Haruhi's Best Friend

Episode 6 Part 2

Finally, the three days of Maid cosplay are over.

"YES! I'd never thought I'd be this happy dressing as an Arabian Princess!" I cheered gleefully.

"I take it you will not be wearing that particular attire ever again?" Kyoya supposed.

"Correct, I will never wear maid cosplay again," I declared.

"You also get to eat cake again too, Sugar," Haruhi reminded me.

"Holy Macaroni you're right! Honey, I'm definitely eating cake with you at some point today."

"Yay Tomo Chan can eat cake with me!" Honey responded happily.

"Is Rossi still changing?" I wondered.

"Nope," Rossi answered, jumping on my back.

"You look like Princess Jasmine!" I commented, looking at Rossi's pale blue outfit.

"I just need the long hair and the tiger," Rossi agreed.

"I can show you the world.

Shining, shimmering, splendid!

Tell me, princess, now when did last let your heart decide," I sang, giving Rossi a piggyback as I power-walked around the clubroom.

"Into your places people our guests will be arriving any minute," Tamaki instructed.

I placed Rossi back on the ground so he could sit at his usual table, whilst we got into our welcome poses in Arabian decorations.

"Welcome," We chorused when the door opened.

However instead of a flurry of excited girls as usual, there stood a young boy in a green uniform.

"Oh it's just a kid," Hikaru commented.

"Not only that it's a boy," Kaoru added.

"What's wrong little boy? Did you come to my palace in search of something?" Tamaki asked, acting in his usual royal persona.

"Are you the King of this place?" the boy asked Tamaki, to which he looked flattered.

"Well are you?" the boy repeated.

"Come closer lost one," Tamaki told the kid, to which the boy went and stood in front of the posing Hosts.

"What was it you just called me little boy?" Tamaki inquired.

Come on he knew exactly what he said!

"The King," The boy replied.

"THE KING! YES, THE KING! I AM THE KING OF THE OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB! LONG LIVE THE HOST KING!" Tamaki exclaimed in delight, with stars in his eyes.

"I'm an elementary 5th year, Shiro Takaoji. I want the Host Club king to take me on as an apprentice!" the kid demanded, pointing at Tamaki.

Of course, Tamaki was going to say yes. I could tell by the overjoyed look in his eyes.

Next day at the Host Club…

"I knew it!" I remarked as soon as I saw Shiro observing Tamaki using his Princely charms on one of his guests.

"As if Tamaki Senpai's ego needs to get any bigger," Haruhi said.

"Did his majesty order the kid to stare at him so intently?" I questioned, finding it odd that the Elementary 5th year was observing the Princely act so closely.

"Of course," Kyoya answered.

"Don't you think it's weird that he's making the kid observe up close like that?" Haruhi asked.

"Exactly what I thought Dearest." I agreed.

"There is a theory that states that people are considered more beautiful the closer they are viewed. Tamaki seems to live by that theory," Kyoya explained, writing on a clipboard as usual.

"You look more like the carp that swim in my pond at home I'd never give false compliments like that!" I heard Shiro insult the guest Tamaki was entertaining.

"CARP!" the guest cried out.

"Don't listen to him he's just a kid. You know how kids are they can't help but be honest," Tamaki tried to comfort.


"No, I wouldn't say you look like a carp and even if you did look like a carp you'd be the most beautiful carp of them all," Tamaki once again tried and failed to console.


"No that's not what I meant," Tamaki whimpered meekly.

"TAMAKI YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" the girl shouted, running out of the room crying.

"NO WAIT MERMAID PRINCESS!" Tamaki called to the upset guest as she ran.

"Well looks like she's not returning anytime soon," I sighed, heading over to Tamaki's table to take away any dishes.

"Man what a cry baby," Shiro commented, to which Tamaki glared at the mouthy youth.

"So how's it goin' boss? That's an adorable little apprentice you've got there," Hikaru laughed.

"Hikaru do you wish you had a little brother like Shiro?" Kaoru asked quietly.

