Haruhi's Best Friend

Episode 3 Part 3

Haruhi's Narration

"Hey Haruhi how'd it go? Is your secret identity safe for another day?" Tomuru asked me eagerly the next day at my home. The reason I waited to tell her at home instead of the Host club is so no guests can overhear.

"Yes my identity is safe," I assured.

"So tell me the tall tale. I've been waiting all day."

"Very well."

Haruhi's flashback

"We will begin conducting physical examinations shortly. All students please proceed to the clinic in your respective school building," I heard through the speakers.

"So what's the deal with this formation A thing you guys were talking about? What do you do during physical exams here at Ouran anyway?" I asked the twins as we walked to the clinic.

"It's no different from any physical exam you'd get at any other school," Hikaru answered.

"Yeah why would a physical exam be different for us just cus we're rich?" Kaoru added.

"You're right I didn't think about it that way."

"Welcome Students," Two rows of doctors and nurses chorused at us when I opened the door. Kinda like how the Hosts greet guests.

"W-what is all this?" I stammered in surprise.

"Just another physical exam," Hikaru replied casually.

"The usual," Kaoru shrugged.

"The usual?"

"You're kidding?" Tomo scoffed.

"Nope all the doctors were weirdly nice and friendly too," I said.

"Hitachiin brothers please follow me to get your height measured," A nurse spoke to the twins.

"Sure thing," Hikaru and Kaoru said following the nurse.

"Mr Fujioka I'm your nurse for your physical exams this afternoon," Another nurse told me.

"Hold the phone! The doctors and nurses think you're a boy too?" Tomo interrupted.

"Yep," I confirmed.

"The Dean didn't inform them of your situation?"

"Nuh uh,"

"That Ouran Academy is weird with or without the Host Club," Tomo commented.


"Okay," I replied.

"Please come this way," The nurse dragged me to where I was going to have my physical exam.

"Honey Senpai? Mori Senpai?" I recognised Honey and Mori, though they were wearing doctor cosplay.

"With lab coats and everything?" Tomo asked.

"Yep they even wore glasses."

"Shh," Mori and Honey shushed me.

"They're so obvious."

"I've got those two for back up just in case something happens," Kyoya said.

"But why are they in doctor disguises?" I asked.

"They're just helping set the mood. Disguises make the operation feel like a real espionage mission."

I looked over to see one of the doctors do a physical exam.

"Wow Miss Shiramina you've lost two whole kilograms since this time last year," The doctor informed.

"That's so good to hear I thought for sure I was heavier," The student said happily.

"Not at all keep it up and you'll be even healthier next year," The doctor said kindly.

"Don't you think it's weird that these doctors are all so jovial and nice?" I questioned.

"They're chosen by the chairman. This maybe a school but it's also a business; therefor he wants to keep the students happy. After all most of these students come from prominent families that have their own private doctors at home. So this is just a formality," Kyoya explained.

"These damn rich people," I thought exasperatedly.

"Hitachiin brothers would you please come with me we're ready to do your chest measurements. You can use the area behind this curtain to undress," I heard the twin's nurse tell them.

"Doesn't matter to me," Hikaru said nonchalantly.

"We're not shy who needs a curtain," Kaoru shrugged.

A group of female students squealed excitedly when Hikaru and Kaoru took their shirts off.

"See Haruhi a rather impressive turnout today. Physical exam day is quite popular with the ladies," Kyoya commented.

"What's wrong with the girls at this school?" I sighed.

"I won't allow it, it's just not fair. I won't let those doctors touch you Kaoru," Hikaru pined, doing the brotherly love act.

"What are talking about? You don't seem to having a problem touching me when we play doctor at home. I can't stop you from tickling me and toying with my body," Kaoru replied softly.

"Sometimes that act gives me the creeps," Tomo shuddered.

"What do you mean sometimes? It creeps me out all the time."

"Come on Haru-Chan this way," Honey urged, pushing me into a curtained area.

"I've been waiting for you my princess," Tamaki said quietly, his arms wrapped around me.

"Tamaki Senpai," I said in surprise, getting out of his grasp and kneeling on the floor.

"You're so cute when you're surprised," Tamaki cooed, to which I pouted.

"Aww you two are so cutesy!"

"Shut up!" I snapped.

"Mr Fujioka it's time to take your chest measurements. Once you've finished disrobing would you please come with me," My nurse told me through the curtain.

"This is it the inevitable moment has arrived. You just stay back here and wait okay Haruhi," Tamaki instructed.

"But what are you going to do?"

"Don't you worry I'll protect you. I promise I'll protect you Haruhi."

"He makes it sound like he's battling a dragon to rescue a fair maiden," Tomo commented.

"I know he can get too dramatic sometimes."

"Mr Fujioka are you ready to be measured now?" the nurse asked.

"Yes I'm Haruhi Fujioka," Tamaki answered, drawing back the curtain to reveal himself, wearing a brown wig.

"Wait that's Tamaki?"

"There's no denying it that's definitely Tamaki."

"Is he cosplaying as Haruhi?"

"What's going on is he trying to be funny?" some of the girls commented.

"I can't believe he actually did it?" Hikaru laughed, from what I heard.

