Understand Me

Chapter 4

“So what exactly happened? Is he on board or not?”

“I haven’t really talked to him about that today.”

“Then what did you do?”

“I handed him the folders and fixed the windmill. And I… I kissed him.”

“You what?”

“I kissed him, ok?”

“Dean, I don’t appreciate you thinking with your downstairs brain when it comes to something like this. It’s important.”

“I know, ok? But what could I do? He was just there and looking all frowny and-… I just couldn’t help it.”

“You never can.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean asked, the rage of the last few days finding it’s way into his stomach once more.

“Did you talk to him? Did he want it?”

“Well…,” now that Sam mentioned it, he didn’t feel as good about kissing Castiel anymore, too much was at stake for Dean to simply work through his frustration with the other man and he really didn't know if the kiss had even been wanted. It felt like Castiel was into it, but he hadn't exactly asked first, just acted.

Sam groaned and hid his face about Dean's undoubtedly very descriptive expression. “You don’t think, Dean. So he didn’t even want to be kissed by you. What if he votes yes now, just outta spite because you did that?”

Dean felt a hit in his stomach. Had Castiel wanted this? Did he force himself on him? Maybe Sam was right. He shouldn’t have done it, maybe this was gonna be the thing that would tip the scale into a direction that they didn’t want.

“I’m- you know…,” he wanted to apologize to Sammy.

Sam let out a long breath at that. “Yeah, me too,” he answered, knowing what Dean meant. “It’s none of my business what you do with him. I only have the property in mind.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait until tomorrow then, right?”


In the evening of the next day, they were back on Winchester’s farm for the first time, arriving just when Charlie and Jess were pulling up, together with their father Frank.

“Hey, Mr. Devereaux. How are you?”

“Would be a whole lot better if I wouldn’t have to be here,” the older man quipped, while Charlie and Jess smiled. “But don’t worry, son. The idiot that’s your father won’t get this thing past me.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“It’s not just that. I bet if we’d have to build that stock route, he’d be clipping his cameras all over the fence posts just like here. Call me crazy, but I don’t like the idea to have my ugly mug all over your father’s flat screen when I do the fence run.”

“Yeah, you can betcha he’d do that,” Dean nodded because that sounded just like his father.

Neither of them wanted to go in yet, so they stood around and talked for a while. Bobby came by on the way back to his quarters from a hard days’ work and stopped by for a chat when he saw them all.

“Good to see you, son. Your father had been in a sour mood the entire time that you’ve been gone,” he told Dean. “We all did our best to avoid him,” he said, just when Rufus Turner pulled up the driveway as well.

“What’s this now, is it national hermit meeting day or what?” Frank said sourly when Rufus walked over.

“Apparently so, you mad bastard,” Rufus grinned. “But you’re no worse than Bobby. Hadn’t seen him for ages and now already twice this week?”

“Oh cry me a river, ye idjits. It’s not as if I’m happy to see you ugly bastards either.”

The younger ones only looked at themselves, knowing the inevitable was coming as all three older men muttered incoherent words under their breath until Frank spoke up.


“Thursday?” Bobby asked back.

“I’ll bring the whisky,” Rufus ended the conversation.

They all demanded to know why Dean, Sam, Charlie and Jess were laughing so hard after this little (predictable) conversation when the last person they didn’t even know they were waiting for, came up behind them.

“Hello,” Dean heard a familiar gravely voice in his back.

“Hi,” he answered fast and tried to grin, but stopped when Castiel just frowned at him.

The tension was back immediately, Dean itched to feel Castiel up close again, not knowing whether to kiss him or slap him. Sam put a hand on his chest then, effectively breaking the moment and they had a silent conversation about how it was better if Dean pulled back right now. He nodded wordlessly before he looked back at Castiel, who frowned even more now when everyone moved over to the door.

Mary Winchester came out and brushed past everyone to throw one arm each around her boys first.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too,” Dean told her and Sam mumbled something affirmative as well.

When they let go, Mary wiped her tears and said in a throaty voice: “Well, what are y’all waiting for? Move in.”

As soon as all of them were in the living room, silence fell. Only a few seconds later, heavy footsteps were heard in the hall and John came in.

“Ev’ning, fellas,” he said, effectively ignoring the women in the room. “We all know why we’re here, I guess.” He went over to a map of all their five properties on a card holder. “Here you can see our five properties and the stock route that cuts right through all of them. And here you see a balance sheet of how the route will make you a profit in only a couple of years. Minimizing transportation cost and being a general fast route in case the fire crews can’t get through on the main road.”

