The One with the Revelations
Maka wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. She really didn't.
The past few days regarding certain events involving a white haired jerk were hellish for her. When Soul gave her the package with her picture and a note through the mail, she wasn't sure if she wanted to throw it out or keep it. Her mind told her to cut it up with a scissor and leave the pieces in the trashcan, but her heart told her to hang it up on her wall filled with other important pictures.
In the end she did neither.
Instead, she left it in-between the folds of the thick dictionary that lazily sat on her desk, having no purpose other than collecting dust over time.
She was definitely not going to forgive him. Because why should she? She had no obligation to, despite his indirect apology. It was a sweet gesture, she had to admit, but it wasn't enough. The pain she felt from his words that day were...indescribable. It was that bad. Only one other time had she ever felt such terrible pain; the other time being two years ago and pain more from fear than love.
The only real problem she had, she decided, was still trying to avoid him during class. He knew she had gotten the package now, and he probably expected an answer. An answer she didn't have. When she got to school the next day, her mind was clouded with numerous mental conversations she could have with him, just to find that it had all been in vain.
He wasn't at school.
She was half relieved and half annoyed. No, actually, she was one-fourths relieved and three-fourths annoyed...ok, she was one-hundredth relieved and ninety-nine-hundredth annoyed. She wanted to talk to him, despite the fact she was extremely nervous and anxious about seeing him. She had cursed him out way too much in her wrath of fury, totally out of character. She wanted to discuss about what he had said about her, if he really meant it, but it was not possible now. Was he being a coward and avoiding her? Whatever it was, it was not acceptable. She was a very impatient person, so when she wanted to talk, she wanted to talk now.
Her impatience led her to blurt out "Where is he?" to Black Star, during lunch as he was chewing on a piece of sour candy.
"What, you miss your boyfriend?" He asked casually, stuffing three more sour straws in his mouth. He was alone in the round, pure white lunch table, munching on candy.
"Watch it," Maka dangerously hissed. "Where is he?"
"It's his birthday today," Black Star briefly looked up at her, rapidly chewing on his daily dose of sugar.
"It's his birthday today?" Maka's interest piped up at the new information.
"Yep," Black Star answered, now tearing a bar of chocolate open. "He's probably going through hell right about now."
"Hell?" Maka questioned in intense curiosity. It was his birthday, why would it be hell...?
"Soul's birthdate is the same day his mother died." Black Star told her, his clear blue eyes not wavering once. Maka was surprised at how nonchalant he was about the whole ordeal, but stayed quiet so he could continue. "His dad and brother hate him for it, calls him a murderer."
"A murderer?" Maka scoffed at the ridiculous label. "She died from childbirth, right? So they have no right to blame her death on him!"
"Yeah," Black Star agreed, sucking on a tootsie pop. The candy wrappers of his previously devoured candy now laid on the corner of the white table, discarded as fast as their contents were eaten. "But it was kind of Soul's fault too. He came two months before the due date, as a premature baby. Soul's mother was always a weak person, and when the baby unexpectedly came too soon, she had to be taken to the hospital instantly. His father, in a rush, sped the car as fast as he could and got into a car accident."
"Car...accident?" Maka asked in shock, all the facts slowly sinking into her head. She had heard from Soul that his mother had died, but the details were blurry.
"Yeah, it just complicated things even more. When they got to the hospital, it was so bad that the doctors told his father that he either had to save his wife's life or his unborn child's. Of course Soul's dad wanted to save Soul's mother, but Soul's mom, in her bloody state, pleaded to save Soul instead."
"My God..." Maka breathed out, shocked at depressing tragedy of his birth. It was almost as if he was born to kill those around him. The thought terrified her.
"Soul's father was forced to choose Soul, and painfully watched his wife die with his own eyes. It's horrible for Soul's old man to blame and hate Soul for it, but it's justified. I can understand his feeling in a way." Black Star shrugged, taking out fruity bubble gum from the side of his pocket. He offered Maka some, but she shook her head. Everything that she just learned left her with a burning pit in her stomach, and all she could think about was the last person she wanted to think about- Soul.
