Damon had fallen asleep hours ago, I slipped out of the bed without waking hi8m and crept downstairs. I had just made it to the front door when a voice stopped me. "Where are you going?"
I turned to Stefan, "I don't know. I just need some air, sometime to think Stefan."
I couldn't even look him in the eye as I answered him. "I should be back before he wakes, but if I'm not... just tell him not to worry... please?"
At first Stefan didn't say anything, then he was standing directly in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. "Listen Jessica, at some point we have all had our breaking points. Just don't let this one destroy you."
With that I was once again standing on my own. Not waiting another second I quickly left the house. Using my speed I rand deep into the forest, when I felt I had gone far enough I stopped, falling to my knees. I threw my head back and screamed to the night sky. I heard animals running away from me in fear. I felt my face change, my teeth sharpen. I thought back over the last two days.
I had sat there with Damon, after switching my humanity back on to save him. The happiness on his face matching my own, everything was going to be ok now. We talked for hours, we kissed and then we talked some more.
We talked about my mother, my father and even my uncle. I had never talked to anybody about this part of me before and it started to help me deal with all the events that had led to this point.
We talked through the night and it was the next morning Stefan arrived home.
I stood before him and begged his forgiveness, for anything I had said and done with the switch off. He hugged me and told me he was just happy I was back. I hugged him back fiercely, maybe I would be able to get through all this after all.
Then it all changed.
Elena and Jeremy walked in, I pulled away from Stefan and felt my body stiffen. They both gave me uncertain smile. Everyone was quiet for a few moments and I realised they were all waiting for me to speak. I cleared my throat, "Jeremy, I don't expect you to forgive me... or you Elena... but I'm so sorry. I tried to kill you both..."
I was cut off by Elena throwing her arms around me, "It's just good to have you back Jess."
I looked over Elena's shoulder to Jeremy who just smiled and nodded at me. I looked around at all the smiling, forgiving faces. I knew I wore a smile of my own, I had said the right words, and I had been forgiven.
Yet all I wanted to do was drain both Gilberts dry of every drop of blood inside their bodies.
As I knelt on the forest floor it started to rain. I couldn't feel it, barely even realised it was hitting me. What was wrong with me?
I knew I had switched my emotions back on, "I was angry, happy , sad... I felt each emotion coursing through me. So why did I still feel like killing every human in this town. It had taken every ounce of my restraint in that moment to not attack the siblings. Then the feeling was gone, as quickly as I felt the need to kill them it disappeared.
As I stood there with them I no longer wanted to hurt them. I quickly told them all I was exhausted and excused myself, practically running from the room. Damon followed me but thankfully he didn't say anything. He just climbed into the bed beside me and soon fell asleep.
Now here I was, in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night, going crazy... again. What felt like hours passed by and I didn't move. Finally I stood up, coming to a decision.
I was going to hide it... from everyone. I was not going to end up vervained again because I had thoughts about hurting Elena. I would just have to be careful.
First though, I had to sort something out. I quickly ran to my house and taking a metaphorical deep breath I pushed open the door and walked in. It wasn't as hard as last time. I still felt the ache in my chest when I thought of my mother but it didn't seem to be as strong. Maybe turning off my emotions, however brief, had helped me in that department.
Focusing on the task at hand, I switched on the lights in the dark house, tied my hair up in a messy bun and started packing my mothers room into boxes. I was just finishing taping up the last box when the doorbell rang.
I looked at the clock in the sitting room as I made my way to the door. Almost 8 am. I hadn't realised I had been here for so long. Pulling open the door, almost afraid of who would be standing on the other side, I was relieved to see it was a delivery man.
"Delivery for Jessica Bird." He said, holding out a package. I knew what it was immediately. I had pre-ordered it months ago. It was a book of poetry by William Blake, it was going to be a Christmas present for my mother.
Before he had a chance to blink I had him inside the house and against the wall. He opened his mouth, whether to beg or scream I don't know, because I had already sunk my teeth into the soft flesh on his neck. All that came out of his mouth now was gurgles.
After a few seconds I pulled back, I bit my own wrist and pressed it against his mouth, forcing him to swallow my blood. As the wound on his neck healed itself I forced him to look me in the eye. I felt my pupils dilate, "You delivered the parcel and left. You won't remember anything else that happened here."
His eyes went vacant for a moment as he nodded. I let him go and he left as if nothing had happened. I walked back into the sitting room and stood there for a second, for the first time in days... weeks maybe, I felt normal. It was like I had fighting my true self for weeks and I was only now finally accepting who I was... what I was.
My train of thought trailed off as my phone started to ring. I looked down at the caller I.D. I put a smile on my face, "Hey Damon."
"Jessi, where are you? Are you ok?" Damon's voice was frantic over the phone.
"Damon calm down. I'm fine, I just had stuff to sort out here at home." I knew he was just worried about me, but I wasn't some delicate flower that needed twenty four hour protection.
I looked up and directly into the mirror above the fireplace. I looked at the girl looking back at me, the blood stained lips.
No, I defiantly wasn't delicate anymore.