Jonathan asked me to accompany him to lunch today. I wish I could have stayed wrapped up in bed, but I knew I should go. Tomorrow is the invasion. All I have to do is play it cool, which I think I can do. I entered the day room, seeing Jonathan lounged on the couch. He was reading over some paperwork, as I settled on the couch next to him. He glanced over at me with a smirk across his face. His arm stretched out across the cushions behind me, making my cheeks heat up. I don’t think I could get used to Jonathan having this close relationship with me.
"Hi." He trailed his fingers along my neck and down my collar bone. I gulped, keeping my eyes in front of me. Please stop touching me. "Your pulse spiked." He whispered in my ear, as his fingers dipped lower along the opening of my dress. I slapped his hand away from me, rolling my eyes at him. "That's more like it." He chuckled, setting back against the cushions.
"Did you want something?" I crossed my arms, glaring over at him. He had to have summoned me for a reason. He never has me show up somewhere without a reason, so why should this be any different.
"Can I not spend some time with my beautiful sister?" He grinned deviously at me, playing with my hair. He used to do this as a child, but now it’s creepy.
"I'm married right now Jonathan, so unless you need something I should go." I started to get up, but he dragged me back down.
"You can go when I tell you to." He snapped, gesturing for the servants to bring food in. "You are mine don't forget that." He gripped my chin roughly, turning my gaze up to his. I tried to rip myself from his grasp, but his fingers tightened. I hate being stuck in this position.
"I know." My breath caught on my throat, trying to move away from him. He has been so possessive of me my entire life, but now I get it. I pretty much gave him the right to lay claim over me.
Jace never claimed me. He would never make me say that I belonged to him because neither of us belongs to one another. We love each other, but we would never force each other into anything.
"Clarissa, say it." He moved my face in front of his, keeping my gaze trapped with his soulless eyes.
"I'm yours." I stammered, feeling a pang in my heart. I said it. I can’t believe I said it.
"Good." He released me, and I fell back into the seat. I felt my heart rate begin to steady again, as I got myself settled again. I refuse to rub my aching jaw in front of him. I won't give him the satisfaction of hurting me.
"What are we eating for lunch?" I asked, clearing my mind of any worry. I changed the subject, hoping something like this won’t come up again.
"Something with chicken." He shrugged, pouring himself some wine that was on the table. "Want some?" He held a goblet out for me. I don’t need to get drunk this early in the morning especially with him right here.
"No, I'll have some tea." I told the servant, who brought us our food, reaching for the little sandwiches they set on the table. I was starving. Food was also comfortering.
"Yes, milady." The servant scurried off quickly, slamming the door behind him.
"Weasel." My brother muttered under his breath, as he snatched some food off the plate. He could never stand servants, which I could never understand. They helped us do just about everything, but he never appreciated it.
"He's just doing his job. It's not his fault you hate everyone." I scoffed, taking a bite of my food. I need to call him out on it because he will only get worse.
"He could at least act like he has a pair. I mean it's pathetic." He snorted, rolling his eyes.
"How many servants have you killed since I left? Wait, no. Let me guess 7." I challenged him harshly, crossing my arms at him.
"8, pretty good guess." He nodded, lounging back against the cushions.
"You’re despicable." I sneered in disgust, as I set my food down. I wasn't hungry anymore. Him touching me makes me sick, but the way he treats people makes me even madder. I can put up with him treating me like a possession, but the way he does that to other people frustrates me. "What did they do? Not fill up your glass enough? Spill your drink? Knock a tray over? You can't kill people for making mistakes Jonathan it's cruel, and if you keep this behavior up the people will revolt against-" I was cut short by the feeling of a hand smacking across my face. I released a shaky breath, biting my lip to force back a slew of curse words. I need a way to apologize without actually apologizing. What do I say?
"I see your mouth sit runs wild." He nursed his wine, gazing over at me. I don't understand how he is so casual about this. "I don't take kindly to your tone." He sighed, draping his arm over my shoulders, which kept me close to him. "I know it may not seem like it, but I don't like hitting you. You ask for it. Stop with the disrespectful behavior." He propped one of his ankles on his opposite knee, continuing to eat in silence for a long time.
"I'm just concerned about your wellbeing." I spoke up, deciding it was a good idea. It was a total lie, but I don't think he would notice. I meant every word I said to be an insult, which it obviously was, but he wouldn’t let me get away with that.
"You were?" His voice sounded surprised at my admission.