"So Soul never even had a proper birthday?" Maka guessed.
"Right," Black Star confirmed, rapidly chewing the flavor off the gum. "Not only that, he can't even go to his own mother's funeral."
"What?" Maka cried out in disbelief. The more she heard, the more aggravated and irritated she got.
"His father wouldn't let him go, ever. He beats Soul up real bad if he so much as asks to join the ceremony, says some bullshit about how a murderer shouldn't go to the funeral of its victim."
Maka's stomach dropped at the thought of it all. How could a person do that to another person, nevertheless a father to his son?
"You should go to him," Black Star's order woke her up from the bubbling anger she was drowning in.
"To Soul?" Maka asked for the heck of asking. Who else would he be talking about?
"Yeah. I don't go around telling Soul's past to anyone. Ever. The only reason I told you his story is because I know your presence will make him happy and Soul deserves to be happy." Black Star stated, still chewing on his piece of candy. He looked off to the distance, and Maka was sure it was in Tsubaki and Kid's direction, but she shrugged it off. "I tried to help him lots of times during his birthday, but he always wants to be alone. He isolates himself this day, and really beats himself over it. He believes everything his father tells him, and I can't convince him otherwise. Maybe you can, you're different."
Maka looked at the blue haired boy in complete surprise. Behind that goofy, childish face, there was someone else- someone so different and much more mature than the eye could see. He had layers to his personality, so, so much layers.
"I'm different?" Maka asked him to evaluate.
"Yeah, you're special to him. I can tell. He's different when he's around you...happier, cheerier. He's always joking around when he's with you and teasing you, but he never does that with anyone else. Ever. In all the many years I've known him, you're the only girl he ever talked to for more than five minutes."
It was the strangest feeling, the tingle in her heart as she heard the words coming out of Black Star's mouth.
"I can tell you're a special person to him. He's probably ripping apart with blades of misery, you should be with him," Black Star advised her. "If you really get to know Soul, you'll find that he's a pretty freaking amazing person. He may do some stupid, spontaneous things at time, but it's all because he's insecure. The only reason why he goes around and pretends he's so conceited and all that is because he has the biggest insecurity. His self confidence is really low, he sort of had to convince himself he was better than others so he wouldn't drown in his low self esteem."
"...Where is he?" Maka quietly asked, glancing at her wristwatch. There were three more periods left, but she couldn't wait that long...she had to meet him. Now.
"Every year I always find him at the same spot..."
Dull burgundy eyes stared up at the glaring ray of the sun, the intensity of its brightness burning his sight. He didn't mind the ache that came from the direct contact with nature's greatest gifts, and instead basked in its pain. The sun provided no warmth in the harsh winter weather, but it did leave a blinding light that, no matter how bright it was, seemed to help the pitch darkness in his soul in no way at all.
It was that day again- the day that made him wonder about so many things. So many 'why's and 'what if's.
But the biggest question of all, the one that rose and shadowed above the others like a tower: Why was he born? For what purpose?
He groaned in agony, the dark thoughts not disappearing in his mind. He tried as hard as he could to forget all about it, but the venomous thoughts kept floating back to him, reminding him that it was still there.
These ideas and questions used to constantly be in his head. Twenty-four seven they would endlessly roam around the territory of his mind and consume his every thought. But it had stopped at one point...when he met a particular girl.
A girl who actually cared about him, and a girl he actually cared about. For the first time in his life he had these feelings- she was the first person he ever cared about. She was his purpose, the only person that meant something to him, and he couldn't even cling onto her. The devil in his head spoke the truth when he said that his insecurities would be the downfall of him.
He wanted to see her. He wanted to be with her, tell her that he didn't mean those words. If only he could talk to her, explain that-
"Here." A voice broke him from his bottomless trance, a hand holding an ice cream cone shoved in his face. His eyes widened not at the fact that someone was crazy enough to offer him a frozen dessert in the middle of the winter, but at the person's voice.
