A Death Note Carol

The Bad Guy

Trust in my,

Self-righteous suicide.

I

Cry

When Angels deserve to die.

-System of a Down- 'Chop Suey'


"Miss Yagami!" Huffed one of the men, sounding very pissed off. "We are not here to hurt you. Your brother, the great Kira has sent us."

Light shivered and wet his lips at the tone of awe in the man's voice. It was frightening and delicious all at the same time. Light, for one of the first times in his life, was confused at his own feelings.

The man behind, who Light now realised sounded pretty drunk, took offence at being paid no attention to. "Hey!" He called out angrily, making everyone turn to him. "She's wiv me!" He grinned at her and she recoiled. "Aren't you baby? Little old for my taste," he muttered, leaning in, "definitely no spring chicken, but nice ass all the same."

There was a loud bang and blood sprayed in bright red torrents from the man's leg. He fell to the ground with a loud anguished scream, Sayu leapt backwards, her own legs getting splattered with blood. The two uniformed men carried on walking forward, one of them holding out a smoking gun. While the one grabbed Sayu's arm roughly and led her away, the other man finished the job. The drunk was shot twice, once in the head and once in the chest, despite his previous screams for mercy.

"These are my men," thought Light. "They look the same as the ones that killed the children." He felt the bile rise in his throat. Watching the children die was one of the most horrific things he had ever been through. Light believed he would suffer a long time with the memory. While hearing the people die on the radio was horrific, he had actually seen the children die. He had smelt their blood. He had smelt their flesh burning. He had seen their final facial expressions. He had seen how long it had taken them to die. Light would probably need therapy. The most disturbing thing was that the atrocities had been done in the name of Kira. His men were evidently without mercy. But rather than seeming efficient, to Light they seemed more like well-dressed thugs.

This future was continuing to not work out the way he had planned.

A shaking and traumatised Sayu was bundled into yet another car. This one was sleek, expensive and looked as though it belonged to the government. The windows were tinted black so no one would be able to see inside. Light reckoned it was probably bullet proof as well.

The two men sat in the front of the car. Light huddled in next to his sibling. They remained silent for a long time until, "what does Light want with me?"

"Kira," emphasised one of the men, "wishes to speak to you. He is god, it is not your place to question him."

Sayu's face remained immobile, as if she had heard this sort of prattle many times before and it no longer affected her.

As they approached L Headquarters, the area became full of people despite how late it was. All along the roads were busy shops selling written versions of Light's (or rather Kira's) speeches, selling books on how to live your life appropriately and DVDs of Kira's various public appearances, announcements and speeches. Many shops were selling tan suits, designed for men and women. Smaller outside booths were selling strange items such as beaded necklaces and small figurines, but Light could not see what these figurines were from his position in the car. Brightly coloured Japanese lanterns lit up the crowded market.

As the car slowed to a crawl thanks to the swathes of people, Light noted how intense, yet happy, everyone seemed. Their faces almost looked like they would crack from all the grinning. Small, tired children clutched their guardian's hands tightly, looking strangely intense as they were handed beads or children's books that taught morals. On nearly every street corner people stood yelling Kira morals and shouting threats to all sinners and non-believers.

"The idea of a god watching over you at all times must be frightening." He thought before instinctively looking up into the shadowy building tops. CCTV watched the people, little red lights flickering as the camera's swung to and fro. Light could not see all the camera's, it was too dark, but hundreds of little red lights trailed into the distance. Yes, everyone was being watched very closely. Light gulped, being the person on the other side, it was pretty frightening. It was as if the malevolent spying of L had increased a hundred fold. Thinking of L, Light remembered that in this future, due to his big unable to stop evil and sadness, Kira had set up L as some kind of Satan. If Kira was a benevolent god, then how scary would people think L was? Or maybe Kira was more frightening than L, hence why some were still defecting to his side. Had Light's lack of mercy back fired?

He looked at his sibling, who seemed as drained and tired as any of the children in the street. "She was being watched," he thought. "Of course she was," he leaned over and stroked her face. She made no sign of noticing the gentle touch of his fingers. "I wouldn't just let her go. I wouldn't just forget her, I'd always watch over her..."

Then he remembered leaving her at the school gate as a child. He remembered her initially skipping before realising he was gone and then dragging her feet to where a cruel bully awaited. How small and alone she had looked in the vastness of the white snow backdrop. He thought of her expression when she saw the deified Mihael image on the walls of the make-shift church. Something bad had happened to her. Something that he did not know about and that Kira gave no signs of knowing of.

He had not always watched her.

He...Kira, kept tabs on her when it was convenient for himself only.

Unable to look at her any longer, Light resumed to looking out of his window. As he watched the people who he had terrorised into obeying him, he wondered if there was actually something a little...wrong with him. In people like L it was obvious. L was strange and anti-social. But maybe Light was more like L than he had been willing to admit. He too tended to look at people as though they were nothing more than a bug in a jar. And as time went by, and Light had used the Death Note more and more, the detached feeling of superiority had increased.

"No, I have to be detached," he thought, "how else could I make fair judgements? But then my prejudice has coloured my decisions. I've been detached from being able to genuinely feel for people; to empathise, sympathise and forgive. But I have allowed my dislike of certain personality traits get to me." He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the window. The cool glass felt good against his hot head, a headache beginning to develop due to stress and him constantly gritting his teeth. "I wasn't always like this. Maybe a little at the beginning. But I wasn't always this bad." Caramel eyes opened and he observed the bright colours surrounding the car; outside was a strange juxtaposition of bright, celebratory colours full of tense, nervous people. "I started off writing the names of terrible killers, of brutes who would gang rape a girl and then leave her for dead, to writing the name of a man I thought had bested me in a game of wit, to the execution of small children."

Again, Light was forced to wonder on how far he could justify death until he was, as Ryuuk predicted, the bad guy? When Ryuuk had first put that to him, Light had not answered. Light had seen no need to gratify the stupid creatures pseudo philosophising. Light had a strong sense of morality and had known, on some level, that he himself was becoming a villain. It was a sort of moral suicide. However, Light had also known that it was the only way the earth could ever be cleansed of Evil. His suicide would mean that thousands, nay, millions would be saved. The next generation would grow up and a clean and law abiding world. Through Kira, Light would engage in a forced 'natural selection'; all of humanity would take a leap forward in the evolutionary chain.

Light did not view the dismantling of his perfect morality as suicide. It was more like a sacrifice for the sake of humanity. He was a martyr.

Or so he had thought back then. However, it had been clear from the Spirit of Present onwards that light had damned himself with his own rules. How many times had he thought over his actions as Kira? How many times had he realised that the Kira Utopia simply did not work in reality? The similarities of his plan and the Communist states of L's childhood had not been lost on him. The Hitler like manner of eliminating his opposition had been duly noted. It seemed that no matter how he tried to twist and alter his Kira plans, they would not work.

The future looked grim, regardless of what path he chose to go down

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