"Oh, here we go," I mutter as I roll my eyes.

"Don't be silly I could search the globe and not find a brother better than you Kaoru." Hikaru responded, cupping Kaoru's face.

"Hikaru," Kaoru pined.

"Look they're doing it!"

"It's forbidden brotherly love," Two of the twin's guests gushed.

I wolf whistled at the twins before I turned my attention to Shiro to see what he thought of the 'brotherly love' act.

"They're Homos and they're brothers. This is totally incentuous!" Shiro said in disgust, he looked horrified as one of the hands held onto the table to stop him falling from shock.

"I think you mean incestuous and yes it is, incredibly so," I corrected.

Finally, a student in this school has a normal reaction to the twin's barely legal act!

Still looking shocked Shiro backed away from the twins, only to be glomped from behind by Honey-Senpai.

"Hey, Shiro Chan you wanna have some cake with me? We've got three kinds chocolate, strawberry and lime," Honey asked, still on Shiro's back.

"Hey back off! What grade are you in any way why are wearing a High school uniform?" Shiro demanded, pushing Honey off his back.

"Guess not everyone likes having their personal space infiltrated," Rossi commented, joining me in observing Shiro.

"Ha, he certainly is in the wrong place then. The Hosts don't know the meaning of personal space," I responded sharing a laugh with my little brother.

"I think Shiro might be a year or two younger than me," Rossi stated.

"He's got to be at least 10," I added before we turned our attention to Shiro.

"Something wrong Mitskuni?" Mori inquired, to an upset Honey who leapt onto Mori's back.

"No way a little kid like you shouldn't have a cool older friend like him!" Shiro exclaimed.

"Actually they're both High School third years," I interjected, getting a shocked look from Shiro.

At that moment, Shiro backed into Haruhi, who was holding a fancy looking tea set.

"Are you alright? I know it's kinda hard to get used to all the weirdos around. Took me a while to get adjusted to all the craziness but don't freak out I'm sure you'll get used to it," Haruhi told Shiro reassuringly.

"Something wrong?" she asked when Shiro didn't respond.

"Are you a cross dresser?" Shiro asked.

"Okay that's enough I think Shiro should take care of the tea for us don't you?" Tamaki spoke hastily, putting his hand over Shiro's eyes.

"Wow Haruhi you're looking extra manly today," Kaoru commented patting Haruhi's head like Hikaru.

"Do as the boss says and let Shiro carry that tea set. You're too macho for tea sets," Hikaru continued the façade, laughing nervously, with Tamaki and Kaoru.

Yeah, he's not buying it.

The boy's impression was unimpressed as he took Tamaki's hand off his face.

"Now be careful with it, it's pretty heavy," Haruhi warned, handing Shiro the tea set.

"Perhaps I should carry the…" I started.

But before I could finish Shiro dropped the expensive looking tea set, smashing the tea set into pieces.

"…tea set," I sighed.

"It's not my fault I dropped it. It's your fault for making me take it in the first place," Shiro blamed Haruhi.

"Say what?" Haruhi uttered.

"Haruhi that's another hundred thousand yen, oh and clean up the mess Tomuru," Kyoya interjected.

"Huh?" Haruhi exclaimed.

"On it Senpai," I saluted, before getting a dustpan and brush.

When I returned the guests were gone and Shiro was in a cage, shouting madly. I was only gone for two minutes!

"Uh, Dearest an explanation if you please?"

"Apparently it's 'Isolation'. Where did it come from anyway? It's supposed to be a music room right?" Haruhi wondered.

"So why's Shiro in it?"

"He was being mouthy, plus he dissed Haruhi," Rossi answered.

"What did he hear Haruhi sing?" I joked.

"Shut up it's not that bad," Haruhi snapped hitting my arm.

"Not that bad!" I scoffed, getting another hit from Haruhi.


Jeez, Lil' dude has got some tonsils on him.

"Not until you've learnt your lesson. I made you my apprentice because I thought you were serious about becoming a Host, but I guess I was wrong," Tamaki responded calmly, before taking a sip of tea.

