Haruhi's Best Friend

Episode 9 Part 1

Tomuru's Narrative

"What the heck is going on around here?" I wondered, noticing students wearing different uniforms crowding the hallways.

"Don't you remember what Kyoya Senpai told us last Friday?" Rossi sighed


"The academy is hosting a cultural exposition. Clubs from other schools have been invited, ya know drama, art, music that stuff." Rossi reminded

"Oh yeah. Wonder if the Host club is doing anything for it?" I wondered

"Probably will." Rossi shrugged

When we reached Music room 3 two girls were already at the door, wearing a white and dark red uniform, with a large cream bow on the blouse.

"This looks like the place." The taller girl with light brown hair spoke up, to which the shorter girl with the ginger bob nodded in agreement.

"Huh, didn't think the Host club was well known among other schools." I thought aloud

Rossi and I trailed after the girls and stepped into the club. The Hosts greeted the girls in medieval knights cosplay, except the twins who were squares I think.

"Welcome ladies!" the Hosts greeted the girls though their reactions were indifferent to the greeting.

Rossi and I quietly sneaked out the room into the changing rooms to see what outfits we got.

"Aww, I wanted to be a knight! Or maybe a dragon, that would've been fun." I commented, looking at the cream princess cosplay.

"Well I love mine, we even have the tiaras!" Rossi differed, getting his purple princess attire and stepping into the changing room.

I huffed and went into the adjacent changing room.

"The knights' cosplay suits them. I especially liked Mori and Honey Senpai's armour." I commented as I put on the shoes and tiara.

"Yeah." Rossi agreed

"Let's head back." I stated, once we finished changing


"Well, I guess dearest is here," I said lightly

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" we then heard a female voice shout


We let ourselves into the clubroom, before taking in the scene we're witnessing. By the door were the two girls from earlier plus another girl with short brown hair. The new girl was holding Haruhi, who herself was holding a shopping bag. In contrast, the Hosts were stood, aside from Tamaki who was blubbering on the floor.


"Get a hold of yourself." Honey tough loved Tamaki

"Guess the rumours we heard were true. You guys are just a bunch of weak little punks with no sense between you." The taller girl derided

"Oooh," I oohed, holding my imaginary handbag up.

"Guess they're not here to become guests," Rossi commented

"Those uniforms, I take it you girls are from the Lobelia Girls Academy?" Kyoya sussed

"That's correct." The girl confirmed before…

"Whoa what the..? Oh, thank god they have clothes underneath." I remarked as the three girls ripped their uniforms off.

"Lobelia." The brown haired girl sang, dressed in a purple tailed suit and top hat, with a white lily in her mouth.

"Lobelia." The second girl sang, wearing a long white and pale blue dress.

"Lobelia." The third girl sang, wearing a shorter pink dress.

"How did they do that with the spotlights?" I whispered to Rossi

"Screw that how did they fit those outfits under their uniforms," Rossi whispered back

"St Lobelia Academy high school second year, Benio Armacusa." The suited girl introduced

"Lobelia." They sang together

"Second-year student Chizuru Mihara." The blue dress girl introduced, holding a fan


"First-year student Hinako Suabuki." The ginger girl finished

"Lobelia." I noticed the three of them did synchronise poses every time they sang.

"We are the members of St Lobelia Academy's white lily league. Also known as…" Benio threw her hat in the hair, somehow causing yellow stage lights to come on.

Once again they stripped revealing even showier outfits. They looked like parade people. They had huge dresses with huge feather fans attached to them.

"THE ZUKA CLUB!" the three of them announced, with bright lights behind them and I'm sure I heard a fanfare.

"Uuuh?" The Hosts reacted unsurely

The fanfare sounded again, and the Zuka club continued to pose, the lack of movement started to freak me out.

"Uuuh?" the Hosts repeated

"Oh, my glob do you realise what this means?" I told Rossi in realisation

"That rich people are weird?"

"That and that there's a club more dramatic than the Host club!" I spoke excitedly

"You're right! I didn't even think that was possible." Rossi agreed

Tamaki went white and collapsed t the floor as the twins burst into laughter.

