A Death Note Carol

Shadow

Light stood very still in his room sometime after arriving in it, not unlike when Past had first left him. However, where Past had left him in shock, Present left him depressed.

He felt like a failure.

Though Light was not prone to allowing himself to wallow (that was L's thing, Light was, by nature, proactive) but it seemed that Light needed to think and wallow perhaps a little more than he had allowed himself to in the past.

"Cruelty and obstinance," he mused. His gut reaction was to ignore what Present had said. But that would be stupid. He needed to change his game- that was all. He had to listen to the spirits and use their will in compliance with his own. They had taken the place of l in that there was nothing to bribe or threaten them with, but unlike l they could not be killed. The only option was to try and get them on to his side. If that meant listening to their nonsense preaching, then so be it.

Maybe they had a point about 'cruelty.'

Misa was worse than Light imagined, he would have to deal with that...

As for obstinance...he wasn't obstinate, just determined.

Well, maybe he was a little stubborn. Thinking over his experiences, he thought of the priest in England. His crimes had been horrific; light would have written his name without a second thought. Yet, now the man had redeemed himself and was a help to the younger generation. Yet...was that justice? The families of the dead still had no comfort. Yes he had repented, but what was that to the families of murdered church goers? Yet if the priest had been killed, how many lives would be worse off without him?

The arguments about the fine line between good and evil and the complexities of justice were not foreign to light. Of course he knew the moral arguments. Yet he had always ignored them or held them in derision; he saw the ways of L and the Task Force as incompetent, overtly lenient or at times downright corrupt. But now he had been given examples of other people who were trying to be good. He was one of them; he had thought he had done nothing but good (the few innocent he killed being necessary sacrifices,) yet so many bad things had happened and where now going to happen. He had to take responsibility for the deaths caused by eliminating Misora and Penbar, and take partial responsibility of all the girls Misa had killed. Then there was all the innocent people light had wrongfully murdered because he thought they were guilty. Then the murders that would be necessary after he killed L...God, it just went on and on...

Slowly he sat on his bed. "I cannot fix my past mistakes," he said out loud, his voice laced with tiredness. "But I must try and fix the future." He looked up at the ceiling. "You win, alright, L will not die. But only because my hierarchy of moral people has altered slightly."

He sighed and looked back down. Before Sayu and his mother had been the only people Light thought worthy of saving. He saw the two women in his life as pure, stupid, yes- but pure. Light had wanted to protect them, to protect Sayu from the likes of the girls who bullied her. But somewhere along the line, he ended up being that bully. He had taken certain people (considered as deserving of his new world, but not necessary) for granted, and had underestimated the goodness of others.

But worst of all, his judgments had failed.

Misa was nothing but a crazed murderess. And he had killed several innocent people, directly or indirectly.

Plus, he had noticed a splitting in his mind, as of Kira and Light were almost becoming two personas. Light wanted to believe that he could handle killing hundreds of people because they had been bad. But it seemed that Light was becoming mentally unstable. If he had to hold back on the amount of people he killed in order to stop this...personality split or whatever it was, fine, he would do so.

"I need help," he muttered bitterly, "in order to rule the world I will need help. I need allies." He took in a deep,steadying breath. "That's not so awful. Everyone needs allies; it's intelligent to have allies. And I need the media on side. If I get L and his successors, I can cut down on the amount of people I judge. I can focus on the nicer side of ruling. I'll make sure that everyone is doing their role correctly. I will not have another Misa-like person slaughtering whoever they want. I'm certain that I can get L on side. I know enough about him now. It will just take a little longer for my new world to unfold."

He looked out of the window up into the black unforgiving sky. "God has many smaller, lesser gods underneath him. I'll make an entire religion. I'll have the angels and the saints. But unlike the present gods we will be living and present. We will offer real hope." He frowned determinedly. "But I shall be god. I am the one making it all happen, so I am god.

Do you hear me, all you spirits?I know you're going to send Future to me, but I'm telling you, my plans have changed. I'm not as inflexible as to not be able to change my plans. So that surely will change future, will it not? Surely the future is more positive with this change? It's only fair that I am worshipped.

You have been unfair, showing me only my mistakes. What of all the people I have saved? Of all the people who feel safer in their beds tonight, thanks to my doing? You have won in making me rethink eliminating L, that I will admit, but you cannot stop the creation of a New World. Humanity deserves better than your slow planning. We deserve to have freedom now. If that makes me a Devil, fine, I take that role. You allowed Shinigami to run riot. You allowed the Death Note to fall to Earth. Be grateful I got it instead of some psychotic lunatic."

He looked around the room, his prayer finished.

The room was empty.

Feeling rebellious, Light climbed into bed.