He looked up slowly, anticipation pounding at the side of his chest in expectation. His broken red eyes were what caused her to soften her own solid emerald ones.
"Take it," she continued, shoving the ice cream cone closer to his face. "It's going to melt."
"Thank you," he murmured uncertainly, taking the ice cone in her hands, not sure what she was doing outside. School was still in session...
"Get up." She ordered, as she put her hands crossed over her chest. "What do you want to do?"
"What?" Soul asked, utterly confused at her strange actions. What was she doing here? The thought quickly dissipated- it didn't really matter. He was just glad she was in front of him, her presence soothed him. Just seeing her face, hearing her voice made him content. She saved him from the darkness once more.
"I asked you what you wanted to do." She repeated, a hint of agitation sprayed on her words.
"What I want to do...?" He repeated the question once again.
"It's your birthday today, isn't it?" She told him matter-of-factly. His eyes could only grow bigger, the ice cream cone still completely frosted in his hands.
"So what the hell are you doing sulking around in the middle of the woods somewhere like a pathetic fool?" She bluntly asked, her tone rough around the edges but soft in purpose.
"Maka I-" Soul started, just to be interrupted by the blonde once again.
"Let's run away." Maka offered, holding her hand out for him to take. "Let's just forget about everything for the moment- all the negativity, all the hurt, all the past. Let's just be surrounded by positive energy and detach ourselves from bad situations. Let's just celebrate the anniversary of the birth of a new life."
"Hey," Tsubaki greeted the hyper sky blue-haired boy who hopped over to her. "What were you and Maka talking about during lunch?"
"Eh," Black Star lazily replied, placing his hands behind his head. "Something important about her and Soul."
"Her and Soul?" Tsubaki asked, full of curiosity.
"Yeah, I think they really like each other." Black Star toothily grinned.
"Really?" Tsubaki asked, one of her eyebrow crooked upwards in surprise. "Maka and Soul?"
"Yeah!" Black Star excitedly said, completely contrasting to the other side of him he had shown Maka.
"Nah," Tsubaki determined. "Maka doesn't believe in love, believe me."
"Really? Because she just cut school to go comfort him." Black Star blurted.
"What?" Tsubaki gasped in disbelief. "Are you serious? Maka really cut school to be with Soul? Soul Eater Evans? That Soul?"
"There's only one Soul in the entire world that we both know."
"B-but...!" Tsubaki sputtered, not sure how to take the news. She had to confirm the facts, ask Maka herself what was going on through her head when she decided to illegally leave the school's premises.
"Why is this so shocking for you?" Black Star inquired, noticing the boy who was obsessed with symmetry staring hotly at him.
"Because Maka really hates romantic things, and when I mean hate, I mean absolutely despises." Tsubaki explained. "The things her father did to her mother gave her corrupt ideas about the whole concept, and then there was this boy she used to date that-oh." Tsubaki covered her mouth, realizing that she accidentally said too much.
"Well, you know," Black Star preached, what Tsubaki stated completely passing by him. "when you find that perfect person, all those rules you set before change."
Tsubaki blushed at his words, but paid no attention to the warm feeling over her cheeks. After all, she had a boyfriend back in Japan named Mifune, and she simply wasn't the cheating type. Besides, she would never, ever date a younger guy. It was one of her rules.
"I didn't make the damn thing, so you can just eat it!" Maka's clearly angered voice rang through the semi-fancy restaurant they were in. Their positions were rather comical; she had a fork filled with cake in her hands and trying to stuff it into his face, which was turned to the side in rejection.
"I just don't like sweet things!" Soul lied. He was a big fan of sweet things, but the cake in front of him didn't look sweet at all. In fact, it didn't even look like a cake. It was a big, glop of...he couldn't even decipher what it was exactly.
"Liar!" Maka cried out in protest, still trying to shove the fork down his throat. "I see you and Black Star munching on piles and piles of candy every lunch period!"
"I-" with the tiny gap he opened with saying that single letter, Maka had shoved the cake into his mouth and grinned smugly. Soul closed his eyes in defeat and chewed slowly in agony. He swallowed hard, when he realized the cake wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was pretty damn delicious.