Here, he paused and gave the floor to other speakers and Sam took the word immediately.

“Yes, but what about my farm? It is gonna be organic, and I’m the most affected by the changes made. It practically cuts my property in half.”

“I have a solution for that,” John spoke up then. “You can create a buffer zone next to the road.”

“I already created a buffer zone next to your property because you insist on flying pesticides. How much more land do you want me to waste? Will you find another old route somewhere else? Something that maybe cuts right across my land again, so it’s all nice and quartered?”

At this point Dean calmed his brother with a hand on his shoulder, which made Sam settle down as John waited for more people to raise their voices in the matter, but when everybody seemed determined to come to a decision now, he only nodded and opened the voting up.

“Let’s hear it, then. And let‘s leave the first vote to our new neighbor.”

Everyone in the room knew that with Castiel’s decision, this was gonna be decided.

“I’m in favor of the stock route,” he said. “It sounds like a good idea.”

Castiel looked at Dean who grew pale and tried to get over the shock when Sam gave him a bitchface, clearly saying that this was all his fault.

He felt a brick sit in his stomach as his father also voted in favor of the notion. Frank and Sam voted against it and then it was Rufus’ turn.

“Rufus,” John encouraged, a fond smile on his face, which Rufus didn’t return.

“I vote no,” he said definitively, to the surprise of everyone. “Bobby told me that you’re only doing this to screw your son over, and neither of us really need this route to be bulldozed. You would profit from it the most and anyway, I bet the farmer’s association would be really interested in your business practices if you sprayed the boundary in averse wind again.”

John looked as if he had been punched in the face. He looked at everyone, wanting support, but he wouldn’t get any as Dean announced: “That means the subject’s dropped now and we can stop talking about this,” he looked at Castiel with a very sour expression, the tension level rising further than it yet had.

John was in an even sourer mood than Dean for the rest of the evening, but only those who knew him really well could look past his façade. They all knew he was thinking hard all over dinner, but Dean suspected it would take a while until John had recovered enough to get over this, so he was free to keep staring at Castiel who sat across from him.

Did he imagine it, or did the other man carefully avoid his gaze? While his vote didn’t even matter in the end, Dean still wondered why he had sided with John. Had Sam been right and had Dean sunken further in the other man’s opinion?

He saw the other man get up after desert and join the others on the patio. Dean didn’t leave him out of his sight for the rest of the evening, walking after him when they went for a stroll around on the property before it was gonna be time to leave.

Castiel turned his steps to the stable, and Dean thought that that was really perfect because he wanted to see how the horses were doing too and like this he could combine the talk he had to have with it, so he shouted: “Hey!” and jogged closer.

Castiel flinched when he heard Dean’s voice.


He didn’t say more than that for a few minutes until they reached the stable and Dean walked inside to greet the horses, Castiel following him like he had done before.

“Is that all you’re gonna say?” he asked over his shoulder, petting his mom’s horse and checking if the hay rack was full.

“Yes. Because every time I say more than that there seems to be conflict between us. Or I get assaulted with a tongue.”

“What are you saying?” Dean said, coming even closer.

“You shouldn’t have kissed me like that.”

“How should I have kissed you?” Dean asked, his fingers already trailing up Castiel’s arm, but his movement froze when he met his eyes, which were unresponsive and closed off.

“Oh, I see. Not at all, right?” He turned to go, hurt pooling in his stomach.

“Wait!” Castiel said loudly, capturing Dean’s hand and drawing him back in.

Dean only followed too willingly and felt his body pressed against Castiel’s, both their breaths hitching as their groins rubbed over each other, the fabric of their jeans producing friction that made Dean gasp out: “You’re really not making a lot of sense now, you know that?”

“I know,” Castiel mouthed before he searched for Dean’s mouth with his own, moaning hungrily when he found it. He pressed his nimble fingers into Dean’s hipbones and pressed him even closer, flexing his body against him, letting him feel the hardness in his jeans.

“Fuck,” Dean bit out between kisses, as he maneuvered Castiel back into his horse’s empty and clean box. He closed the latch in an old habit, and then pressed Castiel against the back of the stable like he had done yesterday against his truck. “Fuck,” he mouthed again when Castiel popped the button of his jeans and eagerly reached inside his trousers. “Cas-, fuck!” he groaned as the other man started stroking him, a whirlwind of movement that didn‘t allow questions about where it came from, tension evident in every move and word.

“Uh huh, yes!” Cas breathed with an edge, encouraging Dean to brace himself against the wall again and really lay into his hand now.