"They recognise him I told you they'd see through it," I heard Kaoru laugh.

"Th-that was their plan! Hahaha," Tomo laughed.


"That's payback for calling us the Homosexual supporting cast," Hikaru laughed.

"I'm sorry they figured it out," Tamaki told me sheepishly.

"AAH!" Tamaki shrieked when I glared at him.

"Just as I thought Tamaki Senpai lives in his own carefree little world," I thought to myself.

"Haruhi ready? I went ahead and set up a separate room for you a special boys clinic. And I have a doctor standing by sworn to secrecy," Kyoya informed.

"Turns out the doctors here today are all on staff at one of Kyoya Senpai's hospitals," Hikaru said.

"Would've been nice if he said something to us earlier," Kaoru commented.

"I had to get my revenge too. I'm sorry I just don't think I'm supporting cast, homosexual or otherwise."

I went to the special boys clinic and knocked on the door. A female voice told me to come in.

"Come in. Mr Fujioka I have been made aware of your situation now if you don't mind please disrobe for me over there," The nurse at the desk instructed.


As I took of my shirt a man wearing a lab coat came in sneakily.

"Uh excuse me?" I said unsurely.

"No it's not what you think please just be quiet," The man said hastily, placing his hand on my mouth.

"Was he a pervert?"

"That's what they thought at first but turns out he wasn't."

"Haruhi, TAMACHAN KICK!" Tamaki exclaimed kicking the man away from me.

"One good looks that attract the public eye," The twins started.

"Two more wealth than you can imagine," Kyoya continued.

"Three chivalry that cannot overlook-" Mori said.

"-the hideous wickedness of this world," Honey then spoke.

"That's what makes the Ouran Host Club," Tamaki finished the speech.

"WE'RE HERE WATCH OUT!" All the Hosts spoke determinedly.

"UUUUHHHH so blaaahhh," Tomo moaned.

"Don't like their little speech?"

"No it's soooo cheesy," She groaned.

"Please don't hurt me spare me my life," The man begged.

"I'm a doctor, I live in the next town over my name is Yabu," The man started to explain himself.

"Did he say his name's Yabu?" Hikaru asked

"That's crazy what a terrible name for a doctor," Kaoru criticised.

"Unless you're a quack," The twins said at the same time.

"I know I'm looking for my daughter. My wife left me last month and took my daughter with her. But I know she attends school here."

"I don't mean to pry or anything but why did your wife and daughter leave you?" I asked curiously.

"Well you see my wife was sick of living in debt and my daughter wanted to go with her. I know I'm terrible at managing our money. I can't blame them for being sick of constantly living in debt. But I wanted to see my daughter one last time. After wandering the streets in the pelting rain I finally made it to your school. When I arrived I was mistaken for a doctor here to examine students," Yabu continued.

"Well of course you're wearing a lab coat," Hikaru commented.

"Anyone would mistake you," Kaoru stated.

"And then it happened. When I asked one of the students if she saw my daughter the girl started screaming then before I knew it I had all kinds of people chasing me," The man sobbed.

"That's so tragic!" Tamaki wept.

"Doctor Yabu I think you may have the wrong place. Are you looking for Ouran Public High school?" Kyoya asked.

"Yeah that's right," Yabu confirmed.

"I figure that might be the case. This is Ouran Academy, a private institution; your daughter doesn't go to school here," Kyoya stated.

"Man that's really sad you don't even know what school your daughter goes to," Hikaru remarked.

"I bet your relationship is messed up because you don't pay attention to her not because of some stupid debt," Kaoru commented.

"Wow Kyo-Chan I'm impressed that you figured out that he was at the wrong school," Honey commented.

"Well a daughter to a small time doctor could never get into Ouran Academy," Kyoya responded, to which I glared at him.

"Kyoya can you find me the maps to the nearest schools in the area. I'd like to help this man find his daughter," Tamaki requested.

"Whatever you say," Kyoya replied doing as Tamaki instructed.

"Aww that was nice of Tamaki to help Yabu out," Tomuru praised.

"We found a map for Ouran Public High school and gave it to Yabu, to which he thanked us and went to find his daughter."

"Are you sure about this? Even if he does find his daughter there's no guarantee that she'll want to speak with him?" the twins asked.

"Well then that's something he'll have to figure out himself," Tamaki said.

"I'm sorry about this you guys but could you please leave?" I told them.

"Haruhi you not still angry at me are you?" Tamaki said panicky.

"Don't be stupid Senpai I just have to complete my physical exam. As a male student of course…but let me explain I'm not doing this because you're bribing me with food. I'm doing it to repay my debt," I explained.

"YOU'RE SO CUTE!" Tamaki tackled me in a hug.

"I can see right through you I know you're just after that fancy tuna," Tamaki laughed.

"Not it off Senpai. Uh hey don't touch me there!" I snapped.

"Red card! Looks like Tamaki Senpai-"

"-Is the real pervert." The twins said.

"Who cares will you guys just get out of here!" I shouted.

"The end," I finished.

"Where did he touch you exactly?" Tomuru asked.

"I'm not telling you that!"

"Was it your boob area?"


"Knew it! Freakin' perv."

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