A Death Note Carol

Tears

When Light awoke, he had his knees drawn up to his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs and he was profusely wet, cold and miserable; which was not surprising seeing as he must have travelled in a giant storm cloud, aka, Future, and it seemed Future did not follow the niceties of Past and Present when it came to preserving Light from the elements.

He was sitting on the kitchen countertop back home; his mother was at the kitchen table, staring into the wood. At first Light paid little attention, for as far back as he could remember his mother had been very quiet and very still; in many ways he considered her the ideal housewife; unchallenging, subservient, loyal and boring. Instead he focused on his own situation.

"I can't believe you cried!"

"I am unhappy," he replied to his Kira thought. "My dream isn't a reality. Kira is a farce here. And I can't see how I can make this better."

"I just have to hang in there. This future could still go my way. At the beginning of every cultural and socio-evolution things go bad and people die. Let's just wait it out...It would be L-like to give up and become depressed!"

Brushing his sopping wet hair off his face, he looked at his mother who was sitting in exactly the position. A pool of rain water puddled around him and dripped down the counter top sides. It made Light feel like a slimy wet monster, but he ignored it, now was no time for him to be worrying about his looks. He inched towards her, noting silent tears dripped onto the table; it seemed he had inherited his repressed weeping habits from his mother; did she know she was crying?

"It must be because dad is dead," he thought, a slight lump in his throat that he quickly ignored. "I would have had to have killed dad, even though I would have done it nicely, dad was honourable..."

He suddenly remembered the Task Force in the bar; Aizawa's stringent view on Kira's values and the notion of 'freedom', how insightful he and Mogi had been, how Matsuda defended Light regardless of his own feelings of inadequacy, before heading out into the dark only to save and care for a potential rape victim, risking his own life in process.

Yet look at Matsuda had died; shot to death like a war criminal. Light had little reason to believe the other Task Force members had received a better fate, so why would he be any kinder to his father?

"Because I care about dad," he thought quietly. "Despite our differences, and how, sometimes, I resent his simplistic view on things, I love him. He's my dad, and it is unlikely that I would have my strong sense of justice without him helping me."

He sat opposite his mother, also looking straight down, lost in thought. In that moment Light, not for the first time that night, felt very young. He was possibly this innocent and loving now, but by the evidence shown here, he would not remain this way. In fact, in the last few months alone, Light had become much colder and harder. He had never treated anyone as badly as he did Misa, in fact, a few months ago before he had the Death Note, Light would never have treated as girl that way, no matter how much he resented her.

"Have I become cruel?" He asked himself, recalling the faces of Misora and Penbar when they realised he was Kira; remembering his feeling of jubilation at their plight.

It was a clear progression of cruelty. Light had started out writing the names of felons in his notebook. Then he began to speak and see his victims, though they were people he did not know well. And tomorrow, he was going to kill L, someone he had, for a short time, been friends with.

Well... technically Rem was to kill L, but Light had arranged it. How long until Light did begin to kill his friends...his family? What was worse was that Light's progression, or regression, was synonymous to how serial killers advanced. Psychopaths begin with fantasies, then they begin to maim and kill animals, then to killing and sometimes torturing humans, and at the height of their careers they often consume their victims.

Light writing names was along the same lines as teenagers having a 'kill lists'. It was a way of getting revenge, but not having to actually do anything. Then he began to see his victims, he began to make people suffer, revelling in how he could manipulate them. This was particularly towards L and Misa, the two people he despised the most. Really, it wasn't surprising that Light would eventually go on to be this Future Kira he saw; someone who stood over his victims and killed them in terrible ways.

Light swallowed, how much worse was his future counterpart going to become? There was a high probability that this future was going to end very badly for him.

As this conclusion bore its way through Light's unwilling mind, the front door slammed open and Sayu marched into the kitchen. Light was pleasantly surprised; Sayu had certainly blossomed into a very attractive young woman, her strong, handsome features comparable to Takada. The familial link between her and Light was more apparent, only Sayu's features were darker, so where Light's features made him appear honest and conventionally handsome, Sayu's were more secretive and sultry. It was ironic, considering their natures. Light, for the first time, found himself wondering about how other boys treated her; in fact he was taken aback by his distaste of her having a boyfriend that treated her like he did Misa or Takada.

"Did you see?" Sayu screeched in a manner Light had long come to loathe; his sister frequently screeched and squealed. Turning to Sachiko, Light was stunned to see a complete absence of tears; she must have wiped them away in a millisecond.

"Seen what, Sayu?"

"Light, mother, Light!!"

Sachiko pushed herself off her chair, and asked if Sayu wanted a cup of tea

"No mother! Did you see Light? Have you seen what he has done? I told you, mother, I said it was all wrong!"