"This is good!" Soul said, more as a question than an observation.
"I told you it is!" Maka rolled her eyes at his humored expression. "By the way, I did make it!" Soul jokingly made gagging motions, which was briefly ended when she kicked him in the shin under the tables. He wondered when she had the time to make it, but decided not to question it further. She had made him cake, and he was happy. And at the moment, his happiness was all that mattered.
They had done a lot of things that day, from going to the local carnival, a music museum, and the movies where they undoubtedly movie-hopped. Like Maka had told him, they forgot about all the past events and people- everything that tied them down to a miserable, chained life. With that mindset, they had an incredible time together. They roamed around, when they decided to stop for a bite and here they were now, stuffing cake down each other's throats.
"You know we're not allowed to eat outside food in here," Soul reminded her, taking another bite of her goop cake.
"Whatever," Maka dismissed the tight rules. "We have one more place to drop by, so hurry up and eat!"
"Where?" Soul asked, filled with curiosity. They had done everything he had suggested...yes, he had suggested. Although all the things they did that day seemed minor and drab, he had done none of them before and they were all things he wanted to do. Maka stared at him for three whole minutes in disbelief when she heard his list, not sure if he was serious, but when his face remained solid, she knew he actually meant it.
"Somewhere...just hurry up and eat."
"Tsubaki, I need to talk to you." Kid dragged the puzzled girl to the side, and started to whisper his words. "I heard some news today, and I don't know what to do."
"What wrong?" Tsubaki asked, her eyes searching his golden ones for an answer.
"He's coming back." Kid stated, his eyes hardened as he said his words.
"He?" Tsubaki asked, a strange feeling creeping upwards to her throat. She didn't want her assumptions to who he was proven true, but this hope was shattered as Kid replied back,
"That asshole from two years ago."
It was ten-thirty sharp when they had arrived, the raw winter night enveloping their two figures tightly. Soul's scarlet orbs darted around nervously at the endless rows of tombstones, his fingers twitching and shaking. He had repeatedly tried to turn back when he realized where she was headed, but she had a firm grip on his hand and it was near impossible to escape.
"How did you know where she lies?" Soul dove into the ocean of darkness and silence of the night.
"A little birdy told me," Maka replied, holding onto his trembling hand more for support than force now. Silence fell upon them once again, until Maka halted abruptly in front of a huge tombstone, with colorful, fresh flowers near each side of it.
Soul stared into the slab of stone, as he read his mother's engraved name and his birthdate at her second date. He stood there speechless- he had imagined so many times what he would do when he actually met and visited her, but now he was here, he was paralyzed.
"Tell her." Maka softly whispered to him, her emerald green eyes looking up at him expectantly. "Tell her everything."
"I-I don't know what to say." Soul admitted, sweat gathering at the center of his palm.
"Soul, everything that's been bottled up in your heart. Everything you ever wanted to say to her- just let it go."
And as Maka let those words loosely fly from her mouth, something in Soul changed- he was moved, to say in the least. It was as though she had opened the heart to all his emotions, feelings that were locked and hidden away for so long, and the feeling was so overwhelming for Soul and he mentally imploded. They were alone, embraced by just the pitch blackness and peace. In that second of supreme tenderness, he would fade into something impalpable under her expectant, hazy green eyes, and then transform.
"I-I'm sorry for killing you." Soul started, his red eyes looking straight at his mother's name engraved on the elegant marble slab. Maka pursed her lips at his choice of words, but let him continue his speech with no interruptions. "But I wonder-why? I constantly think to myself over and over again, why you would sacrifice yourself for me? Do you hate me that much, that you would purposely put me in such a miserable life?" Soul started to release all the thoughts that have been plaguing him his whole life, and the ventilation proved to be useful to his piled up stress. "I-I never understood. Why kill yourself when you know everyone would hate me for it? Did the thought not cross your mind? I-Because of you, I-I'm hated so much by both my father- no, your husband and your son. Do you hate me that much? Am I that despicable?" Soul spat out his words, coming out as angrily as hesitantly. He stumbled across his words, and when he collapsed on the soiled floor across from his mother's stone, and pulled his silvery hair in agony.