Dean thrusted into Cas’ fist, kissing the other man deeply as he was jerked until he came all over his hand, never stopping moving and licking into his mouth even as he shouted out his orgasm.

“Hell yeah,” he groaned as the last wave of come shot out, and then he immediately got onto this knees, opening Cas’ trousers now, pulling those briefs down like he had wanted to and happily muttering: “Seamless,” as he took Cas’ hard cock into his mouth and sucked him enthusiastically to return the favor.

“I don’t even know what you meant right now, but just don’t stop,” Cas moaned above him, his hands now in Dean’s hair as he swirled his tongue over the head of Cas’ cock. His fingers massaged the others’ stomach until they sneaked around, playing over Cas’ ass and darting in-between the cheeks, his hand stuck obscenely in the still halfway pulled up trousers.

Dean moaned and caught Cas’ eye as his fingers stimulated his pucker and he continued to give him head.

“Fuck ah,” was all the warning he got until he felt Cas coming right onto his tongue.

Dean swallowed and pressed a couple of kisses to Cas’ spent cock, his knees protesting now that the moment of passion was over and he got back up, grinning and wanting to kiss Cas again.

Dean was completely surprised when Cas didn’t give him his mouth again, but he wouldn’t give up, not now.

He trailed kisses along Cas’ jaw instead, whispering with an edge and butterflies in his stomach: “Kiss me, goddamn it.”

Cas sighed heavily and turned his head again, looking at Dean as if he would jump off a cliff any second now and then they were kissing again, long and deeply.

Dean’s hands roamed Cas’ body, opening his rumpled shirt fully kissing and stroking for long minutes while they both hardened again.

“I think I stashed some lube here. Whenever the horses get sick, I sleep here and watch over them ‘til they’re better. Can get awful lonely here in the nights, I’m telling ya,” he grinned at Cas, then lowered his head, nibbling and playing over the others’ nipples, which he had managed to expose. “I really wanna fuck you right now,” he whispered hoarsely when he moved back up again and Cas nodded with a heavy lidded expression.

“Dean? Are you here?” Dean heard his brother’s voice at the opening of the barn. “Dad’s drunk and picking a fight with Bobby. I think we’re gonna need you.”

“Yeah ok, Sammy,” Dean said completely frustrated, his hands still splayed on Cas’ half naked body. “I’ll be right out.”

“Damn our father for being a fucking cockblock,” he grumbled, smiling at Cas apologetically.

He wasn’t prepared to see shock, relief and wet eyes there.

“You and Sam are brothers?” Cas said with a definite hitch in his voice.

“Yeah,” Dean said incredulously. He waited for Cas to say some more, but he only stared at him with watery eyes.

“You didn’t think? …Really?”

“Yes, I thought you and Sam were married. And your father didn’t approve of your choices and wanted to screw you over.”

“He didn’t mention that he had two sons when he visited you? Of course he didn’t,” he answered himself, just when Cas shook his head as well.

“So, you were thinking I was a cheating bastard when you saw me and Sam today? And that’s why you didn’t wanna kiss me again when you had finished?”

“Yes,” Cas admitted, and pulled Dean incredibly close again. “I saw the way you calmed each other with one touch and non verbal communication and I came to the wrong conclusion.”

“I thought you had learned your lesson not to judge me too soon,” Dean rasped.

“Apologies,” Cas whispered. “I am really sorry.”

“Well, you should be,” and despite Sam’s words, Dean took the time to ravish Cas’ mouth one last time before they both righted their clothes and walked back to the main house.

“Next time we’re going on a real date and we’re gonna really talk to each other,” Dean declared and Cas finally genuinely smiled at him, without restraint.

“I’d love that.”

“Me and Sammy are gonna be sowing all of next week, so it’s gonna be either before or after that.”

“Let’s say after,” Cas said. “I wanna have time to really get to know you.”

They walked back to the main house just in time to see John stomp off into the one direction while Bobby walked off into the other.

“What’s happened?” Dean asked Sam who stood next to Jess and Charlie.

“Dad’s just fired Bobby.”

“What? Why?”

“Apparently he sees it as betrayal of the farm’s best interests that Bobby went and talked to Rufus about the stock route.”

“But he can’t do that, not without at least three warnings,” Cas said.

“Well, he says he can if the betrayal makes the farm lose business. And according to him, it did.”

“Where’d Bobby go then?”

“He’s packing. And then he’s coming back to our place,” Sam announced in a manner as if it were completely obvious.

“Good call, Sammy. I’m proud of you.”

“Though I don’t know how on earth I am to pay him anything,” Sam scratched his head.

