there'll be something good about today," I shrugged.

In the Ouran Academy courtyard...

"Well, welcome to Ouran Academy," I said, gesturing to the large pastel pink building that is my school.

"Tis pink," she commented.

"Yeah, tis pink," I agreed.

"Nice touch with the clock tower," she added.

"Come on, best not keep them waiting," I sighed.

"Are outsiders even allowed inside school grounds? I could be a spy. And I wouldn't want to get my Dearest in trouble," she asked playfully, with underline concern.

"The Principle gave me special permission to have old friends in the building. Sort of a make me feel welcome kinda thing. I've got a note and everything," I assured.

"Alright, let's see this Host club of yours. Lead the way Dearest."

Tomuru's Narrative

"How many stairs does one school need?!" I gasped starting the ascent on another set of stairs.

"Last staircase, I promise. The club is just at the end of this hallway," Haruhi promised.

"Music Room 3?" I questioned, as I stared at the door Haruhi led me to.

"Yeah, abandoned music room," Haruhi supplied.

"Got it."

Haruhi opened the door and went in. I followed close behind.

"Ah, speak of the devil. Thanks for the doing the shopping little piglet. Did you get everything on our list?" a blond dude greeted.

"Piglet? What's next. Kitten, puppy?" I muttered to Haruhi.

"Who is this lovely creature? A friend of yours, Haruhi?" he continued.

"TOMURU, NICE TO MEET YA! I'M HARUHI'S BEEEST FWIEND!" I exclaimed in a squeaky voice.

"Haruhi, why are you laughing?" I asked continuing the voice, whilst Haruhi was in fits of crying laughter as the posh people were staring dumbstruck.

"Stop lafin, you know it's a speek impediment. You're stho mwean!" I moaned.

"P-pack it in will ya. You are so embarrassing," Haruhi laughed clutching her stomach.

I looked around the surprised faces before laughing along with Haruhi, both of us leaning on each-other for support.

"Dude, I have to make a good impression here and you're not helping," Haruhi scorned lightly.

"Oh come on! I warned you that voice would return," I reminded.

"Yeah, but I didn't expect you to do it here and now!"

"Alright, do you want me to introduce myself as a normal human being Dearest?" I offered.

"If you can manage it."

"Fine. Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen. My name is Tomuru Okiro and I'm Haruhi's best friend," I introduced formally, bowing politely in the process.

"How's that?" I asked Haruhi.

"I've never been prouder," Haruhi replied sarcastically, wiping a fake tear.

"Now if he is not too busy, I would like to speak with the leader of the Host club."

"That would be I! I am Tamaki Suoh, King of the Ouran Host Club," the blond announced dramatically.

"Thought as much, could my little piglet and I discuss his...predicament?" I requested.

"Tamaki has guests to tend to at this moment. You can bring Haruhi's matter with me. I am the Vice President Kyoya Ootori," a boy with glasses interjected.

"Very well, if you're not too busy."

"Not at all, step this way."

"OK, Haruhi what do you want me to do with this shopping bag?"

"Just give it me, I'll put the groceries away."

"Have a seat," Kyoya offered.

"Thanks, Ootori Senpai," I thanked politely, sitting at a table opposite him.

"I'm not sure if Haruhi has told you about the outside guest rule in this-" Kyoya started.

"Oh don't worry, he has special permission from the Principle. He has a note and everything," I assured quickly.

"Very well, I'll take your word for it. Please proceed."

"Well, this is mainly Haruhi's idea. He practically begged me but is there any way I can assist the errand boy with his duties to pay back his debt?" I inquired.

"I see no problem with that. As long as you can get here at a reasonable time. That can be arranged, of course," he agreed.

"Great, but I have one condition. No maid cosplay," I stated firmly.

"Agreed." 

"I finish school at three, just so you know, so is there any way I can contact the Host Club to tell you if I'm running late? Haruhi doesn't have a mobile, you see."

"I can give you my mobile number as a Host club contact," he offered, writing something in his black notebook, tearing it out and handing it to me.

"OK that's one thing to tick off. Shall we discuss this further when the guests have left?" I suggested.

"I think that would be best. Why don't you have a look around? Take in what it is we do here at the club." 

"Sure, so long as there's no charge."

"Not at all."

"Just checking."

And with that being said, Kyoya left me to look around the club room.

"Let the tasting begin," I heard Tamaki declare.

"Hey Dearest, what's going on here?" I asked curiously, standing beside her.

"They're trying instant coffee," she sighed pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Really? The blond guy makes it sound like they're drinking water from the Fountain of youth."

"So what did Kyoya Senpai say?" Haruhi changed the subject.

"Well, we're going to discuss it further but I'm pretty much gonna be an errand girl," I supplied.

"Yes we can face this madness together," she cheered in relief.

"Dearest we're usually the ones causing it," I joked.

"Especially when we get your family involved Sugar," she laughed.

"Excuse me, Sanka San?" one of the girls,from a nearby sofa, spoke up.

"Please, you can just call me Tomuru or Tomo," I insisted.

"Well Tomuru, are you Haruhi's girlfriend?" she asked eagerly.

