Get Free Copy

100 free copies left

This novel is limited to 100 free copies due to its part in Inkitt’s Novel Contest.

Free copy left
You can read our best books
Kei Angelus would love your feedback! Got a few minutes to write a review?
Write a Review

The Hole Where You Used to Be

By Kei Angelus

Other / Drama

The Hole Where You Used to Be

Disclaimer : The Vampire Diaries belongs to CWTV and L.J. Smith.

" No way. I'm not doing it."

And I turned away and left. I could feel their staring—or even glaring—at my back. I tried to make them think that I was just too jackass to do it, I would be glad if they now just hated me. Didn't they already do?


I hadn't done it just to make them think that way. I hadn't done it deliberately just to mock at them. It just had felt like I had to turn away.

As I walked further, I could hear Elena saying, "This is for... my mom, my dad...," before then I didn't care enough to hear what she was going to say next.

Because the mention of that name just had stabbed me. So I walked away. Maybe I could just stay there and watch them do this stupid ocassion—thanks to my brother, or maybe mockingly laughed at them, but that name, almost stunned me. That name, I was sure had made a change on my expression. Like when my brother said it for the first time, I wondered if anyone of them could notice the nervousness in my gesture. Or when Little Gilbert said it once more, I wondered if my brother noticed my uneasy breath despite of my very annoyed face. And why the hell had Jeremy thrown that glance to me? I even wondered if Elena could see the same expression I had showed the night I had killed Rose. But I would never know. Because now, that name, had successfully distracted me.


Just then I realized that I didn't want to hear them at all. It wasn't about the lantern. It wasn't about how stupid they were. It wasn't that I was too busy looking for any clue about who the hell was this new vampire hunter. The reason why I didn't stay was that I didn't want them to know that I cared, that I actually grieved for Alaric's death.

Damn it. I missed him.

And I didn't want any of them see how I really felt about him, thought maybe Stefan and Elena had already known. Hell, and maybe both of them knew that I could have shed a tear in front of them.

I hopped in to my car and drive away. But instead of going home, I went to the cemetery.

I grabbed a bottle of my favorite bourbon from my car. This was the same brand of bourbon I had shared with him on the day he was supposed to die. Speaking of that day… Oh, Ric, you were really supposed to die that day, so that your death would be easier, inhumanly human. Because you being dying in my arms never made me feel better. It didn't made it easier both for me and you, and maybe all of them.

I easily found the grave and stare at the name carved on it, as if it hadn't been the name I knew so well. Then I sighed and sat on a stone bench in front of the stone with 'Alaric Saltzman' on it.

I opened the bottle and started to drink. On my third gulp, I wondered if this bourbon was really this strong.

Then I suddenly recalled what my brother had made them do just now.

"Floating lanterns in the sky, do you believe that?" I started. As if the stone in front of me was listening.

"Japanese lantern is a symbol of letting go of the past," I recalled a fact about Japanese tradition that I once read. I bet Stefan had once read it too. "Well, here's the newsflash : we're not Japanese," I mockingly added before I had another gulp of the alcohol from the bottle.

"I know what they are," my voice was lower. The alcohol was somehow bitter on my tounge, more than usual, as if it had slapped me for what I was going to say. "Children."

"Like lighting candle's gonna make everything okay or even saying a prayer. Or pretending Elena's not gonna end up like the rest of us, murderous vampires. ," I finally finished. Seriously, they had too much hope for Elena. I did too, of course, but in more realistic way.

"Stupid, delusional, esasperating little children," I described them as I was thinking of how I actually hated this situation.

"I know what you're gonna say," I prepared to mimic his voice and tone, "'It makes then feel better,Damon.'" You're really gonna say that, aren't you? But though I know what you would say if you were here, talking with me, and you would know that I wouldn't believe your reply—but you'd say it anyway, I wish you were here to say that. "So what? For how long? A minute? A day? What difference does it make?"

Then I rose up and threw my gaze to the tombstone in front of me, as if the stone had been really him and I was talking to him—arguing with him, just like our usual day at the boarding house.

"Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer's not gonna make up for the fact that the only thing that you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be." Hell, Ric, do you really know who I refer my words to?

"And a rock, with the birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong," I added, rolling my eyes, ending a confession I'd just done. Feeling a little bit content with my speech, I went around his tombstone to sit on it. I didn't even know if I was just drunk.