“We’ll figure it out,” Dean said confidently, meaning basically his entire life right now.

“I think we’ve got no business here anymore now, huh?” Rufus said when Bobby’s old truck squeaked up to them, the entire set of his belongings in the back. “We still on for poker?”

“ ‘course,” Bobby announced, coming up in time to hear Rufus‘ question.

Frank nodded before he said: “Our place, and you boys come over as well.”

“I don’t think we can, Frank. We really need to focus on work.”

“Son, you can’t work all day long, you’re allowed to have some fun once in a while. Anyway, let’s count this as a win,” Rufus said to them all. “Not everyone could have thawed John Winchester like we just did. And the rest of the pieces, we‘ll pick up,” he nodded at Bobby.

“I’m actually glad to be leaving the place. Guess I gotta start up on reading about organic farming then, eh?”

They all went to their vehicles now and Dean followed Cas to his car to say goodbye.

“Hey listen. I was wondering what the reason was why you voted for my father’s proposition in there?” he nodded back to the house, now that the afterglow had faded, remembering why he had been tense before.

“Because I thought you were a worthless cheating bastard who tried to lure me into something stupid by making me want him?” Cas asked, and his Dean’s eyes could be trusted in the growing darkness, he saw the other man blushing.

“And do you still think that?” he whispered, yet again pressing Cas against a car.

“No. Except for the ‘making me want him’ bit,” he smiled and captured Dean’s mouth with his again.

Dean didn’t know if he was ready to let everyone see this, didn’t even know what exactly he wanted from this man. He only knew that he absolutely wanted this. Kissing Cas seemed like the most important thing he had done for a long while as he felt long fingers sneak underneath his shirt again and he was pulled forward until they pressed together hotly.

“Hey Cas,” he chuckled. “We don’t really need to give the others a show, do we?”

“I suppose not,” Cas replied, definitely looking happier now than Dean had yet seen him. “So can I call you while you’re busy sowing?”

“Only if you wanna live,” Dean rasped sassily.

“And you’re coming to this poker game at…”

“Frank’s,” Dean helped him out. “Yeah, might as well. Can’t let your sweet ass out of my sight for too long.”

Dean heard cars driving off behind him and he vaguely wondered if Sammy would leave him behind and just get outta here, but when Cas’ hands sneaked into the back pockets of his jeans, he really didn’t care about anything else than that.

“Same goes to you,” Cas smiled.

“How was that about the ‘making him want me’ part? You’re pretty good at that yourself. Fuck, I wish I could just give you more right now, but…”

“Yes, you have to go. Talk to me when you go to bed though,” Cas’ eyes sparkled with promise as he let go of Dean and gently pushed him away, his hands on his chest.

He opened his door and gave Dean one last smile before he reared off towards his own home.

Dean thought his head was packed in cotton and his pants felt uncomfortable as he walked to the shotgun side of Sam’s truck. Even from afar, he could see how incredulous Sam looked at him as he heard someone come up behind him.

“Son,” obviously it was John.

“Yeah, dad? What do you want?”

“What do I want?” John asked to himself. “Obviously I want you to come home. With your brother doing his thing now, this farm will be entirely yours one day. You should work and live here again. It would mean a lot to your mother.”

Dean gulped. It was really not fair to play the mom card, because John knew how much he missed her. Talking to her every day, going on hunts and generally her whole person.

John had to see that Dean was conflicted, because he went on: “Besides, I can’t see you working for your brother. Or doing organic farming. You always looked down on it.”

“And I always looked down on city farmers too, but I think right now I’m falling for one which I additionally just gave head in your barn,” was what Dean thought, but not said.

The situation had been easy when he just had to choose his brother over his father, but here he stood, having to choose Sammy over his future on this farm, his parents and his own plans?

Still, the answer was always gonna be: “I’ll go with Sammy.”

“Your choice, son. But you know you don’t need to come back here if you go, right? I told your brother the same and if you wanna go that way, you’re gonna stay gone.”

“Yeah, I get that. But do you notice something, dad? Sammy is gone, Bobby is gone. And now you’re telling me to be gone?” he shrugged. “Kinda seems like everyone leaves, doesn’t it? Maybe you should think about what you’re doing, before even more people leave you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” John practically barked now.

Dean held up his hands: “Nothing, but maybe you shouldn’t say that to every person who has their own opinion, is all.”

He nodded back at his father and opened the shotgun seat of Sam’s truck in which they had gotten here without another look back.

“Let’s go, Sammy.”

Sam only nodded and didn’t say a word while they pulled away, leaving the farm, on which they had been brought up on, behind for a very long time to come.

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