"Why? I don't get it- can you please give me a fucking answer? Why? Is it because I killed you? It is your revenge? I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry I killed you so please stop this pain. Everyday, it's just hell. Please, just stop it." Maka noticed the pain in his blood-red eyes, and decided it was too much for her to just watch when a single tear rolled down the side of his pale, smooth white face.
She slowly kneeled down on the ground with him, and faced towards him.
"Hey..." She whispered softly, cupping the side of his face with her hands. "Don't blame yourself and don't be sorry. You aren't the one who killed her, you gave her life. She doesn't hate you- she loved you so much, so hard that she easily gave up her life for you. How would you think she would feel if she saw you like this? Depressed to the point of death? You should be living your life to the fullest, for her sake."
He looked at her with bloodshot eyes, the tear stain on the side of his face still visible. The words slowly sinked into him, absorbing the warmth that followed through verbally, as she spoke to him. He looked down, but she lifted it up with her hands once more.
"Hey," she gently started, wiping away the single teardrop that fell down his pallid face. He shuddered at the heat of her hands against his cold face. "Thank you for being you, thank you for living, and most of all, thank you for being born."
He stared at her, his burgundy eyes staring straight at her warm green ones. His chest hurt- it literally hurt so bad, he felt it was going to rip out of his chest. Floods of memories flashed by him;
"You shouldn't have been born."
"You killed our mother."
"Don't dare to ask to come to your mother's funeral again."
"At least have some talents. If you were going to kill mom, at least show you were worth her life."
And then, as his whole life flashed before him like a reel of black and white film, colors started to merge and take the form of a single girl.
"Thank you for being born." - The words echoed in his mind over and over again. He had a terrible urge to take her down, and restricting himself from doing so tore him apart inside. It was so painful that he did nothing rash, nothing to scare her or make her run away. He didn't want her to leave, he needed her. He didn't know why, but he knew he needed her. The thought of her being gone or leaving him behind burned him inside. The thought scared him to the core, and the internal war he had within himself to control his feelings, to keep them at bay, lost control of itself. Before he knew it, he had her wrapped around in his arms tightly, as if an unseen force was trying to pull her away from him.
"Ow..." She gently said, afraid to break down the already broken Soul in front of her. "You're crushing me Soul."
"Don't leave me..." He whispered in her ear.
"Ha, what are you talking about you menace?" She faintly joked, but his grip only got tighter. She looked at him, broken down, and sorrow for the boy in front of her washed over her. She did not particularly have any feelings towards him- at least none she knew of- but seeing him huddled up, he looked so small. She felt pity for him, and couldn't help but agree to his wishes. "Okay, I promise I won't leave you," she promised. She felt his tense body loosen, but his grip on her was still tight.
"I'm so sorry Maka," he apologized, still holding onto her frail body. "I'm so sorry about what I said, I didn't mean any of it, I wasn't thinking, I was pressured and-"
"It's fine," she interrupted him. And it was fine, because now she knew. Now she knew Soul, in his entirety.
He dried away all his remaining tears, and after ten minutes harshly pulled her away- regrettably- and looking straight at her grassy green eyes, told her with his trademark crooked smile,
"You better not tell anyone I cried, pigtails." It was a light threat, his sharp white teeth showing through his cocky grin.
A smile tugged at her lips- the Soul she knew was finally back.
"I'm not scared of you," was her reply, adding in a small smile. "Anyways, come on. Let's get going now," she commanded, standing up from the frozen soil. She held out her hand to him, and pulled him up. She turned around and slowly started to leave, but she was stopped by a sharp tug on her arm.
"Hey Maka. Thank you." His velvet voice was dripping with sincerity and Maka smiled, glad that the hole in their friendship was mended. She was completely oblivious to the fact that on Soul's 18th birthday, she had not only altered his life forever, but became the person he would devote the rest of his life obsessing over.