"The Zuka club, man what a stupid name! the Zuka club my stomach hurts!" Hikaru laughed

"The Zuka club, that's priceless! And they've got those get-ups on under their uniforms." Kaoru laughed the two of them holding each other for support.

Rossi went over to Honey, whilst I went over to Haruhi.

"How did they get into that many costumes?" I asked Haruhi

"Beats me princess." She shrugged

"I told them I wanted to be a dragon!" I muttered irritably

"Maybe you can some other time." Haruhi comforted

"Yeah." I sighed

"You shouldn't underestimate the Zuka club!" I heard the voice I dread to hear

"Oh no," I whispered in misery

The usual sound of a platform rising and the laugh that makes me want to cut my ears off came shortly after. Renge was sat at a table on said platform wearing a purple kimono.

"Great." I sighed

"I may not know much about instant coffee, but I'm fascinated with girl schools." Renge started, taking a sip of the contents in her cup before promptly disposing of said contents. Guess instant coffee didn't suit her posh palate.

"St Lobelia Academy it is truly a women's world there. The Zuka club is a group of young maidens who believe women to be superior in every way. The club prides itself on its thirty-year history. It is a society of maidens, by maidens for maidens! Zuka club activities include maiden tea parties, the maiden debate form and most importantly musical reviews performed by the society's top members." Renge continued with her speech.

"You have a vast amount of knowledge Renge. I'm quite impressed." Kyoya commented, removing his armour.

"Well, I have always admired St Lobelias. I just couldn't go to school there, though. What would I do without any boys?" Renge stated

"Hang on Bernard's not with her?" I just realised

"Maye she left him at the fountain today." Haruhi shrugged

"Yeah may-OW!" I yelped suddenly feeling a pain on my right ankle.

I looked down and sure enough there was Bernard, his bill gnawing at my leg.

"Get off, get off you frickin menace!" I groaned, hopping around the room trying to shake off the duck.

"You didn't think you would get away without punishment today did you?" Renge laughed

"If the cosplay gets ripped it goes onto the debt Tomuru," Kyoya stated

"Silence Kyoya!" I snapped, shaking my leg furiously to get Bernard off.

"'Whistle' Bernard come! Well until next time enemy." Renge stated, making Bernard let go and totter over to her obediently before the two of them returned to the lair from once they came.

"Thank god that's over," I spoke in relief, rubbing my sore leg.

"A maiden's beauty means not giving into power or to lust," Chizuru spoke up, now dressed as a queen

"As a girl you, for a girl you. we've had quite enough of your oppressive male contempt for womankind." Hinako stated, now dressed as a demon with a red pitchfork

"And our pride comes from having meaningful relationships based on equality because we're the same sex. And yes that includes relationships of love." Benio stated, dressed in a purple dressing gown and was wearing a moustache.

"Yeah you tell them Benio." Chizuru gushed, now in a green nightie

"You're awesome Beni Bada!" Hinako gushed, now in a red nightie

"How much cosplay do they need?" I muttered to myself

"Here." Kyoya threw a roll of the bandage at me.

"You didn't have to chuck it at me! But thanks." I responded, before rolling the bandage onto my sore leg.

The Hosts ignored the Lobelia girls and were doing their own thing. Kyoya continued to read, Mori was swinging his sword, not a euphemism, Kaoru was rifling through the shopping bag, Honey and Rossi were watching Hikaru play a video game.

"Whatever we're totally bored of you now." Kaoru sighed indifferently

"Why don't you girls just scram?" Hikaru stated, not looking up from his game.

"I find it hard to believe that you silly boys have nothing to say about our sublime female love." Hinako scoffed

"What the hell is she talking about?" Hikaru asked

"Hey, I haven't seen this one before, guess it's a new one," Kaoru commented on the instant coffee.

"You should feel sorry for them Hinagiku. Their patented Host skills don't work on us now they're all flustered and don't know what to do with themselves." Chizuru remarked

"True I must admit I'm glad we agreed to perform here. It was fun to sneak a peek at the notorious Ouran host club." Benio responded

"Hey, guys are really notorious?" Honey asked

"Yeah," Mori answered, still holding the sword.