I let a big sigh that sounded more like a groan as I sat down. I hoped he didn't mind. No. You can't mind, I thought. You owe me for being in there.

"So, thanks, friend," I finally said. I turned to the tombstone under me, as if the person under it could hear me.

"Thanks for leaving me here to babysit. Because I should be long gone by now." I couldn't hold my sarcasm any longer as I slurred. Or maybe my pride was just too high even to let him know that I really meant what I had said. And I really had meant it when I had said thanks. I always did when it came to a gratitude. And I really meant it too when I had used the word 'friend' as a replacement of his name.

"I didn't get the girl, remember?" I turned my head to the tombstone again, just to indicate that I was still talking to him. "I'm just stuck here, fighting with my brother and taking care of the kids," I raised my eyebrows with a sad smile that unintentionally escaped my lips.

"You owe me big," I finally concluded my speech. Yeah, you owe me big, for making me betray my own words. I shouldn't be here. I should be somewhere else, letting go of someone else. Not you. But here I am, having a job of babysitting you should be doing.

I took a gulp of the liquid in the bottle I was holding for the last time. I wished he could have finished the rest of it just like that time, so I'd left it on his tombstone before I stood up as an 'offering', though I knew the expensive drink would be wasted anyway.

As I walked away, I could imagine him—even almost hear him—saying, "I miss you too, buddy." I chuckled and shook my head in disbelief. I must have been drunk. Oh, or maybe I must have been crazy.

Maybe they were right. I should've let go of the past. I should've let go of you. But the hole where you used to be would remain the same.

Write a Review Did you enjoy my story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! Thanks, Kei Angelus
Continue Reading
Further Recommendations

M.L. Bull: Hello, Aalia!Your story compelled the emotional pain and struggle of a teenage girl very well.. The imagery was also convincing and well-written, showing the different personalities of your characters and their actions. However, I do think that many of your sentences are too lengthy and could use...

rajastreet: I enjoyed this piece! I loved the treatment of time and the premise! Some of the wording seemed a little out of place, but easily overlooked for a good a plot.

Melderise: This is just an amazing novel that teaches you how to break the bonds of reality. It shows how the most fascinating story can start from the most regular environment and then leading the reader to the dream destinations...

Lacey Schmidt: The Trouble with Super is that you can't stop reading it. Mr. Barrett's characters are all to easy to relate to even if you don't have a super quirk of your own, and their plight is both heart-rendingly funny and heart-warmingly sad at the same time. It's a bit like Office Space meets the Matri...

Hannah Hall: This story will have you in tears in a good way. One of the best love stories written. Share with your friends and family!

Tanya Daigle Rusheon: This book is a long and twisty tale full of sweet romance, adorable fluff, anxiousness, trust issues, mind games, things that don't make sense until suddenly they do, heartache and reconciliation just when you need it the most. If that all sounds a bit vague, it's because I really don't want to s...

ianwatson: The comedy is original and genuinely funny, I have laughed out loud many times reading this book. But the story and the plot are also really engaging. The opening two or three chapters seem quite character-dense but they all soon come to life and there is no padding, filling or wasted time readin...

Janaki Sundararaman: The frame of the story has a beautiful structure on which the narration is spun with twists and turns tolook forward with lots of expectations about the coming chapters.There are many characters in the story line,all woven into intricate style to speak the story in its own way.The protagonist is ...

Animeviewer: It is one of the best stories I've ever read. This story will have you riding a roller coaster of emotions and nearly dying to know what happens next.You will get very attached to the characters and in my case I relate well with some of their very traumatic or emotional experiences, Just Juliet f...

More Recommendations

Angel S. Adames Corraliza: Sensational! As a fan of superheroes, I have to say, you have a real winner of a story so far. I like that you made Allison a Wonder Woman expy, but kept her likable and relate-able in this first chapter. You showed us the Mother while also glancing at the Superhero, which I think is important to...

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral stories!

FreakyPoet: "you made me laugh, made me cry, both are hard to do. I spent most of the night reading your story, captivated. This is why you get full stars from me. Thanks for the great story!"

The Cyneweard

Sara Joy Bailey: "Full of depth and life. The plot was thrilling. The author's style flows naturally and the reader can easily slip into the pages of the story. Very well done."

This story wasn't for you ?
Look at our most viral story!

Ro-Ange Olson: "Loved it and couldn't put it down. I really hope there is a sequel. Well written and the plot really moves forward."