"...Beg ya pardon?" I asked, dumbstruck at what I just heard.

"Are you and Haruhi an item?" one of her friends rephrased.

"Eh no, just platonic best friends ladies," I clarified, looking to Haruhi to back me up.                                                                    

Only to find her across the room, being lectured by Tamaki on being a gentleman.

"Has the Honour Student always been so scruffy?" one guest asked innocently, though I thought it sounded a bit insensitive.

"No he's a beautiful boy, really. I suppose the glasses do hide his eyes," I insisted.

"It's an epidemic," a red haired girl muttered bitterly as she walked past me.

"Sorry Madam?" I questioned, making sure I heard right.

"Commoner scum infiltrating our nice school," she spoke, as she frowned in Haruhi's direction.

"Listen darling. I don't give a damn what you think of me. I'm here to support my friend. And if I hear you speaking crap about said friend I will be less than civil," I replied, showing I wasn't intimidated by that bitch.

I then went in search of Haruhi, who I couldn't find anywhere for some reason.

"Where's Haruhi?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Haru-Chan's changing clothes," little dude replied, digging into some cake.

"Oh...Whhyyy?" I asked in confusion.

"Bosses orders. We've given your friend a bit of a makeover," One of the twins answered.

"OK, can I go see him?"

"He should be done changing soon," Tamaki said,

When the guests left we went to see if Haruhi was done changing. I followed the Hosts to, I assume, the changing rooms.

"Uh, Senpai?" I heard Haruhi say behind a curtain.

"Aren't you done changing yet?" Tamaki questioned impatiently.

"You sure it's OK for me to keep this uniform?" Haruhi asked opening the curtain.

Haruhi was now wearing the male school uniform and contact lenses instead of her glasses. Her hairstyle was also altered so her hair didn't cover her eyes.

"Cute! You're as pretty as a girl. Adorable!" Tamaki gushed in delight.

"Haru-Chan you look so cute!" the little dude complimented.

"If we had known that's how you really looked-" One twin started.

"-we would've helped you out sooner," the other twin finished.

"Who knows he might even bring in a few customers," Kyoya spoke up.

"You know that's just what I was thinking. Our errand boy is moving up the ranks. I will personally train you to be a first rate, host. If you can get 100 guests to request you we can forget all about your eight million yen debt," Tamaki proclaimed.

"A HOST?!" Haruhi exclaimed.

"It's not funny Sugar!" Haruhi moaned, whilst I was trying to contain my laughter.

"Tis, Tis, Tis," I sang. 

"How so?" Tamaki asked in confusion.

"Uh, my dearest Haruhi has never really been a 'Casanova'. He has very little experience in 'wooing' the ladies," I lied quickly, although it wasn't lying per say.

"He wooed you," the twins contradicted.

"I didn't woo Tomo!" Haruhi protested.

"What so Tomuru wooed you then?" one twin guessed.

"No one wooed anybody. Platonic best friends got it?" I corrected.

"Shall we go through your role in the Host club Tomuru?" Kyoya changed the subject.

"Good idea," I agreed.

"There's going to be another commoner working in the Host Club?" Tamaki asked excitedly.

"If your majesty will allow me. Haruhi begged me to help him out. Speaking of which... 8 MILLION YEN for a freaking vase are you guys serious?!"

"A priceless renaissance vase," Tamaki interjected.

"It's not priceless it's 8 million yen. That's a price, my friend," I argued.

"So you're going to be the new dog since Haruhi's training to be a Host?" one twin presumed.

"Yep, I'm the new bitch," I declared.

"SHE SWORE!" Tamaki shrieked.

"Actually the word 'bitch' is another term for a female dog," Kyoya supplied.

"...Oh," Tamaki ohed dumbly. 

"I made my formal greeting earlier may I be rash to ask you lots?" I requested. 

"Well as you know I am Tamaki Suoh, the princely type, there's Kyoya Ootori, the cool type, the twins Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, the little devil type, Mitskuni Honinosuka aka Honey, the Boy Lolita and Takashi Morinosuka aka Mori, the stoic type," Tamaki introduced.

"Great, so what am I gonna be doing as the role of 'dog' anyway?"

"Just errands around the club. Making tea, food shopping, handing out cakes and snacks to the guests, stock check that sort of thing," Kyoya answered.

"Simple enough. When do I start?"

"You shall start tomorrow. Host club hours begin at 3:30," Tamaki said.

"My classes finish at 3 pm but I'll try to make it by then. Dearest how long does it take for you to get here in the morning?"

"Usually half an hour walking but, that's by taking a few shortcuts. Wait a minute, I've told you this yesterday," Haruhi replied.

"Oh yeah. It takes 10 minutes to get home from school. Okay, show me the route you take later Dearest. When does the club finish for the Hosts?"

"5 pm," Kyoya answered.

"Alright I think I have all the information I need," I said surely.

"It's five o'clock now so... see you guys tomorrow. C'mon Sugar I'll show you the route." Haruhi stated grabbing her school things, linking arms with me and heading towards the door.

"Get ready to Host tomorrow," Tamaki called after us as we left.



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