"I am serious, totally serious! I want you to teach me how to make a woman happy," Shiro insisted, sounding slightly desperate.

Why does he want to learn about that sort of thing at his age? Puberty maybe? Or there's already someone he's eager to please. Holy Macaroni Shiro like likes some lucky lady!

"What's with that look on your face Sugar?"

"Nothing," I sang.

When Tamaki didn't respond Shiro collapsed on his knees.

"I'm gonna run out of time, please won't you teach me? You're a Host because you like girls, you like putting smiles on a girl's face. That's why you do it right?" Shiro pleaded then began to use flattery, "Please won't you teach me to be like you. You're a genius at it, you're the King."

"Well, you may be a brat but I admire you desire to become a Host so I'll teach you," Tamaki agreed.

Of course, flattery always works on Tamaki.

"You know Shiro you and I are so much alike," Tamaki remarked.

"You poor kid," Haruhi muttered, making me laugh a little.

"So you're can teach me how to make any woman happy?" Shiro asked eagerly.

"Of course making women happy is the sole purpose of being a Host. If this is what you really Shiro then you need to know how to use the materials you already have," Tamaki responded.

"What does that mean?" Shiro queried.

"Ahh, why is it so bright all of a sudden?" I exclaimed covering my eyes when the room's lighting suddenly increased.

"Why does the Host Club do anything?" Haruhi responded.

"For dramatic effect!" both of us stated.

"You see here at the Ouran Host club our policy is to use our individual personality traits to meet the needs of our guests. For example, there's Tamaki, who is the Princely type. There's the strong, silent type, there's the boy Lolita type, the little devil type and the cool type. It's all about variety. And now the group is complete with the addition of Haruhi, the Natural," Kyoya explained.

"The Natural?" Haruhi and I questioned.

Where did they get the roses from? Why are they different colours? Hang on is this why the twins wanted to know Haruhi and I favourite colours?

"Are the poses really necessary?" Rossi queried.

"Rossi of course they are! Why else would they do such a pointless act so often!" I responded in mock scorn.

"It seems we have a perfect blend of characteristics so it will be difficult to find a new type for Shiro," Kyoya continued.

"If you go by his age he should be the Boy Lolita type," Hikaru started.

"But Honey Senpai has already got that covered," Kaoru finished.

"Is he gonna replace me?" Honey whimpered.

"Aww Honey of course not. If you leave I leave," I comforted, hugging the older boy whilst trying to dry his eyes.

"Oh come on is that all you've got?" a certain prissy pink bow voice echoed through the clubroom.

"Oh no," I whispered in dread, holding a surprisingly light but still whimpering Honey Senpai.

Renge rose on her platform of drama.

"What's up with this place it's supposed to be a music room?" Haruhi grumbled quietly beside me.

"Sorry to interrupt gentlemen but what's with the lackluster character analysis. I must say I'm quite disappointed I thought I taught you better," Renge commented, sounding disappointed.

"Alright, then Miss Manager how would you work Shiro into our collection of characters? He can't be the Boy Lolita cus Honey's already got that covered," Tamaki asked irritably, pointing towards Honey and me.

"Hey, Tomuru!" Renge greeted me…enthusiastically? She was smiling and waving happily at me…what the?

"Uh hey," I replied unsurely, giving Haruhi a 'What the Fraggle was that?' look.

She just shrugged looking just as bewildered as I was.

"You just don't get it do you! Now listen up there are plenty of girls out there who have a thing for younger boys or boys with baby faces. These girls would be considered Shota fans. Now Shota can be a fairly broad category so it is important to know that the genre can be broken into smaller sub-categories. For example, Shota fans who are interested in Lolita boys would favour a boy like Honinosuka Senpai. However, this little boy is different. If I could pick a character for him…yes he'll be the Naughty boy type without a doubt," Renge explained, turning her attention back to the Hosts.

As she spoke Kyoya noted down what she was saying and Tamaki was listening in awe.