Sachiko sighed heavily, her back to her daughter. "I am certain," she began in her slow, homely manner that was so opposite to her daughter's speech. "I am certain that Light is doing the best thing for Japan..."

As she spoke Sayu began to shake her head, tears welling up in her large, dark eyes. "How can you say such a thing?? He's killed them! He killed those children on television!"

Sachiko turned back round but did not look at Sayu, her eyes remained low. "They were not children. That blond foreigner was a terrorist. So was the red-head. Besides, who are these foreigners to dictate what can and should happen in Japan?" The kettle boiled, and Sachiko began to make tea for two. "Notice they were from England? England still thinks it rules the world, well it doesn't. The Japanese people want Kira."

"What about Matsuda? I-"

"Matsuda was easily swayed, Sayu, I never approved of him." Sitting down she sipped her tea, offering Sayu a small tentative smile.

Sayu still stood, ignoring the extra tea strategically placed on the table. Her arms were crossed and she seemed a little put out, as opposed to her earlier horror.

"They were burning them, mama," Sayu looked at her mother, fear and anxiety etched into her features."The Kira followers had effigies of Matsuda and the others. They were burning them, and singing." She sat at the table suddenly, her hands gripping its sides. "They think Light is a God!! It's absurd!"

"Enough Sayu!" Sachiko stood up and turned her back to the girl.

"He isn't a God! He is my brother and I love him but he isn't God! It's disgusting!"

"Your brother? Disgusting? How can you say such a thing Sayu? Light, Kira...my son, is our messiah," their mother slowly turned to Sayu. "He will achieve what father never could, world peace. How can you call him disgusting Sayu? Are you that jealous?"

Sayu's face hardened at Sachiko's last question...her final accusation.

"I have never been jealous of Light." Sayu muttered, her voice now as quiet as her mother's, but quivering with emotion. "I have supported him, always! Have you forgotten how I have suffered thanks to the Kira case? How much I suffered in silence for Light? It sickens me to think that Kira could be Light! That all the fears are founded!!" She paused momentarily, looking wild eyed and bordering on hysterical, "no, no, this monster is not my brother, there must be some sort of mistake," she stood up and moved away from the table, her tears falling from her eyes as she shook her head, "and you are not my mother! You know as well as I do what must have happened to father...what really has happened..."

"Get out! How dare you accuse Light!" Light's heart leapt into his throat, never, ever had he seen his mother this angry and out of control.

"I'll leave! I'm going to Light, to find out that this is all some horrible mistake. My brother is NOT Kira! But no matter what, I'll never forgive you! I'll never forgive you, for any of it!" Sayu turned and ran out, leaving a stunned Sachiko to sink to the floor.

A thick, inky black line began to spread down the wall behind her; it was the million little bulbous spiders, swallowing up the scene in their hideous manner. Getting up, Light ran after Sayu, he did not want to remain with those disgusting creatures.

Out in the pouring rain, Sayu sniffled a few times looking up at the sky. The black clouds were not so heavy here; rather the sky was a dark but beautiful blue-grey haze.

Without looking back on their family home even once, she took a deep breath and ran down to the main road to catch a bus. "She never just hails a taxi," he thought disparagingly, before immediately feeling petty. It was as if he couldn't help but criticise people any more! Again, when had this started? Before the Death Note, he was certain of that.

After the things he had heard, after the events witnessed, he still was criticising something so minor. Really, that was one of the things that got him to be the person he was. Every little irritant, every piece of stupidity he had to deal with on a regular basis had just built up inside of him until in the end, he could only see people as these ridiculous creatures which he despised. People were petty, cruel and spiteful; he hated going to school every day and listening to them gossiping and bullying each other. And what was worse was that he could not relate, and eventually, even empathise with the victims. First of all, many of the victims were little better or the same as their tormentors; given the opportunity were as mean spirited as another. And even if they were genuinely kindly, abused people, he found himself viewing them as weak creatures in need of protecting, but not on par with strong people like himself. He hated associating with them as much as he did the evildoers. People as weak willed and as easily influenced as Matsuda and Misa were not better company than the likes of Higuchi or L. And so, eliminating Misora and Penbar and the man he had thought was L had been all too easy.

Looking at the dark, wet world outside the bus windows, Light recognised the buildings and street signs, but the people were different. There were far less people out than normal and the few that were out were huddled in groups, talking animatedly and looking around suspiciously. The tension on the bus was tangible, everyone staring into their laps with set jaws, furrowed eyebrows and desperate eyes.

It seemed Sayu was the only one looking outside. Her own eyes were unfocused with sorrow. She was going to L headquarters; he recognised the journey all too well. She was undoubtedly going to talk to his future self, but by the look in her eyes, he knew that she knew that hope was already lost.

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