Future would just have to wake him when it arrived.

Turning to face the wall, he spotted a large black spider. He frowned and turned to the ceiling. His stomach tightened.

The ceiling was black with congregated spiders directly above his bed.

Light was not afraid of spiders, but this was gross...and undoubtedly supernatural. His eyes still on the spiders, he moved his hand to tug off the bed covers and to get out of bed, however a ticklish feeling ran over his hand as he did so. Leaping a little he sat up; spiders were clambering up on to his bed and ambling around on his duvet.

Kicking the duvet back, Light stepped onto the floor and felt a horrible squishing under his bare feet. He did not need to look; he knew what he had stepped on.

An icy shiver trailed up his spine.

The spiders on the ceiling were beginning to lower themselves down onto his bed. Even their webs looked black. Looking on the floor behind him in order to get no more surprises light began to walk backwards. When onto his pure carpet, he rubbed his left foot on it to remove the crushed spider remains.

The Fates, or Time, or whoever, must have done this as a punishment for his insolence. His eyes narrowed, they were very childish- whoever 'they' were.

Suddenly something caught his eye. Tearing his gaze away from the spider mountain that was once his bed, he looked directly into his own eyes. It was his reflection; he must have spotted his own movement when walking backwards. He smiled a little to himself, his own eyes softening. The spirits really had succeeded in making him more jump- dear God what was that? In the corner of the mirror, directly behind light was a tall black figure. Whipping his head around to that direction, his heart thumping so hard it hurt, Light saw nothing.

But there had been a tall black thing, standing in the corner...

Looking back to the mirror, yes, there it was again!

Only, this time, it was closer.

It was so tall it reached the ceiling. It had no discernable shape, just up and down, but light had a feeling that it was vaguely human shaped under a large cloak.

As he watched he was greatly disturbed to see that the being did nothing but stand there, like it was staring at him. It was that same feeling you get when sitting on public transport and someone won't stop gazing at you. It was that feeling of being scrutinised; only this thing had no face so Light could not stare back.

"You must be Future." He declared, his voice sounding out stronger and more bravely than he actually felt.

Light blinked.

It was closer.

He turned back around.

There was still nothing there.

He could only see this thing in the mirror?

What was the point?

A couple of spiders ran across the mirror. Oh god, their numbers were increasing and they were beginning to take up more of the room.

Looking into the mirror the thing was even closer.

"This is stupid!" barked light. "Show yourself to me like the others did!" there was a pregnant pause. "Or at least talk to me!"

With every blink it had gotten a little closer.

Even though nothing had changed in the room, bar the spiders, Light felt his back tense up and cringe. The knowledge that technically something was there was enough to make him react. He began to control his breathing.

The thing was so close now.

It frightened him- it wasn't human or animal-like, unlike the Shinigami or the other spirits. "Are you not bothering to try to make yourself relatable to me? I suppose you do not care whether I am disturbed by you or not?" It was directly behind him now.

Light had a tense and fake smirk plastered on his face. His eyes were wide. "How will you preach and annoy me without speaking?"

Light could feel the spiders running over his feet. They were climbing up his trousers; a multitude of tiny, stick like feet marching on his cold skin. In the mirror, he could see the dark figure looming over him. He could see now that it was not wearing a cloak. It looked like several layers of shadow all piled upon one another until it created a pure darkness. It was constantly in motion; it rippled and twisted and floated outwards, so at times looking more like a grey veils as one shadow slipped away from the others momentarily.

It was disgusting.

Something about it simply repulsed light. And it was so close to him! Though he felt nothing, the mirror revealed the black shadows to be touching him, slowly drifting up his sides and wrapping itself around him. He could see the spiders walking up himself, they were on his chest, scrambling up his neck and beginning to get entangled in his hair.

He felt himself getting angry. He hated feeling this helpless!

"Get these things off me!!" he nearly screamed.

But Future was as uncaring as it was faceless.

Light continued yelling began to get cut off as he started to choke.

His throat was tickling. He coughed and coughed, trying to stop the uncomfortable, tingling feeling.

Something lumpy began to slither its way out of the back of his throat. In his mouth it slowly dragged it body to his lips. Light could not spit it out. He was too in shock. Instead he stood with his mouth open looking at his reflection.

A long black line poked its way anxiously out of his mouth, followed by another and another.

Then the entire body of the saliva drenched spider pulled itself from its cavernous prison, running from his chin into his hair. Then another one followed. Light tried to scream, but he could feel the horrible lumpy clumps all wriggling about in his throat, choking him.

The spiders ran over the mirror blocking it from sight.

The last thing Light saw was the reflection of his own terrified face being covered by jet black, long legged arachnids.

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