"And to think they're taking this sweet young girl down with them," Benio stated, referring to Haruhi placing a hand on her shoulder.

When did they change back into their uniforms?

"Huh?" Haruhi spoke up

"The Host club's president maybe a pretty little halfer. But he shouldn't be using his looks to create a fictitious romance. Attempting to fool the heart of an innocent young maiden is demeaning! Your so called club activities are nothing more than debasing macho fantasies. I promise you we will bring you guys down, the Ouran Host club will be abolished!" Benio stated in passionate anger

"All hail Zuka club!" the trio announced

"I see, I understand your concern. But do you think we can finish this later?" Kyoya interjected coolly

"Are you saying you're not going to face us?" Benio sneered

"Not at all, it's just that our president is currently bed written from the current culture shock," Kyoya explained, gesturing to Tamaki.

Tamaki was lying on one of the sofas with a blanket covering him and his teddy bear beside him. Mori was holding a baby bottle and Kyoya was holding a rattle for some reason.

"You see Tama-Chan is having his nappy time right now." Honey spoke up

"Wake him up!" Benio growled

"Excuse me; I made some coffee would you ladies like to have some?" Haruhi intervened, holding a tray with three cups of coffee

"And if you'd like I'd be more than happy to get something sweet for you ladies. Perhaps cake?" I offered, deciding to act courteously like Haruhi.

"Why yes aren't you two the sweetest things. Forgive me for not noticing you sooner maiden." Benio gushed

"That's alright. What cake would you three like?" I asked

"There's no need to get us any desserts, but thank you for offering," Benio replied

"Okay." I shrugged

"You two are real pearls among swine." Chizuru complimented

"You know coffee made by a maiden has a more fragrant aroma," Benio stated, the three of them holding their coffees.

"Yeah, but this stuff's just instant." I pointed out

"Did those punks dress you in that outfit?" Hinako asked

"Oh…yeah, to be honest, I wanted to be a dragon. But being a princess is not too bad." I replied casually, forgetting that I was still dressed up.

"Typical male behaviour to dress up maidens in such objectifying attire." Benio disapproved


"How about the five of us have a little tea party?" Hinako suggested


"Oh, so he's one of those," I muttered

He then slipped on a random banana peel, which made him stick his finger in hot coffee. Tamaki proceeded to shout in pain.

"HOT HOT HOT HOT!" Tamaki repeated, kneeling down as Honey tried to cool down his finger by blowing on it.

Haruhi left me to entertain the Lobelia girls as she went to Tamaki's aid.

"Guess they're after you too huh?" Rossi came up to me

"Looks like it."

"…How dare you wear that?" Benio snapped at Rossi

"What?" Rossi stated in confusion

"What?" I growled

"Are you making a mockery of women kind?" Hinako retorted

"No, he's not! My little brother prefers to wear dresses and skirts to trousers that's all. If girls can dress masculine than boys can dress feminine got it?" I interjected defensively

"I suppose there's no harm in that. Forgive us maiden." Benio responded humbly, the three of them bowing their heads.

"You're forgiven," I replied

"This little conversation doesn't seem to be going anywhere." Benio turned her attention to dearest and Tamaki, before grabbing Haruhi's arm and pulling Haruhi up towards her.

"Now that we know what's going on we can't allow her or the other maiden to stay here. We'll prepare their paperwork and transfer her to Lobelia at once and will welcome them into the Zuka club." Benio stated firmly

"Hold your horses! I think we need a say in this too ya know." I piped up, moving to talk to Benio face to face.

"Yeah there seem to be some misunderstandings here. I mean first of all you called Senpai a halfer." Haruhi agreed

"Because he is a halfer. He's half French and half Japanese." Honey contradicted

Well, that explains his promiscuous personality.

"Well uh anyway I don't think it's fair for you to pick on the Host club just because you don't think they have the same history you do." Haruhi defended the club.