"The Naughty type?" Shiro questioned, as he was freed from the cage.

'Whistle ' "Now to play the Naughty type you have to wear shorts, ok," Renge instructed.

'Whistle' "You've gotta have bumps and bruises, give him a couple of scars!" she continued as the twins drew on Shiro's face.

'Whistle' "Run like a spoiled child, make it reckless! Now I want you to trip and make it big!" Renge demanded to which Shiro tripped up on the rope that was set out for him.

"Are you ok little boy? 'Whistle' Now give them your catchphrase!"

"No big deal, it was nothin'," Shiro gave us his catchphrase, in a bad boy tone.

"That was perfect, absolutely perfect Shiro!" Renge praised.

"That was outstanding; I never knew you were such a great coach Renge!" Tamaki commented in awe, applauding Renge, to which Renge laughed that loud, obnoxious, annoying…

"Tomuru is nice," Kyoya told me.

"How the heck did you-? Oh yeah, you're an evil shadow lord I forgot."

Great now Kyoya-Senpai reads minds! Will his powers never cease!

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU PEOPLE!" Shiro shouted in frustration, to which the Hosts turned their attention to him.

"This so stupid none of this is ever going to make her happy. You're all mad except for that black haired girl," Shiro exclaimed before running out of the clubroom.

"Who's her?" Haruhi wondered.

"Wait, Shiro, we haven't taught you how to apply the techniques you've learnt yet," Tamaki called after him.

"I swear younger boys are good for nothing! I went through all that trouble to teach him and he quits!" Renge sighed.

"Did he just say everyone was mad…Except me?" I asked in disbelief making sure I heard right.

"Apparently so," Kyoya confirmed.

"Renge being nice, I'm not considered weird there's only one explanation. I'm in a parallel universe," I decided.

"Apparently so," Kyoya repeated.

"I can't believe he ditched us because he didn't enjoy the lesson. What a selfish little brat," Tamaki commented.

"There are not that many people who would enjoy that kind of lesson. But never mind that did you listen to what he said. He said he was going to run out of time what do you think he means by that? I think that maybe it's a girl," Haruhi responded.

"Of course it's a girl, why else would he be interested in entertaining girls at his age? Ya know besides puberty," I agreed.

"Tomuru-Chan this is for you!" Renge interjected joyfully, placing a large pink box, with a dark pink ribbon tied around it, at my feet.

"For me…wait Chan?"

"See it as a 'sorry for being a meanie' gift. Of course, you only like Haruhi as a friend," Renge continued pleasantly, too pleasantly.

"Uh…thank you this is very…thoughtful," I managed to tell her.

What is this? Something's not right. There's probably a bomb in there or a cake filled with Sushi!

I carefully lifted up the present and shook it slightly before placing it back down. It was kinda heavy and there was something solid in there.

Well if it was a bomb it would go off when I shook it right?

I glanced at Renge whose mouth was smiling, but her eyes had a flicker of malice. I tentatively lifted the lid slightly, then fully to reveal what she gave me.

"No, no not him, anything but him!" I exclaimed in terror-backing away from the gift.

Inside the box was Bernard staring at me like little devils were coming from his eyes with tiny pitchforks ready to stab my terrified blue eyes.

"Quack!" Bernard quacked menacingly.

"NO GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME! RENGE I SWEAR I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK FOR THIS! I'M SORRY FOR SHAKING YOU BERNARD!" I yelled running around the clubroom with Bernard snapping at my heels, as Renge laughed evilly.

"Muhahahaha! That was too easy; Bernard the duck and I have joined forces to make your Haruhi stealing butt miserable!" I heard Renge exclaim through the angry quacks.

"NOOOO! WILL ONE OF YOU GUYS HELP ME OUT HERE!" I demanded, to the others that were just watching me get harassed.

'Whistle' Bernard stopped chasing me and returned to Renge's side. She and Bernard returned to the chasm from once they came and I dropped to my knees in exhaustion and relief.

"How'd she even make a deal with a duck anyway?" I muttered.

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