"Of course I am. I am to marry you, and if you fall, I fall with you. We can't have that happen, now can we?" I cupped his cheek gently, feeling the bile rise up in my throat. I could see all suspicion and anger dissipate. I hate sucking up to Jonathan. It makes me feel sick, and I just wanted to kill him where he sat. I probably could if I wanted to. There is a knife on the table. I could stab his carotid artery in his neck. He would bleed out in seconds, and I would be free. But then I might get sent to jail for treason, which wouldn't be good. Also Jonathan is faster than me, so maybe I shouldn't do that.
"No, we can't." He looked rattled, which made me smile. It’s very rare that I am able to do this to him.
"Exactly." I breathed, kissing his cheek, which effectively shut him up for an hour.
I skulked into my room after spending most of the day with my brother. He didn't kiss me again, which I was thankful for. He was a terrible kisser. We didn't have dinner with everyone today, which made me a little nervous, but I survived. As long as I stayed quiet, Jonathan wasn't that bad. His hands did start to wonder a bit, which was frustrating me to no end. I didn't want his grimy hands touching me more than then had too.
"Clary." Jace sighed, hugging me tightly. "I was worried about you." He stroked my hair, kissing my temple lovingly.
"No need to worry." I looked up at him with big eyes.
"I will always worry about you when you’re with him." He held my cheek lightly, starring deeply into my eyes.
"Are we going to stand here and talk or are you going to rip my dress off and kiss me?" I grinned slyly at him, wanting to erase my brother’s subtle touches away from me.
"I'm going to go with the second one." He flipped me around, and started pulling at my corset strings. I gasped when he got tired fiddling with the strings and ripped it off. I squealed with laughter, as he threw me over his shoulder. I was still in my camisole, but I was quite shocked. Jace hadn't done something like this before, so I felt a little flustered about it. His hand patted my butt, before he tossed me onto the bed. I bounced against the feather mattress, as I tried to regain my composure.
"Feeling a little more primal then normal?" I teased, bending and spreading my legs for him.
"Very." He nibbled on the sides of my thighs. I squeaked at the sensation, as he kissed up my stomach. I moaned, putting my hands in his hair. He crawled over me, brushing our lips together. I bit his lip, pulling on it. He groaned, playing with the ends of my camisole.
"I love you." I breathed, collapsing against the pillows.
"I love you too." He smiled, tangling our mouths together once again.
Jace fiddled with my hair, as I snuggled against his chest. I love listening to the beat of his hear under my ear. It seemed like a very unique thrumming of his chest. I sighed contently, holding onto him tighter. I grasped onto his waist, feeling up and down his hard muscles.
"You know what I've been thinking about lately." Jace broke the comfortable silence we had been sitting in for probably an hour.
"What?" I propped my chin on his chest, gazing up at him.
"Our wedding." He murmured, twirling a curl around his finger. "Once we get rid of your brother, I was thinking we could do it that way you wanted to." He suggested, looking at me hopefully.
"We don't need to do that Jace." I smiled at his thoughtfulness, wondering how I got this lucky.
"But I want to. If you do." He bit his lip, seeming quite nervous about the idea.
"Jace, our wedding was beautiful." I moved my hand up to his cheek, trying to assure him that we didn’t need to do this.
"I know, but it wasn't your dream wedding." He sighed, seeming slightly disappointed about my response.
"I’ll think about it. Ok?" I drew his lips down to mine, grinning against his mouth. "You are so wonderful." I breathed, easing my fingers into his lush hair.
"So are you." He grinned faintly, kissing me tenderly.
"I don't know about that." I huffed, snuggling into Jace's side more.
"Why do you say that?" He murmured, cradling my head against him.
"Just everything since we've gotten married." I exasperated, closing my eyes. I’ve felt like a terrible person these past few months.
"Most of the things that have happened haven’t been your fault. You went along with your brother because you were scared of him. Anyone would understand that." He squeezed my arm lightly, trying to reassure me.
"But I also am turning against my brother. I agreed to marry him, Jace. I can't believe I told him I would do that. I feel like I'm counting on you to die or something." I heaved, tracing up the tattoos around his neck.
"You're not." He mumbled, resting his lips on my ear.
"Yes, I am. I should have just said no. Now I'm all worried you’re going to lose, and then I'll be stuck with him." I grimaced; curling my free hand isn't a fist.
"Then you can kill him in his sleep and frame someone else." He gently tipped my chin upwards with a calming smile on his face. "Murder him. Don't be stuck. Make your own future. Be on your own side." He circled his thumb along my cheek, kissing my nose lightly. I didn't know what to say to that. I nuzzled back into the nape of his neck, resting my eyes.