"We barely have any history we were just founded just two years ago." Hikaru contradicted

"Yeah, the boss created the club whenever he started High school here," Kaoru added

"Be that as it may saying their club activities are just to satisfy their appetite is just wrong, I mean it's not like the Host club is charging their guests or anything?" Haruhi stated in exasperation, twirling her finger in the air as I face palmed the Hosts for not helping.

Hang on I thought they did?

"Well, I wouldn't call it a charge we do have a point system. We offer services based off of the auctions held on our website. Hey, check this out Haruhi. Your used mechanical pencil just sold with the winning bid of 30,000 yen. Good for you." Kyoya explained as he checked the club website on his laptop.


"So you thought we were all working here as volunteers? Well, it's not much due to the expense of organising social events we happen to get a small profit from the online auction." Kyoya stated, unfazed by Haruhi's outburst

"Wait you guys get paid to do this nonsense?" I caught on


"It wasn't stealing you dropped that pencil on the floor." The twins denied, to which Haruhi growled in their direction.

"Well, I guess we know who the culprits are." I blamed the twins, who were sitting on one of the sofas.


"Senpai I don't want your pencil." Haruhi responded

"Then to make it up to you how about I do this. I will tell you my success and my fondest memories." Tamaki counter offered

"Not to be rude Senpai but I'm not really interested in that information," Haruhi muttered bitterly

"Not interested!" Tamaki looked horrified before going into his dark aura.

"You guys haven't auctioned anything of mine right?" I asked Kyoya

"Why would we, you're just an errand girl," Kyoya replied

"Just checking."

I feel like I should be offended by that comment.

"Oh, you poor dear I can't believe they've been deceiving you." Chizuru cooed in sympathy

"Hey, why don't you dump these losers and come with us," Hinako suggested

"Now hold on Hinagiku this young maiden has had quite a day. We'll give you some time to think about it. We'll come for yours and the blue-eyed maiden's answers tomorrow. Well, then ado." Benio stated before the three of them twirled out of the clubroom laughing.

"So dramatic." I sighed

Haruhi looked over to the Hosts, her expression was unreadable, but I could tell she was still pissed off.

"I better be going I have some thinking to do." Haruhi uttered before calmly walking out of the clubroom.

"Well, confobulations you lot you've gone and ticked off dearest." I accused the Hosts.


"The facts are the facts." Kyoya shrugged

"Maybe we should've asked before we sold her pencil on the internet," Honey stated

"Yeah for all we know it was a keepsake from her mother," Kaoru commented

"Nah she just got it as a freebie from an electronic store," I informed

"Gentlemen just think about it. Haruhi is basically indifferent but if she had to choose we know she tends to wear men's clothing. And besides when she first joined the Host club didn't she tell us that being fussed over by girls won't be that bad?" Tamaki stated, looking out of the window thoughtfully

"Yeah?" I urged

"Why did I not realise this before? Perhaps they would be a better match for Haruhi. Perhaps she would be better off with the…Zuka club." Tamaki concluded

"Yeah, she's perfect for a girl's school." Kaoru realised


"What are we going to do?" Hikaru asked

"Haruhi's so smart passing Lobelia scholarship will be a piece of cake," Kaoru commented

"And Lobelia academy has the money to pay off the 8 million debt she owes us," Kyoya added

"COOL YOUR BEANS GUYS!" I exclaimed which got their attention.

"Now then, if you lot want to keep her so badly then I've got an idea to make sure she stays," I told them

"You do?" Tamaki stated excitedly

"Yeah I cooked it up when you guys were busy worrying."

"Hey if Haruhi left wouldn't that mean we wouldn't be here either?" Rossi realised

"ROSSI CHAN AND TOMO CHAN ARE LEAVING TOO!" Honey exclaimed, glomping Rossi

"We're not gonna leave Honey Senpai the plan will work I guarantee," I assured

"Eh, we would just bug you at your place every day if you left." Hikaru shrugged

"So what is this plan of yours then?" Kyoya asked

"Well…" I began, with an excited glint in my eye.

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